General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - I've never rented a place before, but ya, 3 months notice sounds very excessive. Hopefully you'll be able to find a nice, new place just before your lease is up.
Those dresses are really pretty.
And 8dpo is still a little early. I got a squinter this time round at 9dpo and at 11dpo with Matthew (both with FRERs). So, definitely not out yet.

Dobby - If OA is not allowed to have his daughter overnight, why would you think you'd end up taking care of her by yourself? Even if it got to the point that she could sleep away from her mom, I dunno why she'd be sleeping at her dad's place if he wasn't even home to spend time with her.
How has your grandma been?

Flukey - Glad to hear you enjoyed your time off and that the party and trip to the zoo both went well.

Winter - Ya, some people are just dumb. I've had a few people think Matthew was a girl. That being said, I have no issue having a boy that so gorgeous that people think he's a girl. lol
Going from no kids to 3 is definitely quite a change of heart, but the logistics of finances and where to put everyone really makes it seem like we should stop at three. But, like I've said, we'd just roll with the punches based on whatever life decides to give us.
I'll also be keeping everything crossed hoping that IVF goes well for you. There's always gonna be doubt and fear after a loss. After my one, simple MMC, I was questioning whether I even wanted to put myself through it all again. But then I went on to have perfectly healthy Matthew and now this little girl. It's scary, but you know how much a child is worth it.

AFM, minor hiccup with the sprinkle. Almost right off the bat, we had 3 people say they couldn't make it on the 9th. Two of them were SO's aunt and cousin, who were gonna be flying home from Florida that day. I decided to push the date back two weeks to the 23rd and now they'll both be attending.
My toe is still hurting and is kinda swollen now. Still haven't gotten it checked out and kinda doubt I will. Just gonna deal and hope it feels better when I go back to work after this weekend.
The friend that's throwing my the sprinkle recently found out she's expecting #2. She had some bleeding shortly thereafter, but not much. She just had a scan a couple days ago and there's still a heartbeat. So, we're both super thankful for that.
Lastly, I'm transitioning my hair from blue to purple. Just dyed it tonight, so I'll post some pics tomorrow after it's dry and I've taken a flat iron to it. lol

 

[shaescott]

Still BFN today at 9dpo. Part of me wants to say something’s catching my eye but like… something is always catching my eye lol, I have major line eye.
With and without flash.



Winter glad to hear the hiccup got resolved and that your friend’s scan was good!

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the positivity and encouragement, y'all. It's exciting on the one hand, yet scary on the other. On paper I would love to have twins (and then be done having children after this pregnancy), but I think these days they really encourage just doing one. I will see what the fertility specialist says. I think a lot of these decisions depends on how the egg retrieval etc goes. (How many eggs/embryos, how many test normal etc). Honestly, I would be over the moon with one healthy baby. I'm also relieved to know that covid wasn't a factor in my loss.

I don't see anything on your test, Shae. But I'm not a good test reader FX as always for you. I had never heard the term "house poor" before we were told it. But it is really good advice. It is so easy to lie to yourself and pretend you can afford more than is comfortable. Good luck discussing finances with your OH. Outside advice: I'd want to split those costs close to 50/50. Or maybe work out what is an equal contribution adjusted for your incomes (ifkwim). Ahhh boring adult issues. I saw a meme once that said "being a married adult is texting 'what do you want to do for dinner?' every day for forever" kinda sums it up

Dobby- totally get and respect you keeping A and OA separate. My thought was that if you didn't say anything, A would accept the "Mom's friend" line at this age. But kids do pick up on things. I hope that you get some self care time in. Are you on spring break right now? Hopefully you can at least relax and do some nice little things to recharge this week.

Wow, flueky. It sounds like land is really affordable where you are! We'd love to have some, but here it is kinda expensive or you have to be waaaaaay out, which we don't want when LO starts school etc. So we have close neighbours. One who keeps to himself, and one who dislikes us for no reason. (maybe we're the loud people?!)

Pretty- excited to see your hair! Sounds awesome. And I'm glad that you could change the date of the sprinkle to have all your guests attend. And I hope the toe improves. Did you try the tape? And I'm so glad that you have not one, but two rainbow babies. Have you gotten any further with names?

 

[DobbyForever]

Fluek sorry I forgot to say age ago the birthday and dollhouse sounded absolutely lovely. You’re such a great momma . Weather is a Katy Perry song over here as well. Definitely not that extreme though as it doesn’t snow here though

Shae sorry if it’s new pms cramps. I don’t want to get your hopes up but abnormal cramps that felt similar to af were a telltale sign (in hindsight lol) of four of my pregnancies. I’m not seeing it yet but I’ve also become super guarded now with my line eyes lol. Hugs. Either way, things are moving in the right direction for your family to grow. We’re getting into sooner rather than later territory.

Pretty I’m glad that everything turned out alright with your friend’s scan. I think I had early spotting with A. Can’t remember. Hopefully everything continues to be alright. Glad you were able to find a new date so they could come.

Winter yeah I know my friend tells her kid that they’re mommy’s friend but idk that seems worse to me. Because they are perceptive like you said so either they pick up on it and now you’ve been dishonest or you’ve set inappropriate boundaries for what “friend” looks like. Like my friend’s kid will correct my friend when she tries to say this is her friend. But it’s not that. I don’t want temporary fixtures in and out of his life. It’s really hard on him. Even if it wasn’t, I just really don’t like it. You hear things/see things as a teacher that are so heartbreaking and this is one of them.

I have next Friday off. My mom’s spring break is the second week of April, and she’s taking A for a night so I can stay in the city (SF) with OA. Mine is the third week of April.

re OA I was totally mistaken. He does have his daughter overnights at his place. Just sometimes she gets separation anxiety from her mom, and rather than force her to stay in those moments then he’ll take her back to her mom’s. Which I can understand. If A couldn’t settle down to have his visit with his dad, the supervision center would cancel it. So I literally couldn’t even leave as they often called me to either get A early or to soothe him to try again. I’ve been to his place. She has stuff there (toys, necessities like towels/clothes/toiletries). They cosleep, so she has a cosleeper and bedrail. I get good dad vibes. He clearly advocated passionately for her as a baby, and they do a lot of fun things when he has her. He lights up when he talks about her and clearly loves her deeply. They had a nanny, but not for his time. It was when mom had her to give her a break. But they let her go because they didn’t agree with some of her behavior with their daughter and now have some trust issues with hiring someone. Only issue is neither of them have family in the area to tag in. I do think he couldn’t handle his daughter and A though. Honestly. I don’t think most people can. Like sometimes I just stare at A and think this is why kids with special needs get abused. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. If I was someone else, I could absolutely lose my s* rn. I thought I knew patience as a teacher, but man this is next level. I am very lucky though that with A it’s relatively easy. It’s just when it’s bad, it’s really bad.

My yai is definitely in end stage. She’s still refusing to eat. Max she’ll open for a few spoonfuls of ensure a day. I do think she tried to talk to me yesterday, but she hasn’t said anything audible since she spoke to A. She has a lot of the physical signs that her time is coming. My brother is flying home from Med school this weekend, he would have come sooner, but he was in Cancun and we all told him not to cancel his trip. She honestly would have died a few nights ago. She was having trouble breathing in the middle of the night, and her hospice nurse has been mia. My mom wouldn’t have known what to do and the hospice person didn’t show for 3 hours. Because my Yai has a dnr, no 911 calls. But my brother knew what to do from school/how to get her on the breathing machine. Idk. Anyway. Realistically, I doubt she would have survived if my brother wasn’t there and hadn’t gone to Med school.

 

[WinterBub]

Dobby. Hoping your Grandma is comfortable. Just sending a virtual hug.

And I thought Pretty brought up good points- whatever happens, his DD would likely only be with y'all part time. And only when he was there. So, I totally get the concerns, but it seems unlikely you would be caring for both alone for any stretch of time. It's also impossible to gauge how it would go until you've met the kids and seen how everyone interacts. I think you're like me: plan out for every worst case scenario. But my OH always tells me that that just adds stress overall, and most of the scenarios I game our never come to pass.

 

[DobbyForever]

Lol I definitely plan for all scenarios and it definitely adds to my stress

Ohhhhh I get it. But that wouldn’t be the case. I already discussed that with him. Our expectation is that if we were serious (living together) that he will get a set custody schedule. And the expectation is that schedule will not change dependent on his schedule the way it does now because at that point I would consider his daughter to be my daughter/sister to A and A’s biggest ASD trigger is routine. Ultimately, he will lose out on time. Like I’m open to the occasion switch in advance, but ultimately it’s gonna be a pretty firm 50/50 situation. So it’s sucky for him, but his baby momma will like it. And he likes it in the sense that he does want a 50/50 every other week schedule, he just doesn’t think he can get it in court. Which would be hard esp with his travel. 100. But honestly CA is very pro dad having 50/50 so as long as he proves he has care for her if he has to travel they’ll give it to him. He just needs a good attorney. But he also doesn’t want to rock the boat rn. They have a good situation and he sees his daughter a lot.

but like rn he’s in London for two weeks. So if this first week was ours, second hers, then his return week ours then we wouldn’t change the schedule most likely. Or say he has to go to SF overnight since technically the hq is in SF (he works remote most of the time), then I could end up having her overnight without him.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Winter - I tried taping for like a night, but the tape was garbage and didn't stick to my foot well. It also kinda felt more painful in the morning, so I dunno. Probably just gonna leave it going forward.
We had one name "discussion" where I basically listed off the top 100+ names in The States last year to see what he reacted to. He reiterated his like of Hannah, said Zoey wasn't bad, and didn't have much of an opinion about Layla. A little bit ago, Bailey was brought up again and he's like "kinda like it, but still makes me think of my uncle's dog." I think I'll wait til after my 4D scan on the 19th for further confirmation that it's a girl and then be like "Ok, we need to have a serious talk, cuz if you suggest something new or a name I never considered, I need these 2 months to think about it." Right now though, I'm still kinda feeling Bailey (but maybe spelled Baylee?) and Layla, with Zoey as a runner up.

Dobby - Ok, that makes sense about wanting to keep a solid routine for A and OA's DD. Hopefully it does come to that point that you'll be nicely cohabitating, but for now, you're probably putting the horse way before the cart. I get it though. My mind is always on the go with dozens of scenarios for various things too. Like, it's easier to deal with if I've already though about it instead of getting blindsided.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

shae - Sorry, I'm not seeing a line. Still got a couple more days to go though.

Re: Gas prices. Last week, our gas prices were increasing by like 7 cents a day, maxing out at 190.9/litre (5.69/gallon). Luckily, it's back down by like 20 cents now. Thank God my job pays mileage. And, soon enough, I'll only be driving for daycare drop offs and groceries.

So, here's before bleach, after bleach, and after colour. Needed to get rid of what little blue I had left, so my roots are blue, but the rest is "deep purple". Probably gonna transition to more of a pinky purple when I do it again.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. Hopefully they’re keeping her comfortable with pain meds? Sadly, scary sounding/looking breathing is expected in the death process, but of course if she is awake in distress you step in.

Pretty I like Bailey or Zoey!

Don’t worry guys, I didn’t expect anyone to see anything lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty your hair turned out awesome! All solid name choices. That’s good the prices have stopped increasing. I just filled up today and we’re at $5.99 now. That’s awesome your job covers gas.

definitely a play the dvd forward moment. My time is just super valuable to me, so I don’t see the point in dating him if our life visions don’t fit. We only had the custody conversation after the Disney on Ice fiasco, so we had a 2.5 hour conversation going over our status with our bio partners and what we envision when it comes to what we want for our children. I think it’s similar to being transparent about wanting marriage and kids. If someone adamantly wants kids while the other doesn’t at all, there’s no reason to get entangled with each other. For me, if I’m getting involved with someone who has a child then I expect to become that child’s mom. I don’t see lines of step or half or whatever. We’re a family. So if that isn’t ok with him or her mom, then we can keep seeing each other casually but I’m not giving him access to my heart or my child or my life.

ty for all the well wishes with my grandmother. She ate a little today after my mom told her my brother is coming in a few days. I think she’ll try to hold out to see him and then she’ll let herself go. I’m just hoping she can as j know he’ll feel tremendous guilt having gone to Cancun instead of coming home. Shae yeah she’s got morphine and they make sure to keep her rotating which side she’s putting pressure on/keeping her mouth moist and all that

 

[DobbyForever]

In other news A will not nap on the weekends since my mom moved out. He won’t nap there, he won’t nap here. But he’s so obviously exhausted. Then he’s in a bad mood all afternoon. If I put him in the car to go home, he falls asleep as soon as we hit the freeway. So frustrating

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby, V rarely naps and that's been going on awhile. So feel you on that front.

Sorry the hospice nurse couldn't get there sooner. I hope she can hold out for your brother to visit so she can have that closure.

Pretty LOVE the hair!!! I like Zoey but pick a name you both like

I'm glad you got reimbursed for gas with your job. I don't typically but I also try to drive to the main office about once every other week. Other than that just driving to grocery store is about it.

Sorry the tape didn't help.

Shae the cramps sound promising especially since you don't cramp before AF. Also, I have bad line eye so not sure if it's that or not but I do feel like something is catching my eye. I wouldn't say bfp yet but interested to see tomorrow's test


Winter, compared to wages around here it is actually not affordable for locals to buy 2 acres at $65K. I know the stat is a little old but it's from census.gov.

 

[Flueky88]

Here is the mint oreo cheesecake I made. I only ate 2.5 pieces so glad I could partake but not over indulge. S and E really liked it too. V only cares for the chocolate ganache

Oh we watched Turning Red yesterday. V loves it so it played 3x yesterday and 2x today. I really liked the movie.

Snow has melted and weather is set to warm up again so I'm happy about that.

 

[shaescott]

Pretty sorry your toe got swollen and the tape didn’t work. Nice hair! My poor hair is so damaged from the single bleaching it got, no way it could handle maintaining a color like that. I haven’t even toned my hair in over a year, I’m just letting it grow out at this point. The bleached part is all the way down to my chin, maybe a bit further, it’s been 2 years since I bleached it.
Pic for reference, not sure why it’s sideways lol


Dobs I hope she makes it to see your brother. People are usually able to if it’s what they want to do. My grandmother refused to die until my mom wasn’t in the room anymore, she’d sat with her for days on end and Nani died while she went to the bathroom. They know what they want.
Sorry to hear about A’s routine getting messed up, I bet it’s taken quite a toll on him, poor thing.

Flueks $65k for 2 acres is ridiculous. You can get 10 acres for that here (well, up in northern NH where it’s the boonies), although usually it’s all trees and would need to be cleared to build a house. We really want at least 20 acres, preferably more. Just saw a 39 acre lot going for $140k with a small clearing to build on already, I bet that’ll go fast.

 

[DobbyForever]

Haha yeah I know I’ve been spoiled that he’s made it this long napping. And I know he needs to ditch it before kinder anyway. But man I need a nap.

Cake looks divine!

My Yai definitely has an iron will. She was supposed to die over a decade ago. But she kept saying I’ll live to see this or I’ll live to see that. And now she has. We’ve been making a point to tell her that we’re all ok. It’s a bit like omg blanking P- Tony Stark’s wife. At the end of endgame. We’re all just telling her that we’re ok and she’s been wonderful taking care of us but she can rest now. I’m just so grateful we could bring her home and she’s had a chance to see so many people

also I’m trying not to die over here. I’m driving around thinking let’s see if I’d make 200 selling my condo and convince him to sell his place in CT for 350 and he makes what he makes and I make what I make we STILL can’t afford a house here

 

[DobbyForever]

Oooo idk how I missed the picture Shae you’re so cute!

 

[WinterBub]

Wow, Pretty! Love the hair! And glad that your gas price went down/is covered by work. We've started driving less for sure, and OH suggested keeping the tanks from getting too low. In his words "the high price is one thing, if there are shortages, it'll be a whole different drama". Fingers crossed that it doesn't come to that.

Your hair looks great too, Shae! I wouldn't see you and think "shes growing out color". It looks very natural. I decided to stop coloring my hair 10 years ago. It looked terrible for ages, but I was so happy once I could eventually cut off what was left of the color. Never again! I think I look better with either highlights to make it lighter or colored much darker, but I also don't have the time/money to deal with constant upkeep

$65k sounds decent on paper, but I totally get the relationship to average income and whether that price is obtainable for most or not. I don't know how we get back to 'The American Dream' where it was possible to own a home and have a decent life, so long as you worked. We need to manufacture things here again for many economic reasons, it seems. And that cheesecake is amazing!!! It's still a couple of months away, but my next baking challenge is a 'big, big, big' Paw Patrol cake for LO's bDay.

I hope that when my time comes, I have such a loving family, Dobby. And re: the kids... Those details would all be worked out when the time comes. And I'd also add, that if there were issues, you would all adjust the schedule/set up. Obviously if something wasn't working you wouldn't all just plough on with it.

 

[shaescott]

BFN this morning didn’t have time for pics, was running late for work

 

[shaescott]

I told my mom that it was a BFN this morning and now she thinks it’s a no for this cycle rather than too early. Honestly pretty pissed off about the lack of magical fertility I was promised.

Literally about to have a psychotic break at work because I’m so emotionally labile from PMS that this is hitting me super hard, I just want to curl up in a corner and cry.

 

[WinterBub]

I'm sorry, Shae.

The best things in life are worth waiting for, but I know you've already been waiting for a long time, so that probably rings very hollow. I wish I could speed up time for you- just remember that you have a ring coming, and if this isn't your month, then you're still making big moves in that direction.

Hope the rest of your shift goes ok.

 

[DobbyForever]

Have yard duty just sending virtual hugs Shae. I think Winter said it beautifully so I’ll just send my biggest hugs your way