General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[campn]

Dobs- Your SO should collect some courage and stand up for himself, and for you, why is he so scared of them? Are they paying his bills? He should be the one threatening to cut off all communication with them unless they accept you. DH's family wasn't always accepting of me since I'm Arabic, they still say very ignorant and arrogant remarks all the time, as if I'm a low class human. When I was pregnant my MIL kept saying oh that baby will be so dark I bet. For the longest time we butt heads together especially during my pregnancy and after I had my son cause she was just going through menopause and super depressed, she made me cry so much during my pregnancy that my blood pressure got so high overnight and my OB was like, there is something you're not telling me!

DH deleted her off his Facebook for a while, and then kept his entire family on the restricted settings, and after that I think they all caved in and started being cordia.

 

[JLM73]

MrsGI agree ystrdys line is def darkest. Hope you get a def +opk and then a nice temp rise

DobseySo sorry you are contemplating a break up, but yea it is WAY past time he tells EVERYone. Not to mention, if he feels bad for lying about it- the longer he continues to lie the worse it will seem to the fam! I def would be on ultimatum mode. Hell that's prob 90% of his stress- lving a lie!

Pacific So excited for you!

Gigs I am not gonna try with new Age dude. Gonna leave it on pause for now, and focus on a donor again. He knows I was planning to use one anyhow, and technically- he is separated but married ( not a legal separation).
He was telling me last night in his whatever it is called faith, that you have to consult with a Priest/ess before any major life decisions, and that they have not "said it is the right time to divorce"
I put him on the spot saying what if you are perfectly happy with me and feel I am the right one but the priest/ess recommends you go back to your wife rather than be with me?
He said well I would follow the advice of the priest/ess.

That was all I needed to hear even tho he said he would keep going to them for "readings" until they "give him the OK" to divorce her and be with me, as he really wants to marry again and wants to be with me.
Did I NOT just say yestrdy that I am the Weirdo Man Magnet??
How the hell do they go from normal to some weird issue!!!
Ugh- DONORMODE permanently.

 

[mrs.green2015]

Ugh j that's so crazy! I don't understand people like that. I am all for people believing practicing whatever religion or spirituality they believe in. What I don't understand is when you do things like get back with someone you're not happy with. Because that affects your kids! That's my biggest thing coming from divorced parents. I'm so glad that for divorced because my childhood would have been hell if they were together. So if a priest told them to stay they would have? No you as parent and spouse know what is best for you and your family.

 

[DobbyForever]

It's hard for him. There isn't the option for being cordial in general, but once they realize he has been lying to them for over a year now he will be cut off. Cut out of the entire family and will. Like my mom said the same thing and I walked out of her house, but less than 12 hours later we're hugged and made up. We have a lot of issues to work through and for him he doesn't want to tell them until he knows we are going to work long term.... And I'm like dude you proposed and wanted to have a kid with me so idk what path you are on but anyway. I'm just getting tired of it.

And J... Seriously say what now?!

If I had sperm, I would totes donate

 

[campn]

J- Have you tried a sperm bank? I'm not sure if it's expensive or not or if you've brought it up on here before, but it's totally anonymous so you won't deal with the creeps at least!

 

[mrs.green2015]

Dobs- he sounds very confused. Wants to make sure you'll work long term, but then proposes??? Well I'm confused and I'm not in the relationship haha

 

[JLM73]

MrsG 100% agree - that is exactly why I don't follow any one particular religion.
I just live my life doing what I think is rightbest at the time and going fwd, and I help animals and ppl in need when I can, how I can( made 100 cookies last night to pkg and hand out to homeless downtown)
At the end of the day, I don't have to make my mom, my kids, or anyone else on the big blue and green ball happy except ME . To me having him literally make life altering decisions based on a third party- no matter what their ranking is- means I am forever at risk of him leaving me one day- no matter how good everything is.
I can see it now
Hello? Oh hi priest!...Uh huh...ok...uh huh...I see ... Ok I'll let my wife of 10 years know.
Honey! I have to leave you and the kids! Have you seen my blue suitcase??


Gah I have no idea what's up with MF...actually I do, totally.
Basically he and I were and are 100%compatible in every way- interests in travel, languages, culture, foods, animals, having land, hiking, biking, kayaking, camping, parenting ideals and are MEGA sexually compatible.
We ONLY broke up because he cheated and that is a deal breaker for me.
I moved on remarried, and we basically stayed friends.
He always asked here and there for years If I was happy with ex hubs I of course said yes, so eventually he moved on- and not being rude, but I felt he was marrying just to pls his parents- he is midEastern( Iran) and as the favorite son his parents were mega pressuring that he should stop dating around - settle marry and have kids.
Honestly he was not marriage minded and they live VERY separate lives. He has always flirted here n there, and of course sent the subconscious speaking out Ambien texts. We are truly best friends, but I keep my distance when poss bcuz he is married.
Since I got divorced, I think he wants to get out of his marriage like I did, but it's just not the same situation. Now that he is in his 40's and his parents are officially moving here, I think he is having that mid life crisis and wants to right his mistake, but there really is not a way.
He called and apologized this morning for "putting me on the spot" Whatever that means ?? How was I on the spot- he didn't ask anything but rather TOLD on himself.
I think the fact that it was crunch time to get their possessions out of the old house within 48 hrs, and I came RUNNING drilling, hammering, packing, lifting hauling with him his bro and sis- while his wife hung out alllll day at a party with the kids, and the 2nd day she sat in one spot for 2 hrs while all of us hustled to get the last things apart moved and stored- basically PO'd him and was that last straw.
Him, sis and bro speak Farsi mainly when together, but try to speak English around me- however they have the ability to talk about someone right in front of them and we would never know
Me thinks they may have complained to him about the wife not coming the first day, and I did for 9hrs straight, and the next day she sat in one spot looking at books for 2 hrs, while I was disassembling cabinets, appliances and fans from the ceiling.
I'm sure Campn can attest midEast fams have certain expectations, and are hardworkers - I am just being me, she is just being herself as well, but MOST ppl attempt to make a good impression on spouses fam- esp when they aren't here all the time...
Dunno...I ramble lol
I JUST WANT for Xmas!!!
Annnd no...he still won't contribute a cup lol

 

[campn]

So yesterday I had faint lines on the OPKS, now they're darkening again and finally ewcm, but does anyone have any idea why my temps are so low!? I almost thought I must have died

 

[JLM73]

Campn I looked into that first and by the time I got the specimen it would be like $4-5k Tons of testing before and backgrnd stuff hikes the price.

I am not using all my savings for biz restart on a 50/50 chance

I'll worry about it all later O near Xmas is no bueno timing for donorsearch
I had weird AF cramps all last night and more to right.
I was like WTF is this a cyst or SUPER early O???
Whatevs- this cycle Uterus is on Vacay LOL.

 

[DobbyForever]

Campie I would venture you are gearing up to O in a couple days. My temp always plummets and stays low a few days before O. I blame the estrogen surge since it typically happens around the same time. FXed!

J... So complicated and that's coming from me! MF has issues to work through and other dude needs to just put out some spermies

 

[campn]

J- Wow that's insane! I'd rather use that money on getting things for the baby, or saving it up (assuming I even had it!)

Dobs- Hope to O to soon! We've done so little BD this cycle, I'm just not motivated anymore, I'm starting to think it'll never happen, at least not anytime soon.

Soy didn't work I guess, I was hoping it'd make me O sooner!

 

[mrs.green2015]

Campn- Looks like we may be o-Ing around the same time. I agree with no being motivated. We've been bding regularly but it doesn't feel like it. I'm just over it. This is our first month Ttc since mc and it's just been such a long process that I'm over it. I don't understand my cycles and it's too damn exhausting. I think if this cycle isn't it in taking a break.

 

[DobbyForever]

For $5k you could take an all out Bahamas cruise.... I would know. I set one up only to get cancelled on stupid tech work scheduled.

Sorry your O is still late . But better late than never? Keep thinking positive though.

 

[campn]

Someone said that late ovulation leads to worse eggs and uterus lining cause they're old? Could that be true!?


Dobs- Any chance you'll start trying again soon?

MrsG- I'm sure it's even harder since you had a mc, like feeling you have to start all over again. Luckily it's a great sign that you can get pregnant, just all about luck! I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

 

[gigglebox]

Holy crap, this thread is a-movin' today!!!

J....I can't even with your new fellow. Anyone who lets someone else guide their life...nope. Why even bother starting up something with you before consulting his relationship deciders?

Dobs...i think an ultimatum may be in order. His actions are SCREAMING "not committed". He may have proposed, but he tried to take it back...maybe the anxiety about the baby is because he finally realized with a baby, he'd have to come clean with the family? I don't know, just theorizing...

To the active ttc'ers, especially those with losses, i wrote this to another member but thought i'd share here:

You know, i've thought about my son, and how i had hoped for months and months before we tried for him that i'd get my "oops" baby because i was emotionally ready for awhile.

I realize now, had we conceived any other cycle, i wouldn't have my son. I am so thankful for him! I am thinking that now, after a c/p and a few cycles of trying, that the baby i end up with will be the one i love and the one that couldn't have been conceived any other time.

Hope that made sense, haha

 

[DobbyForever]

Gigs, Idk you may be right. He keeps picking fights like he us antagonizing me to break up with him. But then he sets he would just leave if he wanted so shrugs.

Campn, I hadn't heard that. I had an otherwise healthy bfp in 2013 with an O date of CD 27. One night stand, we didn't use protection since I was due for AF the next day. Cutest little gummy bear at 8 weeks. But I had a gigantic cyst on my ovary hence the delayed O.

As for trying... Idk. I don't even want a baby with him at this point things are so complicated. I do want a baby though. so idk might be joining J on the donor search if things don't work out. If they do, I am looking at a couple years

 

[DobbyForever]

He says he'll tell them when we figure out the living situation. But we won't figure out the living situation until we're in a good place. But he can't describe what a good place is or what steps he needs to get there. Which is aggravating. And every time we go to therapy it somehow just ends up being the all about me show instead of the let's talk about our relationship

 

[Catiren]

pretty sure i ovulated today. not using opks or charting. nothing of use to me but natures gift of cramps and cm and cp. i felt the one sided cramps. checked my cervix and its extremely high and VERY open. also, my cm was pretty stretchy although it was a minimal amount when i did the index finger-thumb test. i was cramping a ton, pretty awfully, last thursday when O was due. even had ewcm around that time. but i didnt have the distinct one sided ouch. so thats why i believe i Od today which im not surprised. breastfeeding delays alot of stuff including shopping plans.

 

[DobbyForever]

Are you just going by cramps? You could be Oing late but I get O/AF type cramps when I am pg. I know you said you aren't regular, but if you expected AF almost a week ago for the love of goodness test lol. Inquiring minds want to know! Plus, everyone here is either pregnant, waiting to O, or about to O so we need a test to stare at and analyze.

 

[campn]

Dobby- I hope so. I've read very disappointing things online about it, if it's true then I don't really have a chance since there's little I can personally do about it.

With DS I ovulated CD19-20 so I didn't think it's anything to worry about.