General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Flueky my mom agreed to hospice but they didn’t start before she went to the ER. And once there my mom agreed to a bunch of treatments that effectively nullified her hospice. They do allow visitors for hospice patients.

Shae saw this and thought of you.

I am reading but I barely have the energy to get through each day. Sorry. Love you all

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby, okay I got you. Well hope that you get to see her soon.

Gigs, well it sounds like it is doable and since you are on the fence, I would lean team baby#4.

Yeah sadly our own hospitals lab dept won't except our state Medicaid labs unless they are ordered STAT. Medicaid pays so little so lots of places don't accept them. For a time we wouldn't see patient's with that insurance so they came to us to work out an agreement because other HH agencies wouldn't take them either. In any case it is just a huge burden to interrupt your day taking about 90 minute to the lab and back to your territory of patient's.

Thank you! It was as good as it looked. I asked DH if he liked this one or the Reese one I made for Christmas and he couldn't choose lol

Also isn't funny how which one is the toughest kid varies. My 2nd was my most challenging one as a baby. She loves cuddles and is also a dang daredevil.

Shae do whatever you want for your wedding. If you like it, then do it I had both my dad and step dad walk me down the aisle. I did what made me happy and DH happy.

Winter lol you are right the guys are more into the making of a baby, hehe.

Awww thank you for the compleliment. Ugh I need some mom friends for sure and like to feed people food. Always makes me feel good when someone enjoys what I fix.

As for Quest the staff was always nice to me but would complain about a fellow nurse' poor handwriting. They liked me cause I wrote legibly LOL

I'm glad DH is more receptive. You will have to keep us posted.


AFM we stopped by my FIL and step MILs. Dropped off some baby things, maternity clothes for SIL. I've softened up a lot and feel like she has matured some. She us having a babu shower in April and getting excited.

DH was talking on the way home that he hoped when she has her newborn I don't get baby fever because he wasn't going to get a reversal (I wouldn't ask him to anyways). I told him about how there were times I've hoped for that 1 in a 1000 cchance. He mentioned if it happened he would be okay and kind of happy. I told him I am happy with our life us progressing and that we get to move on as well as all the girls having their own rooms and I have my own office. I still don't believe it will happen and not hoping for that 1/1000 chance. It is really nice to be at peace. I'm not sure what happened but I'm thankful because I was scared it would never go away. Sorry for the long vent.


Bleh some kind of sucky news from work. Not the worst but it won't be a pleasant week for me next month. Will see if I can at least get paid extra. I'm salary so they may not allow it. Handling calls that our nurse call center would normally handle. I won't be the one to make visits but I will also get the dumb calls at 2 a.m. that someone doesn't want PT to come out later that day, etc. It's just a week though and I can handle that.

 

[WinterBub]

I'm sorry, Dobby. Wishing you some sort of peace with the situation, and all you have going on

Yes, giggle, I had karyotyping done both times. I will get the results in 4-6 weeks. I just don't want any more loss (or at least to get to the minimum risk level for loss), so IVF seems like the way to go. To be honest, I don't think I really know what all is involved, so we will have to talk about it all after seeing the doctor and actually getting some idea of how that would all go. I'm just happy that he's open to it. There's also no guarantees it would work, which I have to get my head around, too.

Glad that you know hubby would put his foot down if he really didn't want to have another. I hope he gives you some sort of signal that he's a green light and y'all can go for it happily.

Shae, I agree with flueky- do whatever you and your OH want for your wedding! (Love that you had your Dad and Step-Dad walk you down the aisle, flueky!). I babysat for a woman who walked down the aisle with her husband. She basically didn't like the idea of being "given away" and said they wanted to spend their whole wedding day together. I thought that was kind of awesome, and very them.

 

[shaescott]

Gigs I have no inklings on the proposal because he hasn’t figured out what he’s going to do yet, he told me so himself the ring is hiding somewhere in our bedroom, it arrived yesterday. Speaking of which…

Fedex apparently does not care about packages requiring signatures, because the worker who brought the ring package marked that we signed for it and left it at our apartment door (and it’s corridor style, the door is inside and lots of people walking by it). A $1700 ring. None of us were home, SO texted me asking if I’d come home early from work (nope) because the tracking said it had been signed for. I found it when I got home from work, thank GOD. We never complain about stuff because we’ve worked retail and all that, we get how the jobs suck, but he’s 100% going to file a complaint for that. That’s just unacceptable.

Anyway, the package was perfectly intact so I put it on his chair and behaved and didn’t open it. I want to see it soooo badddd uggghhh, he said it was smaller than he expected (I’m a size 4 and 1 carat isn’t actually large, I told him) but he said it was pretty and the gold heart accent looked really good. So yeah it’s hidden and he said he booby-trapped it so he’d know if I found it idk if he’s bluffing but I ain’t trying to test it.

Winter if your genetic results come back abnormal, then IVF might be a good option, I would agree. It is a pretty intense process though, from what I’ve heard.

Re: wedding cheesy music, I do worry it would not have the intended effect or the timing would be off.

 

[gigglebox]

oh my gosh shae!! Fedex is CRAP. Seriously, they are the worst service. If i shop online and have a choice to go with someone else, even if it's a little more, I do it to avoid FedEx. Right now I'm waiting on a package that has taken 10 days to ship, and it's still not here. It shipped from Texas, so yes, in the states. They also throw stuff down at my house (ok maybe that's an exaggeration, they just drop it wherever...although USPS does that, too). I can't believe they just dropped it off at an apartment complex! I mean at least leave it with the front desk! Just wow.

I agree with all of the above, you do you on your wedding day; ours was somewhat traditional with also being extremely nontraditional and it was perfect. Actually our wedding has a reputation of being the most fun anyone had attended. Both my parents walked me down the isle (I didn't feel like I was my Dad's to "give away", both my parents raised me, my Mom possibly moreso). We got married on Friday the 13th and had a superstition themed wedding. My dress had black on it. Both the bouquet and the garter were caught by men, and yes, they went forward with having one put the garter on the other's leg, with his teeth -- and because the guy who caught the bouquet had pants on, and sliding a garter over pants is a challenge, he dropped his pants for the event, center of the dance floor. Everyone was pretty smashed by then and no one was appalled, everyone was hooting and hollering, and the photo of that moment lives forever in my wedding album, lmao!!

Winter do you have any further appointments booked? I don't know much about ivf, except I do believe you are injected with hormones to make you hyperovulate (or whatever it's called) and then have to retrieve the eggs produced; not sure if it's vaginally done or through the abdomen? Outside of that I'm not sure. I would hope whatever you pay include more than one attempt if the first doesn't work. Will you be NTNP until then or preventing?

omg fluek "She loves cuddles and is also a dang daredevil." that it definitely my third. I'm glad you are in a place of peace with your family. I hope to get there myself! That is not fun about work. I hated when I got assigned someone else's job, of course when they did it to me it was on top of my other responsibilities. And then the manager of that department fired people and permanently dumped some of the work on me without a raise....that was fun. I quit that job, and eventually that manager got fired, haha. She was awful. Anyway is your SIL having a boy or girl? Are your families close?

afm...
Had another serious discussion with hubby last night on the ttc#4 saga. He has a lot of concerns about world issues, and with me having surgery again, and how I'll mentally cope with 4. He also has concerns about the fact that we have very limited help; my mom is 2 hours away and my MIL is often dealing with my SIL/BIL's kids -- and when they need babysitting, we are put on the back burner. They always get priority, which is frustrating as all get out. He's also concerned about the health of him mom (I am, too) and the age of my mom. Then there's also the financial aspect of all of it. He said he would love a bigger family, but all these things play a factor and are not in our favor. He said maybe if my mom moved closer, but I also have to realize we're "hitting the reset button" on our freedom, and I personally would be giving up a lot for another kid -- I'd probably have to give up my youtube channel, and disc golfing would be out of the question for the first 6 months +...and then we wouldn't be able to travel as soon as we'd like (I'd like to visit my brother at some point, or at least meet him somewhere in between with all the kids). He said he feels like we're just starting to hit our stride and he doesn't want to mess it up. I expressed that I want a large family, and he's trying to assure me or family *is* large....I guess it just doesn't feel that way to me because I had 2 siblings and that didn't feel like a "large" family.

I'm also really trying to decide for myself why exactly I want another kid -- what will it add to the family? They have a really good dynamic as it is. I know it's because I want to experience pregnancy one more time, and I want to add more joy to the family. I get a lot of joy out of seeing my kids all play together, or opening gifts on Christmas, etc. But there's no guarantee another kid would fit in with the others, and that's, like, what, 4 years before he/she is at an age they can really interact with the others...

So at this point I just hope to lose my hope for one more, haha. I am really going to make an effort to get the idea out of my head.
We actually agreed to just not try now, and re-assess in a few months, which is fair, but logically I feel like it's a bad idea and I don't want to want another kid....if that makes sense?

So in conclusion, no baby making in my foreseeable future, and I hope to be on the team "3 is good for me" with Flueky

 

[WinterBub]

giggle. Ugh, these things are hard, aren't they? Are you able to join a class or get really involved in a hobby or something like that? Just thinking of ways to enjoy the "freedom" of having slightly bigger kids/something to put your energy into. I don't like the gym rofl but know a few people who felt really fulfilled getting super into fitness. I should look at fitness classes near me that would give me something to do, and obviously help with weight loss. You do have a big family for today's standards, but I totally get it. I wanted 5, and have at this point certainly made peace with not getting there. I think your plan sounds right: shelve it in the short term and see how y'all feel in a little bit

That's ridiculous with the package, Shae. every delivery company just dumps stuff in our doorstep, too. I hate it as we are made by our insurance to get medications in the mail. I don't like medications and all the paperwork with personal info left outside. The least they could do is ring the door bell! In any case... Glad the ring made it safe and sound. Eeeep! Exciting!!

I'm wondering what the genetic report will say. I assume there was an issue, so will be surprised if it comes back normal. I still think something is "off" with me. I used to get really clear ovulation pain every month (before I realized what it was I thought I was getting AF like 2 weeks later every month... Not sure how that didn't click ). That hasn't been the case since Nov 2020. I had a few months that were normal post-bf, and then it all seemed patchy. So, maybe the PCOS? The month i conceived this time, I thought that we'd avoided the whole week of ovulation!! Anyway... It seems like IVF is a really intense 4-6 weeks, but obviously well worth the struggle if you get a baby in the end. We will definitely avoid- I get pregnant at the drop a hat , which is kind of the problem. Not sure why my body is so keen to give non-viable pregnancies a go. I will talk to the RE about what he advises I do for now if we'd want to maybe do IVF in August. I think they put you on the pill beforehand to override your natural cycle.

Here's my question. We have two IVF options. What would you do?
1. Clinic run by one doctor, very short and easy drive, do like the Dr, didn't like the business feel of the office (they are clearly taking a cut every step of the way and push things like vitamins purchased there). Expert in genetic testing seemingly runs that part of it.
2. Large hospital system IVF program. Would have the security of a large system, but have to drive an hour into downtown city. Likely less personable experience.

 

[WinterBub]

Also- anyone ever tried acupuncture for anything?

 

[gigglebox]

If you are comfortable saying "no thank you" to all the add-ons, I'd go for #1. In my experience, the less I dread doing it the easier it is to do and stick with. If I had to drive an hour for each appointment, that would burn me out, especially if it isn't successful, I'd feel like I wasted a lot of time. If you like the doctor that's a big deal, too. Could you find out the success rate of both places?

Haha, I am SO busy if I just stick to what needs to be accomplished, and if I indulge in hobbies, so shouldn't have a problem filling my time with something else. That was something hubby said too, I already keep myself so busy as it is! He's not wrong. The past few days I've been trying to clean up around here. Our hose isn't in shambles or anything but it's cluttered and needs some "deep" cleaning, like cabinets scrubbed, etc. Yesterday was project "clean pencil marks off the wall", of which there were many. I also started the very long process of taking Christmas decorations down outside -- I had a ton up this year to try and honor my Dad who loved decorating for Christmas with lights. I also transplanted some bushes recently as we have 9 acres to tend to and have a bunch of outdoor projects to address/start for the upcoming growing season. I also, the other day, removed literally everything from my linen closet, am donating a bunch from there, folded everything, and organized it. It looks so much better! I need to do that to every drawer/room in my house, haha. I'm also diving into this keto thing and trying to lose weight. Hubby is going "balls to the wall" with it, including water fasting, and is having amazing success. He's down almost 30lbs since last month!!! He feels great and looks great. My progress is much slower going...I've only been at it a week but only down 3lbs :/ and I don't feel great. I feel OK, but I'm having some trouble at night; the past few days when I carry ds3 back to his room (he's about 35lbs) it makes my heart pound, like it's too much work, and then I feel sick. It passes and it only happens when I lift him. From what I've read it's entirely possible I'm not drinking enough water while doing this, or I may not be getting enough salt into my modified diet. I am working on those and will see how it goes....

So as you can see, no shortage of things to occupy myself with! lol! We are also planning on a short family trip soon to visit my mom. She's always coming down here to watch the kids and I think she's a little hurt we don't go up there...it's just really hard with my youngest who doesn't sleep well anywhere and who gets car sick :/

 

[gigglebox]

sorry for the super long responses...this is what happens when I respond on my laptop vs. the phone haha

 

[MrsKatie]

@gigglebox here i am responding to you again haha, I cured those issues with “ketoade”- lemon juice, 2-3 scoops natural calm or another good magnesium source, 1/2 tsp Himalayan pink salt, 1/2 tsp potassium chloride (can sub cream of Tartar) or “lite salt” (has potassium chloride). Add to a big mason jar of water. You’ll feel way better. I drink that daily, it cures those heart issues and “keto flu” feelings. Good luck. I am still carrying around an extra 30lbs from baby 5. Meanwhile DH quit dairy and sugar and got lean, ripped, and hot as hell in like 3 weeks. Sigh.

 

[WinterBub]

I figured just with homeschooling alone you probably have busy days! I just sort of mean like a passion project- something that's really enjoyable and engrossing to get into. Although maybe you already have those projects.

I'm also enjoying getting into trying to lose weight/be healthy. It's all very interesting. I had a protein bar for breakfast today and am amazed that I didn't eat anything else until lunch. Didn't even think about it! I'm going to take it easy for another week, then pick up the exercise. I need a new tv show to get into- I was doing work outs on the elliptical (were those people who bought exercise equipment during the pandemic), and quite enjoying it. It's all the better when I have a show I really want to watch, and tell myself that I can only put it on on the elliptical. Maybe it's finally time to watch Game of Thrones?! I also dug out a Jillian Michaels work out dvd (when did I even buy it?!)

Just my two cents- but I wouldn't go on with a diet if you're getting symptoms like that. Not worth it for any extended period of time. I guess perhaps if Mrs Katie's drink helps maybe I would. Alternatively- would you be allowed Pedialyte on the diet?

So annoying that men lose weight so easily! My OH lost 20lb at the start of the pandemic, seemingly with pretty minimal effort. Sigh. He does work out properly (and enjoys it), so I guess he did put effort in. But I will have to grind it out to lose 15lb, he just worked out a bit and made some diet tweaks. Blah.

 

[WinterBub]

And thank you for the IVF choice feedback. I think you do go a lot during the time you're doing it, so closer would be much more reasonable. Especially as LO would be doing some mornings at preschool. Not sure I could even get downtown and back in time to collect him. My OH hasn't been to see the Dr before (he's been home watching LO while I went). So, will see what he says. I just tend to like the security of a bigger system.

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter I think Gigs insight was good sorry I don’t have any

gigs hugs about team 3 but I do agree with you that not everyone regrets not having that additional kid. You just focus on loving your family as is and the perks that come with it

Shae that’s so stressful glad the ring came. It may seem small but it sounds like you have a small hand. Our jeweler said my ex was lucky I have small fingers because a smaller diamond would look big. I’m a size 5.5 and diamond was just about a half carat. I thought it was perfect. I wanted clarity over size though. The sparkle was more important to me so my diamond was nearly flawless. Good for you for not peeking and yes it’s your wedding do what you want

Fluek sorry about the stressful change at work hugs

hospital is discharging my grandmother to her healthcare center. Mom and doctor brother are talking to the hospice people today to make arrangements. I’m so exhausted because I’m fielding calls when they can reach my mom. I just want to scream and cry all the time but I can’t because I’m at work. But I’m saving my days for when they bring her to my mom’s. My coworker put some wine in my box because I’m just a mess

 

[WinterBub]

Dobby. That's great news that she's at least getting discharged back to her healthcare center. I'm sorry for the stress, worry, and heartache. She's so lucky to have you all looking out for her.

 

[gigglebox]

Dobby so sorry I had to deal with calls when my Dad died and it was the worst, but I tried to look at it as helping my mom out when she really, really needed it and tried to focus on feeling useful vs. the stress of it all. I hope this isn’t too hard of a question but do they expect her to pass? I’m just confused by her going to hospice but the also being released to your mom’s house…? Unless I read that wrong…also I hope you’re careful with that wine

@MrsKatie thanks for coming over here and giving me the tip!! Do you have to drink it daily? My thought is if this is a long term issue, it may not be a good long term diet for me. For the record I am taking lots of supplements including magnesium, but hey doesn’t hurt to take a little more. I am wondering if I came off sugars and carbs too abruptly and maybe need to do it more gradually, I don’t know. But the drink sounds like a good place to start! How long have you been doing keto?

ugh the men losing weight so easily kills me! Especially right now, I’m getting (irrationally) emotional about how I can’t devote my body to making a life, nor can I get this weight off…watching my husband do it with ease is depressing and making me feel like a fatass, frankly.

Winter good luck on your weight loss journey! I did have a thread on here for weight loss support, maybe I’ll update it later and continue on with it there as something to focus on. Is the preschool for your LO a new thing? How are you feeling about it? Definitely look up some reviews of the two places

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs. Yeah it sucks.

I honestly don’t know. Doctors have been wrong before, and she might perk up once she’s with family. But I think her quality of life sucks so she should let go. She’s seen her family through a lot. Her big dream was to see us go to college. My mom did, my siblings and I did, she’s got teachers and soon to be doctor and lawyer, she’s got a host of great grandkids, I bought a condo. This is supposed to be her last life before nirvana as well.

She had to go from the hospital to her healthcare facility for logistical purposes. She has to stay with the healthcare people three days to discharge with them before she can come home. But my mom agreed to start hospice care before she’s transported home

I’m not really drinking lately. Not part of my lose weight program. Which has stalled because I can’t will myself to spin when I can barely find the energy to stand on my two feet. I had a bottle I opened for Valentine’s that I had over the course of three days. Actually didn’t care enough to remember to bring the wine home.

 

[gigglebox]

I'm sorry Dobby, it will all be ok. It just sucks so hard to lose someone, or see that it's around the corner, even if it's expected and perhaps the best, merciful thing. What a life it sounds like she's lived! And wow, I really hope I have the ability to live to see all the things I hope for. That's primarily seeing my kids grow up happy, and then I want to meet all of my grandkids and spend quality time with them. I'd love to be a great grandma one day, but who knows....I guess it's a possibility!

And Dobby if you want to rejoin me on the weight loss thread, I've gone and posted in it again and probably will continue to do so as I attempt to lose the weight (and fail at it, evidently). I am about to go update there now. Super discouraged this morning...but I will keep weight loss stuff over there.

btw that's an open invite to anyone who wants to obsess over weight with me

 

[WinterBub]

I'm sorry, Dobby. it's so hard to see someone you love suffering. I hope that you can all get her into a comfortable situation. I'm sure she's very proud of you all- I would be in her shoes.

Pre-school will be new, giggle. He doesn't start until August/September time. He's definitely ready and will love it (and I hope it will help with his speech), but he needs to be totally potty trained by then. He's interested but doesn't get it just yet... Thinking that around easter we will bite the bullet and spend a week or so where we basically don't leave the house and just get it done. We went to an indoor play center today, and he had the best time. We got to the car and the first thing he said was "I want to go back there again".

And really- the man weight loss thing is so frustrating. Damn it, hormones!!!

 

[gigglebox]

ohhh that's right I'm sorry, I know we had talked about this with regard to how it would be beneficial to his speech. That's so cute about the play center!! Did he play with other kids there? Was it the type of place you kind of release the kids and observe at a distance?

Ugh...hubby came home at lunch, and I'm in a grumpy mood. He just looks at me and says, "Hey, I never said we wouldn't try for a fourth. We agreed to reassess in a couple of months. I never said 'no', that's in your head." I love him, I know he's trying to make me feel better but this has actually made things worse for me...I was adjusting to the idea of being done since he seemed like he was leaning pretty heavily towards "no"...And after today being rough, I just don't even want to think about dealing with a baby.

Honestly it's mostly my 3yo. He is a tough, tough nut. Hubby also said he would help me any way he can, so to me that is going to be helping with trying to sleep train ds3. This is crazy. He's up every night at least twice. He's just so trained to sleep with milk I think he's unable to self-sooth, and he wants me, specifically. We're going to move him into the boys' room (the other two share) and see if it's just that he's alone; maybe with the others there he'll just stay in there and not get up multiple times to pull me out of bed.

Anyway I'm just in a mood today. I've been feeling like a badA* mom the past couple of weeks and with me feeling like I'm not making any progress anywhere in my life, I'm just having a rough go today.
I appreciate you ladies letting me vent

I do have a "personal day" tomorrow that will be fun and give me a break, so that will be good. I may be burnt out...MIL hasn't watched the kids in nearly 3 weeks (we ideally have her watch them once a week). So a break will be nice.

 

[Flueky88]

Winter hope he will potty train soon for you. I tried to with V at 3 but she wasn't having it. Tried again a little after 3.5 and it went easy and fast. Also, when LO starts preschool, I hope it goes well.

Dobby, hospice can definitely help improve her quality of life/comfort. I will be praying for you and your family

Gigs, I joined the wt loss thread again.

Also, I can understand DHs concerns. I am sorry it is such a Rollercoaster of emotions on ttc#4.

So cute that my 2nd and your 3rd are similar. As for SIL, we aren't close relationship and distance wise about 40 minutes.

Shae yes not a fan of FedEx. Glad it worked out though