General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Got so anxious at work that I couldn’t think well despite taking a PRN hydroxyzine, so I went home early. Drove straight to Quest and got a beta drawn so I can put my mind at ease that it’s just not there and I can move on. Took a pregmate after getting back, still BFN. Then went to sleep to try to sleep off the anxiety. Just waiting for the lab results but may not get back until tomorrow since they were drawn around 3 pm.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae. Don’t hurt me. Lol. Know I’m saying this from a place of love but this never reads well in text If the anxiety/stress from this is so overwhelming that you’re getting bloodwork/ taking medication/ leaving work/ depressed napping, would it be beneficial to start having regular support during your TWW? That’s a huge weight to be carrying around and I know “accidents” happen, but the reality is you and SO are pretty careful and you’re not planning to TTC in the short term. And every cycle lately seems to be really doing a number on you. Maybe because you are so close to the TTC period? I just wonder if it might be helpful to maybe have a monthly appointment or biweekly appointment with a counselor to talk through all these big feelings maybe mid TWW then again during AF. . Sending hugs. Hoping you feel more relaxed/better post nap

winter thank you for the kind words. It gave me the warm and fuzzies

I’m still miserable did a rapid test again still negative but yikes. 3 more days. 3 more days

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I think the anxiety was more than just that (but definitely a good chunk of it), I’ve been super anxious for no reason for over a week now. But you’re not wrong, it’s taking a toll and it’s not healthy.

 

[DobbyForever]

I'm sorry, I know we're not like real time convo help but if you need to ever word vomit and process you know I do it here all the time. We're happy to listen. Hope you're feeling better now. You've got a lot going on right now. I know you said SO is planning to propose and as much as it's awesome to take that next step, I found that week when I was waiting on the proposal (I knew he was going to do it my next trip out and then he waited until the over a week into the trip to throw me off) was so f-ing stressful! Constantly wondering and waiting oh is this outting going to be it or this dinner. Did he change his mind? Is it ever gonna happen?! I was such a raging b* until he finally popped the question. Plus the long hours at work and everything going on with the apartment. It's a lot. So anything we can do to support, we've got open ears.

 

[WinterBub]

Yes, feel free to share here And if you have anxiety that's interfering with your life- definitely go see someone, even your family Dr. I went through a really stressful period, and ended up taking a low dose anti-anxiety med for about a year. It was incredibly helpful in getting out of a really bad loop, and then at some point I just didn't need it any more and stopped refilling it. No shame in it.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs lol he works M-F so it’s more likely to be on a weekend, but I work this upcoming weekend, so that one’s out. Definitely a little stressed about that and when it’s going to happen.
I get really really bad emotional lability during PMS, so if there’s something making me anxious on top of that, it’s just going to explode. It’s not bad like depression/suic*dal (idk if that word will get me in trouble), I know people with PMDD that do have that problem, luckily I’m not one of them. It’s just extreme emotions, usually overwhelmed or angry or sad. Wanting a baby and not having one only makes it worse.

Winter I already take Prozac and Wellbutrin daily. I took a hydroxyzine prn at work but it only worked for a little bit. Unfortunately my PCP from back home just left the practice, so I need to find a new PCP up here. I’m maxed on my Prozac but it’s anxiety not depression. I think I can go up on my Wellbutrin dose. Wish I could get Ativan or something but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to work under the influence of benzos so no point, if I don’t need to function for a job I can just go to sleep to bring me down a bit.

ETA: Discussed with SO and he was very sympathetic but adamant that it’s not logical or financially doable to have a baby right now. I know he’s not completely wrong, I mean we could 100% do it, it would just be really really hard. He also suggested returning to therapy cuz I accidentally ghosted my therapist and now it’s been so long that I feel weird reaching out again for an appointment lol.

 

[WinterBub]

Well, dang. My big tip is old news

I hope you find a way to deal when those moments come up. And don't let the ghosting stop you from reaching out to the therapist if they helped you in the past. Or finding a new one if it's just too awkward to go back

And as Dobby said- vent/share any time.

 

[shaescott]

Blood test came back this morning < 3 again. I was expecting that, and I actually feel much better today, much more grounded. I told SO that he can’t be dumb with being careful anymore because it’s getting my hopes up and it’s taking a major toll on me. He agreed that we’ll be stricter to prevent me thinking I have a legit chance.

We talked about wedding planning and he said we can do late spring next year rather than late summer/early fall, which is sooner at least. And not being pregnant means I don’t have to worry about wedding dress shopping being an issue or the wedding being delayed or rushed because of it. I’m thinking Sat, June 10th 2023 based on weather in past years. We were previously looking at September 9th 2023 and when I was looking up weather comparisons it said that June 10th had the most similar weather to September 9th (excluding days within a month of June 10th), so that makes me feel better about the weather there. Average temp is 73 at 3 pm, going down to 69 around 7 pm and 60 around midnight. It’ll be an outdoor backyard reception because we’re poor lol, so we need decent temps. We’ll be recommending people bring jackets for the evening hours. SO can’t handle the heat, so July and august are a big no. We’re planning to get a big frame tent or whatever in case of rain and to protect from any excessive sun. Being able to put my energy into wedding planning will help me a lot, I think.

 

[WinterBub]

Ahhhhh, I lost my reply

That sounds like a beautiful time of year for a wedding, Shae. And yay for shaving 3 months off the wait. It's so fun to get into all the planning- I loved going through all of those little details. Right after our wedding, I saw some beautiful bouquets made from baby's breath. I so wish we'd done that! I hope that you enjoy planning everything!

And im glad you and OH came to that conclusion Good that you're on the same page, and that he understands how you feel.

Just found out that a local book store is bringing back toddler story time as of April we will be there with bells on!

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs Shae sorry the current meds aren't quite doing the trick. I do agree with Winter, don't worry about resurfacing after ghosting. Honestly, I think it's part of the territory. I ghost my therapists all the time LOL. I'm sure they're used to it, and they'd be happy to hear from you. Also glad that you had a good chat with SO and are feeling better. I definitely think it'd be good if you could channel your energy into wedding planning. There's so many details to focus and obsess on. Could be a great distraction. A June wedding (at the Plaza! Get it?! Lol I love that movie) is a lovely time to get married. Only cautionary is I think it's primo wedding season? I know prices are much worse in this area when looking at June. Ah! That's like just a hop, skip, and a jump away! I love it. Keep us updated as you go through the planning.

Winter that's lovely! Sounds like fun! When's the first one scheduled?

Nothing new here. Lol. But I guess no news is good news?

 

[shaescott]

Dobs we’re poor, so we’ll be having the reception in SO’s family’s backyard lol. We’re thinking of asking the church down the road if we can get married there, it’s 1/4 mile or so from his house, so everyone who isn’t old or unable to walk can leave their cars in the big church parking lot and just walk up the road to the reception. Our families are not fancy people, they’re quite at home at a backyard BBQ lol. I don’t care about a fancy reception, I just need to have a super pretty ballgown lol and I’m all set. If the church says no since we don’t actually go there, we’ll figure something else out for the ceremony.

 

[WinterBub]

Yes, Dobby! No news is often good news

Hope today is starting out better for you, Shae.

They do the book time on Thursdays beginning with the first Thursday in April. I went a few times with a friend who had older kids (LO was a NB in a carrier at that point! ), and it was really nice. They read a picture book and then do coloring or a little activity based on the story. He will love it.

Freaking out a little. It's been almost 5 weeks since my surgery, and no AF. Apparently last time I had gotten it back by now. Doubt that im pregnant, but kinda freaking out. And I'd like to be back to "normal" in any case.

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter hope everything sorts. I’ve gone everywhere from 30 to 70 days post DNC before my next bleed. Hugs.

That does sound lovely! Glad they’ve brought it back. It’s nice seeing thing slowly return to normal, our mask mandate is up but only 1 of my kids had theirs off and 3 more usually ditch them at lunch. I’m thinking about it just because I’m starting to scar from the pimples I’m getting even though I change my mask every day. And if A didn’t give it to me then I doubt I’m getting it from work lol

Shae backyard weddings are lovely and honestly no need for some crazy spectacle especially when you want to ttc right away. Think about what 30-40k can do for your kids. No offense to anybody who had a pricey wedding. Hopefully you’ve got some good DIY skills/friends/fam as well. And a Costco for libations

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and when getting rentals definitely don’t say wedding is what she said lol they charge more as soon as you say it

 

[WinterBub]

I agree that weddings are stupidly expensive. And at some point you're just spending money and not making it any nicer (iykwim). My brother and his wife were complete bridezillas, and had basically everyone they ever met at theirs- it was such an phenomenal waste of money. I love the idea of what you describe- the idea of having your reception at SO's folks' house is lovely. I bet they would love that, too!

Thank you, Dobby. The internet seems to say that up to 6w is fine. We have been doing stuff, and he's been doing p/out. But I'm just nervy about going through any kind of bad experience again. I think we should use condoms between now and IVF. Just for peace of mind. Also just want to get back on track. I guess I'll call the doctor next week to ask if/when she would suggest they induce a period. Being a woman is so fun!

How is your spring break going, Dobby? Are you feeling that you're having some time to recharge?? Good luck making a mask decision. I won't delve into my feeling on masks- my thoughts on covid have been a whole journey.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Alex hasn't napped since he stopped going to daycare. And, for a while before that, he didn't on weekends either.

shae - It's not too hard to maintain "alternative" colours. Just one pre-lightening session and then throw some colour on it. The products I use are all conditioner based, so every time I colour my hair, it's kinda like a hair mask. It always feels softer afterwards.
Don't really have much in the way of wedding advice since I'm unmarried and I doubt that'll ever change, but hopefully focusing on the planning will help you deal with your TTC/hoping for an "accident" anxiety. I also agree that contacting your therapist after ghosting them is a good idea and they're probably quite used to it.

Winter - That toddler time event sounds nice. I need to look into what my neighbourhood has to offer like that.
Sorry if you've already said, but when are you planning to get the IVF process started?

Flueky - Looks like the cheesecake turned out really well.
We watched Turning Red recently too. I also liked it, but may be a little biased cuz it featured so much of places I know in Toronto and I was also about 13 in 2002. haha
I've heard there's been a fair amount of hate from bible thumpers though. Saying it's not for kids and is teaches disobedience and rebellion and it's all about a girl getting her period. So ridiculous.

Re: Covid mandates. So, my province has decided to lift mask mandates starting on Monday the 21st. I'm low-key excited to break out some lipstick, but also don't wanna catch it again and have it jeopardize my home birth. So, I'll probably just tread lightly and keep an eye on case counts.

In other news, my toe is still hurting and has swollen a bit. The pain feels kinda like a burning sensation though. So, I spoke with someone (via phone) at a local walk-in clinic and they said to come in for an XRay, even though I'd mentioned I was 31 weeks pg. I went in today after work, the XRay tech took one look at my req and said "I'm not doing this procedure for someone who's pg." The how tf am I supposed to get this confirmed?! He said to see if there was a physician I could see instead, which I did, and all he said was "decent chance it is fractured, but there's not much we can do." He didn't even buddy tape it. Just recommended I do it myself, take Tylenol for any pain and try to stay off it. Easier said than done when I clean 10-15 houses a week. *rolls eyes*
And finally, getting excited for my 4D scan on Saturday. Still dunno if SO or my mom will come, but all I care about is seeing some lady bits and getting a look at her (assumed) cute face. lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m surprised, I thought you’d be the type to go for an all out no expense spared wedding, although maybe you still are, just for your own?
I definitely want to avoid letting on about it being a wedding for any rentals. I’ve seen how venue rentals skyrocket for weddings, it’s ridiculous. It’s just because they know they can, and someone will pay it.

Winter sorry about the late period, hopefully it’s just delayed due to the loss.

Pretty playing devils advocate here regarding Turning Red (or maybe God’s advocate since it’s the Christians who are against the movie). I have zero issues with showing period stuff in a kid’s movie, there’s nothing overtly sexual about that at face value, getting your period doesn’t mean you’re doing sexual things. However, I saw a lot of articles and quotes from people either supporting the movie or having been part of the creation of the movie that were indicative of it having inappropriate intentions. A creator of the movie said that their goal was to show that girls can be just as perverted as boys. Many articles talked about how great it is that they’re portraying being the main character as being horny. She also twerks in the movie (and according to articles, gyrates). This wouldn’t be a big deal if it was marketed to kids Mei’s age and older. But the movie isn’t marketed to kids 13+, it’s marketed to all ages, and in my opinion, they shouldn’t be portraying a horny child to young children. I wouldn’t want to bring my hypothetical 6 year old to a movie and get home and see them twerking. Just my 2 cents from someone who has not actually seen the movie, just read articles from both supporters and opposers.

Sorry they had you come in for nothing. I hope the pain and swelling starts to subside. Yay for the 4D scan, so exciting! I hope you’ll be sharing some pictures of her cute little face!

 

[DobbyForever]

Read and run but lol Shae my desire to be bougie is neutralized by my hatred of people but yeah if I ever get married it’s gonna be an affair. My previous budget was $20-25k but that was ten years ago and that included everything. I was gonna do a package at turtle bay, 20-25 guests, luau reception.

 

[WinterBub]

Interesting re: the Turning Red debate. We were planning to do a movie night this weekend and watch it, so will report back on my own thoughts! How overt is the period stuff? Obviously, I think kids need to learn about that (both boys and girls). But, I also think issues like that are generally for the parents to decide how to reveal and explain, until you're at the age where you need to know and then school can get into it, for the kids whose parents are remiss. I guess I'd say I think that discussing that at school around 10 seems appropriate(?). I can see how a parent of a 5yo would be mad about having their hand forced. Though I say this without seeing it, so if it's all allusions, then fine. Either way, not a problem for us as LO will only enjoy the slapstick type stuff at his age anyway

I think there are things worth spending money on for your wedding (ie. dream dress), and then there's silly stuff that is truly a waste. Honestly, nobody gave a crap about our wedding cake. I think most people didn't even have a piece I loved your dress ideas, Shae. So it sounds like you're on the right track on how to balance getting what you want/where spending more is worthwhile and spending too much

Pretty- we're thinking of doing IVF in July/Aug/Sep. So I'm just saying August. We will see what the RE says when we see him next week. Also see what SO thinks of the doctor/his office etc. It appears that he's in network for our insurance

Im sure your little girl will be adorable. Your boys are! And I forgot to comment on your names. Honestly, they're all lovely. I still think Bailey is adorable (that's my #1 from your choices!). Zoey is a classic, and I have a soft spot for Hannah. I can see Hannah "going with" your boys' names best, but I also don't think that matters. Honestly, they're all nice!

 

[shaescott]

Dobs we both have giant families, so our wedding guest list is giant. Our current guest list includes 142 people. That’s all of SO’s family (they’re close) and most of mine (excluding ones I’ve never met or don’t remember what they look like or who are estranged from their adult children who we are close with) plus a few close family friends and our close friends. Might try to cut off a few more family members I don’t particularly care about lol. Sounds awful, but my family is just so huge and we’re not as close as SO’s is.

Winter for some reason SO cares about having a wedding cake lol, I don’t think it’s important but he wants one, so whatever, we’ll get one unless he changes his mind.

ETA: forgot to say, 13dpo spotting arrived right on time this morning.