General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[claireybell]

Thank goodness BnB server issue seems to be sorted, it was driving me nuts!

Pacific, my sister posted it & i thought id re-share it, i have alot of days like it esp with the holidays atm, i feel bad for the squiggles sometimes :-/ i see my 1 friend every Tuesday morning for a couple of hrs but with the lil uns, so no ‘me’ time! I think after having children & the dust settles as such its finding yourself again & making ourselves get back out there, i know ive def lost myself abit more since having Nuala & Hayden, its so easy to get stuck in the rutt as they say.. Im sorry about your Sheep.. was there a reason the sheep escaped? Or just a strong charging sheep battling to get out..

Gigs did u start those tablets in the end or just dealing? How did the party go..? I hope mil come back to you & was able to help out for a bit. My friend had the same belly sleeping issue with her lil un whos now 6months old, she spoke with her hv who assured her that although belly sleeping isnt encouraged when we lay our babies down to sleep if they can move about, roll over & lift their heads ok with no difficulty then tummy snoozing is fine, if Myles get uncomfy sleeping on his tum he’ll just moan to be moved, annoying as again its broken sleep but try not to stress too much hun

Ah Dobby, lovely birthday party piccys hehe! A looked like he was enjoying himself bless him mini nibbles & cake are toddler fun, they love it!

Pacific forgot to say, ouch on ‘E’ screech! I call it the seagull screams lol they’re evil!

Kitty sorry about the non-ov’ing.. Can i ask did you have cycle issues before/or when ttc Evie? Unicorn themed party sounds great actually, lotsa sparkles & pinky & blues etc, Nuala would love it, i’m sure Eves will be amazed bless her, have a google on basic unicorn theme parties, theres lotsa good ideas

Shae, ahhhh i bet you can wait to do the baby course even if its a short one, i would love doing that aswell

Im sure ive missed lots uhh but my minds tired, i been awake since 4:20ish its now 6am zzzzZ

Afm, im back to work in a little over 5 wks, cant believe how quickly my Maternity leave has gone! Although i want to go back, i cant be bothered lol but i know il be fine when i get back into it, just not a fan of the amt of childcare fees grrr! Hayden sleeping lots better again thank god.. he cut another tooth 2 days ago, a top one but a side top one not a fronty, 3 teeth now He’s on purees & he can sit up for a few minutes at a time then face plants the floor

Wooks, my period cycles are now being weird - with yours you say every 3 wks or so am i right? Does it start bam bleeding or do you have rubbish spotting for like 4/5 days first & then bleed & it just drags out a looooong period?? I wonder if its def hormone related with regards to the Egg not getting through the tubes or something? I know i have no tubes now but my periods have never been like this :-/ Dr Google i think hmmmm...

 

[wookie130]

CB- I spot tan/brown for about 4 days, then I'll have medium/heavy flow for 4/5 days, and I'll sometimes have brown spotting during ovulation now. It sucks!!!

I am so glad the server thing has been resolved...it was making me hostile. Lol

 

[pacificlove]

Must have missed something on tummy sleeping.. E sleeps almost only on his belly, the moment he was able to flip over, he's been insisting on it. Our doctor assured us that it gets saver as they gain the ability to lift head and turn around. We put him on his back and by the time we leave the room he's already flipped.

Cb, I think I am in a similar boat as you. "I am mom" sigh... DH has encouraged me to reach out to a barn and inquire about lessons but mom guilt is keeping me from doing that.

Thankfully BNB is back up! Maybe that contributed to my feeling of being lost and not being able to chat .. haha

 

[pacificlove]

Gigs on the no friends thing: I had good friends as a teenager but then my parents moved the family to Canada. Those friendships fizzled out fast on the long distance. In highschool here, everyone seemed to have their own cliques and friends, I always was the third wheel or acquaintance. College I made friends again, but never a "best friend" again until I met DH. We have moved a few times and it seems like people just don't want to put the effort into making friends easily these days?
We have "friends" but not best friends. So totally hear you on the issue

 

[shaescott]

PL sorry your parents aren’t visiting. That would definitely make me mad. Hopefully the wine was tasty.

CB I’m so glad you got such a long maternity leave, we get 6 weeks usually in the US. I’m sure it’s hard to go back to work no matter how long it’s been, though. Childcare costs soooo much money, it’s honestly ridiculous. Some people end up staying home because they wouldn’t earn enough to offset the childcare costs. It’s nuts.
I’m definitely excited for the baby clinical. Only thing is I’m nervous cuz I’ve never held a newborn before and I’m terrified I’m going to drop someone’s baby.

AFM so I didn’t ovulate, temp dropped back down. It seems if I stay up until the sun rises and then go to sleep and wake up after noon, my temp spikes.

 

[Jezika]

CB I can’t believe your mat leave is over so soon. Childcare must be costly but I’m glad you’re catching a break with Nuala getting some free care soon.

Gigs please remember that in my eyes anyone who has more than one kid is a f***ing hero. Seriously, I know it must be really rewarding, but also surely exhausting, overwhelming and isolating at times. Don’t beat yourself up over it. These few years will be hard but I am sure they will get easier. Like you said, sleep deprivation makes everything so much worse, but ALL your kids will be sleeping before you know it. I’m really not kidding when I say I have so much admiration for you. I can promise you I’d fall apart, and I sometimes wonder what that means about me (am I weak? Is that terrible?).

PL see above. I think how you feel makes total sense. I know it would be so hard for me to have a second. I read a thing once that talked about the “right” number of kids and apparently part of that depends on your “emotional bandwidth,” which for me I think is very limited. I can only imagine that those who have two or more kids have a lot more than me, and good on them. But it goes to show that children ARE extremely emotionally demanding, hence all these feelings we are talking about being so normal.

Re: friendships, I’ve been lucky in that I had 2-3 very good friends both in England and now in Canada. I do agree that it’s hard to make friends, especially once you’ve had kids (there are ways to meet other mums but I think adult bonding is challenging in that context). I’m not very extroverted when meeting new people, so I’ve been lucky that my close friends were all like that, otherwise I’d never have been the one to initiate a friendship. I do have a few good friends in grad school though, but I feel like that’s different because we have tiny cohorts and obviously some shared interests and values. I think it’s an interesting question how people make and maintain friendships. Makes me think I should’ve gone into social rather than clinical psychology.

Wow I ramble.

But speaking of friendships, my mum has been talking about moving back to the UK next year, and while it would make sense that DH and I would follow suit once I finish school (since almost all our family will be there), it’s heartbreaking to think of leaving our close-knit friend group here. I know it wouldn’t be the same maintaining things long distance. I know proximity makes a huge difference (which is why I think city vs. rural living confers an advantage re: friendships).

Oh, PL, just wanted to say that I am similarly hurt by my mum’s lack of willingness to come and see Tilly. She considers it a long drive (1.5-2 hours each way) so will only come for an hour or two when she’s in town seeing clients anyway. She’d never dream of sleeping here because she sees our apartment as a tiny, barely habitable box. She seems to forget that she didn’t always have a nice big house in the countryside, and certainly not when my brother and I were babies/toddlers. And she claims she’s always busy with work, but I think she could prioritize coming here more if she wanted to.

Kitty, a unicorn party sounds so cool. Thing is, I think it’ll be neat to look back on the pics and remember the time when unicorns were all the rage. It’ll be so nostalgic. Can’t believe she’s turning two in just a few weeks!

Shae I bet you’ll love your newborn rotation. I’m curious to see whether it makes you more broody.

I definitely forgot other people, I’m so sorry.

AFM, my half sister from Hungary had stayed with us for the past 2.5 weeks. She’s 14 and came on her own. She was born when I was 19 (we have the same dad) and since then I have been waiting for her to be old enough to visit me on her own and just hang out. It was really, really nice and she’s such a good kid (nothing like how i was at 14) and Tilly was obsessed with her, but I was also reminded of how I am not a natural hostess, how teenagers obviously don’t do much to help out, how teenagers are really expensive to entertain, how I’m actually quite old and not as cool and “down with the kids” as i thought, and how I’m actually a really irritable and petty person at times (hopefully I kept this part of me mostly concealed). I’ll add that to the list of things to discuss in therapy in future.

In other news, I was on the toilet while Tilly was taking a bath the other day when she declared that she had put her finger in her “bum-bum.” I looked over and lo and behold she had her finger up her bum. I tried not to reveal my intense shock and instead calmly told her she should wash her finger coz there’s poop in there etc. Then five mins later she was doing it again and reassuringly said “I’m just putting it in there gently this time, Mummy.”

 

[Jezika]

Linking the thing I mentioned I had read about emotional bandwidth and having more kids here in case it’s of interest:

Why I’m Resisting the Urge to Have Another Kid

 

[PrettyInInk42]

CB - Nah, I don't think he understands. He knows what babies are, but when I point to my belly and say "baby", he just points to his belly and repeats me. He also has had only a few run-ins with small babies and seems mainly disinterested, but he does get jealous if other kids come up to me at the daycare. So, I really have no idea how he'll react once the new LO is here.
That's a cute pic of your kids.

Flueky - Sounds like both of your girls are doing really well. Good stuff.

shae - I feel tired just reading that school schedule, but I'm sure you'll make it work and it's not forever. Sorry that you and SO are both dealing with dumbassery at work. Hopefully things pan out well for the both of you though.

Gigs - We still haven't seen a mortgage broker, so we don't know how much we'll be approved for and how much we can offer when we do find a place we like. Both of the houses we checked out were alright-ish, but I couldn't see us living in either.

Re: friends. I feel like I haven't had a best friend in years. The closest thing I have right now is a girl I've known for 14 year, but she's always lived about an hour away from me. And when she got married a few years ago, I apparently didn't make the cut to be one of her 5 bridesmaids. Otherwise, I just have SO, my friend/manager/gay work husband that I've known since high school, and some random friends I usually run into while playing Pokemon GO. :/

AFM...
House hunting - So, as far as I know, SO's taxes should be being submitted tomorrow. Not sure how long it's gonna take to get the results, but once we have them, we can go to the mortgage broker.
In other awesome news, the POS clothes washer at SO's condo decided to short out 2 outlets in the span of a week and the 2nd time it happened, it took the lights from the foyer, kitchen, and electricity from the living room including lights, TV, and modem. So, he put in a request to have the Super come and check it out. By Tuesday evening, he hadn't. But he had also mentioned it to someone at work and that person suggested resetting his circit breaker. So, he tried that and it worked. It looks like all the power is back, but now we're scared to use the washer, so it looks like we'll be doing laundry at my place for a little bit until we buy a new washer.
As for work, it has come to my attention that a law was pasted in Jan '18 saying that if you've worked somewhere for 5 years, your vacation pay accrual has to go from 4% of your grosse pay to 6%. I've been there for 5 years as of May 12th and I'm still only getting the 4%, as are 3 other workers that have been there since before I started. Luckily one of the guys that works in the office has taken it upon himself to talk to the bosses and get this situation rectified. So, hopefully I'll be getting a little retro pay soon. Otherwise, it's still just hot af and I still have 55 days to go.

Here are some BDay pics that didn't load cuz of the issues BNB was having.

 

[Jezika]

Pretty the party looked fab, as did the cake and your cupcakes. Hope the cake maker didn’t gloat too much. Despite that, I’d be glad for a really nice cake rather than a bad one. Hope A had a great time!

Re: the washer, that used to happen to us occasionally in our old apartment (and rarely in our new one) when we had multiple high-energy appliances in use at the same time. It used to happen when I had the hair dryer going at the same time as the AC unit in the old place, and in our new place it’s happened when I had the washer, dryer, dehumidifier, hair dryer and hair straightener going at the same time lol. Our old place always had us physically replacing the fuses with new ones from the corner store (so weird), but luckily our current place is just a switch in a cupboard (like I’m guessing yours is too). Anyway, all this to say that avoiding using other appliances while the washer is in use might prevent it happening again, but either way the switch thing should fix it every time.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Totally forgot to comment on your post. Sorry. The party looked really nice and sounds like it went pretty well.

 

[pacificlove]

Jez, I really enjoyed reading your post and you hit the nail on the head.

You know, I really don't understand our parents. Why does all the effort have to be so one sided?
Our current living situation isn't even that bad, we have a single wide mobile home, renovated with a new addition at the front and a basement! (Bit of Frankenstein house) livable space is approximately 1400 square feet. I am not buying that excuse. There are 3 bedrooms, and the spare has a queen-size bed!

I love the term emotional bandwidth. I believe to have reached my Max. Some days I still think of a 3rd, (a girl) but my brain says nope. Honestly I had my doubts going from 1-2, but it's like going from 4G to 5g network, the bandwidth expanded when Ethan arrived although some days it feels like it's getting stretched. Don't believe that as a mom of 2 I have my sh!t together more then you do, because I don't!
My brain sucks today, I hope anything I typed today made sense...

Jez, would you live in the UK just for family or would you have a better career there? Honestly, I could never go back to living in Germany, visit yes, living no.
As for Tilly and fingers in her bum! Ew, but it made me giggle. Is this a new discovery of hers or has she left it alone since? L has discovered his penis and barely seems to take his hands of it. It was never something that crossed my mind that boys this young can already get "it up". . But he does know that "big brown poop comes out the bum" if it isn't "stuck in the bum" when it isn't coming yet




Maybe there is no winning.....

 

[Jezika]

PL I do hear that emotional bandwidth expands somehow when you have more kids. I guess in a way it has to? But possibly comes at a cost to non-kid-related things?

Your home sounds perfect for hosting family! What do you think she’d say if you told her it’s hurtful that she doesn’t come despite there clearly being space?

No more fingers in bums but a lot of tantrums over the tiniest things. It’s almost comical.

I’d probably have a better career here, or make more money at least, though I’m not sure because I haven’t looked too extensively into how it all is in the UK for psychologists. Annoyingly, I will have done a lot more here than would be necessary to qualify in the UK, and I’m not sure about the process for transferring qualifications and registering there. Would probably be a pain.

 

[claireybell]

I would greatly love to live in Canada or another country other than the uk.. you ladies are lucky bunnies

My MIL likes to just turn up unannounced to see the kids at least once a week, usually its on a a Thursday or a Friday but always at bloody dinner time!!! & its a fight to get them to eat dinner at the best of times let alone when she pops over & they get all hyper! As much as shes a nice person & wants to make the effort to see the kiddies as she wasnt around when SO was younger, I wish she would just drop a message to say, she turned up when my sisters were round to see me once & SO was out & i said i had company & she still never left & cheekily said ‘oh its ok, i wont be in your way’ who does that??!! But then on the other side, my Mum hasnt seen me or the kiddies for months & she lives 5 mins drive from my house! She never makes any effort & its always us, so now i leave the ball in her court so to speak & as expected, she doesn’t contact anyone not even my sisters & her kids! Cant have it all i suppose.. :-/

Jez, sorry but i laughed out loud with Tilly & the butt finger lol! Nuala is having terrible tantrums here n there aswell & seagull screechy screams, its ear piercing!!

Still no luck on potty training over here either *sigh*

Pretty, Alex’ birthday pics are lovely, cake looks great . I hope he enjoyed himself, no doubt he did

So after what seems like weeks to sort out my ‘eligible free childcare’ & sort out childminders for September, i popped into my work on Thursday morning & excitedly said to my boss i can do my 2 days a week as opposed to the 1 day he thought in the beginning as i was struggling to find Childcare for the Friday, only to be told i can only do one day a week now & it wont be until probs October! They took on another f/t person as it was getting so busy there & i was told this but was never told my hrs would drop ffs! I know im not technically employed with them as i was self employed before i went on Maternity leave, but still.. i had told him i was 100% coming back & i was still actively looking for the friday cover & if it came to it, SO’s mum could probs of had the lil uns! They didnt even tell me im so annoyed I could’ve cried the other day theres no point working 1 day a week & i bet if i was just ‘agency staff’ they would let me go.. so now i had the crapness of job hunting when my mat leave finishes in a few wks, im so not impressed!!

 

[Jezika]

Oh CB that really sucks. I probably would’ve actually cried. Wish they could’ve had the decency to tell you their plans so you could either commit sooner or stop trying to make the two days work there. Job hunting is no fun but perhaps you’ll find something you enjoy more anyway. Keeping fingers crossed for you!

 

[Flueky88]

Sorry for any moms struggling. I had a really rough week. I felt like I wanted to die so I wouldn't have to deal with all the stress right now. I started to feel a bit better Thursday and more so yesterday. I had an appt with gyn and told her I felt it was more too many stressors at work making me overwhelmed. She told me to call if it gets worse and she'll prescribe me something. My stresses were S eating more after I just was barely pumoing just enough for sitter. My dog got ill and had to take her to the vet yesterday. Work wanted me to seea full day of patient's Wednesday to Friday. My pump is outlet only so I was having to com back to office to pump. I just felt like it was very stressful trying to manage that and get back home and spend what little time I get with my girls. Wednesday I had no time to just breathe. Things are a bit better. Oh and my gyn has sent a referral to a lactation consultant for me so maybe that'll help. I've also ordered a car power adapter for my pump so we shall see. Dog is a little better today too.

Oh and as far belly sleeping. As long as you pit them on their backs it's fine. Both my girls are belly sleepers.

 

[Jezika]

Flueks that sounds remarkably stressful and so much to deal with in such a short span of time. Big hugs! Glad you can get something prescribed if you need it. Hope you’re also able to give yourself some good breathing space if you can. It’s so hard to put ourselves first even a little of the time with kids and countless other pressures.

 

[kittykat7210]

CB I would be livid! I’m so sorry that work are being d*cks!

And Flueks it sounds like you’re having a hard time I really hope it starts to get better for you xxx

 

[pacificlove]

Cb, I thought the point of maternity leave is that your job is protected for you!
Can you talk to human resources?
As for moms, you have both extremes... So sorry, why is perfect so hard to come by?!

Flueky, sorry it's been rough to say the least. It gets better.

Potty training, most days L is fairly good about it. However the last week or so he's been cutting it too close with telling us when he has to poop. it has literally fallen out of his shorts onto the floor a couple of times. (With DH following him closely one morning and stepping into it)
Already not looking forward to training another in 2 years but the no diaper thing is pretty brilliant.

 

[claireybell]

L seems to be doing really well for potty training for a 2.5yr old, sometimes they just get caught off guard where they are playing but hes doing really well bless him Riley was really easy which i was very suprised with considering he’s a Boy.. its weird when you have a baby you never think of all the other bits to train them on lol! Its suprising how much $ diff it is from not buying lots of Nappies

Uhh I know, thing is as i was self employed, i had to pay my stamp of National Insurance up front & then I got my full Statutory Mat pay but as I’m not ‘employed’ by them & they never paid my Mat pay so they don’t have to have me back to work if they don’t need me, its a small company & they’re mega busy, just annoyed me as they didn’t keep me updated with whats happening given he knew when i was coming back ohhh!!! The bit that vex’s me is my last pay is 3wks away & then i have no income after that, by going back to work & then my monthly pay would’ve just started etc..! SO said don’t stress about it but how can i not?! We’ll see i guess...

Ah Flueks, I’m sorry hun, are you full time or p/t? I wonder could u drop a few hrs & hubs do a few more? Given your back from Mat leave they should accommodate a few less hrs as you have young children :-/ Its hard doing it all.. if S is feeding more, are they any supplements that can boost your milk supply esp as shes probs having a growth spurt?

 

[Flueky88]

Jez thank you. It really was and I feel my boss wasn't understanding. One because he's a man and two because he's not clinical and doesn't understand how long things take if you do them as They should be. I just feel like I'm doing people a disservice if I don't do all I should. Anywho, being at home yesterday was very soothing.

Kit thank you. I seem to recall you mentioning you hadn't Od after all. Are you Oing now you think? I really hope the supplements help. Also holy crap E is almost 2!! I still remember when I got my bfp then shortly after Dobby did and then you. Hard to believe we got our bfps almost 3 years ago.

Pacific thank you. That's great that L is doing so well potty training. I think it's common for young kids to ignore their needs when they are playing. We have tried potty training V without success but it'll happen when she's ready. It'd ve really nice to only buy diapers for one. Huggies are so flipping expensive now.

CB sorry you are dealing with that at the end of your leave. It would have been nice if they'd given more of a heads up. As for me, I'm full time and paid salary instead of hourly. I don't think they'd let me cut down right now sadly. However, in the long run this is better as no nights or holidays. I just have to get through this and if need be. I may need to talk with my boss privately. It's not about me that I got so upset it's because they are taking away from my child. I tried some of those legendairy supplements and didn't really notice much. I've ordered a combo of cash cow and pump princess.
Sadly I think my "problem" is that I have a small capacity. I'll try to add the pic of "your magic number". I sadly only get 2 to 3 oz combined usually. If I go too long between I get more. 10 to 11 nursing or pumping session. Okay posting this really quick first