General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Winter sorry about the lack of news with the tests. Definitely update us if you do end up calling. It sounds like a good ovulation! It is a bit annoying that the holder is useless for 48 hours. I get it, but it’s still a pain. For all the reality tv that I have watched, “The Hills” is not one of them! I feel like the name rings a bell. I know it’s hard not to worry about recurrent mc though. Hopefully all the tests come back clear and you can ttc and that is not an issue for you. Would be really nice if you had someone who could just tell you everything is going to be okay, the general you. We all need a little pep talk here and there

Pretty also want to send out vibes your way. Hope everything is alright! I’m sure you’re just busy.

Re child support. I’m torn. I’ll probably be torn for a long time lol. He’s a network engineer. Can’t say where because then it’s super easy to google him LOL but let’s just say he’s one of two network engineers for a name everyone would recognize. He makes more than me. He never qualified for any of the stimulus checks lol. I know he also plays in the stock market. He was saying how he made like 20k last month from selling one of his stocks. He has been living at home for a few years as well, and I don’t know what his rent situation is but I get the sense it’s nonexistent. We were both thinking of buying places a couple of months ago, and we had the same budget. So we’re pretty evenly matched, but he makes more and has more cash assets than me and, oh yeah, doesn’t have a child already It just bothers me that I would essentially be using A's child support to pay for this child when this child has a father who is perfectly capable of helping. The infant program is a lot more expensive than the toddler program, so I would just barely scrape by on a 4 week month, and I can't afford a 5 week month. And that's just bills alone. I wouldn't have money for living expenses. I can move money around and try to cut some stuff out, but it wouldn't be much. I can cut my mortgage in half if I refinance and that would put about 50k in pocket, I just was raised never to refinance. Especially now that i'm in year 7 of my mortgage. And I have a mortgage credit so I don't know how refinancing could potentially impact that. I know even opening my heloc caused a bit of an issue on my taxes.

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the pep talk! I called just now and they only had the genetic testing back, which was all clear and that is nice to know. Without going too deep into it, my parents are from the same country town going back generations, so I've always thought there'd be a chance of some weird condition lurking hopefully the rest comes back fine. In reality I don't even know what all the tests were. He discussed some of it, but never went through the whole list. Thanks all for the support, guys- we didn't tell family about anything that has happened, and the couple of friends that know in real life never ask. I appreciate you all, kind internet friends.

You still have a lot of time re: child support. I hope that there is an amicable way to find something that works for everyone. It would be great if he chose to be involved to some degree and could pay something that was helpful to you/the baby without being so much that he's resentful. I guess I would try to look at it that way: if you were considering a donor, you would've been on the hook for everything. So, anything money wise from TB would be a better set up (iykwim?). I hope it doesn't come to anything like refinancing. I agree that would be excessive when the Dad is clearly able to contribute. Did you keep all your baby stuff? That would at least be less outlay initially. We still have high chair, crib, bouncer etc. So nice to come into any new baby with some of the big stuff covered. Have lots of boy clothes, too. I'd also reuse a lot of those clothes for a girl. I would just buy bits and pieces to compliment: I think it's super cute to have a girl in something like girly flower leggings and a raging dinosaur t-shirt anyway- good luck, I know it is all very delicate. TB sounds like a decent guy, so I hope he does the right thing and both decides to have a relationship with the baby, and pay something fair too.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We're not doing anything too exciting- just us, so we bought a turkey crown and will make a nice but not too crazy dinner. My OH does make pumpkin pie from scratch (well, crust from scratch... The filling is Libby's). I had never had green bean casserole before meeting OH, and it's my absolute favorite. I know it's controversial and a lot of people hate it, but it's my Thanksgiving highlight. Lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

We got you! Sometimes it helps to have that shield of anonymity, too. That's great that the genetic testing came back positive, and I feel a little bad for how hard I laughed at your little joke. Hehehe.

For sure. I'm opening to having a conversation and compromising. My ex pays about $1200 in support, and they make similar salaries. Then on top of that he pays half of daycare and is technically legally required to pay half of all the services, but it's not worth enforcing. So monthly I get about $2100. I don't feel bad because we were "engaged" and he lied about wanting to have a baby with me. I would feel bad for TB though because of the circumstances. So like the mom in me/ how I was raised is very much like no you do what's best for your child not for him. Takes two to make a baby. But 2k is a lot to pay every month for a baby you made from casual sex.

ETA I just remembered that he did make a comment about how in Jan I said I only wanted a baby with a committed man so he expected our choices to be more aligned (second half inferred). But like I also told him if I were to become accidentally pregnant then I’m keeping it which is why I set three alarms to take my bcp. And he knows I’m off it now so why risk finishing in me? Especially when I have a box of unused condoms that I bought for us specifically back in February because originally we agreed to use them even though I was on the pill at the time... and now I’m feeling a little irritated with him

The thing with the donor was honestly I don't know that I actually would have done it when the time came. I truly don't. And I would have had at least 20 months without daycare payments, so I could have put away at least 6+ months of daycare tuition as a buffer for those rough months. And it sounds like they're bringing back summer school, so that would be an option as well for extra pay before and after the fictitious donor baby.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and I still have EVERYTHING. The only things I don't have are my ergobaby and arm's reach cosleeper because I gave those to people who never gave them back. I'd also need a crib because DS's was convertible and is his bed now, but I still have the mattress. Do mattresses go bad? LMFAO but I also just got that car seat back as well and I still have the spare base and all the spare gear I kept at my mom's. Still even have a high chair, A was trying to climb into it last night hahaha. I kept all of DS's super cute outfits. Just in case. But if it's a girl I do want a new wardrobe. That's one thing I was always sad about. Girls clothes have so many options are are so cute.

 

[shaescott]

Quick selfish post cuz getting ready for work

I’m 6dpo and my temp dipped this morning. Is that too early for an implantation dip? I’m really hoping that’s what it is, but who knows.

 

[Flueky88]

Just a quick reply and will try to respond to everyone else later

Shae I had slight dips at 5dpo with V and with S I had dips at 4, 5, and 7 do (all small). I didn't do bbt after having S.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae definitely could be. Full disclosure, I don’t believe in the implantation dip though. But 6dpo is a pretty common implant day so if I did buy into it, I’d say for sure.

That being said LOL my bbt this cycle aaa fairly flat compared to usual. I did have a noticeable dip on 6dpo. Literally just like 0.15 of a degree

I’ve been up at 2 then since 3. I keep having to pee or I’m nauseated enough I can’t sleep but not enough to throw up. And my lower back hurts. So unamused. I wish I could go back to sleep cooperate body!

 

[shaescott]

Winter I’m glad to hear the one test they had was all clear! I’m a carrier of cystic fibrosis, so my SO needs to be tested. We’ve been putting it off because we’re not TTC yet. I also don’t talk to my IRL friends as much about this stuff. I feel like I get less judgement on this thread lol, my best friend can be judgemental though usually rightfully so, she tries to slap some sense into me.

Dobs well if he wants to step up and co-parent then you’d probably just split the costs right? If not, I’d go for child support, sounds like he can afford it. And he knew you were off birth control, it was 100% his fault that he finished in you. Have you made an appointment for an ultrasound yet?

Flueks I can’t remember if you said anything other than the dips you had with your girls, sorry if I missed anything major

AFM my temp drop was nearly 0.5 degrees. I looked back at my charts and I normally dip around 10-11 dpo then bounce back for a day or two before the AF drop. I’m hoping that it means something, but I don’t feel any different than usual. I don’t know what it’s like to feel pregnant lol, but I know I feel the same. I just know my mom is still dreaming about this little boy and told me yesterday that in the dream he had blonde hair and hazel eyes and agggghhh

 

[DobbyForever]

Shit just POPPED off. My mom invited my cousin’s family after telling me she wasn’t. She had two boys in school. One goes to a sped preschool and doesn’t mask, the other is in like first grade. She’s out every other weekend at clubs and partying and hanging out with people without masks on. She doesn’t believe in the virus or the vaccine even though her mom has stage four cancer and is high risk. They just got back from a vacation out of state. Like if I had known, I wouldn’t have come over but I’m here so now I can’t leave or A will be really upset. And she’s like wtf do you suddenly care so much and I’m trying hard not to scream that I care because I’m pregnant

 

[shaescott]

Dobs YIKES
I feel like if she knew you were pregnant she would probably wear a mask, like I don’t mask outside of work anymore because I’m vaccinated and I got COVID already, but if someone asked me to wear one I would, especially if they were pregnant. If she still wouldn’t wear one, she’s just trash. Also crappy of your mom to invite them after telling you she wasn’t going to.

I just made a very adult purchase

it was a really good sale and I wanted one anyway so yeah

 

[DobbyForever]

Ooooo pretty!!!!! Love it! You know you’ve reached peak adulthood when you get a mixer! Will it be in time for Xmas baking?

yeah I hate her. Which is why my mom blew a gasket at my offense. She assumed it because I don’t like her. But I have zero desire for her/my uncle/my auntie to know until I announce on social. Esp because she has a big mouth.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs it should be here on Dec 8th, so yes, very much in time.

My mom says she’s no longer feeling uneasiness regarding me and babies so I’m probably not pregnant. Honestly feel like I could cry at work right now.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs does she mean that in terms of she doesn’t think it’s this month or going back to her comment about being thrilled even if it isn’t the right time? Sending big bug hugs though

awesome! Send pics of goodies you make!

so my moms has locked herself in her room crying because my cousin flew OFF the handle about being asked to wear a mask. Not really thanksgiving if there’s no family drama, right?

 

[shaescott]

She meant like it’s probably not this month, she’s back to her baseline level of uneasy and worrying about me getting pregnant too soon, no more than usual.

Is it weird that my family usually doesn’t have much drama at holidays? I mean, I have one uncle who is the opposite of the rest of the family politically, but he lives in Washington state so he sends us a box of pears every year for Christmas (my mom loves pears), he’s not present at holiday meals around here. I know my aunt didn’t speak to my mom for like a year over something about my grandmother (who passed in 2014), but they’re back on good terms. Honestly we usually have local family friends over at holidays, not extended family. We’re too scattered and the ones that are close-ish, there’s still way too many people to feed in one house.

 

[WinterBub]

Happy Thanksgiving! Hope everyone had a good time, and any family drama was short lived. we had a nice day- introduced LO to Lego and his mind was blown. So cute! Though he's still quite little, so hoping to make it a special sometimes thing vs something he always wants to do. Has to be supervised etc. He likes Batman, so we did a little 4+ set. Other than that, made a big dinner and had a nice day.

Dobby- glad that you still have all of your stuff! Makes such a huge difference to not be starting out from scratch. And nice to just pick bits and pieces to compliment what you start out with. Little girl clothes are so cute, but I was actually surprised at how cute I found boy stuff when I started buying it. I don't think it's fair that TB assumed you'd make that decision. I get an oops, or bc failure being a big thing for him to get his head around... But no, dude- you can't finish inside and then act like it is totally unexpected. You absolutely shouldn't be pressured into any decision like that. Open discussion is good, and I think it sounds like you guys communicate pretty well, which is great. But nah, you need to do what you think is best, and vague talks from months ago isn't a commitment to do that. There's still a lot of time to discuss things. So hopefully he will come around in his own time. Maybe he'd come to the anatomy scan etc when that time comes, and hopefully be invested if he's involved. Nausea is a good sign! How many weeks/days are you?

Shae- I've always wanted a mixer like that! You'll have to report back on what it's like to use. Your potential future little boy sounds beautiful- it would be wild if you really are pregnant or will be soon! If your Mom thinks this is too early, when does she think that you should? Is your SO still studying? Just curious as to when she thinks you should go for it. I also need a real life friend to drop truth bombs on me. they're valuable and I'm currently without one!

Flueky- hope everyone is better now at your house and you had a lovely Thanksgiving! Wild all the info you have from having tracked everything before you conceived your LOs. I just have hazy memories of the night in question

 

[DobbyForever]

Proper post later just have to say either my family knows and is operating on our “don’t ask questions that you don’t want the answer to” policy or they’re oblivious.
- during the fight about my cousin, my mom asks since when do I care about covid exposure/when has my health changed and I said 4.5 weeks LOL
- I literally put three hearts on the pumpkin pie (one big, one little, one tiny)
- I reminded them at the table that I was preggo and announced with A five years ago
- I refused to drink at all and like let’s be real I have a drinking problem so the only time that I don’t drink is if I’m pregnant

 

[DobbyForever]

Omg and just now my peekaboo got delivered. My stepdad intercepted it and I made a face because I share an Amazon account with my brother because I’m nice, so I archived the order. So when I was confused he looked at the label (dna diagnostics) and started opening it so I screamed and grabbed it from him. Needless to say, everyone thinks I’m losing my mind.

 

[Flueky88]

Winter, I just have my charts on fertility friend from when I started ttc. Also, glad you got some results back.

Shae sorry you aren't feeling so hopeful anymore. Also, yes on the stand mixers! I was actually gifted one last year. My step MIL bought one in a turquoise color so I was given her black one. Hey no complaints from me on getting one for free

Dobby oh man, well I suppose if they do know at least they didn't get on your case at least. I'm sorry about your cousin being there and having to worry about getting covid.

Also I hate how the first week or so of pregnancy I can't sleep. I'm not sure if it's true insomnia or just my brain having trouble shutting down sue to nerves, excitement, etc.



Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. Everyone us better but I still have a fever and coughing up phlegm. My Dr office is closed but if I still have one Monday I will plan to make an appt for the end of the week so I can cancel if it resolves, FX.

I'm the admin on call this weekend weekend. Staffing seems thin for the weekend so I'll probably have to go out. Will let them know I have a fever, virus and will probably have people cancel on me like crazy. I don't want to see people if I'm ill especially if they don't know that I am.

I think I'm done shopping for Christmas. Most everything is wrapped.

Feeling a bit more calm about the potential nursing shortage post mandate. Many have/had applied for exemptions and many have been approved as of Wednesday afternoon. So here's hoping we only lose a small amount of staff.

 

[shaescott]

Winter my mom thinks it’s too early because we only moved in together a few months ago so we’re still getting established here, we haven’t had time to save up very much either. Also we’re not married, and although she’s not religious and doesn’t care about sex outside of marriage, she does seem to care that I’m married before having kids. Also, she knows that SO isn’t on board yet and wants him to be first (fair lol).

Dobs sounds like you’ve had a wild holiday
That’s kinda funny about the package and them just thinking you’re nuts, from the outside looking in. I’m sure it’s more stressful than funny for you. Do you have an ultrasound scheduled?

Flueks yeah I wouldn’t want to infect home health patients, they’re probably immunocompromised. Sorry you’re still sick

AFM my temp went back up a bit but not to where it was before. Idk. I want to hold on to hope but I know it’s just so unlikely and I keep hurting myself by getting my hopes up.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Hey ladies. Long time, no talk. Partially cuz of being tired and busy, but it also seemed like there was a lot to read. So, I kept putting it off and then there was more to read. lol. But I;m here now and gonna do my best to remember what I just read.

Flueky - Sorry you're still a little under the weather. Hopefully it clears up soon though.

Dobby - Can't remember who said it, but I agree that there's still lots of time to figure out finances and hopefully the idea of being a dad grows on The Boy and he decides to help out. Sorry for such a crazy Thanksgiving and for your lack of in person support. Have you reached out to the other pregnant chick from the party at all?

Winter- Glad to hear there's no issue with the test results you've gotten back so far. Hopefully the rest comes back all good and you can get back to trying next cycle. FX.
And Alex got his cast off like a week before Halloween.

shae - Glad you're all better now. I've never used FF or temping or anything like that to track, so I don't know what all stuff means. Gonna keep my FX for an oops baby for you like always though.

Re: surrogacy. That's really nice of you, Flueky. Hopefully DH comes around. I had a friend who was a surrogate like 6 years ago. I don't think she got paid for it though. Just had basic preggo expenses covered. She's currently working on doing it one more time. I told a long time friend (when he came out to me) that I'd carry a baby for him if he and his future partner could find an egg donor. He said that was sweet, but several months ago told me he doesn't see himself settling down and kinda just wants to live a "ho life". Like, ok, you do you, but the offer still stands if you change your mind.

Re: vaccinate mandates. i think just about every place here is requiring their employees to be vaxed. The Toronto Transit Commission has already had to cut back service on some routes cuz enough of their employees don't wanna get vaxed and are currently suspended. All I know is I'm vaxed and I don't take transit and I have enough to worry about personally to feel sorry for dumbasses.

In other news, I have my first in person MW appt on Monday. So excited. We're going to a little family gathering tomorrow for FIL's BDay. This'll be the first time we've seen him since he had his seizure at Matthew's party. At the moment, it appears we've been invited to 2 family XMases, both on the 25th and about an hour's drive apart. Gonna be a busy day, but we've done it before. And lastly, just found out that my fav artist (Avril Lavigne) will be coming to town 4 days before my EDD. Tickets go on sale on Monday. Gonna think about it over the weekend, but really leaning towards going.

OH! and SneakPeek FINALLY got back to the email I sent on Nov 12. Another kit is on it's way and will allegedly be here tomorrow. Gonna give this one last try. -.-