General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[WinterBub]

sorry for the BFN. I feel like if you try try, then it'll happen in the not too distant future! And I totally know what you mean- clearly it's not just a reaction to their news etc. I'm hopeful you will be pregnant soon- that's amazing that your boys have cousins so close in age. Would be pretty amazing to have the same happen again! What day do you usually O? Bummer to get AF, but now you can plan and move forward at least.

Nothing too exciting here. It's 10 days past our covid diagnosis, so we can finally reenter society so, at least that's something. I'm waiting on a call from the hospital to do my pre-admit stuff Really dreading the whole thing. It will be a relief that evening, and I can start to move on etc, but I don't really want to go through the actual surgery.

 

[gigglebox]

winter it's not so bad, I had to go through it when I was misdiagnosed with a polyp. I know emotionally it's not the same, just wanted to say the procedure itself isn't that bad. The anticipation of it is far worse than the actuality of it. Really it's like you fall asleep and wake up with your period, haha. I had minor cramping, nothing but period-like type discomfort. You will do fine and then it will be nice to be able to move forward. When is it scheduled?

I know, like everyone, I hope we catch this cycle if it's going to happen only because I'd love a November baby -- following that will be right around Christmas which I'd like to avoid, and then the month after that would give me another January baby and I don't want to have them with birthdays too terribly close :/ And too much longer and I'm going to feel too old/like the age gap between my kids will be too much.....But I guess we'll see. I think that's putting the cart before the horse.

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs, glad you are out of limbo. I also had a longer than my usual LP by one day. I'm thinking maybe weight loss, sickness, still regulating while nursing, or a combo of them. Also glad you guys were talking about if before SIL announced #3 because like you said it could come off as not an original idea.

Oh and all 3 kids are or were sick

Dobby, yup I would stay away from OA. Ditto the advice from Wintee and gigs.

Winter Erika was about 6 days after onset of fever and Serena was tested a day after fever. I tested same day but I feel like I have whatever they have which I think is just a cold.

I'm glad you guys can stop quarantine and go out and about. Our health system is allowing team members to work if they have covid as long as asymptomatic but they work covid units or if covid units full they go to other floors (with exception of cancer, labor and delivery, pediatrics, and NICU).


Addie I didn't look at test but FX for the outcome you are hoping for!

Sorry if I missed anyone. I'm still not feeling well.

 

[DobbyForever]

So new development sorry still at work and on phone

he called me during my lunch break and was like well inviting you up was a joke. Which is did sound like and joke and I couldn’t hear him well, so that could be true. Because he was saying he wanted to take it slow and how I felt about that and something about having boundaries then was like something I couldn’t understand come up to my place then laughed. So yeah could have been a joke. He said we are a far ways away from being invited up, and when he does that it will be to cook dinner for me and that’s it. He apologized again for biting my lip. Said he got carried away and it won’t happen again. And that he meant slow and he wants to build an emotional foundation before we do anything physical. So idk if I’m just seeing demons because I’m used to being with demons or if he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He did admit that he is obviously attracted to me and I am sensual and it’d be a lie to say he hadn’t thought about me in that context or that he isn’t happy to see that we obviously have a mutual attraction and know how to kiss each other. But everything is good time. He wants a relationship with me not quick thrills. So idek what to think anymore because I’ve been so wrong with seeing red flags that don’t exist with him but I don’t want to repeat the mistake of not running immediately

 

[gigglebox]

Fluek sorry you’re under the weather, too! I hope you are all feeling better soon. Are you off work because of it or just pushing through?

 

[gigglebox]

Dobs, if you weren’t into him sexually, would you like him for his personality/lifestyle?

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby I still think you shouldn't see him. There were other red flags. Not saying it's the worst thing but I think he will probably always put career before family (this is something that I used to struggle with). In any case, it is your life and your decision to make but this is how I view things from what you've wrote.

Gigs thank you. I hope we all feel better soon too and I am just pushing through it since I mostly work from home.

 

[WinterBub]

Sorry you're feeling so rough, flueky. It does sound like you've conclusively ruled out covid! I will say that even this year, LO has been much sicker with a non-covid cold and that stomach bug he had around New Year. Also, just FYI- none of us had a fever at any point. I hope that everyone turns the corner tonight. Nothing beats a good night's sleep, so i hope you can get some rest and relaxation in tonight.

I hate that they're having people work while positive. I think a lot of the restrictions have (in hindsight) done more harm than good (looking at you, toddler masks and school closures)... But isolating when sick is just common sense. Both for the person who is getting over covid (even if not terribly sick, their body is fighting an infection and they should be allowed to rest) and the also for the issue of spreading it on to others. It's just all so stupid and illogical.

Thank you, giggle. I had a D&C last time, so I do know what to expect. There was a lot of sitting around alone and waiting (OH wasn't allowed in/was with LO), and I remember feeling them moving me around while I was going under with the anaesthetic. The whole thing was not dramatic in any way, just unpleasant. I will be happy once it is over, at least. It is scheduled for Thursday.

Dobby- I still say "nope!". Honestly, mainly the napkin thing got me. Clearly you didn't like him, and that's fine. There's no reason to talk yourself into it if you didn't feel like it was a good thing. I'd probably let some of it go as awkward jokes etc, but the fact you weren't comfortable with him, and that he had so many drinks are both legitimate red flags. So, I say cut your losses now. If you're unsure, then I would do one more date. If you're not enjoying being around him after that, then hanging on any longer is 100% a mistake. Why force something if it isn't there, you know?

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter glad you’re out of the isolation period! I’m sorry that it looks like you’ll be needing the surgery. Hopefully the surgery goes smoothly and the recovery is an easy one. It’s definitely a lot of different emotions. Sending hugs. I do agree with Gigs, in hindsight there is something more pleasant about the surgical option. But I feel like that hit me in a different way because you are asleep for it. Feels more sudden. You’re not being harsh at all with your ob. Those are all valid points. Hopefully the fertility specialist can give you some better insight. The jewelry sounds like an absolutely beautiful idea. Parenting is hard because there is that fear of looking back one day and regretting your choices. But you can only do what you think is best. As long as you do that, there’s nothing to regret. I do second Gigs, if you’re in the states they should have an early start program. You can qualify for the preschool but decline enrollment and just ask for speech services. But it would be free through your public school district. You just have to go through their evaluation, but they have 15 days to respond to your request and 60 to complete their evaluation and offer services.

Gigs I’m glad that af came. I get the bittersweet of it though. I hope the conversation goes over well and you get to full on try. And haha def good it came up before SIL. Hoping you get that November baby! I do agree that giving up my time and attention to dummies is not getting me any closer to finding a true partner. I will have to disagree about damaging my goods though. I’m super sex positive (obviously lol), so as long as the sex I have is consensual like I’m an adult and I should be allowed to do what I want with my body. If my future partner takes issue with that, it’s a double standard. I will say since I got back on the sex wagon, I’ve been a lot better about only doing it on my terms with that one exception where I just wanted to get him out of my house asap. I get what you’re saying though and I love that you care

Addie what other brands are you using? And I know you said you had another post for your current tests, but I’m too tired to look. That is odd but promising that the lines are progressing when comparing across the mornings. I only use fmu for progression. Hope that you get clarity and the outcome that you want soon

Re Silver Fox. The expectations were set day one. We had matched, and I noted on his profile that he said had and doesn’t want more kids. So I messaged him to thank him for matching with me, but I obviously am a package deal and I’m on the fence about a second kid. But I like to give compliments for the sake of compliments because they brighten people’s day, so I was like you’re stunning and I hope that you find what you’re looking for. And he was like thanks you too and yeah it would be casual between us because I don’t want more kids and I wouldn’t want you to give up having more kids to be with me. But we’re adults so if you ever are interested in a fab situation with an actual friendship then lmk. And I like attention so we sext a lot. He’s actually been really sweet today because I picked his brain about the lip thing and kind of whined about why guys just immediately see me and think sex, and he’s like look I know dating is off the table but you are an incredibly special lady and as long as you allow it then I will continue to help you see how great you are as a person. I did sleep with him. LOL ftr. I don’t regret it, but omg he would not stfu and his equipment left something to be desired. So. Idk if I could do that again from a pure pleasure standpoint.

Re OA he will definitely always put career first. And there was a time in my life where I would never be okay with that. I just don’t know how I feel about it now. Like I don’t mind it because I’ve reached a point of independence, and he did reach out once a day. Things just broke down over the scheduling of the date, but we have a solution to that. Idk. I don’t think he lied on the phone. He had no reason to and he sounded earnest, but I’d had guys lie when they didn’t need to before. I do think I just see demons everywhere because I’m used to seeing demons. My uneasiness comes from the conversational flags. And some of them are pot calling the kettle black. I wanted to see him again though until he bit my lip. And he’s the only person I’ve talked to all month that I actually want to date. But I do think maybe I overreacted to that. A few coworkers and friends said that him gently biting my lip does not mean he only wants sex. He didn’t grab my body or anything. He had one hand on my waist and the other on my face. Didn’t even try to go low. There was nothing aggressive or forceful about the kiss either. And he didn’t do it again after. Idk. I guess just treading cautiously for now. I do like that when I tell him I need something, he makes it happen. He made a point to call me in between work meetings, and it was a good talk. And I do really love that. I love that when I’m feeling some type of way that I can tell him and he validates me and he changes his behavior. I do want to sleep with him though so HAHAHAHAHA needless to say, I came home and immediately took my bcp. I did delete the app though. I’m tired.

 

[DobbyForever]

I did though in polite but no uncertain terms tell him that whether he wants to date me or otherwise, I was here for it. So for him to triple down on dating is nicer. Just have to see if he means it.

 

[WinterBub]

It's all up to you, Dobby. Obviously none of us were there and can't feel what you felt, or see the scene for ourselves. Just look after yourself, and be honest with yourself about how you feel i don't think it has to all be fireworks and pure bliss from first glance, but I think if it's going to be a positive relationship, then you should have overall positive feelings.

Not to put words in Giggle's mouth- but I took her comment to more mean that if you're putting energy into side guys, then you're not going to have the time and energy to invest in finding one guy who ticks all the boxes. Like if sex is already taken care of, then that's one bit less motivation to invest into looking for a relationship (iykwim). You're right that you should do whatever you're comfortable with with your body.

I'm sorry- dating sucks, and we all have our own experiences and observations that spin how we come at this stuff. Blah.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah. My feeling is that it’ll be work. Trauma work, which so far he’s been really good navigating it. And that scares me and makes me uncomfortable. It scares me because I can’t trust that he’s just a good, mature person because I don’t know people like that. If makes me uncomfortable because when we communicate about my feelings and needs, I feel so heard and safe and I don’t want that to go away. I’m scared if I keep having these freak outs over nothing, he’s going to decide I’m not worth it. I’m scared that we can be two good people but not good together and then I’m just back to being alone. And then I’m scared that maybe he’s just like my ex and can talk himself out if things and my uneasiness is real vs trauma. Idk. I need a therapist lol. ETA also scared if it works. People get divorced all the time. Or worse it works out. And suddenly I’m splitting holidays with his family or not seeing mine every weekend. I like him. I just don’t see it working, and not because of anything he has done. Because of me and my anxiety and my trauma.

Yeah. I told SF that. Like I get so few favors from my parents that it’s not sustainable to date and maintain a casual fwb. And yeah sometimes I just want a fwb. Trust me, there’s a nagging thought that I could be happy with a situationship like SF where we’re friends and have sex but end of day my life, my rodeo. Lots to think about.

thanks for letting me vent here. A lot of times this is the only place I can process things

 

[WinterBub]

Vent away! We can only react to what you say, and it just seemed like it was overall a negative experience. Only you know how you really feel.

I'm irritated beyond belief. Just was told that if my covid test comes up positive, they will cancel my surgery. The fact that I reported my positive doesn't count because I don't have lab paperwork (just an at home test). So FML. I have to go tomorrow to do a test at the hospital. So . As much as I dont really want to do the surgery, I super duper don't want to be forced to wait another 10 days, or have to do the medication.

 

[DobbyForever]

omg winter I’m so sorry!!!! That’s so frustrating. Hopefully the test comes back negative but I know those pcrs are super sensitive. FXed. I’ve had an awful medical and an easy one. It is a lot harder emotionally though so praying you can still get the surgery

Lol to be fair I was pretty pissed by the time I typed that as my three friends had basically gone off saying that he’s a lying sack of s* for biting my lip. So I only talked about the negatives. Left out the good things. Thought about typing them but then I didn’t want it to feel like I was trying to backtrack the only thing that I didn’t really like about dinner (like ok he can be a judgy a-hole with his brother but so I am) was that he didn’t actually enjoy dinner. He eats so fast. While I love to stop and savor the moment and experience. I couldn’t even tell you what we ate because he ordered everything (at my request) but yeah idk. One thing came out and had two of each thing so I was like of fun we should like eat it together as a whole experienced. He was cute. Let me pick first, couple times put it on my plate. But it wasn’t like when I went out with Nice Guy and we laughed about each item and talked through what we liked and didn’t like. It was like eating for function vs pleasure. And eating is hella pleasurable to me lol. But that’s like personality defect and it won’t stop me from living my best life lol.

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you. I'm just frustrated and feel like I can't catch a break at the moment. i basically decided against the medication because I read stories about it being terrible, and some people have to have surgery because the medication doesn't work anyway. So, ugh. Don't want to have my hand forced. But it is what it is, it isn't as if I can make them to the surgery if they refuse. I'm also just mad because why didn't the nurse at my OB's office tell me to go and get a lab test when I told her that I had had a positive?!

I don't care about stuff like the eating too fast. Fine, it isn't a super attractive habit, but in the grand scheme of things that kind of thing isn't a deal breaker. You do what you want, just be honest with yourself etc you are the only one who gets to deal with the good or bad, whatever it may be!

 

[gigglebox]

Aw no Winter! I am sorry to read this news! Wtf with your nurse not telling you about having to be "officially" tested? That is so ridiculous. The whole at-home test junk makes me enraged because what's the point?? If it doesn't "count", why bother testing? Ok I'm done on that rant...but anywho prayers up that it comes back negative this time around, or whoever is the decision maker on the matter will make a judgement call in your favor. How extremely frustrating!! I will say, in my experience, when "s" hits the fan over and over, it's bound to be balanced out with some good news in the not too distant future. Hang in there

Dobs I would say Winter is on point and speaks much more eloquently than myself, haha. Obviously don't take the opinion or direction of a rando on the net (i.e. me), I just wanted to give you some food for thought. Ultimately what I wish for you is happiness, however you may find it! If it's in this guy, then that's great. Do you see a future with him? I would say that's the most important question, and it may take another date or two to answer it. Whatever you decide, I hope it brings happiness for you and A and any future Dobettes.

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter that is absolutely bananas that they didn’t tell you earlier to come in for a lab test if they were only going to accept a lab test. I’m sorry. It has been one thing after another for you, and hopefully that means good things are coming your way soon as Gigs said. It does suck to have the choice taken out of your hands, so I hope that things pan out and the test comes back negative. I know when I was given it, they gave me a second set just in case. I think people who tend to share online though is a unique group. Those who went through it and had a positive experience don’t tend to come around to the internet to talk about it. So just keep in mind that the internet may be skewed.

Gigs lol it’s all good. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you internet randoms though! Hehe future Dobettes.

I feel like I can’t say if I have a future with him. I think his communication and how he navigates my trauma has been exceptional so far. I know the road wouldn’t be a cake walk, but I can see that he has the tools and capacity to work through it with me. He has never once tried to make me feel less than for my freak outs. I don’t know how I feel about the work and travel. Right now, it’s fine. But would it bother me when he’s missing anniversaries or kids’ plays? My mom was at everything, my stepdad was at everything important. I really appreciated that. I had friends who had parents that traveled or worked a lot, and I always felt sad for them. But they obviously turned out fine. Logistically, the potential for a future is there, and it scares me. He’s handsome, educated, gainfully employed, he is not opposed to a third marriage, he wants more kids, he’s pretty rooted in the Silicon Valley now. I’m just showing my true disorganized colors. There’s a part of me that sees the future with him and is here for it, but then I’m so scared of all the potential triggers or how sometimes things just don’t work out. I have an amazing life, and I think I could continue to have one without a partner or second kid. So to give up a sure thing for a chance at love, terrifying. I also don’t know much about his daughter or his baby momma and how our dynamic would be, and how well I am going to handle sharing my life and decisions and child(ren) with another woman. So I don’t know. I guess just going to continue to tread water and gather data?

 

[gigglebox]

Winter when will you get your results back?

I got cha Dobs. It's a complicated situation, for sure. Sounds like you are willing to give him another chance and get a better feel for his potential as a partner/father. The fact that you've already shown your brand of crazy and he's dealing with it well sounds positive. I will just reiterate that I hope all works out well and your end game is happiness

Flueky how are you feeling? How are the little ladies doing?

Shezza are you OK? I hope you're dealing with everything alright

Shae any updates on proposal stuff??? Valentines day is near, but I feel like that would be too cliche for your SO...I am with Dobs, I feel like 2/22/22 would be an option...I can't wait to see what ring he went with and how he proposes!

afm nothing special to report...3 days pregnant (positive thoughts into the universe, right?). We've been making Valentine's Day cards today. I always forget how nice it is and how good for the soul to do arts & crafts! I highly recommend it

 

[WinterBub]

Glad that you enjoyed some crafting. I used to do a lot of that stuff- alas, not any more. I also used to read a lot of paper books, but havent done that in ages either I should start reading before bed. I have to think of a V day gift my OH. We don't really make a big deal out of it, but would like to get him something small. How did you make the cards? And I like the manifesting a pregnancy energy

So- my drama: went this morning for my covid test, and got a call an hour later that it was positive and the surgery was off. Then got a call an hour after that from my doctor to say that she told them it was emergency surgery and it can't be put off. So it is now back on for tomorrow morning. She was all mad about the govt sending out at home kits, but then apparently the results don't count. I do get that the hospital will 100% have people lie about a result to get their surgery done, so understand their policy. And I also don't want to get anyone else sick, but then again- by tomorrow it's days beyond the 10 they require. But if their policy is that only lab tests count, then they also need to make that crystal clear. I would have obviously gone to a lab if this had been made clear. I am grateful it is still on, but am a bit worried that it's all going to be awkward if they consider me as an active covid case I understand if they want to be extra cautious dealing with me, but just another drama to navigate on an already sh*tty day.

I think deep down you want a partner, Dobby. (I think most of us do). But I totally get that there's a tough part in giving up some autonomy/independence. And I was definitely looking for a partner when I met OH, but was also only wanting to get married and have kids etc if i met the right person. I would have kept travelling and doing other things if I didn't meet the right person, as I know some ill matched couples and that was a big no thanks. Maybe it will be a good balance if he's into work and you get some time alone etc (I'm thinking long term here- like if you were living together, but you get some me time while he's gone etc). Just see how it all goes, and like Giggle, I am wishing for happiness for you and A and potential future Dobettes

Flueky- how are you? Is everyone feeling better?? I hope they are, and that you've been able to find some time to look after yourself, too.

Shezza- hope you're doing ok.

Shae- How are things? I'm glad you're not driving yourself nuts with the TTC stuff but miss your commentary!

And Pretty- really hope all is going well over there. Any further name news? And do you feel over covid now? I can't believe what a drama my covid experience has turned into consider how not actually sick I was

Hi tdog, if you're still stopping by!

 

[gigglebox]

Yay for your doctor saving the day!! That’s wonderful! Is this the same obgyn we are not happy with? I know things may feel awkward but honestly I think the protocol for covid positive vs negative patients is still the sale at a hospital. You’ll certainly be in a mask and they’ll probably have you sanitize your hands throughout your visit but I think they do that to everyone. I had an appointment inside the hospital during covid and they took my temperature at the door and squirted copious amounts of hand sani in my palm, and that was about it. I don’t recall if the asked me the standard covid questions but probably. Anyway I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you anticipate

and just like that I’m back up on the fence about #4. One second I’m all in, the next I’m fearful of the chaos #4 will bring, not to mention trying to homeschool 4 kids (!!!). This would be so much easier if hubby had a strong opinion either way.