General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[gigglebox]

So after much debate on which test to take, I opted for a frer because I didn't want it to be the afternnoon and then get to thinking how maybe the cheapie test this morning wasn't sensitive enough and bring out the frer at that time. Basically this was to shut up my brain. As you can see, totally negative. Not even a fake me out line. I know it's "only" 9dpo but since I've gotten a positive by now with the last three pregnancies, I'm calling myself out for this month. AF is due Sunday so we'll see. I may test Friday with a cheapie but I don't know. I think I'm done for now.

I will however be trying to talk hubby into a real try next month, and then I don't know. Then I fee like it's getting to be too late for babies. But he's not said no when I bring it up....actually this morning he was admiring the kids playing together and told me "Thank you for our boys." I said, "you're welcome! Let's make one more." And he just stared at me with *the face*. And I said, "hey if we get pregnant next month, it'd be a lovely November baby!" and he just responds, "You're a wild woman." So far I've gotten that response and, "Your Mom would have a heart attack" lmao



Shezza that's so cute, all the family fun you guys have. I'll be honest I don't know any of those songs. We aren't a very musically inclined family. We listen to the radio but just for short bits of time in the car, and it's usually a Christian station, and even then I couldn't tell you one Christian singer. I used to be SOOO into music in my youth. Actually the shared love of Nine Inch Nails is what brought hubby and I together but I don't know what happened, we just don't get into it anymore.

Wow, what a big family! How is it that you are distant from your siblings and y'all are so spread out? Also I don't think you said but what was your family's reaction to you getting married so quickly?

Dobs that must kill you to not know how things went down with your bro lol, at least I'd be dying to know....I mean I am actually quite curious lol

Ok yay I'll be looking forward to your date recap!

And the milk made no difference. Maybe I need to start slipping some heavy cream into it lmao

 

[DobbyForever]

Sorry about the bfn. I think giving it a few more days and using a cheapie is a great plan. As is talking to him. I’m with you lol. It’s not a no so fxed. My mom does that all the time. Doesn’t say yes but doesn’t say no then is confused when you don’t plan for the yes because “I didn’t say no” lol

Lol I literally don’t care I’m just happy he did it. What kills me is knowing he’s not talking to anybody about his feelings. This is the one who was anorexic during the pandemic, so I don’t like him harboring things alone. My mom thinks she’ll nag him into getting back together. It worked once when they were 16. But idk. I doubt it.

Yeah we’ll see how it goes.

Sorry that the milk didn’t help . Wish I had any suggestions.

Sheeza LOL I’m hella still living in my 90s pop so I didn’t recognize them either. Except baby shark Love the big fam! Thai people usually have big ones. My grandparents were one of ten each. But yeah I don’t have the management skills to have that many kids.

I also would love to hear the family background. No pressure. I love those Starbucks cups though! They’re so cute. Especially the city cups for those bigger cities. I love our CA cup.

Ah gotcha yeah csection. Hopefully you can get a few days between birthdays.

Sorry you’re not feeling great. Double edged sword. Hopefully the nausea eases up and you can get some sleep

 

[Shezza84uk]

@gigglebox Sorry about the bfn still early days, the songs she listen to are super simple songs or cocomelon they are great for children it’s all phonics, maths, shapes and colour related.

@DobbyForever we have the CA cup, we wanted to visit Disneyland we go to Paris often but may visit Floria at some point, my great grandmother had 17 children; I don’t think I’d ever go that far lol.

My family are definitely spread out quite a bit, my parent are Jamaicans and I was born there my mom and dad separated when I was 7, mum moved to UK and my dad moved to the US. Dad had 3 more children and my mom had 2 more girls, I’ve lived in the UK from age 15 so most of my life really.

I hope your brother realises he’s not alone.

 

[gigglebox]

Dobs I keep forgetting, evidently calcium and magnesium are supposed to increase you ph which is more friendly to X sperm..? something like that. Maybe I have it backwards lol. Whatever the case, we're definitely crushing this milk, already gone through a half gallon and we just picked it up yesterday afternoon.

That must be kind of cool to have family in different countries so you have a place to stay and a reason to go. That said it also must be tough not getting to see the often -- I guess one of the real perks of today's technology, we can physically see and converse with people long distance so much easier now. I really need to implement that more with my brother and his family; we saw him at Christmas for the first time in nearly 2 years. Too long! But my family is not nearly as large. I just have him and and estranged brother. I do have a good relationship with my mom. My Dad died two years ago. And honestly we've really not seen or talked to my extended relatives for some time. I saw a few at my Dad's service but that was about it. The people I see most often are my inlaws, who I love. All the more motivation to have a larger immediate family ^_^

shezza where is your favorite place to live?

 

[Shezza84uk]

It has its perks having family located globally, unfortunately covid caused a bit of a divide because I haven’t seen my extended family in a while.
My favourite place is the UK, but I do love travelling. My favourite travel location is France and Greece, I would love to go to the Maldives and maybe Hawaii. The plan is to be parents now and once the kids are older we will go off and do all the fun child free things.

Also I forgot to respond regarding getting married quickly, my mum panicked lol. She then met my husband and she then realised why, he’s such gentleman the type that still holds my hands when he’s driving and never missed the opportunity to open the door for me.

We haven’t grown tired of each other and to be honest I wouldn’t be with anyone else, he was definitely worth waiting for.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pray for me. I just wiped and I’ve got brown discharge. It’s not quite spotting but golly I’d love to get my period now then be gone by Sunday lol

 

[Shezza84uk]

Pray for me. I just wiped and I’ve got brown discharge. It’s not quite spotting but golly I’d love to get my period now then be gone by Sunday lol

I hope it stops before Sunday

 

[DobbyForever]

ty honestly it can last a week haha. I just want my period and to regulate. I am considering bcp again though just dunno

 

[WinterBub]

Fingers crossed you get your AF back, Dobby. I didn't realize that you'd been pregnant so many times. I wonder if PCOS is a factor in both of our histories? What day is your date? I'm glad that you feel like things got straightened out with your guy! The custody/visitation situation sounds decent, to be honest. I was weirded out if he was only allowed to be over at her house. But I actually think what you described sounds really good: especially that they aren't pressuring her to stay over at his until she's ready. I get that having YOUR bed/room/routine is really reassuring for a small child, and it's awesome that they do that for her. So, fingers crossed he's as good in person as you feel over text! How old is his daughter? And what would the age difference be between her and A?

Shezza- I love the sound of your love story when you know, you know and all of that! Never been to Jamaica, but would love to go. Have you ever seen Below Deck? It's a trashy reality show (though it is really good- even got my OH onto it!). The original series is set in the Carribean- it is all so beautiful. I also love the UK- well, London. I also have family in different places. It's such a shame how the covid restrictions have caused all kinds of family separation/new travel issues. My OH's boss asked him today if we'd consider moving to their NY office. Yeah, absolutely not....!

Not out just yet, giggle from the details you gave, it does seem like a long shot this month, but I have my fingers and toes crossed that your OH gets on board to try for reals. Would you ever consider sleep training you littlest? Or just not your thing? I know people can have very strong feeling on this subject.

AFM- had an awful night last night. I still have morning sickness, and felt terrible last night. That for me is the absolute worst thing about my MMC experience- I still feel very pregnant, can still feel a bump when I lie or move certain ways. At least I sort of spent some time where I was forced to think about the baby, so I kind of said goodbye. I've mostly just been ignoring things and pretending I'm not pregnant. But that's not really healthy and feels like a bit of a betrayal of the poor baby. Sorry- I'm just a bit all over the place. I was always worried the dates didn't seem right, but you're still not prepared, you know?

 

[Shezza84uk]

Fingers crossed you get your AF back, Dobby. I didn't realize that you'd been pregnant so many times. I wonder if PCOS is a factor in both of our histories? What day is your date? I'm glad that you feel like things got straightened out with your guy! The custody/visitation situation sounds decent, to be honest. I was weirded out if he was only allowed to be over at her house. But I actually think what you described sounds really good: especially that they aren't pressuring her to stay over at his until she's ready. I get that having YOUR bed/room/routine is really reassuring for a small child, and it's awesome that they do that for her. So, fingers crossed he's as good in person as you feel over text! How old is his daughter? And what would the age difference be between her and A?

Shezza- I love the sound of your love story when you know, you know and all of that! Never been to Jamaica, but would love to go. Have you ever seen Below Deck? It's a trashy reality show (though it is really good- even got my OH onto it!). The original series is set in the Carribean- it is all so beautiful. I also love the UK- well, London. I also have family in different places. It's such a shame how the covid restrictions have caused all kinds of family separation/new travel issues. My OH's boss asked him today if we'd consider moving to their NY office. Yeah, absolutely not....!

Not out just yet, giggle from the details you gave, it does seem like a long shot this month, but I have my fingers and toes crossed that your OH gets on board to try for reals. Would you ever consider sleep training you littlest? Or just not your thing? I know people can have very strong feeling on this subject.

AFM- had an awful night last night. I still have morning sickness, and felt terrible last night. That for me is the absolute worst thing about my MMC experience- I still feel very pregnant, can still feel a bump when I lie or move certain ways. At least I sort of spent some time where I was forced to think about the baby, so I kind of said goodbye. I've mostly just been ignoring things and pretending I'm not pregnant. But that's not really healthy and feels like a bit of a betrayal of the poor baby. Sorry- I'm just a bit all over the place. I was always worried the dates didn't seem right, but you're still not prepared, you know?

I’m sorry you’re going through this, what is the plan going forward? I found out on 29th November baby had no heart beat then started bleeding the next day. I went to the early pregnancy who then scammed and said I was in the process of mc I had to go back because the bleeding was uncontrollable due to a haemorrhage, it’s just a horrible process to go through

I’m not sure what’s going on with me, so I had a BFP on digital on Thursday and BFN on digital today granted it wasn’t fmu. Still no bleeding so I’m not sure if I test again tomorrow with fmu or just want to start bleeding.

Symptoms are leas today than yesterday so it could be a chemical pregnancy again.

 

[DobbyForever]

Gigs ahhh that makes sense with the calcium and magnesium I guess. No harm in trying! Wow! Well at least you’re enjoying it even if it’s not for the original purpose of helping DS sleep through the night. I agree. Not out yet and I know it’s a bit out there this month so hopefully you get to actively try next cycle if things don’t pan out this time.

Sheeza for sure. Technology has been really great to help people stay connected even if they live, literally, a world apart. Glad you are able to keep in contact with most of your fam online. Oooo Paris! Fun! Hope you get to Disneyland soon! Definitely great travel locations to go when visiting fam, but yeah I’m sure in general tough to get out too often and now with covid.

That is so sweet! I’m glad you found a good one, and that he found you! Sounds lovely.

Re brother thanks. I may send him a test to see if he’s coming home this weekend. I need to hunt down my dad’s memorial video, but I really don’t wanna be around my stepdad alone LOL it’s awkward af.

Winter, my first three pregnancies actually happened while I was taking measures to actively prevent. But my ob did say that the uterine cyst I had in my first pregnancy and the ovarian cyst that I had in my second was likely the result of my pcos. But I haven’t had any issues with cysts since. So that’s nice.

Sending you the biggest hugs. That’s the worst, when you still feel pregnant. Hugs. I’m glad that you did face the grief, and hey. You have to let it out when you’re ready to let it out. There’s not right or wrong timeline to process things. It never matters how much you prepare yourself, it’s still unexpected in a way.

Date is on Sunday for early dinner I will say that now that I know he did say it’s basically 50/50 but she lives with mom and I get how it works, I like their custody situation. I do like that he takes his daughter’s security seriously. I know they don’t introduce just any bf/gf to their daughter. I know she’s 3.5, and he knows A is 4.5 I don’t know her name, he doesn’t know A’s. He did tell me yesterday that she’s in speech therapy as well for an expressive speech delay. And he was honest that she was not planned. We don’t share photos of our kids. So I’m glad to see we’re kind of aligned in how we approach inviting someone into our children’s lives. And yes I’m glad they’re letting her dictate when she’s comfortable sleeping over. He said there’s been a few occasions when they make her tough it out (not for sleeping over but during the day) for longer visits because mom is out on a date or like this last weekend just needs the break. But he said it’s hard on her and it’s hard to watch her be so upset when that happens. Then there’s me. A will drop his toys in the car and people are like get a car tray if you won’t pull over. And my mean a** is like no, he knows I’m not pulling over on the freeway so he needs to learn to not throw his toys on the ground or wait til I’m at a red light which he is.

As for the bleeding, we're on to fresh red blood! It's a little bittersweet, but I'm more relieved than anything. It's not quite a proper flow yet, but I do suspect it will be by the end of the day. I had some really painful cramps last night so hoping it was just an off night. I did not miss pcos cramps. I usually do a Sunday start for bcp, so I have a few days to decide. I got off because I wanted to get a donor, but now that I know a donor is off the table idk. And I don't want to keep playing with fire. I know in my heart that if I have another kid, I want it to be because my partner and I are actively ttc. And I see that I'm still able to bounce back from bcp within a cycle so it wouldn't be the worst to get back on it. Idk. Lots to think about.

 

[DobbyForever]

Interestingly if I count back 12 days, that was the last day that I had a vfl on my hpt. So either I ovulated immediately after my hcg went to 0 (I didn’t start testing until 3 days later) or this was anovulatory (most likely). But yeah fresh blood and reaching the pad today and temp was 97.52 so things looking good to call it “af”

 

[gigglebox]

Have much to respond with but for now only can post photos & run.
10dpo, 1pm-ish, photos between 5&9 minutes. Very very likely just the indent. I’m going to see how it dries and maybe test one more time tomorrow. Maybe.

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the kind words, Dobby I'm just really sad about it, and then sad about all the experiences I've logged over the past year I'm also a bit irrationally angry at my OB. She didn't do anything wrong wrong/couldn't have done anything to change the outcome, but I'm annoyed in hind sight about the whole dodgy scans issue. If I'd had a proper scan on my first visit, I may have known the following week that things weren't hopeful. I also didn't like having to push for the proper scan at my second visit. So, I'm half considering trying out a new doctor. I looked one up with great reviews, and might go see him for a well woman visit in a couple of months and see from there. Not sure if I'm being fair, or just a bit angry and like blaming someone for something. The plan is to wait until next week to see if anything happens naturally. Otherwise I'll have a d&c next week. Not sure which option I am hoping for at this point- they both seem crappy.

Im glad that it looks like AF is back for you, Dobby. It would make sense that it is timed to the test like that. I bled for weeks after my last loss, and it was fourish weeks after that finally stopped that AF came back. Makes sense that your body needs to work through the loss before it considers ovulating etc again. Did you do any opks this month?

I agree that his relationship with his daughter sounds really good from what you know now. Do you know if they were even dating? Just curious as I wonder what their history is. I like that y'all are aligned on the level to which you'll share about the kids. Obviously they're a big part of your lives, so you've kind of shared your perspectives/experiences while not over sharing the child's personal details (ifykwim). Well, will be interesting to hear how the date goes!

Shezza, I'm so sorry the digitals can be a bit all over the place from what I hear, though. Did I understand the timeline right that it was it a full week between tests? I will keep hope for you that it was just a dodgy test, and not a sign that things aren't working out. Best to prepare for the worst, I suppose but no harm in keeping that little bit of hope alive for now. I'm sorry for your recent loss, too. And for ending up with problems with a hemorrhage too. Those little extra stresses and difficulties in an already terrible situation are the worst. Did you tell your OH about the bfp and does he know that you're worried now?

Did you test today, giggle?

 

[gigglebox]

Winter I wish I could say something that would help. All I can offer is my deepest sympathy. I would say you if are not feeling comfortable with that OB in how she handled things, then do try someone new. You can always go back if you find it not as welcoming or don't get a good feeling from the new place. I agree though, I think the first priority of doctors should be reassuring patients, not being flippant about it. That is especially true in a situation like yours, where you have a history of losses and not a whole lot was done to try and figure out exactly how things were progressing. We here to support you whatever you decide

Dobs I agree with a lot of what you said, and I like that he's being protective of his kid's info. Aaahhh speech therapy -- I know a thing or two about that that was ds1's documented issues, "receptive and expressive language delay". Unofficially, high functioning autistic. He has some motor function trouble as well (fine motor skills are tricky) but never qualified for OT. Funnily enough, he is a boss at video games. He can do these racing games as well as the computer AI, but struggles to tie his shoes. we're working on it...but also he has the frustration issues (gets frustrated super easily), etc. so learning skills is tough sometimes! He does great overall though.

Wow that was some kind of side tracked convo.

Anyway I am really curious to see how the date goes! Also yay for af finally showing up!! Maybe fate's way of keeping you out of the sheets too soon, too? ok I had to say it! But this guy sounds like he may be charming and have a way with words...and we know he's hot, so..................don't kill me for saying it, lmao

Shezza, nooo, no I'm so sorry to read your latest post. I do hope it's some sort of fluke with the digital. That is in some ways why I like the lines, so I can see if they're progressing. When I had my m/c I already knew it was coming due to the lines never getting darker (ok they did, but barely over several days). That said I also had some lines that were weirdly faint on FRER with ds3 before they got dark and everything was fine. It could have been a crappy batch of tests but also could have been all the water I was drinking (I had played a disc golf tourney that weekend and drank a ton of water). FX all is just fine

afm those tests I posted look even more stark white on my PC than they did on my phone. They're definitely negative. I know there's still hope but I am not counting on it. I should see *something* definitive by 10dpo. Also I think there was an indent before I dipped the test but I only think I saw it last second before the pee washed over it so.....but yeah, looking at it now it can't even see anything so...negative for suresies. Also the pamphlet boasts "96% accurate 4 days before expected period" which would be be today or maybe yesterday (not sure if you're meant to count day of AF as 1 or 0)....sooooooooooooooooooooo I guess now we just wait and see about next month.

 

[DobbyForever]

Proper response later hopefully

Speeza sorry just saw about the bfn. I’m sorry. I’m hoping it’s not a cp, but if it’s been several days since the last test I’d expect time of day not to be a factor. Sending big hugs

Gigs something is catching my eye on the middle picture so fxed

 

[DobbyForever]

And LOL gigs after some of his audios (his voice is dreamy lol) I definitely want to jump him. But actually I was thinking of banging one last hoorah out with silver fox this weekend so this is God himself telling me to stop my toxic patterns

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter hugs. I’m sorry. You are right, both options are crappy. Natural does mean no surgery, but if it does come to the D&C hopefully you can get some answers. I don’t think you’re overreacting with your ob. I’m quite frustrated as well about your machine. I know mine did something similar, and that was my first experience with it. So I guess funky machines do happen. But given the circumstances, they really should have gotten a better machine. You have to completely trust your ob though, and if you feel like that trust is broken there’s no harm in seeing another doctor. Worst case, you can always go back?

Thankfully, I don’t tend to have too much abnormal bleeding. But that may also be because I also opt for medical intervention. I never let my body handle it on its own, so to some degree things were elective. I can explain more in messages if you wanna pm me.

Re the baby momma. I had said that I believe guys and girls can be friends if they explored the romantic option and genuinely and mutually agree it doesn’t work and they want to just be friends. He says that’s what happened with her, and basically she got pregnant the second time they DTD. He called it the “second attempt at things”. He promised me more details in person or I could ask questions, but I can tell he’d rather talk face to face and I’m trying to respect that. I can see why he’s single. He’s a great catch, but he has a long way to go with his communication. I know you don’t need to talk to each other every day, especially with a date in coming up in a few days. But I haven’t heard from the dude since yesterday late morning. I left him a message in response mid afternoon, and I left him a quickie good morning. I know he listened to it because he saved it, which usually means he’s busy and has to respond later. Otherwise, he just listens once. He feels really bad that I said I feel unheard so I’m noticing he’s saving more messages to listen to them later so he can respond to specifics. It’s cute. I’m here for it. He did also say that his family and friends have called him out because it doesn’t take but a second to text hey i’m busy sorry, but he said his issue is that he has every intention of texting back/calling back and then he gets swept up with work or his daughter and time gets away from him. And he admitted his self care is really low, so sometimes he can get really burned out and just doesn’t want to talk to anybody. Usually that’s when he’s traveling and doesn’t get to see/talk to his daughter. So I’m trying to be helpful not hurtful. He says he really likes my messages, and they always make him smile and make his day better. but yeah we need to meet halfway. I gotta not be such a stage four clinger, and he’s got to work on keeping me in the loop.

Gigs right ugh speech therapy. I’m really thankful for it. He’s come a long way in 2 years. He wasn’t even saying 10 words two year ago, and we were both losing our minds trying to communicate. That is so interesting about the video games but not necessarily the traditional fine motor skills. Glad things are going well! Do you find that homeschooling takes the pressure off though? I get so stressed about other kids pointing out A’s development.

I’m a horn dog but when it comes to guys I actually see a future with, I can hold off a month or more. If I sleep with a person, it’s kind of my own red flag indicator. I wouldn’t jeopardize something real just to DTD that won’t get me off anyway

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the support, gals And thank you as well for the advice about the OB. I think I will meet the new guy and see what he says/what I think. My current OB is a fantastic surgeon (honestly- I was expecting bad things from my c/s and it was the easiest recovery, I have basically no scar etc). So, I do like that aspect... And their office is very responsive etc. She's just not super good at the bedside manner side of things. so, maybe that isn't a good fit for me any more after these experiences.

I wouldn't read too much into things about communication and stuff just yet, Dobby. I totally get what you're saying, but you haven't even been on a date yet. It's so easy to get things twisted/wires crossed etc when you aren't face to face. It sounds like both of you are putting in effort given that it is early days. See how it goes, and see what it is like as you meet, get to know each other, grow closer etc. It all sounds really hopeful, so . And I had a similar thought as giggle re: mother nature taking sex off the table for a week I just think that if you're looking for a partner, then all the other stuff matters more anyway (similar goals/outlooks, personality, sense of humor etc). I also feel like all of that being in sync makes the physical chemistry way better

Giggle- I forgot to say how adorable your story about your son avoiding bedtime was he sounds like a total crack up! So funny when you can see their little gears grinding "if I were to just stay behind this door ..."
Sorry that it seems like a BFN this month. you were saying that baby making BD was mind blowing for you both, so hey- sounds much more fun to try try than get a fluke BFP so, at least there's that!

How did your DS1's speech go over time? We did a few sessions of speech therapy, but I didn't feel like they helped that much. He basically played and spoke like 2 words because he was so into getting into all the toys I did get some good tips about over pronouncing things for him, and that has helped. I also pulled him for a few weeks re: covid, not that that stopped us getting covid Now wondering whether to go back.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah, I know it’s hard to leave the comfort of what you know. But no harm in seeing the new doctor just to see if you click. Or is it worth having a talk with your current ob about her bedside manner?

To chime in lol A’s speech is play based. I think I said all this before though lol. He didn’t talk at all for a long time, and even now some sessions he’s a chatterbox and others he’s completely silent. But he’s always listening. She works his goals into his modeling, and I do see him using them. I will say, A’s speech therapist wears a mask that is clear around her mouth and a face shield. I’ve never had an exposure issue with her, and she does say her clients under 6 don’t wear masks. They used to have us do temp checks but that’s been out. We still have to sanitize when we come in. One masked adult allowed. But yeah A has been in preschool, has like 4 BTs on his aba team, and does speech. Only the two exposures from a few weeks ago.

Binging Archive 81 and it's definitely interesting

He did text me to say he's having a busy day and not feeling amazing but will pick a place soon for Sunday. I'm like dude this is day 6 back from NY. If he has covid, I'll cry.

I’m breaking out so bad btw definitely at period flow.

And sorry I did lh test. I didn’t scan them all because lazy, but I tested almost every morning. My last vfl was 1/29. Based on my lp, I would have had to O 1/21. I didn’t bother with opks until 1/25 because I still had lines on the hpts. Even 1/25 I could see it but Premom wouldn’t give it a ratio