General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[JLM73]

Gigs I am so sorry hun I am way too over men dictating anything that is a goal or dream of mine especially if there is an infinite time frame. You are still all younger than me, so at least time is on your side....Where's my cane?
But really I would love to be with a man I am madly in love with and have another child with him, but at almost 42, I have been trying 11 months, and NEVER thought this would be a prob, so yea Donor it is.
DobsSorry you too have the no wedding thing. That is another MUST for me. Even if it's a small ceremony without a legal license here - hell a wedding on a short vacay...It means something to ME, and I am def stubborn but I believe if it waas important to me that my SO wear a blue sock and a green one each day, he should be willing to make small sacrifices for our love, and bond- regardless if he doesn't fully understand why.

I haven't seen the Stork Dob, but I have had a home Insem kit I got online for years now - new and sealed. Ex hubby and I both wanted kids, then when time came he slipped a condom on!? (He was behind me and thought I wouldn't see.)
I reemed him WTH?? Then he said sorry he was just scared... I said fine whatever. He promised not to use it again and DID the next BD 2 days later.
I had sacrificed over a year so he could build a race car all fast and furious and he promised we would try that next year!!
I had every intention of grabbing whatever was in that condom and putting it in myself lol. Really because when I busted him the first time he tried to lie and say there was no condom - but it was dark and I found it in a wet spot tangled in the sheets. He was so ridiculous. We had known each other 25 yrs, just got a 3000sf home and had like $30k saved...
Sometimes you just have to be willing to live with whatever you choose...and that's why I'm divorced, using a donor, and not waiting another year for my prev BF to come back in the country to start ttc.

 

[gigglebox]

Wow, what a crazy story! And what a douche bag! Did you suspect he was kind of a twit or did he break out the douche bagginess all of a sudden?

Yeah...i know i have time on my biological clock, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want a large age gap between kids. It'll already be over 4 years, which is my ideal gap....but by the time a baby comes, say if we're pregnant in the next six months, they'll be almost 5 years apart. Additionally, i want to be DONE by 30 so I have time to enjoy the kidless days that come later and not feel limited by being older (obviously you age how you treat yourself, but this is a personal preference/opinion). I'll be 30 next october.

It doesn't matter. I can have all the reasoning in the world. The bottom line is my priority right now. Is baby making. Hubs' is more money. Unless we can make these two things align, ain't gonna happen.

I'm trying to sell some vintage dolls i inherited from my grams in hopes that helps. Wish me luck/prayers/good juju!

 

[JLM73]

Oh nooo Gigs he was totally normal - we met when I was 14 and he was 16.
Dated almost 3 yrs in college, but I had a town home and wanted to get married and he wanted to stay dating (total Mommas boy) so I dumped him.
Met again 14 yrs later and picked up where we left off...except he lied about everything he wanted and admitted 2 yrs in the marriage that he only agreed not to lose me again WTF?
He also had super mood swings, and was abusive - language, bully pushes etc, so ya I dumped him again and he is still sitting at the bitter party of one table trying to use our son to get back at me any chance he can- he's a loser.

Oh and as for the "done" by 30 lol I had my oldest at 18, his sis 5 yrs later and they NEVER fight, ever, and get along awesome. Was great with one starting school and the other a baby...Guess who is right back at home when life smacked him in the head? Yep my 23 y/o lol.
His sis is off at college, and my 4 y/o is growing up like an only child - which I don't want.
I really hope you and he can work it out Gig!

 

[DobbyForever]

SO would have a ceremony, but it's all for show at that point so why toss the $30k away? Shrugs. Maybe in another few years.

Gigs hugs so sorry! I wish you didn't have to sell them. Even though dolls creep me out lol. Watched the chucky movies as a kid. Whoops.

My clock has been tick tick tocking. Honestly, SO didn't want kids at first but they are non negotiable for me. So some days, he reverts.

 

[JLM73]

Good Lord Dob 30k
I did a 3 hr Dinner yacht cruise with full waitstaff, live band, and FL Sunset for $35/person and they all got to order from a 5 course meal!
I had a hugggge antique victorian style princess dress for $800.
Everyone raved about finally having a wedding where they were enjoying themselves walking the yacht, dancing, and being served- open bar too lol.
We paid for everything, family flew in from out of state and all
Our splurge was a week cruise after with every excursion, and we still only spent $3k on that lol.
But I'm the type who would rather take a nice trip together on anniversaries than do gifts. Ring was a carat diamond with saphire wrap- I like antique looking jewelry.
Still have it somewhere.
Now I wear a 5 carat topaz still- it's my birthstone - ex wanted it in the divorce and I was like - ummm NO boo boo lol.
Not my fault he designed a plain ring for himself. I deserve something for putting up with his sorry azzz.

 

[gigglebox]

Wants it back?! Screw that, that is YOUR ring!

Dobs, no worries on the doll selling. I have no use for them anyway. They are story books dolls, so i'm keeping a couple sets for myself (alice in wonderland doll and the white rabbit, and little red & wolf). The rest can go. I'd feel really guilty if my grams was still around, but she died and left them to me.

 

[JLM73]

Morning ladies
DS developed a cough and CONSTANT runny nose last night at like 10 pm ...seriously had me up every hour, so my temp took a huge plummet. likely gonna have to discard it later, as I just knowwww FF is going to see it as a temp rise later lol.

Gig-abyte you should check around online about those dolls before letting them go- Dolls are a big collector thing and certain ones are usually more sought after.

Dob-aliscious - how ya feeling?

I'm starting a hold for todays opk

 

[gigglebox]

Bummer hope you feel better quickly!

Nothing exciting going on here body wise...6dpo...approximately 3 weeks until my fertile window i'm bitter lol; just wish hubs hadn't tainted things! I mean, it's money and he simply pointed it out....but yeah. The wind's out of my sails.

Dobs are you testing tomorrow?

 

[JLM73]

I'd be PISSssed G...forget bitter.
Some things are more important in life than $...love, family, memories.
What do you think about what Dob and I suggested?
While he's out you should right down your avg monthly bills, then a separate list of your monthly splurges or extras. It will prob help him to see it rather than just saying it.
I became a coupon freak when DS was born since I wanted to stay home and exhub was fighting it. I came home every couple days with loads of stuff but receipts clearly showing "you saved 40%...you saved 78%" etc.
I ONLY tried it because he said I wouldn't do it, and within that month I stocked our walk in pantry top to bottom, side to side with ALL the cereal, pasta, rice, can veg, soups, microwave meals cake mix etc for literally 6-12 months!!
Then it got addictive, and I hit up odd spots with the coupons like Walgreens, CVS, and clearance daily- and within the next month we had ALL the pads, tampons, toothpaste, brushed, bodywash, lotion,nail clippers cleaning supplies etc FILLING the hallway closet ...I kid you not that was 4 years ago and to this DAY
I STILL have not had to buy pads, paper, pens, nail file clippers, household cleaners, sponges, dishwasher tabs OR laundry detergent
I am JUST now getting to the last of the bleach, windex, and Tide Powder. FOUR YEARS lol.
My mom will say oh we need comet, and I'm like no we don't...sponges...nope...dish liquid??
I calmly walk to one of the filled storage bins, and come back in the room with like 4 bottles of each thing hehe.
I had SO much mens bodywash (donated that), and maxi pads to this day. It's all sealed...gosh candles, batteries...crazy stock. And I only did it for 1 year but it lasted me 4 yrs

 

[pacificlove]

WOW, that's amazing JLM! wish the coupons here in Canada were that good.

Gigglebox, I hope you get the giggleman straightened out. There have been some really good suggestions here.
Another suggestion (if you have the time for it) would be toilet training your new born. Yeah, you read that right. One of my friends has done this with both her children. She almost used no diapers throughout the first year. I might be using the wrong term here in "toilet training". It comes down to watching the baby for it's faces "poop face" and "pee face". When you see it, hold the baby over the toilet until it goes. The baby will learn for what you watch as at some point they will literally dislike pooping into their diaper and will just give you the signal. My friend says she only used diapers when they were out longer. Maybe something to look into for cost savings...


Well, I finally looked at the calendar this morning (couldn't even remember which day was CD1.) and plucked the numbers into one of those online o calculators. Based on a 29 and 30 day cycle, O should have been monday. I think we bd'd every day leading up but did go one morning and not again until the following evening.
We had a conversation last night and he fully agreed that this month would be good. When we move in March, I could go on maternity leave then. ($wise it makes more sense as a new job there would never pay the same amount that I get here, mat. leave would be higher then a job) I am in a happy place right now... although DH is paying just over half our down payment for the new house today..

 

[gigglebox]

Yay PL! Such great news ^_^ I can't wait for you and everyone here to start testing!!!

I think right now the best thing I can do is negate the credit card bills so we can actually iron out the details on the rest. I had a ~$200/month medical bill (paid off) a couple months ago and we weren't struggling then....so i feel like, why would we struggle now? Especially given we will have some income from the duck eggs within the next 6-7 months...

But with him staring at that bill on his account, nothing I say will really matter.

Blah. I'm going to go price out some dolls lol

Oh but J, I love this idea! I need to start getting Savvy with my shopping. Actually we just had a costco open up nearby so maybe i should check them out...in combination with coupons, maybe i can kick some storable items and grocery bill ass! Especially if i can get some diapers at a discount...

Has anyone done cloth diapers? I'm considering them in combination with disposables...

 

[gigglebox]

Posted this in my journal also, but had to share!

THIS HUSBAND OF MINE :eyeroll:

He comes home from work, hugs me, then looks me in the eyes and says, "i looked at my bank account and we are not nearly as dire as i thought. We are on the razor's edge, but it's not as bad as I was making it out to be." I didn't push the conversation and didn't mention the TTC thing. I'll just wait until I'm fertile, and let his sex drive make the decisions lol

I'm still moving forward with trying to sell some shit, but YAYYYAYAYYAYAYAYAY i'm so pleased with this!

 

[pacificlove]

haha, this is awesome!! Didn't I say men can be so silly sometimes, he just needed to come to his senses....

So, how long until o?

 

[JLM73]

PacificAwesome news on your BD timing and the job/income talk with your other half.
I never did the let the kids crawl in reg underwear or naked toilet training- I would be too grossed out if they get in it, or on something I didn't catch lol. But I def see how the toilet training newborn thing works. After all MANY places in the world are rural and they get by with no diapers or cloth strips pinned in place. Even for their AF
This movie: https://www.focusfeatures.com/babies is the PERFECT baby movie- a worldwide documentary with just moms in diff cultures bathing and BFing their babies totally natural manner. There's even rural footage of sheep herders with hut type houses and the baby just crawl out the door to the mom IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHEEP HERD LOL it was scary to me, but you could tell the baby mom and sheep were all very used to this! AWESOME movie you guys, please look it up just moms babies and no BS narration - check out the trailer at least.

Gig AWWWW I am so glad your silent treatment on ttc made the other half "pull head from ass" as I like to say lol. We all have moments when we are stubborn, and rethink it. I think you have a brilliant plan to play the cool one
You can def do some cost cutting/couponing, even if you just stock up on say toiletries. Hit one weekend of BOGO sales at any store and put a coupon on BOTH items...that's how you get say $10 bodywash or shampoo on a 2 for $15 sale, and throw a $2 off coupon on each one (-$4) so now you get 2 for $11 instead of the normal $20 it would have been for 2. That's how I got enough toiletries for years, and most don't expire (they just have to have expiration dates by law.

Heck I am still using a $18 dollar a bottle shampoo that I would NEVER dream of buying, but Walmart happened to put it in clearance aisle to make space. I found a printable coupon online, and made 12 copies - one for every bottle there lol, I got each one for $5 when done - but hey awesome shampoo and conditioner, and still have many bottles 4 yrs later

 

[DobbyForever]

Sorry! Been a LONG day.

J, yeah weddings around here are ridiculously priced just like everything else. When I was wedding planning about 6 years ago for 50 people, the cheapest package I could find was around 28K once all was said and done in SF. So we ended up opting for a smaller, Hawaiian wedding that would only total 20k. So I can only imagine how much more expensive it is now.

PL, that's great news! I'll be keeping my FX!!! When are you testing?

Gigs, mk. Good luck! I never got couponing. The only coupons I use are the save $3 on frer now ones when they are on the box haha. But I used to watch extreme coupoining. That does not work here because we have coupon limits and blah blah. Too much of a headache for me. Hopefully, he COMES arounds.

AFM, tired and still emotional as f***. I have zero energy, but that is typical post O. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. I've been peeing on the $1 tree brands. I'm on the fence about whether to use a frer tomorrow. 7dpo sounds like a waste to me, but I have done it before hahaha. Using one for sure on Friday. SO leaves Monday for a trip, and if i am preggers I want to know before he leaves.

 

[gigglebox]

Omg J, I can see how the couponing stuff would be addicting! They do often have coupon limits around here but i'll have to see what I can find...do you find most of them in printed material or online?

Dobs i can't wait for Friday! Save the FRER until then. For me anyway, 10dpo has been my magic number on those.

PL, you were definitely right! We're looking at about 3 weeks.....EEEEE!

 

[DobbyForever]

I have two so technically I could do one tomorrow and Friday. I would have two cb digitals with weeks after that, but I'd probably end up buying another frer three pack. My earliest bfp on them was 8dpo. All of my other bfps I wasn't expecting to get pregnant (using contraception religiously) so I didn't test until I was late, but that one I got symptoms very early.

 

[gigglebox]

Lol! Love it. I am so excited to line squint with you so will you stick around after you get your bfp?

I think next time i start getting lines, I'll buy an EPT test. I want to try a blue one, but not early since I don't trust them. I want that to maybe be part of my announcement to friends. At the announcement party on Sunday, my friend got a cake that said, "we have a surprise!". I'm thinking about getting a cake too, with a picture of the test (or one drawn in frosting) that says, "This feels like deja vu, our line turned blue, too"

or some cheesy crap i dunno stop looking at me.

 

[DobbyForever]

Haha that is cute! I love cheese. I was supposed to be punny birthday gifts but shit has hit the fan this year =/ totally forgot x.x

Idk the timing was great but I don't feel anything other than the crying. Usually the pms is rage but I have been so sensitive latelt

 

[JLM73]

Sorry this is long...
Gig I used both as there are several coupon websites that email them to you weekly, or add new ones weekly, and I used to get 4 sunday papers. The only limits usually are using competing stores coupons, or doubling them (they do that up North not here) but a great place is Publix and Winn-Dixie.
They do BOGO deals (no coupon needed) on lots of things every week (you can chk their weekly sale ads online even) Soo basically:
1 Buy the bogo items you want
2 Use a Manufacturer coupon with them (1 for each) or
3They have digi coupons you just scan at the reg from your phone
**A great trick which is totally legal is you can ALWAYS use a manufacturer coupon WITH the stores own coupon. They stack. So that's two coupons on an item. Usually limits of how many are only for super cheap things, but you can just make more than 1 trip that week or even shop with someone - mom, kid etc.
**Also I have found AWESOME deals on items on the "clearance" aisle or rack at any grocer and wal-mart. They ALL have them, they just like to put them in corners, or the back of the store
I got tons of Oregon Chai Tea for 85cent- like 15 boxes with 20 bags ea- those go for $4-5 here!! Oh and tons of cat and dog food there as well, because the simple fact is grocers get new trucks a few times a week, and if the shelf is too full the oldest items go to the clearance even tho they are like 6mo-1yr from expiring. Trust me I have bought haircolor, baby food, cereal that's normally $4 a box for literally 75cent...
All the above is with NO coupon mind you. Sometimes I grab great price things to donate.
We have a large migrant population here, and several homeless shelters and animal rescues so if I see cheap baby things, or health items or pet food I grab it and donate it. It's tax deductible in the end and I don't go crazy.

I haven't been doing as much lately because I am out of storage space since mom and I moved to a smaller home sigh, and I realllly miss my 5x5 ft walk in pantry grrr.
Also I tried a few times and mom ticked me off so bad. After I matched coupons to sales, and was like awesome we have a cart full of groceries, and we saved 60%!!! Mom goes I'll be back...figure she had to pee...shes old
Guess who comes bustling back with FOUR bags of crab legs and a couple pkgs of chicken and steak
Then she says Since we saved so much, I want to get these...
totally defeated the WHOLE point