General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[Flueky88]

Winter CMS is enforcing the vaccination mandate for Healthcare workers even someone in billing that works from home. The size of the company has no bearing if staff have to comply. The way CMS is ensuring it's mandatory is by refusing to pay for services for those with Medicare or Medicaid insurance. That is a large part of the population that seeks Healthcare. Without that financial reimbursement, it will ruin you. Unfortunately, we can't function without reimbursement. For those that had covid and/or the antibodies treatment in the past 90 days they are waiving the vaccine requirement temporarily. There are a few other reasons for medical or religious exemption but you must have documentation from your Dr and that will be hard to come by. Thank you winter. I am preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, my best coping mechanism lol

Yes, I had kind of thought about it before but thought I'd be ineligible due to my 1st being premature. However since I had full term deliveries for my others, I am eligible. I wouldn't be looking at actively trying to become a surrogate for another year (as long as DH supports it) because I want to lose some weight, get my pelvic floor in tip top shape, and I have to be fully weaned. Thank you, I have been a bit worried what others would think. I told my mom I was considering it because she wouldn't go crazy on me but would still say if she was against it. She actually was supportive and thought it was amazing. So, I'm hoping DH will be receptive. Yes the hormones and medications to prepare for it seem to be be pretty strong. I think I can do it though. Now to work up the courage to talk to him about it but again think I'll most likely wait to see the outcome of this mandate and how things will be affected. I may change my mind if it feels right. I have considered mentioning what he things about it in general. I know this probably sounds awful but the money would be the biggest factor for him most likely. We don't have to have it but it would be nice to do some projects. Oh and I mostly enjoy being pregnant, the aches and pains of 3rd tri aren't fun but I overall handle pregnancy well and my labors and pregnancies are pretty textbook. Last 2 were fairly short without epidural or tearing, pushing out in less than 10 minutes, no hemorrhaging, etc. My placenta had to be manually removed during my last delivery as the cord broke when they applied mild traction but no complications from that.

I hope that you find out your results soon dear.

Pretty I'm glad people/family seem to be on the mend. Having an I'll household is the pits. Also, damn SP still hasn't responded?! It's been a week now?

Dobby I hope you are well. I know you are going to wait awhile to tell family but I really hope it goes over well. It is awful being stressed about negative reactions. I was very nervous with E as I essentially had 3 back to back pregnancies.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty sorry forgot to say right! Would have loved to be closer in bump age, but yay being preggo together again! Hope everyone is feeling much better today.

Fluek honestly, I woke up the next morning and went hahaha didn’t Flueky tell me she got pregnant from O+1. And then I shook it off and went about my day Telling the bff went ok. She said she supports me either way, and she’ll be there for me either way. Then she told me I need intensive therapy. And that she doesn’t know how I’m going to manage financially or emotionally. And that if he doesn’t want it then I shouldn’t have it because it’s not fair to him or the baby. So that was fun. It’s all the same things my family will say, just she said it compassionately and without swearing.

Do you think the relocation would be in response to the mandate or just something that was coming?

Re vaccine mandates. I’ll spoiler in case nobody wants to hear my two cents haha.

Spoiler

I know Cali said they will. Idk how much they intend to enforce it. I know Cali also said that they are going to start requiring kids in public schools to have them. I’m very pro choice as well. I got weird looks from my coworkers because I honestly don’t know if I want to vaxx A. And then a story just came out that my county gave the wrong vaccine to like tens of thousands of children. I know I’ve seen a lot of strikes at Kaiser. I don’t know if it’s related. The lab was closed yesterday because they were on sympathy strike. It’s such a double whammy with needing the staff but also people shouldn’t have to choose between their personal values and their livelihood for something that’s a medical decision. But yeah.

Oh def update on the potential for surrogacy. I feel you. I remember considering offering to be a surrogate for a friend after I had A, but she ended up getting pregnant after years of trying. I second Winter. That’s very noble of you to think about doing it. And wow, you’ve definitely done your research! And it’s not bad to want extra money. Would you want to do it for someone you know or are you thinking of going through an agency. I have to be honest, I don’t know much about surrogacy other than what I’ve seen in horror movies and “Baby Mama”

Speaking of vaccines, I’m supposed to go to a friendsgiving tomorrow. She’s assured me that everyone minus her are vexed, it’ll be outside, and I can always wear a mask. My social anxiety already doesn’t want to go, but she keeps inviting me over and I keep declining. I’m just not comfortable now that I know I’m pregnant. One because I don’t know how careful her friends are, but also I won’t be able to drink and these are like people who know I love to drink. Idk. But I feel like an ass if I cancel last minute even though she keeps saying it’s fine.

Winter thanks. To make a short story shorter lol. Met on Hinge. We properly dated for about a month. He’s the first guy I dated after my ex, first guy I felt safe enough with to sleep with. He did at least do the gallant thing and told me before we started sleeping together that he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he has commitment issues. The sex has always been really good because there was this crazy emotional connection. I broke things off after a few months of casual because I was just getting way too attached because we have really intimate sex. It’s so different from how I’ve ever been with any partner. So when I started catching feels, and he doubled down on the you’re amazing but I can’t commit I deleted his number. Cue three months and a h** phase later, he texts me. It isn’t as good now because that connection is gone. And we don’t talk as much. We used to talk for an hour before, do it a couple times, then talk for at least another hour. Now we just get straight to it, maybe chit chat for 20m, and then he leaves.

I’m glad you got more info on what the tests were. Sorry about the mishap with the carrier screening. Can you ask them not to share those results or at this point you may as well hear them? Hope the results come quickly.

I just wish for once I could tell someone in real life that I’m pregnant and them be happy for me. Not immediately say wtf are you keeping it?! Then proceed to lecture me on why I shouldn’t have a baby. But I guess that ship has sailed. I don’t even want to tell them anybody else. I didn’t want to tell my bff how I felt about her reaction because she’ll get really hurt. And it was a fair and valid reaction.

Also just in a bit of a pity party. I know I tell ladies on here all the time to only compare tests from every other day, but I was a bit worried my fmu seemed lighter than yesterday. And my tests tonight seemed lighter, but I did drink like 30 ounces and was only on a 2 hour hold. Had a beta done today. It was 47. Which is fine. DS was 59 on 10dpo and the twins were 43 at 11dpo. I know I tested a day later this time than with A, so I’m sure it’s no big deal but I’ve just been sad all day thinking about it. Miserable and full of symptoms, but still would feel better if I can convince my gyn to do a repeat. And turns out she got promoted so all this time she’s a dang surgeon answering my emails. She’s like I can keep answering them until you get set up and have your first prenatal, and I’m like I don’t think so. I have so many questions.

 

[WinterBub]

I had to look up what CMS stands for... We have way too many government departments oh, that really sucks. I'm sorry. It sucks for you, and just sucks all around. I hope that they just quietly abandon the mandate. I've always been pro vaccine, had my LO get the full roster diligently... But honestly, this experience is making me rethink some of that. They clearly don't have the best interest of ie. my individual child in mind. So I think this is all creating lots of pain and problems for a very short-term gain. May have really negative long term knock on effects too- I bet there's a decent chance that flu vaccine uptake plummets. And Dobby- I'm absolutely not vaccinating my LO any time soon. I hope that California doesn't force you to if you don't want to.

If you don't want to go to that party, Dobby, just don't. If it was some unmissable family event, I might say different.... But if you don't want to, then don't! Not worth it knowing in my mind particularly that you're pregnant and don't even want to be there. I would go to a party at the moment (not pregnant), but likely would not if I were pg. Just my two cents!

Thanks for the backstory! Ugh, what a bummer that a relationship didn't happen. How's he taken the news? I like to think that the emotional connection aspect might mean that he'll end up being a good support(?) Im sorry your friend wasn't more supportive. Does she have children? I feel like my outlook on life has been massively changed by having a child and the whole covid experience. Life happens. And you'll find a way forward, and more than that- you'll have a lovely new child to love on. Have you thought about moving somewhere less expensive to live? Luckily your job is super transferrable. But I get it is hard to up sticks if you have family and long term friends etc where you are. I've moved around a lot, and we're not near family so I don't have those things, and can be a bit oblivious to how hard that can prove to be. And of course I get that being a single Mom adds to that. I wish too that people would be more excited in real life. Maybe your friend was also just not expecting it? Would it help to drop some hints about wanting another child to your fam before formally breaking the news? Lay the ground work a little!

I'm interested to hear your OH's thoughts on surrogacy, Flueky. I asked my OH just now what he would say if I wanted to, and he went to money right away. Lol. He says he'd want $100k to deal with me (Fair, as I was a high maintenance pregnant person). And I think that getting paid is really fair enough- it is a big physical thing to go through and being compensated is totally fair! I wonder what the going rate is. I doubt $100k. I wonder if they would let you keep in touch? I think that I would want to do that- kind of like an open adoption but less intense I guess as the baby wouldn't be genetically yours etc.

I figure what's done is done with the genetic testing. Will see what they say. I don't come from a diverse genetic pool, so hopefully there's nothing weird lurking. AFM- I took an opk today and it is pretty dark. Very close to or equal to the control line. Slightly worried as I've had no ovulation pain like last month. I would be due to O on Sunday, so hopefully the familiar O pains come back, and I feel more "normal" again. I've been drinking a lot of caffeine, and wonder if that's part of my fertility issues. I have a real problem with cutting myself off, and love pretty much all of it- coffee, energy drinks, diet coke etc. I probably should stop all together as I would if I was to fall pregnant anyway. I have just ramped it way up since the MMC- figured might as well enjoy the non-pregnant things etc. If the first miscarriage hadn't happened I would be having the baby right now, which has been a downer to realize. We were excited to be having a baby by Christmas, were talking about having my in laws come for Thanksgiving and staying while we had the baby etc. Wasnt meant to be, but stings none the less.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby I'm sorry she wasn't more supportive. I think most of us worry a bit about how we will manage with another baby and what we need from others is supporting some form or fashion rather than lectures, etc. You will make it dear and I believe a baby is a blessing.

Also, I don't agree that if he wants an abortion you just have to blindly follow his wishes. Ultimately it is up to you and while you can think about the father's wishes, it is still your decision.

Yes I'm not very keen on vaccinating my girls whenever the vaccine is available for their age group. They are all up to date on all vaccinations but we don't know about any potential long term complications it may cause. I doubt my state will require it though.

I wouldn't go to the party. Could you say that you and/or A was ill so you needed to stay home.

I think tests look great! Free have always had a day between where progression wasn't super obvious. Have had to be reminded progression between 48 hours is best

Dobby and Winter: Surrogacy, I had spoken with an agency that sets you up with a surrogacy agency. They try to negotiate better prices and work with agencies that have best interests for both IPs and surrogates. There are 2 agencies that are interested in me and the base price is $45k. It is that price because of my state (lower wages in general compared to some other states) and I would be a first time surrogate. There are others perks though too. For my medical insurance as long as a surrogate pregnancy is covered under my policy (looked like it is since I would be the surrogate mother) they pay my part of my premium. If my insurance doesn't they purchase insurance to cover the surrogacy. I get a clothing budget, cleaning budget my last 2 months, miscellaneous budget, travel to IVF facility, and some other things. They pay the medical bills related to the surrogacy too. So really it all adds up to quite a bit of money. As far as ability to stay connected to baby and family that is something that is up to you and the IPs if you want to maintain a relationship. I think I would like to because even though the baby wouldn't be mine. I shared an incredible journey with the IPs carrying that baby.

Lol love your DHs reaction about what if you decided to be a surrogate. I'm sure it has been hard after the MMC and especially with milestones coming up.

I usually get O pains on actual O day which is the day after my 1st positive opk. So FX you get it soon.

CMS in general has a lot of rules and regulations that IMHO don't necessarily benefit the patient/consumer but us more of a loophole of denying payment. I could go on more but I'll stop there.


AFM feeling some better, mostly just congested now. I do still have a low grade fever though. DH offered to pick supper up and I may take him up on his offer.

Oh I've been doing opks to pinpoint O. I mean I can mostly pinpoint using other symptoms but I missed POAS lol

 

[shaescott]

OMG I CANT BELIEVE I MISSED THIS

DOBBY AAHHHHHHHHHH

Those tests are definitely getting darker, girl. Deep breaths. I did some skimming cuz I was just looking for more test updates tbh so I’m not sure where it was mentioned that the father might request termination but I agree with Flueks that you don’t have to do that if he wants to, he made the choice to have unprotected sex, that is effectively consent for pregnancy, just because he couldn’t be bothered to put a rubber on it doesn’t mean you have to lose your chance to give A a sibling. Anyway, I’m so excited for you holy crap, I can’t believe it AHHHHHH

Updates on myself:
I can smell again! I got my sense of smell back a good several days ago. I finally baked my sourdough bread from the starter I made during my quarantine and it was delicious.

Hilarious story:
I got a text from my sister a few days ago. It said “I’ve been dreaming about baby boys a LOT lately. Are you being careful?” I was like well that’s weird but okay and so I responded with “pffftttt not as careful as I physically could be but careful enough”. The response I get said “Okay. Love you.” My sister is turning 17. Does anyone see the weird thing here? Gen Zers generally don’t use periods at the end of the last sentence in a text, and my sister sure doesn’t. I paused, then responded “why do you sound like mom”. What I got back was “This is mom. Does it say it’s from *sister*?” FUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK I responded to the “are you being careful” thinking it was my sister, not my MOTHER. My dad had just got a new phone and it screwed with the iCloud stuff and my mom and sister’s texts were intertwining somehow. She then says “are you more concerned knowing it’s me with my prophetic dreams” and I was like “well of course but I haven’t even ovulated yet and my temps are pre-O, it would be impossible to sustain a pregnancy with my progesterone this low so I know I’m not pregnant” so she was like “okay”. She then said that there’s a boy who really wants to be born and has a soul connection with me etc, not sure when he’ll be born or if he’ll even be my first but it’s a thing that’s gonna happen. Weird but okay, my mom is a little too in tune with stuff

The next day I got my positive LH test. I texted her “that boy might be this egg if I’m not careful enough” and she just went then “not that I wouldn’t be thrilled”

SO and I have been doing withdrawal lately, no diaphragm. No oopsies have occurred, he always pulls out a good bit before he finishes. But I can’t help but wonder if it could be possible. I also may have rubbed up against his parts with mine shortly after he finished, he had put on a condom to finish and taken it off post finishing, it wasn’t exactly covered but it’s possible it was contaminated with sperm. With my luck, nothing will happen. But a girl can dream, and it would be cool if my mom predicted a pregnancy before conception actually occurred lol. Also I’d love to be pregnancy buddies with Dobs! But yeah, probably not considering my luck.

The LH test was positive 2 days ago, my temp rose from where it was the previous few days by like 0.4 degrees today but not out of pre-O range by any means, so hopefully it’ll continue to rise and it just needs another day or two to get into normal post-O range.

Sorry that was crazy long, oops

 

[WinterBub]

That all sounds pretty decent re: surrogacy. I think $45k is enough to make it worth all the work, if you are sold on the value of helping out others too. All the extras sound decent, too! If you still have your maternity clothes etc, you could add that money to what you would earn. It would be exciting to hear how it all goes if you go ahead. It would be amazing to go through that and keep in touch with the baby/family.

Shae-! Good to hear from you, and I'm glad that you're more or less done with COVID now. What was it like? Like the flu? Or less intense than that? And that's very interesting from your Mom! Little boys are lovely- so cuddly and sweet. I hope that you do have a little boy, and don't have to wait much longer to meet him.

Dobby- I totally agree that you are under no obligation to do whatever the BD wants. Nope! I know it all gets complicated as he will have whatever feelings, and you have whatever feelings... But you're absolutely free to make your own choices. He kinda already made his. I agree with Shae on that one.

 

[DobbyForever]

Okay strap in for a long one lol sorry

Winter, yeah. I mean he has all his other vaccines, but yeah. I’m not gonna go down that rabbit hole haha. But yeah I’d rather not vaccinate him for this if I’m not forced to. I just don’t feel like I have enough information to confidently make that decision. Right now, he’s not old enough anyway. So unless they approve it for 2-5, I don’t have to worry about it until July. I am worried though that if they enforce the tax mandate they’ll do away with the mask mandate, and I really don’t want to be pregnant in a room full of unmasked kids.

Omg your DH is funny! And interesting yeah to keep in touch or not.

Re O pains. I get so many random cramps these days, I ignore 99% of them I wouldn’t worry too much if you aren’t feeling any cramps. FXed for O on time

Sending the biggest hugs. I’m so sorry. I agree with Flueks. Those anniversaries are so hard. I am a big proponent of that indulgence in things and self care.

Fluek oh wow yeah that would def add up. It makes sense though. You shouldn’t have to pay out of pocket for anything pregnancy related. I totally understand why you would want to keep in touch. If you do end up doing it, I hope that you can find a family that you really connect to. And I guess if you think about it, 45k is solid when you think about the number of months involved. Not sure how far out you gotta start the hormones and what not. And then my booty is over here like too bad they can’t pay you under the table and not get taxed but yeah in a situation like this definitely need all that legalities handled.

Shae you got your sense of smell back!!!! YAY! I’ve been low key over here like man I hope she can smell/taste food again soon. That’s amazing. I remember you mentioning your mom’s dreams. And omg though that’s so embarrassing with the text but sounds like she took it well. I’d also be thrilled hehe. Obviously, I want you to go out and get your fairy tale wedding buuuuut maybe it’s the millennial in me my brain is like why does that have to be before a baby? But yeah I’ll be curious to see if any super swimmers make it through this cycle.

Re the friend. She has two kids. But yeah. I didn’t mind what she said just how she said it. Like basically she called me a terrible person for not considering his feelings. She said if I even consider child support that I’m evil. And she kept saying I need therapy. But not in the helpful way in a really offensive way. She doesn’t have the best filter. Like I know it comes from a place of caring, but she’s a lot like my mom in that way and I hate it. So far the only person that has reacted positively outside of here was A’s daycare. You have to get on the waitlist super early around these parts. The director was really sweet about it.

Re The Boy. Thank you all. I was starting to question myself and wonder AITA My other bff, the party host, was like fts, f* his feelings, you do what you want and never base your choices on a man even if he said the opposite. I did tell him about my beta, and he was supportive but did mention once that his preference has not changed.

Re my fam. Def dropped hints and it’s a resounding don’t tie your tubes because we know you want a second kid but also don’t have a second kid without a family aka a man. It’s not going to go over well, so I’m just going to tell them when I tell everyone else. And if they take offense to that then whatever. I’m so sick of people shitting all over me and my life.

Re the party: I ended up going. Turns out, her other bff is 13 weeks pregnant are trying for two years. She’s so cute. I feel for her, her wedding was postponed twice due to covid. And they finally got a third date but turns out she’s due that same week. So they’re pushing the wedding out again. So my friend (the host) was being pretty strict anyway about people being masked and having as much air flow as possible. The nice thing is this friend group is ALWAYS late. Not fashionably late. Rude late. She said arrive at 4, dinner at 6. It was one person (who had sleptover) and me there at 4, everyone else showed up 6-7 lol. So I left at 6 right when everyone showed up.

Other than that not much to report. Brother is home from OH for the holiday, so it was a pleasant surprise to pick him up from the airport yesterday. Pretty happy with the test progression up to this point. I did email my doctor to see if she'll do a beta on Monday. I'm a little sad because I guess she's a surgeon now, so she's been responding to my emails but she can't actually do my prenatal care. I did call and leave a message for the office to call me back for a telephone appointment. I want to ask some questions sooner rather than later, but I don't want to keep bothering my old gyn if that's not technically her job. Just booked our reservations for our annual visit with mall Santa.

 

[DobbyForever]

I just reread that and I cannot believe how many times I typed "but yeah" and “like”... I'm so Californian

ETA some doctor emailed me, shocked as it’s Sunday. Luckily, the hospital lab is open Sun. In and out in five minutes, went shopping, and had results before I got home. Beta was 101, so roughly 42.6 hours to double. I know I should be thrilled with it, but it does make me uneasy that it’s slightly lower than my last two pregnancies.

 

[WinterBub]

I'm glad you had a good time at the party, Dobby! I wonder if the pregnant lady would be interested in being real life bump buddies? I had a friend who had her baby 4 months after mine and it was quite fun to go through together Though she unfortunately moved to Australia when her baby was a few months old

Interesting about O pains. I just felt last month that that was so familiar- something I used to get every month that had gone away maybe it means something, maybe it is meaningless. I didn't want to try this month, but would like to have another clear and simple cycle under my belt. I looked at my calendar and I had cramping and positive or near positive OPKs days 15/16//17/18. So, day 15 would be tomorrow. We'll see what happens, and see what my 20 vial strong blood test results are Not sure what the near positive the other day means (would've been CD12 seemingly). My OH is being a bit of a dick, so not interested in even being near him today to cut a long story short: he hates his job atm, and wants to apply for roles overseas. I said no, mostly due to COVID/restrictions. I know what I'm dealing with where we are, and am not about to go to somewhere like Europe where they're all locking down again. Would've loved to go 3 years ago, but not interested right now. We moved to where we are for his job, and I hated it for years, and more or less had to suck it up. He's not happy now the shoe is on the other foot. I understand hating your job, and he's also worried they're going to move him into a worse one... So, fair to be unhappy. But he's basically being ridiculous and dramatic and unpleasant about the whole thing. Anyway...

Do the kids even wear the masks properly, Dobby? I've long wondered this with the school mask debate. I wouldn't worry too much in CA... I'd bet a fair number (as in most) keep wearing them even if the mandate is removed. I also think you can do more effective things yourself if possible- do your windows open? Can you make a draft/air flow through with open window/s and door?

Sorry again about the friend's reaction. Yeah, I wouldn't take kindly to being told "you need therapy". The child support thing is a complicated question. Have you thought about that? If I was in your shoes, I feel like the ideal would be he has a low key relationship with the baby, and pays something, but not a lot. I have no experience though, so what do I know? His feelings matter, but if he chose totally unprotected finish inside sex, well... This can't be too big of a surprise. And he does get to decide how involved he'll be etc. But you will be both the one going through the pregnancy, and doing the raising... So, no, he doesn't get to tell you what to do. I think for both men and women: don't have sex unless you're willing to accept creating a baby. I know we forget, but that's kind of the whole design

Enjoy having your bro home! And I'd be happy with that beta (as far as I understand the way they're meant to go). Each pregnancy is different, and in any case, nerve-wracking as early pregnancy is, it will go how it is meant to go. its not long until you can do a scan and get a sneak peek! Good luck finding a new doctor. Sorry the old one is not available this time around.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs that beta sounds great, deep breaths that’s too bad about your OB switching to just surgery. I hope you can find one you like soon! Idk how Kaiser works, you still get free choice of provider right? It’s not like the UK where you get what you get and don’t get upset, I presume? I feel like Californians would flip over that… Now that I’ve moved I don’t have an OB/GYN here and we just got new insurance this month so I’m not totally sure who’s in network for us. I’ll have to do some research and hope I can find a good midwife or something, I’d like a CNM ideally rather than an OB. My PCP also is leaving the practice and becoming a hospitalist so I need to find a new PCP sooner than I thought. Anyway. I’m glad the party went well and you were able to spend some time with just a few people before the crowd arrived. Did The Boy say his preference of involvement if you do have a baby? I can’t remember and I may have just missed it. I don’t really understand how a guy could see his baby after birth and still be like “nah I don’t want to be in my child’s life”. I really hope that he’ll be involved even though you’re not together, unless of course he’s like your ex and more harmful being around than absent.

Winter sorry about the argument with your DH. I wouldn’t take kindly to the idea of moving abroad either. Although if my SO had a serious plan to move us to the middle of nowhere but still in America, I’d probably be down My SO doesn’t love his job either but sometimes you just gotta suck it up and get the bills paid. Also, that’s a lot of vials of blood, wow! Luckily they’re pretty small, generally speaking.

I told my mom we were doing pullout but not like a moment before ejaculation, rather pulling out like 1-2 minutes before. I told her how we did that last month and I didn’t get pregnant so I don’t expect to, because I read a study that said men either always have sperm in pre-ejaculate or never have sperm in it. She was like “it’s not very much sperm, so you not getting pregnant last month doesn’t mean there’s not sperm in it”, which, fair point. She said something like the pullout method often causes kids spaced out by like a year or something (I don’t remember the amount of time and I’m not finding anything on a quick Google search but whatever) because it’s not much sperm so most of the time it doesn’t get them pregnant, but every once in a while you get a strong enough swimmer in there lol. A girl can dream, but she once had a dream I was pregnant and clearly I wasn’t so though this one was different in that she was sensing a specific soul that wanted to be born. Idk, but if I end up pregnant this cycle I’m gonna be like holy crap mom you’ve started detecting pregnancy before conception

 

[WinterBub]

Lol at your Mom potentially knowing ahead of time! That is how psychics work, though!! I went with a friend years ago just for a laugh and a few things ended up being true less interesting stuff than a baby being born, though! I watched a reality show where one of the couples on it had a baby at a midwife center attached to a hospital. That seemed pretty ideal. I had a C/S, so know that that's what I'd have again. I'm one of the rare ones that actually would prefer a C/S, so that works!

We had both travelled and lived in different places before we met (it's one of the things we had in common). But having kid/s changes things. I like my Dr/we have good medical stuff nearby, we know what schools we have around here, and I am not trading that in because of all the covid unknowns. If it was just us and he got the job and we ended up stuck in an apartment in Germany for however long, I actually wouldn't have cared that much. But we were really strict about staying in and "doing our bit" last year, but Im not doing that again to my LO. We still don't do much, try to keep doing things outside etc but kids need interaction, and I have some worries that we did the wrong thing by him last year. He has a speech delay, and I do think that a year of no social interaction must be a part of that.

I'd be interested too to hear what The Boy said about what he'd do if you do have the baby.

I hope you get lucky with pull out failure, Shae! We've done last minute pull out long term and never had it fail. Only fallen pregnant when he didnt. I do think it depends on the guy.... But also don't think anyone should do pullout unless you accept that it may not work! My Dr said most people using pull out end up with a baby within a couple of years, but I've always wondered whether that's because of a tiny bit getting in, or people starting to push it and not always pulling out. I was too embarrassed to ask that, though.

 

[DobbyForever]

I’m sorry my posts are so long lately! I’m not being as concise as I could be.

Winter, I’d def be interested in being rl bump buddies with her. She’s so sweet, and I have known her since high school. Long funny story short, I was friends with our mutual bff through working at the PetSmart PetsHotel for like years and years before we realized we graduated from the same high school in the same class haha. I had geometry with her other bff in 9th grade haha. I’m sorry yours moved away. BNB is great, but there’s something nice about having friends locally.

I’m so sorry DH is in a mood! I agree, I see why. Doesn’t make it any less annoying to be around. And I totally understand your hesitation to move right now. Everything is still such a mess. Hopefully he’s not moved into a worse position/ he finds a solution soon. Or just stops being unpleasant hahahaha

I totally get wanting to stay somewhere for your kids. And please, please, PLEASE do not wonder about the delay. I know I worry, too. That maybe I don’t talk enough at home because I’m exhausted by the time I pick him up or this that and the other. It’s just one of those things. It’s hard though as a parent.

Shae, I mean your mom’s got a point. Just because it didn’t happen one month doesn’t mean there isn’t sperm in there. But I get it the whole pending soul vs pending pregnancy dream semantics lol. I’d still love to be bump buddies, so I’m rooting for a super swimmer. And what a great story that would be! Your mom getting a gut feeling right around your ovulation. Did you end up confirming O?

Re OB, yeah . I did see one in clinic the other day who did the ultrasound and I liked her. She was very let’s just run a bunch of tests for everything and had a good energy. So I may try to request her. Kaiser let you chose, but they have to be open to new patients. I guess it’s like having a full class. After a certain number you can’t take any unless the doctor approves it. Like A’s pediatrician would always approve sibling requests.

Re the child support. I haven’t fully crunched the numbers. With A in public school getting services there, I should be able to do it. Worst case, I have options to refinance my condo and/or dip into my HELOC. The nice thing is that I’d have about 9 weeks where A is in Kinder but the baby is still home with me. So that will also let me tuck some money away hopefully. I was born in a family where a lot of pregnancies/children were used to trap men. So we’ve always had a very no matter what sex can equate to pregnancy. If my brothers knocked up a girl, we’d make them be involved and support their kid. So I don’t have a lot of sympathy. I understand I’m unilaterally choosing to keep it though, so I’m trying not to be a b* about it. BUT flip side, if I don’t hold him accountable financially then my family won’t be inclined to help me financially. They only help me out here and there because I do get child support for A’s dad. Even now, if I have a bad month they remind me that I could take him to court to get reimbursed for 1/2 of A’s therapies. It’s just not worth the headache and attorney’s fees. We’ll see though. He’s got 30+ weeks to figure it out. His preference is for the child not to exist. He said if it does, he doesn’t know what his involvement will be but he likely won’t be. But he did immediately follow that up with that he’s in shock and still processing and that could potentially change. Just has not to this point. I don’t know him all that well, but I don’t have any red flags going off. He’s always treated me respectfully. He refused to choke me during sex LOL like won’t even put his hand on my neck in that manner, it’s always just a caress. I know he gets along really well with his family, but they do have a bit of an odd dynamic. I just need him to pick a level of involvement and stick to it.

Re betas: Thanks ladies. So hard not to compare. I do feel less doom and gloom today but not by much lol.

AFM running errands galore today while A is in school. Just one quick run to Whole Foods to get my pie fixings then I'm resting the rest of the day. Have a telephone appointment set for the 1st, and they'll schedule my prenatal then. I'm not really amused because I'm trying to minimize how many days I take off of work, so with any luck I can get it scheduled for winter break. I'll be 9 weeks right when it starts, so I'll be able to just pop A off at school then go. According to the SneakPeek website, I can take it 12/13. So you know I'll be here pricking myself that day. LOL

 

[shaescott]

Winter according to Dr. Google, withdrawal with perfect use has a failure rate of 4%. Imperfect use is in the 20s. The diaphragm has a failure rate of 6% so I actually am less likely to get pregnant with withdrawal apparently, but I know the diaphragm worked for me so time to try something else with a risk

SO definitely doesn’t want to get me pregnant (yet) and that’s why he pulls out a good minute or two in advance, but any sex at all carries a risk of pregnancy, whether you’re on birth control, using condoms, withdrawal, or nothing at all. He knows that. He is in control of when he pulls out for the most part, sometimes I complain a little but if I’m on him and he’s like “no seriously get off” then I’m like “fine”, it’s not like I can force him, that’s assault. I know I should get off when he says it the first time but the hormones be wild and he never waits until it’s urgent to tell me it’s time to get off, he gives it some leeway.

I put in a request for a new patient appointment with a midwife at my hospital since they do well woman visits as well, and I would like to get established with one prior to pregnancy. Although, it may take long enough to get an appointment that I’ll be pregnant by then and have to make a dating scan appointment before I even meet the midwife. I feel like a hospital birth with a midwife and access to hydrotherapy is the best of both worlds for my (and more so SO’s) anxiety about something going wrong but also being able to have a more relaxed provider and a low intervention birth. While I’d love a birth center birth, there aren’t any in my area that are close enough to a hospital for me to be comfortable with it, the closest is a good 15 minutes from a hospital. I’d need it to be down the road or across the street. My mom’s was down the road from the hospital.

I just texted my mom and this is what ensued

I’m glad my mom puts up with my crazy, but also I got it from her, so she’s kinda obligated to. Honestly, I’ll be pretty disappointed if I don’t get pregnant this cycle, cuz that means her dreams either aren’t prophetic, or they have no time correlation, like they don’t mean it’s an imminent event, so it would mean we couldn’t ever rely on them. My mom had a dream about me being pregnant like once many years ago, but it wasn’t a recurring dream, and she was like “nah you’re not pregnant, I can tell”. So we’ll see if this recurring dream is a legit thing. When I was 1dpo she said she couldn’t sense anything “established” but nothing is really established until implantation, so we’ll see. I know my dreams don’t mean crap because I’ve had dreams of getting a positive pregnancy test a few times a year since I was 15.

While typing this I started to get a pinchy sharp pain in my left pelvis around the pubic bone but I can’t tell if it’s just musculoskeletal or actually internal. It also is far too early for implantation, so idk what it could mean, if anything. Blah. I’m obsessing way too hard.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs oops I was typing when you posted and I didn’t see it. I did confirm O, I had a slow rise but it’s been steady.

It’s good that he can recognize that he’s still processing and that his thoughts right now may not be accurate to how he’ll actually feel further along into the pregnancy. I do hope he decides to be involved, but of course I already said that lol.

You can take sneakpeek when you’re only like 7 weeks?

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae lol s’all good in the hood. Woot for O! Bummer your mom is saying she’s not sensing anything established yet, but my a** is over here like 1dpo not out yet! Maybe once there’s implant You and your mom are hilarious lol.

That’s good that he knows to give you some time haha. Those hormones do be wild hahaha. You also said he’s very much aware you have baby fever, so he knows he’s playing with fire a bit.

Hope it doesn’t take too long to get an appointment! And that you can find one and get comfortable with them so you can have the prenatal care experience you’re hoping for. Yeah, that’s too bad they don’t have more birth centers right by hospitals. Definitely would be the best of both worlds.

Re The Boy. Yeah, we’ll see. It’d be nice, but I’m not going to plan for it. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I did just text him because I had to fill out some paperwork and I don’t know his family history. He said no chromosome/genetic issues that he’s aware of. Didn’t follow up with why I’m asking HAHA.

On that note though, the form said to call a geneticist if I said yes to any questions. I said yes to about four? So I called, and they scheduled a telephone appointment on 12/14. I’m a little concerned because with A they didn’t refer me to a geneticist. The only new yes stuff was A’s developmental delays/ASD and the fact he was small for gestational age. Same time, if y’all wanna run some more tests not on my dime then knock yourselves out.

Right?! Apparently. “At SneakPeek, we're constantly working on improving the sensitivity and accuracy of our test. From May to August 2021, we launched a large-scale study to validate our improved test, and provided accurate results to 75 out of 75 women who were 7 weeks into pregnancy. We feel confident that customers who take our test at 7 weeks gestational age will continue to experience 99.9% accuracy. The test is the same whether the sample is collected by Lancet or using Snap, so both methods are fine for use at 7 weeks, with 99.9% accuracy.” And I’m here like 75 women does not make a valid sample size LOL but I’m still going to do it early anyway I ordered it through Amazon in case I need to return it.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah my mom doesn’t think she can sense it prior to implantation because so many eggs get fertilized and never implant so she won’t sense something established if it’s just fertilized, it’s not established at that point. We’ll see if she texts me to take a test in a week or so lol. Though she might just not because she wants me to be able to tell her. We’ll see.

Re: the geneticist maybe it’s just because of the extra history? You haven’t hit 35 yet have you? I thought you were like 29 or something but I have no clue.

I would agree that 75 people is not a sufficient sample size let alone “large scale”, that was my first thought when I saw 75. Hopefully they’re right and 7 weeks is late enough. It would suck ass if you did it at 7 weeks and it said it was a girl and it was actually too early and it was a boy and you were all excited expecting a girl

I just looked on FF to see what my EDD would be and it’s August 12th, being heavily pregnant in August sounds horrific, the only upsides are that I’m not having morning sickness in the heat and that I don’t have to worry about bundling up my newborn baby in 20 degree weather. But like I suck at dealing with heat in general so doing that with an extra 30 pounds on me and being out of breath sounds like absolute hell. Worth it for a baby of course, I just would much rather have a baby in spring or something, avoid summer altogether.

 

[Flueky88]

Shae I think getting pregnant in June with dd2 was my favorite because I wasn't in 3rd tri during the summer and skipped most of flu season.

I know they aren't great odds but still hope you get a bfp. Would be so interesting if your mom is right. I do believe some people have psychic abilities. I think the trouble is figuring our who is legit and who is not

Also, loooove the CNM at my obgyn office. They rotate you through all the providers during your prenatal visits since you never know who will be working at time of delivery but the midwives were my favorites (other than one obgyn). He was amazing and delivered V. I had to have an obgyn with her since she was early. As for S, an obgyn delivered her because she was born on Wednesday (midwives don't work on Wednesdays) but finally with E, I had a midwife deliver. She broke my waters at 9cm and stayed with me until delivery (which was only 15 minutes but still). She asked me if I wanted to get in a different position but honestly I was in too much pain to move during that final transition. She remained calm too when the cord broke and she had to manually remove my placenta. It could have been really bad but she stayed cool as a cucumber



Winter any news on test results? Also, sorry your DH has been in poor moods. It can be difficult to be in a position you hate/dislike but it isn't right to bring that negative energy to others. Also, yeah there is no way I'd be okay with an international move. Having kids, I need our family/support system.

Dobby I think prepare for the worst but hope for the best is a good way to approach TBs potential "fathering". As for child support, even though he would prefer not to be a father, he still must understand that unprotected sex carries that risk and he must accept those "consequences". I don't think it's bad to get child support from him. Just my 2 cents.

I hope you can get is scheduled during your break. It is tough missing work for appts (particularly when it's not like you can make it up later "peace out kids, be back in 1.5 hours and try not to kill each other" lol) In any case hope genetic screening goes well when you get to that stage. Sorry your old Dr only does sx now. I hope whomever you choose that you like them

AFM went to urgent care after having a fever since Tuesday. Negative for everything, cbc was normal. Just chalked up to a "virus". Just annoying to still have a fever. S and I are both still sick but V and E are better. It's just odd to me. I'm still taking S to dr tomorrow though.

 

[shaescott]

Fluent yikes, I hope you guys are feeling better! I only had a fever one day during my run of COVID, it was 101.0 at the max temp. SO didn’t have a fever. My COVID patients also rarely have fevers. So fingers crossed it’s not just too early to show up, sounds to me like just a generic virus.

I just called the OB/GYN and midwifery office at my hospital and got a new patient appointment for 12/30/21 with one of the midwives I was hoping for! Here’s hoping I have to call and change it to a pregnancy confirmation appointment next week! But if not, I get established as a patient of the midwifery practice, so it’ll be good either way.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae lol well definitely keep us posted. That is a predicament. It’d be fun for her to tell you then test and it be bfp, but I can also see the value in it being a surprise. So glad you got an appointment and with the midwife you wanted! FXed for a bfp but i'm glad that you have a good outlook either way.

You’re so sweet! I wish I was 29 LOL I’m 32. Jk, I don’t miss 29 at all.

And for sure. I do worry about that. I was thinking of doing the peekaboo a few weeks later as well since it’s only $20. The price discrepancy kinda weirds me out a bit though. Like why does one cost four times as much?! Whatever. I have a lot of girlie vibes, and I know I had that vivid dream a few times that I was pregnant with a girl this year. But I think that's just wishful thinking. Chinese gender says girl, but it said girl with A

I was going to ask what was wrong with August weather. I like August weather! But then I remembered Cali August is probably different than August where you are hahaha. A spring baby would be nice for sure. I agree with Fluek. So stressful having a newborn during cold and flu season. I’m obviously locked into summer due dates with my job. Although I did like that idea of having an April baby and just not going back after Spring break. Too late now LMFAO

Fluek I’ve heard of that before. The rotating through the providers. That’s so awesome. Glad your midwife was so with it!

I’m so sorry about the urgent care visit. It’s nice that it didn’t come back as anything serious, but also super frustrating to still have a fever Hope you can get some rest.

Yeah I just switched my music prep back to the morning too. Otherwise I could sneak out on Friday’s at 2:15 lol. Otherwise I need something at exactly 3:30 hahah. I'm already peeing so much, too. I'm going to to really figure out creative ways to hold it.

AFM nothing much. Took care of errands. Got an estimate for my car for the insurance company. It's about $1,100. So I should get at least that much. Tomorrow is my last me day. Going to finally clean the house haha.

 

[WinterBub]

Dobby- that's great that she's a legit bump buddy prospect! I think that unless my testing comes back with something wrong, we might try from next month. Kind of a scary thought, but that would be an August birthday. It is hot as hell, but at the same time, I'd love a summer bday baby. Funnily enough- my ex-bump buddy had one baby in the US and one in Australia, both born in the same month. One is born in winter, and the other in summer as she switched hemispheres.

I don't know what to say about child support, as I don't even really know how it works. What's his job? (Or more- how much money does he make?) I feel like that's an important factor...? Hopefully y'all can work out some happy medium of both money and involvement. I hope that you can make all your own decisions/plans, and move forward happily with that. Ideally he'll come around to his own decisions that work for you, too. The baby obviously knows nothing for a while, so he would have a few months after birth to get his head around it all and for you to work out how to proceed. I would think you asking him about genetic stuff should have been a big clue that this is all really happening- I can imagine being in shock in his shoes etc. And thank you for the reassurance on the speech delay. He's booked in for a formal consult, so will see what they advise. The ped was very much like "he will catch up by 6-10 years old". Great... But seems like we should give him some help to move forward now if we can.

Shae- glad you could set up an appointment, sounds very promising. Fingers crossed you'll be using their maternity services soon. sorry that your OH isn't ready just yet. I don't/wouldn't advocate for anything deceptive etc, but I feel like there would be nothing wrong with upping the kink/lingerie now and again... Does that count as deception?! My LO is the result of us both getting into the risk factor. Sorry if that is TMI! We were at the point where we would've properly tried in the next year/couple if years, but the hormones got to us before any logical decision making did.

Flueky- hope you're feeling better! My ped said that they are seeing double the usual amount of all the usual viruses this year, so I guess mother nature makes up for the time lost when people truly did stay home. Did the doctor say anything insightful about S? Is she feeling better today?

Pretty- hope all is well! Did your son get his cast off, or not yet? I lost track of the timeline of when that happened.

AFM- haven't heard anything about my test results. They didn't set up a results appointment or anything, and said that it will take 2+ weeks to get the full results. I should call tomorrow to check in. I had to do masses of online paperwork, but can't remember if I made a portal login etc or they just sent links. I had O pains today and yesterday- less pronounced than last month, but am happy with that. Also had positive opk today and yesterday. I then went out and bought a smiley face clear blue opk kit thing. I got a solid smiley right away. But annoyingly, you can't test again for 48 hours after that. So, will try and test again using that once I can. Would be interesting to see if it agrees with the regular opks. Also just read a story about Whitney Port (she was in The Hills back in the day) having miscarriages very similar to me. Kind of unnerving and brings up all my worries about having another bad experience. I need a psychic to let me know what the future holds.