General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[gigglebox]

Dobs I have a buddy that creates glass art using cremains of people or pets. It sounds kind of weird but it’s actually really beautiful. He makes a lot of glass beads (akin to pandora), earrings, other jewelry, worry “stones”, and marbles. I burried my dog’s ashes but had some hair and he made me a beautiful ring from it. I wear it sometimes when I’m thinking about him (the dog, not the friend lol). Maybe you could do something like that to have a little rememberance piece? If you want his insta let me know.

I am OK with the baby gear being gone, especially the annoying high chair…but I am a bit sad I never got to use the outfit. It felt like losing something, or admitting defeat.

 

[tdog]

@gigglebox tbh I have no idea we were thinking pullout method but no he has no self control so I don't no xx

@DobbyForever to me it's been 3 years this Feb and still raw or course I'll support her as her mom, she did say that she was jealous but not of what Paul and I think because we were having a little girl xx

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - There's nothing wrong with using a different name for a baby that you won't get to raise. You have visions of calling a certain name down for dinner or being referred to as "____'s mom" and that's totally fine. My mom has admitted that if I had been born with down syndrome (cuz she was 37 and didn't do any genetic testing), my name would have been April Love. That's quite different than my actual name and I totally don't blame her. Just do what feels right. I call my loss Junebug cuz that was the name of the thread I was a part of on here when I lost it.

shae - Sorry that this wasn't it for you. But there's still lots of time and now we're all anxiously awaiting to hear how SO is going to propose. As I said before, I would imagine it's so much easier to plan a wedding when you're not worried about BFing and nap times and diaper blow outs. You're working in your chosen field, you have a partner, and you're already living together. That's debatably half the battle. Just gotta get married and start popping out kids. Your time will come soon. 1000%

tdog - That's a crazy story. I would ask if there's any chance that she'll move back in, but like you said, your DH is set in his ways and Beth is almost an adult, so I guess there's no point. Sorry that you're in between a rock and a hard place. And so sorry about Quinn's kidney stone and DH's aneurysm. I can't even imagine.

Re: New Years. We didn't get up to much. Our plans for the last several years have been to have SO's cousin come over (cuz her BDay is the 31st), get some food, and watch a movie or something. So, that's what we did. Alex actually made it to midnight, so we lit some sparklers outside and could actually see some fireworks from our back window. Matthew went to bed at 10 and slept through it all. lol

AFM, passed out from 10-11 in our bed with Alex and SO last night, woke up, got comfy on the couch to watch SNL, and passed out again 4:13am. Went back up stairs to try and sleep more, tossed and turned for over an hour, and then gave up. So, I'm getting started on some laundry. Spent some of yesterday cleaning and organizing stuff in the kitchen. Gonna finish that up today. Also gonna have a belated Turkey dinner with my mom now that all the holiday craziness is over. Otherwise, just kinda bumping along.

Sorry if this is salt in the wounds, but here I am at exactly 20 weeks.

 

[gigglebox]

Your bump is coming along nicely Pink!

 

[DobbyForever]

Tdog, that is tough. Maybe you two could do some counseling together? If not, she probably needs to see and talk to someone herself. I will say that my stepdad wanted to pay for gender selection as he had two boys already. My mom said no, and they had twin boys. I will say that my life would have been substantially different if they had a girl, and in a very negative way. So to some extent, I can understand the jealousy bit of it. Hugs. She is just about an adult though, so you’re definitely doing your best. Hugs hugs hugs.

Pretty I love that NY tradition! Honestly I think NY is just about being with people you love and reflecting on the year. Doesn’t have to be some big spectacle.

Gorgeous bump! No salt. I do have a sore spot, but as sad as I am I do love celebrating every life. Plus I spent yesterday looking at my bump pics with A and already cried that out. Congratulations on officially hitting 20! Such a big milestone. I think you already mentioned the rooming situation/upcoming baby shower, but any other urges to buy things/nest kicking in? Hella random but I love the color of the wall lol

RE spectacle NY. I will say that I dated a guy. I had a horrible first date with Mr. Gropey at the Exploritorium in SF. I paid so much for parking, and it was NYE so I decided to stay in the city. I was texting the other guy that I was in the city and a bit sad to be alone, so this guy drives up to SF and pays for my lunch that he didn’t even eat with me even though I went true Dobs style balls to the wall. Then we walked along Fisherman’s Wharf just talking and laughing. He totally put up with me and my big old 4th of July hat and scarf and gloves. Then he took me to an Off the Grid food truck event for dinner and let me get all the food and drinks I wanted. There was music and we danced and danced. Then he said he knew the best place to watch fireworks that usually just locals know, so we got there and it was so much nicer than watching on the packed pier. And he just held me. Naturally I made out with him lol. And then my trauma kicked in and I felt like I didn’t deserve him so I dated the jerk who threw me into a wall followed by A’s dad instead. But yeah that’s def my fav NYE story that or the one time I stayed up watching Nickelodeon as a kid the sad thing s that I have so much trauma from that time that I blocked most of it out. I don’t even remember his name. Couldn’t Facebook stalk him if I wanted. Which I do

 

[gigglebox]

awww such a bummer Dobs! Ugh if only we knew the things we know now, amirite? But we never know the big picture; all you went through led you to A

shae I've been looking all over the pregnancy test forum (because I have a problem) and holy moly there are a LOAD of bad FRER tests with light lines I've also seen a bunch on the countdown to pregnancy site (which if y'all aren't familiar with it, is a huge test gallery). Just makes me all the more leery of using one...and confused about my "suspected cp", but that is also why I labeled it as such, since I'll never really know...what a dang bummer. I remember my very first "vvvfp" with ds1, I obsessed about it all day, and it turned positive; back in 2012 ANY line was good. What a dang shame.

 

[DobbyForever]

I know. I keep telling myself that. And that if we were meant to be then I would have. It was our second date, his coworker joined us at dinner. He was so sweet and took the train out, so he texted me as soon as he got on the train and once he got off. This was peak intoxication, don’t worry I stopped drinking lol. He even offered to try to find a hotel for me just me if I wasn’t sober enough to drive home or to ride the train with me then drive me back in the morning for my car. Ugh UGH WTF was I thinking

also I’m not awake lol that was not nye it was 4th it’s all fireworks and drinking and hot dogs to me

gigs it’s honestly not even just frer. Cb early is giving bizarre lines, I got some odd shadows on Wondfo. Can’t trust anything anymore. Idk what’s happened or when it happened but yikes. I love everything about CTP such a good resource

Shae hope you’re hanging in there. I second Pretty. I can’t wait to hear the proposal story, and hopefully it does come soon but is also still well thought out on his part. Though honestly I’m just a sucker for the speech. Like in Bride Wars, when he’s like yeah ok I’m proposing on our couch after Chinese take out but if we’re doing exactly this in whatever years and I’m like it’s so beautiful

 

[WinterBub]

Beautiful, Pretty! You look fantastic. That's so exciting- officially half way!!! Sounds like a nice little NYE tradition. We had a nice little group of three families we used to hang out with, but they moved (one before covid, one during covid), and it's hard to make new friends! We're meant to go to the park on Monday with the Mom I'm trying to befriend, but I have to text to cancel. We go for the 48 hour from last vomit rule, and LO won't make the cut. I'd die if we gave a heavily pregnant woman the stomach bug from hell! Anyway...

I'd also been meaning to ask: how has potty training been going?

Dobby- sorry, I didn't have time to write more yesterday. I love the name, and the meaning. It is very fitting, and has that extra connection to a show you like, and have enjoyed for a long time. Love it. And I don't think anything about not using Aria- it's kind of like having an early pregnancy name ("peanut" etc), and the name that ends up being the name. Hope you find out how to have her cremated. And again- uh, wish none of this had happened like this.

Tdog- so sorry about the story with your daughter. I understand how it is hard for all of you. If your Beth is happy and taken care of with your Mam, then don't fret. I'm sorry- I hope that everyone finds peace with it all. Has she apologized? Just wondered- as it might be helpful for everyone (especially her) if she made her amends. I'm sure she feels a lot of guilt for the whole episode.

Giggle- sorry about giving away the last of the baby gear. I'm sure it is hard to sort of formally close that chapter. That time comes for all us... Even my great grandma how had like 15 kids eventually had a last baby and it isn't a defeat. You have three beautiful babies you've done amazing! I know, it would be nice to have a girl, but there's no guarantee of it, so best not to wonder about what we can't control. I've learnt a lot this year about accepting fate/God's will/whatever you call it. your boys are lucky to have you!

Shae- hope you're doing ok today.

AFM- finally had a night without LO overnight vomiting! but also woke up and have spotting again. Ugh, just feel like bad news at the scan is inevitable. Mostly because I thought we avoided my fertile time in the first place. I have a fear that my body will "give anything a go" so, what if I did ovulate when I thought and conceived well beyond the life of the egg? I don't know this is all very stressful. I feel like if this isn't to be, I might only have one more try left in me.

 

[WinterBub]

Dobby- who is in the picture?

Which reminds me: Tdog, your babies are beautiful! Love the outfits!!

That's so cruel re: the tests. Both for women who want a positive and get a false bfp. And for women who are wanting a negative and get a false bfp. reminds me of a meme I saw the other day: it had a picture of an old fridge and was like Buying a fridge in 1980: "I am time itself! This fridge will outlive your grandchildren" Buying a fridge today: "haha! I'll break in 2 years!" nothing is built to last or even function properly any more!

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs yes I've noticed frer having bad indents lately. With all my girls the frer might have that "ghost" indent. Like if you looked at it wither certain lights/angles you might see a faint line which I chalked those up to indents but now there are very noticeable lines that are indents.

Getting rid of the baby stuff is a bit bittersweet. It feels good to clear up space but it is also grieving a "loss" of sorts. I had a dream last week I was pregnant with a baby boy

Tdog sorry for the strained relationship. I hope that you can reconnect more with your daughter.

Dobby I like setsuna. I think it's fitting and also nice to keep your chosen girl name. How are you and A feeling?

I like the pic. Sometimes I wish we had hindsight but then I realize that all the events lead me to be who I am, be with my partner, and have the kids we do. But would totally be so cool if you guys reconnected because he sounds fabulous.

Pretty lovely bump pic!

Shae I hope you are doing well.

Winter I'm sorry about having to cancel your plans with the mom friend. I got food poisoning a few weeks before I had S. It was awful. I kept thinking this is worse labor. I'm sorry you are feeling doubtful about viability. I really hope you get to that scan and see a healthy baby. It really could just be a. SCH (subchrionic hemorrhage, my spelling might be wrong) can cause some bleeding or spotting. They typically resolve on their own. I had one with V, dd1.

Concerning birth control. I didn't like bcp. I realized after stopping how it made me feel and how irregular it made my cycles after stopping (like going 2.5 months without a period). I didn't want any hormonal birth control but the copper IUD didn't thrill me. DH was a bit unreliable with pullout aka DD3 lol condoms were a no go. So I get it. DH offered to get a V, we both decided that was the best option for us as we were done having kids. He didn't want me to get tubes tied since I'd been pregnant and birthed 3 kids. I had offered if I had a scheduled C section that I'd ask for a tubal. It can be difficult to make a big decision like that though. I know there are reversals but they are expensive and no guarantees that fertility us returned if you get a reversal.

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you, flueky. Either way, it is out of my hands. Just have that feeling of de ja vu. I took the MC on the chin pretty well, but the MMC was harder to accept. Only a couple of days to go, and whatever the outcome: everything is already in motion and heading that way. Thank you for sharing your experiences- that is really reassuring

I also don't like bc. They put me on the pill as a teenager to regulate, and i basically had morning sickness from it every single month. I had to give up a weekend to start the new pill pack and feel sick while my body adjusted. Seems insane in hindsight that I kept taking the pill for about 10 years despite that! A while after I met OH, I just hit a breaking point and stopped taking it. Pull out seems very effective for us, so we'll stick with that, and likely go down the V road whenever we're done done. I think it is hard to go back on any bc after going without! And I also am not interested in a tubal. (Oh, and did anyone else take the pill without knowing it has a risk of blood clots?! Nobody ever mentioned that to me! )

 

[gigglebox]

I always like to say, remember this Winter: The worst case scenario is usually the most unlikely one. And I'd wager money we have ALL thought our pregnancies were heading south, or worried about m/c, etc. I actually had a huge fear that ds2 was going to die during childbirth -- then ironically I almost died ok maybe not that funny but it's true! And then I worried a lot about a m/c with #3 after having the early loss with the pregnancy before that.

I will say with three boys and a loss, I have always wondered if the loss would have been my little girl, and that's why I feel like I'm "missing" her...but we'll never know!

Anyway I am excited for your scan because I believe it's going to be perfect

Also 100% feel you on the making friends. We had a big group of friends before ds2, but once I had him I had a falling out with that group of moms. I spend a lot of time with inlaws so it doesn't bother me so much but I don't have any lady friends locally. I did meet up with another mom recently but for a second playdate we've had to cancel 3 times now! I'm hoping we get together soon. She seems like good people. Also she has 2 boys. They're not quite the same ages as my kids but they played together fine. She's another homeschooling mom so :thumbsup:

regarding BCP my SIL and I just had a whole discussion about it at NYE and we were saying how we think it's probably way worse for you than they lead you to believe. I can't imagine messing with your hormones long term could possibly be good for you...but what do I know? I just don't blame anyone for not wanting to take it but I also know how limited option are :/

 

[DobbyForever]

Gigs I feel you on the high chair. They’re obnoxious to store. I am sorry about the outfit though. I think Winter said it beautifully though so I’m just going to piggyback her.

ty my thing is I’ve looked into cremation in the area and it’s like $900. Most are quoting for a child/infant, obviously not a lot of people trying to cremate a fetus. I just also worry that because she’s so little people won’t take it as seriously or I’ll get some a**hole psycho who is morbidly fascinated and keeps her in a jar. Yay anxiety disorder. I’ve seen some at home (illegal) info in cremation but I can’t bring myself to do it because I’d hate to mess up and just end up burning her. I thought about burying her but I don’t want to just bury her body and the little casket I found would take a week to get here. I know I don’t get her ashes back, but I feel like I trust my doctor to do the right thing. If they’d get back to me anyway sigh. We’re already at 4 days here. I’m scared to check on her today.

I love while I’m on it but once I’ve been off I used to blame all the funkiness on the bcp but I think it’s just my pcos coming back as the hormones go. I simultaneously trust and don’t trust it to work though, and I know my fam is like then use condoms. And I’m not doing both because I’m stubborn and stuck in my ways. That’s crazy they didn’t tell you about the clots! My obs/pharmacist always make a point to tell me. But usually they say I don’t have the risk factors not that I recall what they are atm

winter I do hope whatever is causing the spotting is benign and Wednesday brings some reassurance. I’m so sorry about the cancelling with the mom friend. That is very considerate of you though, so hopefully she gets it and y’all can reschedule soon

re dude I do still have the phone I was using back then so I could just charge it and see if his info is still in there lol

A is alright. He’s really sad that he can’t go to my mom’s or school. But covid wise he’s good. My big concern was his asthma and he’s breathing just fine

 

[tdog]

Beth has wrote step-son and Paul a letter about how sorry she was he does seem to have accepted that, I have asked her if she would move back but she said no as she happy where she is and being a young adult she said she don't want to be in way xx

@DobbyForever what a gorgeous name and sorry I missed that you had said xx

@PrettyInInk42 what a gorgeous bunch and half way already wow xx

 

[tdog]

@gigglebox I for one put my test on count down and seen a load of lines on frer they are so bad, back when I had Beth in 2004 they were fine mind you I didn't no I was pregnant for 3 months due to being on injection even when trying for 3rd and 4th they were fab xx

 

[DobbyForever]

Tdog nw I’m on my phone vs computer so my replies have definitely missed out a few details. Like apparently you posted a picture of your two little ones! They’re so precious. Great picture. I’m glad the letter was well received, and maybe that space and time can mend their relationship. It is hard though. I wish I had advice, but we’re a sweep things under the rug kind of family. All I can say is that you are a wonderful mother and partner to be so considerate of everyone’s feelings and have everyone feeling supported and validated. That’s quite a feat.

afm I’m still in shock so haven’t processed things. I still find myself holding my belly and remembering she’s not there anymore. It’s funny how once I felt something was wrong, I stopped being able to picture her in my life. But now that she’s gone and I’ve seen her, somehow I can picture myself holding her as the baby she would have been. Sometimes I feel like I can hear her laughing or crying but it’s just my imagination. Just interesting psychologically how guarded I was. It’s nice in a way though to know I loved her even if I was detached the last few weeks that I carried her. But then I feel bad that she didn’t feel my warmth. Idk anyway lots of thoughts to process and no time to do it

 

[tdog]

Tdog nw I’m on my phone vs computer so my replies have definitely missed out a few details. Like apparently you posted a picture of your two little ones! They’re so precious. Great picture. I’m glad the letter was well received, and maybe that space and time can mend their relationship. It is hard though. I wish I had advice, but we’re a sweep things under the rug kind of family. All I can say is that you are a wonderful mother and partner to be so considerate of everyone’s feelings and have everyone feeling supported and validated. That’s quite a feat.

afm I’m still in shock so haven’t processed things. I still find myself holding my belly and remembering she’s not there anymore. It’s funny how once I felt something was wrong, I stopped being able to picture her in my life. But now that she’s gone and I’ve seen her, somehow I can picture myself holding her as the baby she would have been. Sometimes I feel like I can hear her laughing or crying but it’s just my imagination. Just interesting psychologically how guarded I was. It’s nice in a way though to know I loved her even if I was detached the last few weeks that I carried her. But then I feel bad that she didn’t feel my warmth. Idk anyway lots of thoughts to process and no time to do it

You have quite a lot to process yourself without my burden on you aswell I'm so so sorry for your loss and they way your are feeling your in my prayer my love xx

 

[DobbyForever]

You’re not a burden.

I do feel bad venting so if anybody wants me to spoiler my stuff just let me know. They obviously saw my message as I just got a text for a telephone appointment reminder for tomorrow morning at 8. Like just email me an answer! Like this is a time sensitive issue guys

 

[shaescott]

Hey everyone, I’m okay, just took some time to process and think stuff through.

I started spotting this afternoon. I was expecting it yesterday but in retrospect I ovulated overnight, so I wasn’t technically 13dpo until the nighttime last night. Very annoyed that I’ll never know 100%. I want to believe I was pregnant, because what a blessing that would be to hold life in me for just a few days, but I acknowledge there’s a good chance I wasn’t. So, I’m just going to try to move on. SO has been very kind during this. When I asked what “sooner rather than later” actually meant he was like “well, depends how long the ring takes to ship, I need to look into it”. I explained the difference between white gold and platinum, and he was really interested in the version of the ring with a yellow gold inset as the heart, but they don’t offer that in platinum for the main ring, so he’s considering emailing them asking if it’s possible or not, they do custom orders. This is what it looks like with the yellow gold accent. He really likes it that way, I don’t really have a preference. He’s still worried about how much car repairs will be, he’s planning on taking his car in tomorrow, it’s likely just a sensor that needs to be replaced but could be more. So I think he won’t be ordering a ring until after he knows how much the car repair will be.


@tdog I’m so sorry that happened to your family, that’s such an awful situation. It must have broken a lot of trust in the family. Has she got therapy to address the situation? Not sure if you said that or not. I feel like kids don’t do something like that for no reason, there was likely an underlying issue that caused her to make a false accusation like that. Either way, I’m glad she’s doing better now and that she’s apologized to the people she hurt. Hopefully she can move on with her life and have a totally normal adulthood with that behind her. People make mistakes, especially kids, and as long as they acknowledge it and apologize, I think they deserve a second chance.

Dobs ugh that’s so annoying about the office not getting back to you. I hope this awful situation is over for you soon. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this, I can’t even imagine. I truly believe that your little girl understood and is in heaven looking down on you, knowing how much you love her and miss her. I’m glad A is doing okay symptom-wise, thank God.

Gigs aw I’m sorry about the girl clothes. That must be tough.

Winter prayers for your scan I hope you’ve got a healthy little one in there. That’s crazy they didn’t tell you about the risk of blood clots! Were you under 35 and not a smoker? Maybe they thought you were low enough risk? Idk, but they told me and I’m in my 20s. It made my stomach super sensitive, I started throwing up my other meds if I missed a day and took my regular dose the next. I had never had a problem with that before. After I stopped them the other meds still made me super nauseous and dizzy after around an hour, so I had to switch them altogether. Goodbye, Zoloft. You were good to me until you weren’t

Pretty never apologize for sharing your pregnancy, we love a happy story! What a lovely bump, she’s starting to show herself!

Flueks I don’t want you to think I forgot about you but I can’t think of what you said other than I think you got AF? Idk, but love you!

 

[Flueky88]

Winter I am surprised they didn't mention it but I don't recall if it was mentioned to me. I was like 17 when I went on bc. So it's been awhile. I did know from nursing school a out the risk and that risk is higher if 35+ and/or smoker.

I'll be thinking lots of positive thoughts for you and baby from now until Wednesday.

Gigs are you supposed to get some snow tomorrow?

Dobby I'm sorry for your loss. I really am. Feel free to vent as much as you need. I think that's one of the great things about this community. We can vent and share about things we probably wouldn't talk to others irl about. Like most people would think I'm psycho if they knew about my POAS addiction or the fact I have all the pics of my bfps saved I an album. I know those are more lighthearted issues than what you are going through but we can still bring up loss without fear of judgment.

I hope they get back to you soon. Also very glad that A isn't having issues.

Tdog sorry your family is going through so much.

Shae, thank you. Yes not much going on for me. AF did arrive Wednesday and tried out my cups. Love you too dear.

AFM just been in cleaning mode this weekend. They are calling from 2 to 5 inches of snow. Not used to getting a lot of snow and our towns are not prepared for snow like many other places farther North. Sooooo like a true Southerner, I went grocery shopping. No milk, but I did but eggs and bread lol. (Not sure if other regions have people buy loads of milk, bread, and eggs when snow is in the forecast but that's what happens here). I normally shop on Mondays but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to safely get down the driveway and into the road. Our driveway slopes down to the road and is over 800 ft long. Not sure if they treat our road with salt or not. I'd say we are one of the last to be treated as not a primary or secondary road.

The grocery store trip was my 1st trip with all kids by myself. It went pretty well. I only bought what I needed and not preparing for snowmageddon

Oh as for the cups. I like them. On my heavy day I need to empty around the 10 hour mark but otherwise can last for 12 hours. They are comfortable. I will say as far as removal, I beared down like I was trying to push so I could grip the bulb easier and not scratch things. I read horror stories on reviews of some ladies having trouble with removal. I figured why not push it lower so easier to grab