General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[WinterBub]

Wow, Shae- that house is beautiful. Would love a house like that and land... But then half not, because I don't want to have to maintain all of that Prices in CA are just absurd, though. Totally absurd. Is it just family that keeps you in your specific area, Dobby?

I agree with your analysis, Dobby. I'm just saying there shouldn't be drama and falling out before you've even met. But hey, let's see how that first date goes I meant to ask- what app did you meet on? And how can you even see his location?!

The genetic testing would be done with ivf. It's insane the things they can do... If I understand correctly: Basically, they take the egg and sperm, and create the embryo, and then they take a tiny sample from the part that would become the placenta (so as not to mess with what would become the baby). Then they can look at the genes and make sure it has the right number. Basically, it isnt helpful for everyone needing IVF, but is for couples with a known genetic issue they don't want to pass on or "older women with repeat pregnancy loss due to chromosomal abnormalities". So, sounds like it could work for me... OH feels more that IVF is for a couple who have no babies, and we should take our chips off the table. I agree in many ways, and am so, so grateful that we had our LO without any issues. I just find it really hard to close the baby chapter with death and loss and no baby. I'm kind of hoping that I can talk him into one try. If ie. all my eggs were abnormal or if it just didn't take, then so be it. I just wish none of this was happening at all. I wish I got to keep this baby instead

Sorry about the game, Dobby! There's always next year

 

[Shezza84uk]

Hey ladies sorry I’ve disappeared I run my own event decor business and had a big wedding this weekend.

I was due on yesterday and still nothing yet, I had so much to do for the wedding and juggling the kids it’s kept my mind occupied. Do I test today or wait until during the week?

 

[Shezza84uk]

I caved. I’m so bad at these tests what do you all think?

 

[Flueky88]

Spezza looks bfp to me

 

[Shezza84uk]

Spezza looks bfp to me

Ive had my friend analysing and she’s said the same, I think I’ll do a digital in a few days. I haven’t felt right recently but I thought I caught the kids bug.

 

[gigglebox]

Shezza!!!! how exciting! I definitely see a line there, albeit faint...so I'm voting early bfp did you only buy the one line test or did you get more? Are you testing again later/tomorrow?

Dobs my brother who used to live outside of the bay area and work inside of the bay area regularly sends me listings for houses in the area. The last one had the description of "nice starter home..." for 1.75 mil!!!! I'm like who tf is buying that as a STARTER home!?! and it's like a single story row home with a tiny yard (i.e. neighbors attached on either side). Absolutely bonkers. Anyway your Mom's place sounds really nice. Have you considered moving back in with her? Or is that insanely unreasonable? It warms my heart that she seems to be in much better spirits at the new place! I'm sorry A is struggling with it but I'm sure he'll adjust in time. Hang in there! And hey you could 100% afford a super nice house! Just have to move away from that area, haha.. j/k I know you're a cali girl through and through plus family makes it hard to move, doesn't it?!

To answer your question, no, no negative associations with water since "the incident". As a matter of fact I continued the lessons then went on to join the swim team lol.

Winter :Hugs: I wish you weren't going through it either. I am so, so sad for you. I've found with a somewhat receptive husband, we can convince them to go along with what our hearts really want, even if a bit reluctantly. I think giving it a try sounds fair. Have you looked into different fertility places yet? I think up north they have a fertility clinic that guarantees their results; i.e. you pay for your IUI or IVF and repeat until a pregnancy is confirmed. Maybe something like that is available? Although if your hubby is reluctant to try more than once....I don't know. That said I feel confident it would be successful for you since you said you fall pregnant pretty easily.

afm....haven't tested. I'm only mildly tempted but I truly just don't feel pregnant and doubt I'm that lucky. I may use a cheapie later but we'll see. I need to run some errands so don't know if I'll have time...and good grief my house needs a dang cleaning, like, baaaaad. But I did pick up some stuff from walmart today including (and against my better judgement) a huge pack of frer -- have you all seen these? New product, it's called first response "test and confirm" or something like that; it's 3 FR6DS and 5 dip strips. Not sure if they're the same sensitivity though....but it was $30.25 for the pack of 8; I don't think that really sounds like that great of a deal honestly. I didn't get to discover the price until I checked out, because it was new and on the very top shelf (as in I had to jump up repeatedly to get it) and not labeled...and then I was trying to be all discreet buying it, going to the self checkout, and the machine flagged the box; some older gent had to come and mess about with it and eventually I had to look up the price on my phone so he could punch it in.

yadda yadda yadda I may end up returning them, I don't know. $30 seems steep.

 

[WinterBub]

Oh dear, Giggle. That is exactly the kind of thing that would happen to me. Try and be sneaky, only to have a whole spectacle instead I would keep it at this point. I bought a big bag of opk/hpt tests by clinical guard. The hpts were really accurate, just a bit fainter than First Response all the way through. Maybe order some cheapies and keep what you bought today until you get a bfp on a cheaper one first?

Thank you for the commiserations. I had seen a fertility doctor after my second loss, as at that point I felt like I likey had something hormonal out of whack. Anyway, I really liked him but not the office so much as it felt very businessy. I looked up a second option today and called them, but no call back as per yet. We might just go talk to Dr #1. I've already met him and he saw all my blood tests etc, so he may be a better choice for a chat at this point. Also turns out that he has an expert at embryo genetic testing at his clinic. Last time I went there was a woman pregnant with twins graduating I think we'll end up at one decent try at IVF and then leave it at that. Ideally, I get multiple embryos and a baby, but if it goes poorly, then accept it and make peace with the baby chapter ending. I'm so thankful to already have my LO. This would have been so much harder if we were trying for #1. The other day I was crying on the couch and he came and was like "it ok, mama" and gave me a hug. Evidentially the hug went on too long, because he then whispered quietly "I go play now, mama"

 

[gigglebox]

OMG hahahahah that is the cutest and most hilarious thing ever. I love this stage of life, when the little ones are figuring out language. They say the most hilarious things. My 4yo is in that stage and cracks me up regularly. Last year my hubby did some yard work out front, trimmed back our raspberry bushes, ect. 4yo walks outside and exclaims, “Woooow, what a twansformation!!!” I’m like you’re 4, how are you accurately using that word?! Lol

 

[Shezza84uk]

I’ve had to speed read go catch up on some of this thread, I’m finally home relaxing now. I actually got the test with one digital and one lined test, annoyingly the digital had an error so didn’t work and I haven’t gone to get another one.

Dobby, from what I’ve understood Pfizer seems to have more ill effects with cycles than the others, I’ve known others who’s had difficulties TTC and got pregnant after having AstraZeneca or Modena but heavy bleed after Pfizer. I’m not sure I’d be keen to have a second date, he’s using his daughter as an excuse plus as you’ve noted he may use you being a teacher with better hours to secure his 50:50 schedule.

Giggles you are correct my youngest is called Wynter(pronounced Winter, we call her Winnie) Wynter is my maiden name so we have her as her first name which my dad was really impressed with.

Winter I’m not overly versed on IVF but if you do speak to the consultant it would likely be best to check what they can determine before egg transfer here in the Uk it’s an additional test you can request called a preimplantation genetic testing.

I’ve got the worst headache since I’ve been back from the wedding this morning. I think I’ll be having an early night, I’m sorry I’ve missed anyone.

 

[WinterBub]

"what a transformation!" Lol. He must have heard that somewhere and banked it for future use ! Toddlers are the best. Just the purest little people.

Ohhhhh, I love the story behind Wynter. I also love the nickname Winnie The family connection makes it that much more special. A friend of a friend has a Reilley. She was named for her great Grandpa (whose last name was O'Reilley) who was still alive when she was born. When they told him the name he burst into tears. Makes me all choked up to even think about it, and I wasn't there/don't even know the man!!

I'm terrible at reading tests, but have everything crossed for you xx and yes, that sounds like the testing I'd be looking at. Kind of seems like one of those things that is still expensive now cry but might become standard for IVF at some point. Apparently you can have embryos that look perfect but have a genetic problem (so then turns into a miscarriage). If you're doing IVF, why wouldn't you try and find that out beforehand? Seems like i am a good candidate for it.

 

[DobbyForever]

Sorry busy busy at work.

just popping in to say that I TOTES MY GOATS see that vfl. Try a cb early or frer! They should give you a better line. Excited for your next test.

did you drink at the wedding? I notice if I drink the night or two before a bfp, even just 1-2 drinks, I get a raging headache. It’s like I’m hungover but obviously not

 

[gigglebox]

Ok ladies, for your viewing and analyzing pleasure. Wally cheapie (first signal), about 5-6mm in different light

 

[WinterBub]

I don't see anything... Do you see anything in real life?

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae omg 60 acres. I like can’t even picture what that is lol. I’m with Winter. I love it! But it would need to come with a full time staff to maintain everything hehe.

Winter it is partially the area. I’m in the Silicon Valley, and that particular city has next to no crime, the schools are amazing, and it’s a small town situation. It’s definitely the price of the land not the houses. But it’s nestled right there near Google, Apple, Amazon… tons of tech companies around.

The app was Bumble. All these apps constantly track you so you can match with people based off your location. He hasn’t mentioned me unmatching me, so I think we’re good. It’s good for me though, I shouldn’t be looking at it as a crutch.

That is really incredible about how the testing is done. Science has really come so far! I do hear you though. Sending big hugs. Have you ever heard of the pain button in a box metaphor? Really helped me handle some of my grief with my other angels. Someone on this site told me about it. I do agree with Gigs. As hard as it is, you have fallen pregnant and carried several weeks. So with that genetic screening, I really do believe you’ll get your rainbow. But it is tough to decide which path to take. No right answer except to go with what feels right to you.

I’m just mad cuz I don’t like the Bengals or Rams. So boo.

Your son is sooooo cute!!! Love those little toddler moments haha.

Sheeza, will you test again before the digital? Wait Gigs beat me to asking haha. NOOOO about the digital!!!! I love that connection to your Maiden name!

Gigs right?! So ridiculous. I would but I wouldn’t because I like to DTD too much to live with my mom And even if I was up for it, we wouldn’t fit in that house without a 3rd bedroom and there’s space on the lot to add one but it’d raise the property taxes a ton. She’s living with my older brother anyway so she could rent out both sides of the duplex for extra income. Yeah I’m too stubborn to move. It’s my job and my family. If my mom had moved to San Diego, I would have moved. If she moved somewhere cheaper, I’d move.

$30 for 8 I guess makes sense. They must know that women are out here serial testing because the cb early have 5 packs as well.

Your son’s moment is so cute, too!!!!

I also am not seeing it yet. You’re only 7dpo, right?

AFM omg I got my protein shake and I’m so jacked up LOL. I just noticed that the servings are 16, so it actually ends up being the same price as the other but it’s Amazon and gets here faster. So I may stick to it just for that.

Re OA. We had a really good CTJ conversation. He was really open and honest with me, but also he’s really applying things already. Like I explained that I can’t schedule via drawn out text, I like to do it via phone call. So he asked what my schedule was like for phone calls, and he called me in between meetings to set up a date this weekend. He clarified some stuff and I realize that I need to stop assuming stupid s* LOL and he’s actually taking the daughter without the mom and what happened last weekend was basically he thought he was going to take her for the usual few hours but the mom put her foot down and basically was like f* you, I haven’t had a break in a week and I’m exhausted and I want to go on a date, you take her all day. And this weekend she’s doing the same. He has her Friday night, all day Sat, and Sun morn. So she is definitely dating, which makes me feel better They have tried having her sleepover at his place, but she gets really emotional. But she has been to his apartment for extended periods and they’re trying to get her used to it enough to do every other weekend. But it’s partly that his daughter isn’t comfortable yet and partly that his work schedule can be unpredictable with the travel. So I need to stop projecting my trauma/ my friends' trauma on him and inferring things that aren't true lol. But he called me today to set up the date between meetings and then he promised to call me again tomorrow. He did say he does have a therapist and his communication is something that they work on.

 

[gigglebox]

Lol dobs how did you get that twisted? Lmao!! He doesn’t sound nearly as bad now lol. Have you considered meeting for a play date somewhere public? Or is that too weird since you haven’t met one on one? I actually consider the therapist thing a good thing. Plus in my book.

what is the pain button thing?

re: tests i was going cross-eyed staring the thing down but definitely negative in person. Avery faint evap now hours laterbut we all know that means squat. Yes I’m only 7dpo. Pullin’ out the big guns tomorrow! Will probably test when the kiddos nap.

 

[DobbyForever]

It’s a bit long but I feel like this video explains it best. TLDW imagine you have a box that contains all of your life experiences. In that box, is a pain button. Grief is a ball, and at first that ball takes up most of the box and often hits the pain button. But as time passes, your box gets bigger and more full of memories. The ball of grief stays the same size and doesn’t go away. Only now, it hits the pain button less often. It’s more poetic than I’m summarizing lol. Basically grief doesn’t ever get smaller or go away. We just cushion is by continuing to live life and having more experiences. But any bump can cause that grief ball to hit that button again.

Definitely excited for the big guns! FXed!

So. Damage attracts damage. I jump to worst case scenario, but because my friends and family are overprotective and also been through a lot of trauma they feed my insecurities rather than knocking me back to reality. He wants to talk about things in person, so he holds back a lot. And then my overactive imagination goes to town. It’s hard for me because in the past I’ve gone worst case scenario, been convinced by my ex’s worst case scenario wasn’t real, then it was true. I’m constantly assuming the wrong thing with this guy. My disorganized attachment style just is looking for the flaw or shoe to drop.

I love that he’s in therapy. I need therapy. Everyone needs therapy. I love that he told me he’s in therapy.

 

[Shezza84uk]

Thank you Winter, we’ve given all our children an element of family, Winnie looks like my husband but has my name maiden name as her first name and my middle name, the other have either grandparents first name as their middle names and my husband middle name.

Dobby sometimes the worst case scenario isn’t necessarily the wrong thought process, I believe our intuition cautious us and prepare us for what may happen. My intuition is always on point and my only fails are the ones I’ve dismissed.

The women in my family are mostly single or never married so I’ve learnt a lot from them mainly my Nan. I’ve been taught so many life lessons from them some thing you don’t want to hear but they mean well so it’s good that they’ve protected you and had your best interest at heart. Sometimes it may seem over the top but the intent is from a good place.

I was working thankfully but I’m also teetotal, I have awful migraines usually but I haven’t had one in a while. I was able to sleep it off because I thought from being sleep deprived being may have been the cause.

Thank you for looking at my test, I’m awful with lines. I’ve done the digital and it’s a BFP, I’m so happy but so terrified of having another loss.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ahhhhhh congratulations!!!!!! Also I miss the weeks tests. That’s so awesome. Hopefully all goes well.

Not gonna lie, dunno what a teetotal is hehe

Omg you are going to make me cry talking about your family! I love that there’s parts of both of you in them. Like I said, I’m a huge sucker for name meanings. A’s middle name is my dad’s (he passed away when I was 4). And part of my DVRO was to change his last name to a hyphen with my last name first. So now he has my dad’s name first and last together in the middle. Really glad I put my foot down on that. My Grandpa calls him “Little Darwin”. I feel for them. I miss my dad and, let’s be honest, he was their favorite kid

They mean well, but I’m definitely trying to break a cycle. We’re the same. My uncles and aunts are married, but they are unhealthy. When it comes to us cousins. Lots of cheating, multiple marriages, unhealthy marriages, trapping guys with pregnancies, abuse (of all varieties).... like when he was mia Saturday because he was golfing with the client, everyone jumped to “he’s sleeping with a woman in LA”. And if he was any of my exes, that’s be true. My gut trusts him. But my gut is scared. But omg whether it works with him or not, I love this feeling that I can finally say how I feel and be heard. Bar raised.

 

[gigglebox]

haha well confession to you Dobs, I rarely know what your abbreviations/acronyms mean DVRO, TLDW, CTJ, etc....I'm a bad millenial (which, btw, I don't really relate to at all-- I much prefer "oregon trail generation" dubbed by someone on reddit I think, haha).

SHEZZA!!! Woohoooooo!!! I know it's so easy to be nervous, but just try to enjoy the life inside you! That's wonderful news, I'm so happy for you! When do you plan to tell the kids?

 

[gigglebox]

ugh I just don't know if I should waste a test today. I really truly do not feel pregnant and don't want to waste a test but also do enjoy the thrill of peeing on one. What is with us ladies, us POAS addicts....? peeing on a stick is FUN? a THRILL? So weird. But yes, yes it is. I fully expect to see nothing but the antibody strip though.