General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Jez the possessive MIL thing drives me up a wall. SO is a bit of a mama’s boy. It could be worse, though. A few years ago she told him she didn’t think I was good enough for him, and he didn’t dump me or anything, so he’s not completely under her control. But when he told me she said that and I was super offended, he was all defensive of her because “I’m her baby, nobody is good enough for her son” like wtf, my parents have never made a comment like that about SO. They disagree with him on a lot of things, politically especially, but they don’t say things like he’s not good enough for me or not right for me, and they don’t talk negatively about him despite their differences. If I complain about how his mother treated him in certain instances (to him, not to his mom) he gets all defensive of her. He also talks about how great she is at so many things, especially cooking, and it makes me feel like I’ll never live up to expectations because I’ll never be as good as his mother. She’s generally a nice lady, and she’s gotten used to me and kinda accepted he’s not gonna dump me. So it could be way worse.
I understand in the beginning of a relationship a mom being suspicious and looking out for her son, but I really don’t think she should say degrading things about her son’s girlfriend to him. It’s unfair to everyone involved, really, and it can cause a rift between mother and son. In my opinion, once a couple gets married, mom loses the number one spot. You didn’t make vows to your mama, you made vows to your wife, and she comes first. Not saying a man should cut off his mom or anything, his mom should always be an important part of his life. But if you’re marrying someone, you’re committing to them as number one. Just my opinion, though.
I don’t think SO’s mom would try to interfere with marriage at all. She’s quite religious, and considering the Bible says when a couple gets married a man leaves his family and becomes one with his wife, she probably wouldn’t dare challenge that. She’s also grown to respect me at least a little bit over time, I think. I’ve also grown to respect her over time. She’s improved tremendously with how she treats SO and I’s relationship. Pretty sure she still doesn’t want us to get married, but that might be cuz she thinks her son is too young to commit. He told her that if he had the money he would’ve put a ring on it by now, and she nearly fainted but yeah, I’ve grown to respect her. She has a crap ton of knowledge about cooking and gardening and housework that I have zero clue about, and I could definitely stand to learn a thing or two or twenty from her. I no longer view her as nearly as possessive as I used to. She’s still a bit of an Italian mother, but she’s improved and I’ve matured and we clash much less. I wouldn’t want her in the delivery room because I don’t want her seeing my vagina lol, but she’d be welcome while I’m laboring until I reach the point of “I hate everyone and everything, anyone who dares to breathe will die” haha, aka transition labor from what I’ve heard.

Dobs you know I love ya, but I’m glad you’re not gonna be my MIL we would probably clash a lot, and with combined stubbornness levels off the charts, it would be a total disaster lol.

Kitty haha just smack him with a pillow and say “I’m growing two humans, I’m not sleeping on the goddamn couch/floor, move your ass over”. Huh, maybe I’m mean. Whoops.

 

[gigglebox]

Ugh i always make stupid faces in pics lol

Pl when is your ultrasound?

 

[shaescott]

Gigs cute bump! Definitely visible, but not at all large. You look great!

Sorry about the lady playing in the wrong division. You’d think the people running the competitions would say something and make her move up a division. Is that not a thing they can do?

 

[DobbyForever]

Omg just piping in to see if keep updated a is pissy today

Kit lolol did you cover him or was he covered lol

Gigs cute bump

Sorry didn’t read just saw pics

 

[pacificlove]

Shae, mil are a tricky business. These days I tread very carefully around mine. Back story: DH recently took her on as a client and was sorting some paperwork for her. Mil comes back to me and Let and she says " your daddy is just sorting mom's paperwork, because mommy is so bad at it". So I said: "umm, what? Why is Logan's mom bad at paper work?" And she corrected herself to "your daddy's mom". I don't know if she wants Logan to call her "mom" or give L a bad impression of his own mom (aka me) because we always tell Logan that she is "grandma". There has been a few (limited) instances like that where she calls herself "mom" not Grandma in front of Logan. Ugh, I draw the line.

Gigs, you look cute as F!!
I see my mw next week, I think she will put in the requisition for the ultrasound then. Wait time is around 4 weeks for it!

 

[shaescott]

PL oh geez. Yeah, I would be pretty irked by that too.

Keeps I hope you’ve had your baby and everything is good and happy!

 

[DobbyForever]

I think it just boils to family dynamics. We will tell it like it is to each other. We’ve all told my brother we think his gf will drag him down in life because she will. I don’t harp on it and treat her with respect, but my parents bring it up a lot. And they will tell her to her face that she needs to adjust how she speaks to them (nothing rude just nit picky yeah vs yes), clean up after herself especially when she comes over to only cook for him and leaves both deep sinks full of stuff, she gets terrible grades and doesn’t study, invites him shopping then makes him pay for her stuff/groceries.. blah blah. My mom still doesn’t like her but she’s being nicer because she is starting to make comments about having kids with my brother, and my mom doesn’t want to be second place grandma.

And it’s weird because in Thailand the groom has this ritual involving mock kidnapping and paying off relatives so the idea is she leaves her family for his, but my husband will never outrank my mother or brothers or now A. Like I can’t imagine actually marrying someone and not being with my family for holidays. It sucks for A and I volunteered to take him over for holidays with no respond, but end of day it’s nice not sharing my life with someone else’s family. Even when I was engaged, his sisters were so freaking juvenile.

But i’ve Been “engaged” three times and parents love me haha but I dare way below my league (if you buy into the concept of leagues)

Rambling idk lol but yeah Shar you’d hate me. I have zero empathy or patience or filter haha I don’t have any issue with the other twins’ gf which is sad because they have been together like 4 years and no intention of marrying. They are very into the not marrying the first person you date, not making plans to get married when they don’t know where they are going for grad school, not getting married young. So they are “just having fun and taking it day by dsy” vs ms “we’re totally ready! (Because sarcastic claps you put the paci back in my son’s mouth when he woke up for half a second)” wants multiple kids before the World Cup comes to the US

 

[DobbyForever]

Pl wtf that is odd!!! Do you think it is malicious? My mom sometimes calls herself mom or calls him her son, but it’s a slip of the tongue. She just laughs though and I just roll my eyes

Shae I am glad things are on the mend with SO’s mom. Do you think you’d ever feel comfortable with her? Or like close idk the word I am looking for

Gigs I agree so lame. Our band could compete as the largest AA and always win or smallest AAA and have our work cut out for us. We went for last a lot lol but once we were the highest scoring!!!! But only because valley Christian didn’t go that day nor did the other people who always win haha

Keeps lots of positive vibes! Hopefully you are snuggling your prince

 

[pacificlove]

Dobs, at this point I really don't know what to make of it... DH just shrugs his shoulders when I tell him. He knows his mom can be weird. I do get along with the bil and their GFs, although I don't know 2/3 very well due to distance. Fil and his wife I get along with, half-sil makes some odd comments, but she loves and adores and spoils L. Ugh, family Dynamics, I really hope DH and I can keep our sh!t together for a "normal" family.

Keeps thinking of you!

 

[DobbyForever]

Well outside looking in sounds to me like you have a healthy family home and L and little Yellow are lucky. Sorry about the odd moments with some family.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs that sucks that the one you like has no intention of getting married. I agree that personal family dynamics and culture play a big role. If somebody nitpicked me saying “yeah” (which I say 10x more than yes), I would go insane lol. Around here mild slang is acceptable and normal. Not sure how it is where you guys live, or if in Thailand they’re picky about proper language? Maybe it’s just your family? On the other hand, I would understand if I got yelled at for leaving a mess in someone else’s kitchen. It seems rude to me to leave more than a few small dishes in someone else’s sink, if any at all. And inviting someone and then making them pay for both of you is also rude, in my opinion. Sometimes I’ll ask SO if he can bring me for lunch since he has more money, but if he says he can’t stretch it I won’t push it, and sometimes I offer to bring us both. I definitely wouldn’t ask him to bring me shopping and pay for all the stuff I wanted. So yeah, that girl does seem a bit rude.

I have a lack of filter plus too much empathy, though I can be accidentally apathetic, and I’m horrified if/when I realize I was being a jerk, unless it was on purpose lol. I can be a b*tch on purpose but it’s always cuz I’m pissed off or the person was rude/mean first, and if it was me being pissy I apologize. But I’m often rude without realizing until later or at all, which makes people dislike me. It upsets me sometimes (perhaps often), but considering it’s not something I’m doing on purpose, I try not to be too hard on myself. A lot of the time it’s that I don’t think before I speak. SO’s mom definitely notices when I’m accidentally rude, but she doesn’t really say anything to me about it.

The Thai ritual sounds quite interesting. I basically have no defined culture, it’s kinda a big mixture of lots of different cultural influences that don’t actually make up a real culture. Like, many cultures will have influences from imperialism, like Spanish influence in Latin America mixed with the native cultures, that still form a strong culture. But it’s not like that for me and my family. I think most people in my area who have been in the USA for several generations are like that. Most people here who have defined cultures still are Greek, Italian, Polish, or Latino. Most of them have also only been here a few generations or less, though. It’s like over time everything mixes and blurs. To be fair, I’m mostly English, Irish, German, and French Canadian. I feel like they don’t have a ton of obvious culture to begin with. It seems the behavior here is a huge melting pot of stuff, cuz lots of things are technically cultural but we don’t think of it that way because we’ve never really known anything else and everyone around us behaves the same way. Am I making sense? It’s 2 am, idk if I’m making any sense at all rn. I’ve been going to bed earlier lately (any late commenting is if I woke up to pee) so I’m up way past my bedtime lol. Culture is way too complex for me to comprehend at 2 am, and to be fair, I’m probably not the best person to talk about it either.

Anyway, holidays with family vs. spouse, who’s most important, etc. My kids will absolutely come first over my spouse. I think most parents would drop kick their soulmate off a cliff if need be to save their child. I think Ryan Reynolds talked about how he used to say he’d take a bullet for his wife, but the moment he looked into his baby’s eyes he knew he’d use his wife as a human shield to protect that baby. Thanksgiving and Christmas I always spend with at least my immediate family, and SO always spends it with his family and his grandparents. I always miss him on the holidays and wish I could spend them with him. But I never really want to spend them with just him, I’d love to be with both him and my family. I figure when we get married, we’ll either combine families to make a huge family holiday, switch between families (like mine for thanksgiving and his for Christmas and then switch the next year), or perhaps split the day or two days between families.

Regarding if I’ll ever be close with SO’s mom... I hope so. I don’t know what’ll happen, but I would love to be close with her and get along with her almost like she was my own mother. My dad’s mom drove my mom crazy, but she called her “mom” anyway, even though they didn’t always get along. My grandmother did love her, she totally thought she was good enough for her son, so that wasn’t an issue. My grandmother was just very ornery, and my mom is quite stubborn, so they sometimes clashed. I don’t really call SO’s mom anything at all. I’ve managed to get around not addressing her with any name or title for the past few years. I’m a bit scared to start using her first name lol. But hopefully over time we’ll figure that out. So, short answer, I think it’s possible we could be close, and I hope we will be.

 

[claireybell]

Oooh Keeps i hope your induction kicked off very smoothly for your & your not wandering the halls of the Mat hospital in labour still or trying to get labour active! I hope your not on your own

Yay for Ticker Pacific hehe!! Whens your scan?

Gigs your 14+2 bump is very cute third baby bump.. mine was the same, your looking lovely my dear!!

KIT OMg hahahaa!!! You should create a photo album on your phone of all his hilarious passed out photos

 

[kittykat7210]

Gosh there’s so much to read

Regarding MIL’s mines terrible! She was worse but whatever we spend every Christmas with them apart from this last one where we “dared” to spend it with my family because it will literally be only one of two years that we can actually do that!

But I hate Christmas with them because it’s so gift orientated. They HAVE to recieve AT LEAST 3 gifts each because that’s tradition, and even though me and hubby were very much together for a good few years we “weren’t allowed to give gifts as a couple” so for years even though we had zero money we had to get 18 presents for hubby’s 3 immediate family members whilst my family were like ‘no save your money we don’t need presents’ but we got them a little token present because we wanted to!

Thank you for the pic gigs!! I’m so jealous you have a proper bump and I’m just chilling looking fat!

But yeh I just moved his leg over it’s my fault in a way, he goes to bed at like 10 and even knackered and pregnant I can’t sleep before 1am!

Anyway presenting my 9 week bloat-bump shot!

 

[claireybell]

Awww Kit such a cutey Bump Happy 9 wks

Omg thats alot of £’s for Christmas! My relatives all get one each lol & sometimes its just Wine with a nice Crimbo card ha! Christmas is expensive! Giving that il have a 2 wk old baby & i know im going to struggle with shopping this year, i think we will be doing gifts for the nieces/nephews & our own kiddies only, alot of them are older & they either want Itunes vouchers or Money

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae Thailand is very into respect, but they do also believe the woman married and leaves her family to join the man’s. Kind of the premise of most SE Asian cultures/Mulan 2.

Plus you’re rude or a jerk (your words lol I disagree) on accident, I am a b* on purpose haha

I can’t comprehend anything at 2am lol I thought you made sense and it’s so true. Kind of sad as well because I do see a lot of culture dying out in these parts.

Lol I love Ryan Reynolds he cracks me up. I know a lot of people in this area who are spouse first but that’s why they delay having kids/didn’t have them. And I know some parents who only vacation solo or together but the teens stay home. Like the gf I like. She has never left the states other than to see family in Nepal. But her parents jet set every year. Her dad went to the World Cup with his friends and she LOVES the World Cup.

Lol yeah you can get easily get away not addressing people by anything. I do hope you two can grow to that level of closeness. My mom calls my dad’s mom mom even though she told her to get back on the boat and go back to wherever in Asia it is she can’t from, blamed her for things that were her own fair, and once tried to convince me my mom someone planned my dad’s accidental drowning in a different country..... still calls her mom and taught us to respect her because without her we wouldn’t be here

The ritual is a fun day. Basically, the bride is kept in a room somewhere in the house and the groom has to find hers. But along the way he has to pass her relatives who are blocking his path. He has to present them with money or gifts to get their iniduvidyal blessing to move forward until eventually he gets to her. There’s a huge party (think of it as an engagement party) then the couple go off whoever to symbolize her leaving her family

Christmas yikes! 18 presents?! Most years I have to pull the “my presence is your present” lol. I’ve probably only bought 18 presents Toto over the years

Kit cuttttte bump! Boost or not lol time sure flies

The yes/yeah thing is about respect and just a reminder that my brother is on track to be a professional/make partner/become a judge and she does nothing to further his reputation/image. She dresses cute but inappropriate, she doesn’t know how to present herself in high class situations. She doesn’t interview well. Plus they talk to her about things and she just does whatever/doesn’t make an effort to change.

I didn’t stop liking her until these conversations:
*drags us all to the farmer’s market*
Her friend: I thought you wanted a snow cone, the booth is there.
Her: W is my wallet, I have to wait.
*W gets there and she just hands out and he opens his wallet*

*She is out with W’s twin and twin’s gf and fruebd*
Friend: How did you get a D in French 1 twice? You really need to study more.
Her: I don’t have to study. W is my meal ticket.

*A was really having a hard time falling asleep so It was ten (two hours passed bedtime)*
Her on the phone: Noooo! Tell D to keep him up I want to play with him. I don’t care, if he’s already awake she can keep him up.
*mommy bear almost came out hard*

 

[nyxnw]

To much to catch up on lol i feel so useless this first tri. First I was exhausted and now this rhinitis has me hostage and I feel like shit!! I’m so over it! And ready to be out of the first tri.

 

[Flueky88]

I'm sorry you guys, I'm reading but it's hard commenting. I'm still so exhausted and lots of things coming up at work.

Kitty DH strikes again did you wake him?

Oh and lovely bump!

Gigs what a cute bump I look forward to having a bump and not looking like I should skip dessert.

Congrats on the disc golf competition. Crappy that girl is playing in the wrong league. Maybe she will move on.



I was probably worse than my mom about who my brother dated. His last gf is what I believe pushed him to his final life choice. I never met her until after his death. She was good at acting the girl wanting to get out of a bad family life.

His previous one, Lucy, was selfish and I believe cheated on him. There were a few ruffled feathers about her skin tone from my mom's foster family side. Her skin color didn't matter, just that she cared about him as much as he did for her is what matters.

My MIL isn't horrible, but she is very different from me. She stopped my DH from being left handed because it was "wrong" ummm....was in the 80s,90s. Like wtf? Also she told me I can't be around the garden during my monthly because it would harm the plants......

It upsets me that I tell her to stop by after work to see V or on weekends but she never does unless I ask her to watch her for me. She was nevermean tome though even though DH is definitely a momma's boy. She feeds into his negativity though which irks me. I guess that's why he gets mad at me for trying to show him the bright side.

Christmas, honestly, I just assume to only give presents to kids. I hate how commercialized, present oriented Christmas is. Even if you're not Christian, it should at least be more focused on spending time with our loved ones, imo. If anyone felt they had to have 3 gifts, I'd give them 3 seperate lumps of coal for being selfish. Sorry getting batshit crazy over her because I'm sooooooo not a present person (it's not my love language)

Ugh, had nughtmares last night. One about a mmc and then about being raped. Ugh.....

Well happy Sunday ladies

 

[shaescott]

Dobs the ritual sounds cool! I’m pretty sure I would dislike that girl too, yikes. Not taking studies seriously because you think you can be a trophy wife is not cool.

Flueks since when do periods affect plant growth? and making someone not left handed, that’s pretty messed up too. Huh. I’m sorry about your awful nightmares. That’s terrible and terrifying.
ETA: we jokingly gave my grandma a bag of coal on the top of her stocking every year haha, it was our tradition cuz she was such a rascal.

Kit aw the bump! It doesn’t look like all bloat to me, you’re carrying double so you’re bound to show earlier.
The present thing would drive me mad. I get my parents and sister one each, and they spoil us with presents cuz we’re the kids and they’re the parents. Couples gifts should totally be acceptable. We give non-immediate family who live nearby one present from the family to each person, and family that isn’t nearby gets an animated Christmas card emailed to them. My grandfather sends us those for Christmas because he’s 4 hours away, we’ve only spent one Christmas with him in the past few years cuz of the distance. He has kids and grandkids closer by who spend Christmas with him. My mom’s college friend from across the country sends us homemade chocolate almond brittle every year, and my uncle sends us pears, which my mom loves, even though he and my mom don’t get along. A friend of my mom’s also sends us our Christmas wreath a couple weeks before Christmas each year, so sweet of them. Totally not necessary, but much appreciated and loved. I look forward to the almond brittle every year, it’s sooo good. I made some of my own in college and my roommate and her friends and my friends were all over it, they LOVED it. It’s like crack.

 

[nyxnw]

Were you able to play it?

 

[Flueky88]

Shae I know!!! She's just very backwoods kinda person. She does admit now it was wrong to make him stop using his left hand, but I doubt she'll change her mind on the plants and AF

Dobby oh yeah, that is awful that she just plans to be taken care of her life. I hope your brother wakes up and realizes he deserves better.

Nyx right there with you. I want energy again!


OMG I found the heartbeat with my doppler. It was tough and baby loves to move, but it was definitely baby due to the rapid rate. Needed that reassurance after that nightmare. My next appt is 2 weeks from tomorrow. Noscan though. I'm not paying $250 for 12 week scan, early gender, and early 3rd tri scan. I think we'll do $100 for the 3rd tri, but do it at 26 weeks as that was the last decent scan we had with v. See we didn't scedule an early gender even though we paid for it so they suggested do one at 24 to 26 weeks. Then we tried our 3rd tri one at 28 weeks as tech said at 26 weeks to do it soon. The 28 week pics were so bad she offered to try again at
30 weeks for free! It wasn't any better. So yeah...

Oh and I took a pic of hook effect it isn't very dramatic, but if you look at top and bottom test it's a decent difference. I'm thinking I tested a bit too late so dilution didn't effect as strongly or maybe it's these tests.

So in order:
all urine
25% water
50% water
75% water
90% water.

All percentages are estimated