General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

I do lurk. To say I’m ok is the overstatement of the year. I don’t know how much more I can take. My grandmother had low o2 yesterday, so they sent her to the hospital to investigate. She’s stable but they put her on the covid floor as a precaution. My mom doesn’t answer her phone, so they call me. I had to tell them last night that she has a dnr. Visitors aren’t allowed on the covid floor. The nurse expects her to recover. She’s back to not eating. Please pray that she doesn’t die in there. She deserves so much better than to die alone in the hospital.

the protein I drink now that I don’t love is naked protein. I got it on Amazon. The protein I like is from a company called Gainful. I don’t like any additives or sweeteners. Just drink it with nonfat milk.

sorry love you all going back to my cave now

 

[WinterBub]

I'm sorry, Dobby ill say a prayer that she recovers quickly. What garbage that she's on the covid floor if she hasn't tested +. They had my test completed at the hospital in an hour. Why wouldn't they test her before placing her there??! I'm sorry- hope everything improves.

 

[gigglebox]

I was thinking the same Winter, I don’t understand why they would put her with the covid patients. I’m legit irate for you Dobs, that’s just not right to put her there and isolate her from family. I did send prayers up her. I hope she is released soon. I’m sorry all of the additional stress!

winter I’m glad your physical discomfort is subsiding. I love chai tea! What about decaf coffee? That is what I primarily drink. I hope you find a diet that suits you. I think the toughest thing is finding a diet that can be sustainable long term. After all nothing will work if it’s not a lifestyle change.

so afm…as predicted my brain won’t shut up about #4. I wish I could switch off the broodiness !

 

[DobbyForever]

I hope that everyone had a lovely Valentine’s

 

[shaescott]

Hey everyone, sorry I went AWOL for a bit, I’ve been not focusing too much on my cycle and all that. I take an OPK every morning and that’s all.

Honestly popping in here cuz I did a bad thing Last night during Valentine’s Day BD, SO pulled out and finished on my butt, and I kinda smeared some onto my vagina, like with my hand, not a t-shirt/towel. About 5 minutes later I started internally freaking out, I feel like that’s way more dangerous than what I’d previously done with the contaminated t-shirt and I started feeling TERRIBLE about it, I mean I want a baby, that doesn’t freak me out, but getting pregnant because I did something objectively wrong does, because I can’t keep a secret to save my life, and how would I tell SO that I’m pregnant because I was fertile and therefore crazy and intentionally got some on my vagina… I especially can’t admit it to him now because the ring just shipped and I can’t ruin that whole thing. I’m getting ahead of myself, it wasn’t like I sucked it up with a syringe and shot it at my cervix so it’s still more likely I won’t get pregnant. I checked internally after and didn’t notice any fluid that felt/looked like semen. Plus, my CM was pretty thick, so any that managed to get in probably got stuck right away. I know I need to just breathe and deal with that consequence if it comes. I just feel dumb and awful, it was like a momentary lapse of judgement and then I was straight up praying for forgiveness because I felt so awful about it.
Just did my morning OPK and it was negative, which means I’m going to have a late ovulation this cycle, how late is to be seen, but I’m not getting EWCM or a high cervix so far. Can’t lie, wondering if God is up there dodging my monthly attempts to get pregnant like “nope, not time, nah, will you stop that, no” and is currently like “you don’t get to ovulate for 5 days now because you were an idiot” who knows

Dobs I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. Prayers that she recovers quickly.

 

[gigglebox]

Shae I would say the odds are highly unlikely. sadly your guilt will probably not be alleviated until af shows...but just take it as a lesson and don't do that again -- the resulting pregnancy, if it ever occurred, would be filled with guilt and you wouldn't enjoy that I don't think!
I know they say "it just takes one" but honestly, it takes millions. The lucky few that make it to the egg also need foot soldiers to help ensure their survival. Probably a whole million or two might be able to get past your infertile mucus barrier, but not just a few, and very unlikely the few that would not even get a head start by being next to the cervix, or even inside the vag.
You are very likely OK, but as for the guilt, I can't help except to say that I absolutely would not say a word to SO unless a pregnancy happened (although I don't think it will).

That is super exciting the ring has shipped!!!! Do you have any suspicions it will happen soon?

 

[gigglebox]

Dobs thinking of you and hoping your Valentines was OK, all things considered

 

[WinterBub]

Don't worry, Shae. We all do stuff we regret, and the drive from these hormones is no joke!!! I agree with Giggle that odds are so low- don't stress, because it is unlikely and what's done is done, anyway. that's so exciting that the ring shipped! And that's awesome that you're doing an opk and leaving it at that.

Dobby. Hope things are going ok for you today.

Decaf coffee is a good idea, giggle! I tried raspberry leaf tea yesterday, and that was pretty decent tasting. I did a little shopping expedition and bought various flavored teas, some protein bars, and a protein shake tlo try. Spoke to a woman at the vitamin shop who was really helpful. She suggested pea protein (not whey or soy) for women if you're worried about hormone imbalances. Googling now seems to support that This stuff is all complicated- apparently whole soy (ie. Edamame beans) is good for PCOS, but processed soy (ie. Soy milk) is not .

What is the tea you were using, Shae?

Out of curiosity: if you're full on doing keto, what does a day of food look like for you, giggle? I don't think I could maintain it, but the whole thing is really interesting.

 

[WinterBub]

And giggle. I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you how things turn out, and if you should or shouldn't go for it for #4. I'm always team have a baby, so I'm not a good helper at making a smart/logical decision! I hope you work out what to do- just don't stress about the time limit just yet. I know that I've had bad experiences, and age may be a factor... But if age is my issue, then im a real statistical outlier. It seems like there's not a huge difference in outcomes between 35-37. You don't need to feel rushed just yet.

 

[gigglebox]

It's not just my own age I'm concerned about with time passing, it's the age gap between my kids. I don't want my youngest to feel like an outcast. They're already be an almost 4 year age gap if we get pregnant immediately.

I KNOW y'all must be getting sick of my waffling but I'm back on team let's go for it *face palm* more internal debate below, PLEASE skip if you find me annoying lol
It also occurs to me that recently my days of being frustrated and a hard "no" are days we have company and things get crazy. These days are FAR outweighed by the days where everything is fine...
I can make school work...it might be fun to actually make a school room, which we have been discussing. And then my 4yo who is starting school this year can have a lax first year with a baby in the house. He already knows many, if not all of the basic things grade K kids learn through the year, so we can ease into it which will be nice. DS1 is already in the groove of homeschooling so no worries there.
I already have the minivan
I just need hubs to be OK with it. Like actually OK, not a reluctant "if you insist..." kind of OK.

 

[WinterBub]

Yep, I hear you on the age gap! I get the concern there, but think all the other questions are more important (do you for sure want to? Does he?). I think the thing with the age gap is that you don't get any guarantees, anyway. Just have to settle the question of hubby's true feelings. Hard to gauge how he feels as I don't know him, and obviously we don't hear your conversations first hand. But, I think if I really felt a yearning for a baby, and OH was good with it, that would be enough for me. You might never get a super eager yes. I take it that if he DTD as required... Well, that's the clear yes. At the end of the day, he'd love it and be Dad just like he is with the kids you already have. By the time the theoretical baby is a real baby, it doesn't really matter how it came about (iykwim). It would only give me pause if you know he really doesn't want to at all.

My OH had to go into the office today (first time since I had the surgery). I'm mostly fine at this point, but can't lift heavy things. So, we took the side off of LO's crib and put the toddler rail on. He's apparently not feeling nap time any more He has a babygate on his door, but he's obviously taken this as a sign that staying in bed is optional.

 

[shaescott]

Gigs thanks for the reassurance, you’re definitely right, it’s super unlikely. I’m much more calm now thinking rationally that my CM was thick yesterday (thinner today but not EWCM, just milky) and it barely got in me. I might not even ovulate for a while, I had hoped I’d be more regular with this supplement considering the last 2 cycles it worked, but who knows. Maybe it’ll be positive OPK tomorrow, but I doubt it.

Hugs re: baby or no baby. I can’t imagine how hard that must be, having 3 awesome babies already but worrying you’ll regret not having more. A patient of mine said the other day that she regretted not having more kids, that you never regret having another, but you do regret not having them. At the same time, you need to be financially able to care for one more as well as mentally/emotionally/physically etc. It’s a hard choice. I’m always pro one more baby, but I’m a rando on the internet, so don’t make any decisions based off my opinions lol

Winter I missed the beginning of this discussion, do you know what kind of hormone imbalance you have? I wasn’t taking a tea but rather an herbal tincture I put in tea to mask the taste, but I stopped taking it because it wasn’t working to regulate my cycle which was the whole point. Now I’m taking myoinositol/d-chiro inositol, last 2 cycles it worked with CD15-17 ovulation (rather than CD22-35 previously), I’m CD16 and no + OPK yet, I was getting fertile CM at least a day in advance of the +OPK the last two cycles too.

Regarding hormone imbalance, have you guys heard of Modern Fertility? They test a bunch of your fertility hormones for way cheaper than going through a fertility clinic, it’s $159 and you can either do a finger prick at home or go to a local Quest lab and get a blood draw, I’m doing the latter because I’m a bad bleeder with finger sticks. They test your AMH (indicates ovarian reserve level), estradiol, TSH, FSH, LH, and prolactin, all drawn on CD3. So it’s not good for if you’re worried about progesterone levels post-ovulation or anything like that. I’m very curious about my estrogen levels as well as my AMH. I’m hoping that I won’t have work on CD3 because I wouldn’t be able to get the blood drawn. I won’t know when CD3 will be until I ovulate. Agh. Based on my schedule I don’t want to get a +OPK tomorrow, the next 3 days are fine though lol. I hope Quest is open on sundays…

 

[WinterBub]

Interesting that you mention myoinositol, Shae! I bought a ovulation vitamin blend that has:
Myo-inositol 2000mg
Alpha Lipoic Acid
Grapeseed Extract
Coenzyme Q10
Melatonin
Vitamin E
Folate
Folic Acid
Folacin

It allegedly is meant to help with egg quality. Worth a try! I just have PCOS, and apparently borderline hypothyroid issues. So, my plan is to: lose weight/overhaul diet, take thyroid medication, try some vitamins etc and see how my body is doing in 6 months. I think we will try again, but not sure if that would be naturally or IVF. Either way, I need some time to recover and try and get in a better place physically. The past year has been rough.

I saw an ad for Modern Fertility the other day. It did catch my eye as they quite cleverly said that they help you track your fertility whether or not you're wanting to try, which was interesting. They've obviously spent some time on forums like this! A lot of those tests are what I did with the Fertility specialist. So, seems interesting to have a look for yourself. The fact they partner with Quest makes me think it is legit!

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs, I am team if you want another one and you can make it work without it being too much mentally, financially, and logistics (car space, bedroom, etc) go for it. There are plenty of people that have large families and do well. While I live my girls dearly, I also cherish my me time and I joy don't think I could cope with 4. I hope that doesn't make me sound awful. I am NOT saying that you don't have what it takes (only you know that) just that I don't.

I think I my have finally let go of that broody feeling of hoping for a 1/1000 chance. I hope that whatever is best for you and your family is what happens. Also, for the record, you aren't being annoying.

Dobby, I know that Cali and TN are very different with how the pandemic has been handled but I do know our hospitals allow family for hospice patients regardless of covid status. I hate that they out her on a covid floor without her being diagnosed. You would think they would have a floor for those that are unconfirmed to prevent unnecessary potential exposure.

Shae just echoing previous advice. That it would still be highly unlikely and definitely wouldn't say anything to SO unless you did become pregnant. Also, never to do it again as a pregnancy is better when you both want it. I understand though it is easy to make a bad decision when you are feeling broody.


Winter that was one from the FB group. I cooked mine in the instant pot last night and let it set overnight in the fridge. Made the chcoclate ganache and chocolate icing this evening.

It sounds like you have a good plan. I have heard of both weight loss and getting thyroid levels back on track aiding fertility. FX everything works and you get your rainbow baby, dear

Side note all this talk about "Quest" makes me want to hurl. LOL, sorry PTSD from drawing labs for HH on our state Medicaid patients. I had to drop their labs off at Quest and I'd have to drive sometimes 45 minutes to drop off labs and had to be dropped off before 330. Ugh, major PITA.


AFM, made the red velvet cheesecake. V and S even ate some. I am hoping to take some over to inlaws tomorrow so we don't eat all of it.

E had her 15 month check up today so shots as well. She did pretty well. She is my shorter baby at this age. Only a little over 30 inches tall. Maybe all my kids won't be taller than me. I highly suspect V and S will be taller than me.

Work is going okay. Steady but not crazy.

Had a fairly good Valentines Day. I worked but we got sushi for dinner. We gave the girls their treats which they have enjoyed. Hoping to maybe get a couples massage booked whenever DHs mom is off work due to no parts (fairly common since the pandemic began).

 

[shaescott]

Winter only thing about the myoinositol is that it’s sometimes used as an alternative to metformin so it could cause mild hypoglycemia, I think it does it to me because I get way more (mild) headaches when I’m taking it and feel dizzy easier, I just have to make sure I don’t go a long time without eating anything. I take half the recommended dose as well, I think I take 1,000 mg? Not sure though. I already run low glucose wise, 2 hours after a meal in college I got it checked in a sim lab on diabetes and it was in the 70s. So if your fasting glucose is like 95 (which is normal), I’d imagine it’s less likely to give you hypoglycemia.

Hopefully making those changes will improve your health/fertility and the time will allow you to heal emotionally

Based on the Quest test order form they sent me, the blood gets tested at a Quest lab, not sent to Modern Fertility for testing. So, very reassuring to me regarding accuracy of numbers.

Flueks sorry that’s annoyingly early in the day to have to have all the specimens to them.
I worked Valentines Day too, but we went out for dinner when I got home, so reservations were at 8:45 pm lol

 

[shaescott]

Completely unrelated, would it be too extra and dramatic to have a musical cue for the kiss at the wedding ceremony I’m not talking like an instrumental cue, I’m talking the chorus of “a moment like this” by Kelly Clarkson blasting the moment the pastor says “you may kiss the bride”
I made a video with the song and timing to show you guys but it says the file is too large agggghhh

 

[gigglebox]

Winter, yeah, I don’t think he’ll ever be super enthusiastic about another baby — he never has been. Part of that is because he has a fear of me dying during childbirth, compounded by the fact that I almost did with ds2…((insert awkward nervous laugh here)). Anyway we’ve been talking again, I think we may go for it, at least for one try.
How did the day without hubby go? Ahhh the ol’ transition into a different bed. Fun times. It was a breeze for me with 1 & 2 but 3 has been difficult for everything. In fact he’s laying in bed with me right now. He is far and wide the kid that has spend the most time in our bed. I spent the first several months cosleeping with him because he just refused to sleep anywhere else but on me. Now he gets up twice a night and the crawls into our bed around 6. He may or may not fall back asleep. Right now he’s drawing with his fingers on my face lol. I’m sure we’ll eventually train him out of this but since he may be my last I’m in no rush.
Anyway I hope he settled down for you. Good luck, I legit have no suggestions but offer you hope and solidarity!

More response later

 

[gigglebox]

shae, my first thought was, "Yeah I've heard of modern family...I haven't seen it in awhile but I remember it being funny" definitely read it wrong! No, I hadn't heard of modern fertility. It may be something I look into if we have trouble conceiving this go around (if that's even what we're doing). Are you going to have it done? I think you should keep it in mind but I don't know that there's reason for it unless you have trouble ttc.
and I ask again...any inkling on the proposal? Also where did you eat for Valentine's?
Ok not going to lie, your music when you kiss sounds cheesy as heck but to each their own I think the moment will be sweet enough without the extra! Why not play it after they announce you as man and wife to walk back down the isle together to? I also think it would work if you make a wedding video and editing it in at that moment, but I don't think you need it for the actual moment you kiss as man and wife. Just my two cents you do you!

Fluek yeah I think we can swing a 4th, we've be saying for years "we could if we had to", as in we were still going to continue with withdraw method and if we had an oops we could deal with it. The difference now is I am hoping for it, haha. Also our house isn't huge but we have two rooms in the basement that could become bedrooms if we put in egress windows, which we've been discussing for a while to make at least one a legal bedroom for guests. So the house we're in definitely has room to "grow into it". Hubby's business is doing well so we're hoping it pulls in some more profit this year and we can get some things done around here we really want. The priority right now is to finally put up a fence so the kids have a yard to play in where they don't have to be monitored as closely. Secondly is a fireplace. Then the windows. We are going to try and do the fence as cheaply as possible, probably putting up posts and then using heavy gauge wire for it instead of cross beams. Lumber is just so dang expensive right now. And we're in the country so we can get away with the wire fence in conjunction with that we'll be paying off our credit card, then we'll look into the fireplace and window.

ugh running "gopher" errands for quest diag. sounds miserable. I hate driving for so long for something like that. Unless I'm going somewhere to spend some time, long drives are such a pain! Oh my gosh that cake looks so lovely!!! Like even your photo of it and the presentation of it is nice. How did it taste?

 

[WinterBub]

Hmmm, that's really interesting re: myoinositol. I will have to do some reading on it. One of my questions for the RE is whether metformin would help me

I like the idea of using the song for a wedding video. I like romantic cheesy stuff and would find it cute if you used it for the first kiss and I was there. I would just worry that the timing wouldn't come together or it would somehow not come off as the movie moment I'm picturing. I love the wedding planning and dreaming such a beautiful moment in your life. Let us know how the Modern Fertility draw goes. It is really interesting that more and more of this stuff is opening up to us without having a Dr in between. I guess you need to see a Dr if you find a problem.... But nice they don't gatekeep so much any more.

I think it is a man thing re: wanting babies, Giggle... My OH loves LO and is a really good Dad, but he wouldn't have had kids if I hadn't wanted to. He would've been happy travelling and living that independent adult life. I just don't think that they have the same drive. Frankly, I'm surprised after all my experiences that I still really want a baby. But that yearning is so strong. My OH is more just into the making of a baby I guess it's how our hormones drive us vs how theirs drives them? Like I said- I would be good with Hubby being happy but not super excited and giddy. And frankly, mine doesn't let me push him if he really doesn't want to do something. He'll let me have my way on some things, but wouldn't ie. knock me up if he absolutely didn't want to. Just my two cents!

That cake is amazing, flueky! You have a real talent! And I'm sad we're not IRL friends, so that I could partake in the eating I'm also really happy for you feeling so content and complete with your family. And thank you so much for the kind words and support re: a rainbow for us .

Lol at Quest bringing up bad memories I used to hate going there, until they built a swanky new office near us. It isn't too far of a drive and is genuinely nice and new. I can imagine having to go out of your way there being super irritating. They're always quite grumpy to deal with, too!

Your little guy sounds sweet, giggle. It kind of comes across that he's a rough and tumble type on the outside but a softy deep down. The nap went ok in the end. Fingers crossed he will keep on napping.... Wanting to keep that going for a while yet! He clearly still needs it. Can go a day without, but is a mess if he goes multiple days without a nap. Also feeling quite hopeful- OH sounds open to IVF, which is probably my preference at this point. I'd prefer to do it the old fashioned way, but after these experiences worry about genetic issues etc. So, happy that he seems open to it. Will see what he thinks (and what I think) after we see the RE.

 

[gigglebox]

Yay winter!! I’m glad he’s receptive to ivf! That is huge news and good to hear. Did you have an analysis done on the last pregnancy? Sorry if that is intrusive. I get your desire for ivf though, especially if it’s covered. I’d hate to have to go through everything again and wait even longer to go the ivf route down the road. I’d be bearing myself up for not doing it earlier so I get it, makes total sense to me. At least this way is certain.
Bye My hubby is like yours, if he really doesn’t want something he will not bend.