General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[gigglebox]

Ok i swear I’ve read this page about three times but always at night in bed and keep passing out before I respond.

fluek your time off sounded fun and productive! The type of experiences that make you feel like you’re killin’ this mom thing. How wonderful, love that you all had a good time at the zoo and your bday gift was a huge success. You’ve inspired me a get my kids back to the zoo.

dobs I’m happy to hear from you more than just a few words OA sounds like he’s been totally appropriate during this time which is really encouraging. Interesting about his daughter. How does that make you feel? Is there a little relief there knowing he can relate to having a child with extra needs?

winter I LOVE say yes to the dress! I also was totally hooked on that david tuterrs wedding show. So good. And wtf on assuming girl?? People are weird. I’d get it if they asked because they didn’t want to assume but to assume girl is just confusing.

shae 6dpo now right? When are you testing! I love your dress choices. I think it was a Maggie sottero dress in blush that i fellin love with online but never tried it on. No one carried it and one store could get it but i would have had to pay $75 to ship it to the store!! Would have been a huge waste if I didn’t like it so i declined. I actually kind of have wedding dress regret, i was so set on a black and white theme…i was debating between two dressed and wish in retrospect i went with the other that was all white but didn’t quite match my wedding. Oh well! Funny thing is I knew back then that in the future I’d probably regret the choice and still think about it years later and here we are (11 years later).

pretty, you are looking good and pregnant! How are you feeling physically? Your kiddos are so cute. Mine won’t let me dress them but i love the matching outfits!!

afm been feeling down as I’m considering stopping my youtube channel, or maybe just scaling back a lot. I don’t know. I found out yesterday that due to an underestimation mistake by our accountant, we owe $2265 in taxes -.- makes me feel discouraged about trying to earn extra income when Uncle Sam takes so much of it. I enjoy it but hubby thinks it takes too much of my time and isn’t worth it. I’m thinking about maybe crafting a bit more and doing smaller, local sales for extra money. The online stuff is just too much work as a part time job plus a full time mom. I just really enjoy making my own money. Hubby isn’t opposed to me using our money for personal things but i feel wing doing it. Like guilty if i but jewelry or something.

anyway we are getting so busy with farming and gardening that time is less on my side these days. We are expanding our flock into chickens which is exciting! We got 12 chicks yesterday from tractor supply and bought 15 more from an online hatchery that will be delivered at the end of the month. I also got 8 geese which I am beyond thrilled about!! I will probably sell a few but we’re at least keeping 3-4. I love geese!

 

[shaescott]

GIGS I’ve been waiting for you to return so you can tell me about your breaking pullout rules experience! SO went back in 20 min later and didn’t pee in the mean time. Also earlier on he had a premature spurt outside me then went back in. Reeeeally hoping it was enough to catch an egg.

Sorry to hear about the tax issue. I need to do my taxes, I’ve been procrastinating. I don’t expect to owe, but it would really suck if I did.
How exciting about the chickens! I can’t wait to get my own property and farm and stuff, but land is SO expensive and so are houses these days. I want a really good sized lot and they’re going for the normal price of a house pre-real estate bubble.

ETA: I’m testing at 10dpo

 

[DobbyForever]

Sick. Will respond eventually

but gigs awesome about expanding the flock. My friend saw a cool looking duck and thought about you

 

[gigglebox]

Eeww that’s a muscovy. I think they are ugly but people love them. Not my taste!

shae both my suspected chemicals happened with similar situations. Actually I think both happened with the pull out, come a little, wipe off, then go back in situation. But both were suspected c/p’s, not confirmed…so who knows…?

i did get pregnant (ended in mc) one month where we had that kind of sex, but also we had “full on bd” 3-4 days before ov so could have certainly been that as well.

I’d realistically say your odds are small but you never know!

 

[WinterBub]

Ugh, sorry about the tax bill, giggle. That's the worst. We had something similar happen one year, and it stunk if you feel the YouTube channel is too much for you to handle, then stop. But if you love it and feel that you get something out of it, then I'm team keep it! It is hard as a Mom to work out ways to meet people or have meaningful hobbies. So, go with what you feel is best for you. Awesome that you got new birds! I'm not cut out for farm life, so let me live through you!

When are you 10dpo, Shae? It's so hard to know when to buy property. It seems likely interest rates will go up, which may push house prices down. But who knows these days. I kept waiting for covid to kill the housing and/or stock market, and everything just went up. There was a NYT articles about the PPP loans, and (if I recall it correctly) basically 70% of that money ended up in the hands of the top 20% of earners. So I guess you can extrapolate that and figure out why the stock market went through the roof.

Hi Dobby. Good to see you

 

[WinterBub]

Ps. Have you ever seen a black swan in person? They are terrifying!

 

[shaescott]

Gigs thanks, I thought you’d had chemicals from it, just wanted to double check, especially considering the name of this thread

Winter I’m 10dpo on Monday.
In reality we’ll probably have to just go to a different apartment complex, see if we can find a quieter one. Or, see if there’s any houses for rent when we get closer to the end of our lease, we give 3 months notice I believe to this complex.

Dobs I hope you feel better

 

[gigglebox]

Lmao!!! I have not. Only the white ones. I DID however see Black Swan the movie and thought it was disturbing af! Lol

 

[gigglebox]

THREE MONTHS NOTICE??? That is unheard of here!!! One month is the norm, 2 months is still crazy. When is your lease up?

 

[WinterBub]

We lived in a big apartment complex years ago, and the terms were pretty heavily weighted in favor of the building owners! We probably bought the wrong house because OH refused to sign on for a longer lease or go month to month. The month to month rent was outrageous. IMO, should have done it to choose the right house (this one has a terrible layout), but what's done is done!! I think if we had tried to end the lease early we would've paid out for at least 3m. They hold all the power, basically.

 

[shaescott]

Gigs my lease is up in September. I also have to keep reminding myself that while I can technically afford the $1730 rent on my own, I am getting $576 back every month from our roommate, I always have plenty to pay the full amount by check before he Venmo’s me rent, but I do have that money after to add up for the next month. Rent in Nashua is just crazy high. I’m thinking about renting a condo or townhouse but there’s still neighbors across the wall and it’s generally over $2000 a month in rent. There’s also a lack of availability. We also have to discuss the roommate situation with him, because eventually we’re going to want to live totally on our own, especially if I get pregnant. Our roommate hates kids, so even if we were cool with it, he wouldn’t be. He can’t afford the rent around here on his own. He might be able to move up to Manchester as he has some friends that rent together up there, but that would be even further from his current job. I know it’s not technically my problem, but I really don’t want to be the reason he has to move back in with his parents, ya know? At the same time, he literally lives off of canned soup and spaghetti-os if SO or I don’t cook, so idk how he’s going to feed himself well on his own lol. Kinda annoying, tbh. He rarely does dishes either. So yeah, there’s a lot to discuss. I looked at some condos nearby for availability and they don’t seem to have the availability past July available, so we’ll just have to wait another 2 months I think. It’s just so hard to know if a place will really be quiet or not without spending a few nights there, and that’s not a thing you get to do prior to signing a lease, generally speaking.

So yeah, AHHHHHHHHHHHH FRUSTRATION. Adulting kinda sucks.

I’m 7dpo today and itching to test but being good and holding out for 10dpo. No symptoms so far except increased anxiety, which may be caused by something else, I have no clue. I got quite overwhelmed at work on Wednesday for no reason. I had a very easy assignment, so it wasn’t that. I just felt like I was having an anxiety attack for no reason at all, for a minute I was worried I’d become nonfunctional and have to go home, my brain was all foggy and I felt so weird. I had a lesser version of the same thing Saturday and Sunday at work, as well as yesterday. Not as bad, but definitely more anxious than normal. Caffeine definitely doesn’t help but I’ve been drinking caffeine for quite a long time nearly daily, it’s not a new trigger. Planning to switch to half decaf when I order coffee starting yesterday, I got 2/3 decaf at my hospital cafe as the large is 3 shots. It’s a good idea, even without the increased anxiety lately. Anyway, I definitely don’t feel pregnant, but I’ve never been pregnant before so I have no clue what it feels like. I’m in that constant back and forth state of “I’m probably pregnant” vs “I’m definitely not pregnant” that I’m in every cycle that I have a tiny chance.

 

[DobbyForever]

Still not here having an emotional pity party. My one bestie is going to her weekly themed girls night and my other has a date because her parents drove over to pick up her kid for the weekend, after they just had her for half a week while my friend had a week off of work, I just want a break. I know it’s my own fault for having a kid with an a**hole and I know I have more support than a lot of moms but I’m f*ing tired and I just want to go out with my friends too

but the real reason I’m here Shae I think it came up but how is the housing market? I know your job is fairly new but could you and SO look into a first time home buyer’s program? Something that might get you down payment assistance as well as maybe a mortgage credit? I’m just thinking why pay nearly $2k in rent if you can pay it as a mortgage

gigs the duck is weird lol I was trying to be nice in case you liked them

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I’m sure it’s really hard having to spend 100% of your time actively being a parent and having no time for yourself.

Re: the housing market, it’s absolutely terrible right now, a seller’s market through and through. I saw a fixer upper house that probably should’ve been condemned for $300k when normally you can get a pretty decent house for that, nothing huge by any means, but a nice little home. We’d be spending $400k+ on a house not much bigger than our apartment on basically no land. For reference, my parents bought their good sized 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house on 5ish acres for $200k back in the mid-late 90s. When the market eventually crashes, if we want to sell, we won’t get nearly what we paid for it. I thought about buying land and buying a log home kit that we would build ourselves (with a professional to pour the foundation of course), but a good chunk of land costs around $100,000 right now, and lots of them don’t even have a clearing to build on. It’s ridiculous.

Now that I’m thinking more about this stuff, I’m trying to save up money for a down payment when the time comes. I’ve been living way too lavishly lol, going to the local health cafe like 4 days a week (aka my days off), eating out too often in general, buying stuff on Amazon all willy nilly. At the moment I only have $4500 in savings and like $1300 in checking (I got paid today and transferred $1000 to savings). Ideally I’d like to put aside $2k a month but I think unless I live like I’m super poor (which I should do but don’t), I can only do $1k aside a month.

I’m in a contract with my current hospital until next January, it’s a retention bonus contract, I get $10k over the course of a year (before taxes unfortunately, so around $7500 in actuality). Once I complete my required time, I might end up becoming a travel nurse. They make a crazy amount of money (like $100 an hour, which is more than triple what I get), and you can do local travel, you don’t actually have to go across the country. That way I can save up for a house much more efficiently.

Unrelated, the urge to test is getting worse. Agh! I know I shouldn’t, but it’s possible I’ll test tomorrow at 8dpo with a cheapie.

 

[WinterBub]

First of all: lol Dobby @ 'i was being nice in case you liked them'.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so burnt out. You have a lot on your plate, and I wish that weren't the case. Thinking of you, and wishing I could take you out or watch A for you. Would you be interested in going out with your guy with A? I know that introduction shouldnt be rushed... So apologies if you hate the idea.

I should follow your lead on the decaf, Shae. I was doing well drinking way less, and now I'm back to drinking tonnes of caffeine Your work contract and job prospects sound awesome, Shae. The travel nurse pay sounds amazing. I'm gonna be irresponsible here and say: enjoy your fun spending! Obviously don't go nuts, but if you can save $1k/month and still have some fun money, then that's a decent deal. Obviously better to save more in the long run, but life isn't any fun if you just work and grind away. We got good advice years ago- not to be "house poor" when we wanted to buy a place. I say that applies to saving up a down payment too. You have your life so together, and should be really pleased with all you've achieved. Re: the roommate... My thought was that that will come to an end organically. Seems like his rent is really helpful to the whole saving issue. Eventually if y'all get married, that would just be a natural point to get your own place (whether it be rented or bought). End of the lease is also a natural break point.

AFM- had my post surgery check up. Baby had an extra chromosome (same as my previous loss). So, basically confirms that egg quality is my problem. So, will see what the fertility specialist says when we see him at the end of the month. I'm sure he'll suggest IVF (which seems like the logical answer). I've made peace with that, and agree that trying again naturally isn't a good idea for us. But my real worry is going through all of that and not having a baby, anyway.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs Winter. It’s such a double edged sword to have an answer. For what it’s worth, I think the internet tends to attract a certain group. I know a handful of couples who did IVF. Most were successful first time, and of those multiple had multiples. I only know one couple irl who struggled with IVF, but that was my friend who was advanced maternal age, had severe endo, and severe pcos. She experienced multiple losses/struggled to conceive. She had given up on being a mom then got pregnant. She did have a third tri loss, but she has two kids now. But with how advanced things are now, it sounds like you mentioned potential for embryo screening prior to transfer? And it does seem like your uterus has been supporting implantation. Hugs. I’m sorry that this journey has been such a tough one.

shae I mean enjoy life while you can cuz once you have kids you’ll be broke forever LOL

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and re going out with dude with A, to each their own but unless I’m seriously considering marrying a guy then I don’t feel he has any business meeting A. I love that my mom never brought her dates/bf’s around. I honestly thought my stepdad was the only guy she dated after my dad. My best friend always has her guys around her kid that is A’s age, and even though they have good conversations around it you can tell it really f*s with her as much as my friend tries to play it off like it doesn’t. My parents will watch A for dates. It’s just hard because usually I schedule them for while he’s sleeping, so then I don’t get a break or I’m stressed about getting back in time. The reason we’ve only had two dates in a month and a half is his custody situation/travel for work. Like today he goes to London for two weeks. So it’s more like when can he pencil me in between work and his daughter. And I know I have next Friday off and I have spring break where A goes to school during the day but it’s not the same as getting a week or whole weekend to myself. I never get to catch up on sleep or rest. Like even Friday I have it off but I have to do errands and clean the house or continue to ignore things and have brunch with my friend but like I can’t really ignore things much longer.

eta re DS its hard because I already have a child with special needs. I hate how much I have to fight to get him services. He lost his s* at speech last week, the doctor had to walk us to my car because I couldn’t get him out of the building safely on my own. It’s one thing to have a second neurotypical child who understands and reacts appropriately. But what if she then also tantrums or bolts? And we’ve both said we want another child, and the idea of being a mom to three kids is already more than I envisioned. Toss in two being neurodivergent and how much he works/travels. Having a child with special needs is not something I would have chosen. So idk. It just depends on how high functioning she is and how she gets along with A and how much support I get from him. I just feel like I’m setting myself up to take care of 2-3 kids mostly on my own. In which case, I’d rather just stay single and be A’s mom.

 

[shaescott]

Winter I had to Google “house poor” lol, shows my lack of knowledge in the area. I would call myself apartment poor. Before taxes I make a bit more than $4k a month, after taxes it’s $3.4k. Rent is half my monthly net pay. I don’t actually see SO’s paychecks but if I apply the same percent of taxes I pay and his hourly wage plus hours, he’s probably getting a net of $2.4K a month. He really only pays for (some) groceries and wifi, I pay both our rent plus electric plus some groceries. We’ve been planning on getting a joint bank account for months to make it fair but he works M-F so it makes it harder to go to a bank and set it up. I’m starting to think that to make it fair, we should have $500 per pay period (2 weeks) for our own frivolous spending desires from our own paychecks, and the rest should go to joint expenses and savings. Idk, I’m processing this as I type lol.

Anyway. Sorry to hear about the chromosomal issue with the latest loss I also assume he will suggest IVF, which does make sense in the circumstances. It does work for most people, so I would be optimistic about it working for you, especially since your uterine lining isn’t the issue, everything else like implantation went fine.

Dobs I have no experience raising a special needs child so I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through. From my limited experience, I know that I do not have the patience at this time to do what you’re doing. I pray that if I end up in the same situation, I will learn patience. But I am aware of the issues especially with boys as they get older and stronger, being more difficult to control during episodes. Sending all the love and prayers for you.

AFM
8dpo and stark white not exactly a shock lol, I knew it was unlikely to show anything even if I am pregnant.

Was a little bit sweaty last night, which is a bad sign for me. I always get night sweats starting a few days before AF. It wasn’t as bad as usual at least, I just was tossing and turning trying to fall asleep because I felt a little bit damp. But still quite possible it’s the beginning of my PMS. Hopefully not. Breasts feel slightly tender but that’s normal for me as well during PMS, so I can’t take it to mean anything. Honestly I feel like I’m not pregnant at this point with the mild sweating. Pretty disappointed, but it is what it is. And better to think I’m not and be pleasantly surprised than think I am and be extra devastated if I’m not.

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs so sorry about the tax bill. Those are never fun I'd say if the YouTube channel is creating more stress than fun, I'd stop. I can see why you'd want to do it though so you have money for yourself.

Yes for chicks and geese!!

Shae oh wow 3 months is a big notice to give! Also it is crazy how expensive rent is. That is more than my mortgage. I understand that with houses being sky high it is a bad time to be a buyer. We bought our 6.2 acres for $65K. The asking price was $90K. I just saw a post on FB for 2 acres at $65K which is crazy to me.

Yes don't be house poor. My payment is around 25% of my net monthly income. With the rising prices of gas, groceries, and really everything I'm thankful I have my cushion. DH pays some bills but to be fair, he only works weekends typically so he makes less than me. Also he watches the girls weekdays while I'm working so we don't have to pay a babysitter or daycare. Saving a ton of money not having to pay for childcare for 3. Save up now for a down payment on a nice place so your payments will be lower

As for the increases anxiety, if walks, yoga, deep breathing doesn't help and it continues then maybe talk to your pcp?

Shae too early to feel disappointed over a BFN. Never had one at 8dpo. I think ICs never showed BFP until 10dpo and there were very faint.

Dobby I'm sorry. It is hard and we all deserve time for ourselves. I hope you can get some time to hang out, date, or you time soon.

I can see why you'd be apprehensive to have 2 neurodivergent kids and not have much assistance. Hell, having 3 neurological kids would be too much for me without a helpful partner. Maybe I'm a wimp.

Winter I'll be praying that IVF is successful if that is what you go through with. Out of curiosity sake, would you opt to do 2 embryos? I know some people want twins or would get mind them.

AFM mother nature is being bipolar. High yesterday was 65. This morning we had 3 to 4 inches of snow.....lows in the teens with wind chills putting us in single digits.

 

[shaescott]

Flueks I’m not disappointed about the bfn, it’s super early. I’m just feeling a sense of “yeah no, you’re not pregnant” especially with the little bit of sweating last night. It doesn’t look good for me.

Also, the weather here is bipolar as well.

 

[shaescott]

Update: having some pelvic/lower abdomen dull cramping, triggered by full bladder all day today but now I’ve peed and it hasn’t gone away. Super mild, but I don’t ever get PMS cramps. Going to be quite annoyed if I’m not pregnant and now I get PMS cramps.