General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Shae dip that’s a lot of people. Like that’s awesome that you two have so many close connections in your life but yeah. Definitely makes wedding planning a bit difficult. Hopefully things work out with the church. Are you thinking they may not say yes because you’re not members? Hugs sorry about the spotting

Winter *hugs* it’s hard not to worry. Condoms would definitely help alleviate any additional what if stress if you two don’t mind them. I’m not o Spring Break, we just have a random day off tomorrow and yesterday speech was a phone appointment to review the plan of care for the next four months. So I went to the outlet mall then my local mall to get A some clothes and shoes since the Nike Outlet is there and they closed all the small town Carter’s. Glad the doc is in your network! Hope the appointment next week goes well.

Pretty that’s absolutely ridiculous! I’m so sorry they wasted your time and energy like that. Damn. And I’m so sorry that it sounds like it’s fractured. At least you have something fun to look forward to! I bet she’s absolutely gorgeous. Def share pics!

Re weddings, as I’ve had so many fictitious ones LOL, I do agree there are certain aspects you cannot skimp on. I know the dress is a wear it once affair, but it’s such an icon. Groom is kind of important, I guess LOL. To me, I need an open bar LOL. I want pretty pictures to look back on and maybe a video. Everything else is meh. And yes cakes wtf! I got a $300/400 cake for my baby shower, and nobody ate it! It was nice though. Made a good centerpiece LMFAO

Re Turning Red my bff was going on about it yesterday. Said she cried the whole time lol. Which is not like her. I haven’t seen it. But if it has periods then I want in lol. I will say though the s* I see in schools now. It’s bellies everywhere but nobody can really say anything with all the backlash on sending girls to change their clothes. So we have all these 4th-6th graders running around with their stomachs out. Jeans with holes in them higher than shorts would go. I see bra straps every day. They know what twerking is. I think I said it before, I had a group of girls saying they “love [my] baddy girl walk”. The hormones def kick in and honestly we tell boys (not the school necessarily) but like it’s definitely normalize in intermediate elementary for guys to start developing sexual feelings while girls are shunned. I know I don’t even like masturbation because of how much it was shamed for me growing up. I have to do it quick and just be done with it and I can only do it once. So it’s def controversial but I’m also not really mad at it. It is rated PG.

Re spending money. I think where I was when I was legit engaged, I was okay spending 20-30k on a wedding because I had like 15k in the bank and no kids and renting from my parents. Whereas now, I have a mortgage to pay and a kid and daycare is expensive and I’m broke af. And the people I see spending that much on weddings *cough my cousin* have no business spending it. Or taking out a loan to do it. Like okay sure if you get a good loan ok. I can see that. But idk.

AFM little bro flies in tonight. I'm so exhausted. Gonna try and clean up while the handyman is here. Really hoping it's either a quick fix or he says he'll be back another day cuz I really want to go to the mall for me. My bestie was like come out to San Jose with us for irish food and drink! Just leave A with your parents! Sigh. I don't even want to go drinking with her. It's not even fun. They (and therefore i) get blackout drunk and puke everywhere. But I just wanna go and have 1-2 drinks and have an excuse to be pretty for social media. E has been really communicative while he's in London. It's really sweet.

 

[DobbyForever]

Like I got my state refund weeks ago, immediately went to pay bills/ debt. Just got my fed refund today, and it's like cool pay more bills. My mom even said after I helped so much with my grandmother that she doesn't want me to pay her back which, joke's on her, after paying off my credit card I'd still be short a few hundred. Was hoping to maybe pay off my car but I'm also a few hundred shy there. I'll probably hold off on the car. It'll be paid off next year anyway and probably smarter to have cash in case of emergency vs $300 more to spend each month

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yes I worry they’d say no because we’re not members nor are we actually Methodist. However, if they’re nice people, I’m sure they’d accept my argument of “my side of the family is Methodist, I was baptized Methodist, and my fiancé’s childhood home is right down the road”. Hopefully they don’t want my baptism records lol because the church I was baptized in legit burned down last year. Not sure if they will rebuild as membership is very low there, it’s a tiny town and the younger population has all moved away after growing up so it’s all elderly members.

I’m hoping for a budget of $10k. The biggest chunks of that will be the dress, food, photography, and a tent in case of rain. As for the bar, I can’t afford a proper open bar (or proper catering lol) so we’re planning on getting a few kegs and buying a bunch of wine as well. We could easily get some giant beverage dispensers and make some vodka lemonade and some regular for the children and non-drinkers. I’m keeping it no kids under 8 for safety with alcohol being around (plus no crying at the ceremony) so they’ll all be able to read a label that says “contains alcohol, adults only”. Only concern is keeping it cold without watering it down if it’s in the dispenser. Hm. I think in the online RSVP I’ll have people tell me what their favorite kind of wine or beer is (excluding local craft beer because we can’t get a keg of everything) to narrow down what types to get. Though it’ll be warm, so I think most people would want a chilled white wine, I can get a sweet and a dry. Maybe I’ll just ask about the beer lol. While I’d love to have nice glasses I probably will end up giving everyone solo cups and a marker to put their name on it might see if I can find slightly nicer disposable cups though.

Asked SO about the cake situation last night and he would like a cake but he doesn’t want to spend a thousand dollars on it, he’s willing to spend a few hundred though. Considering there’s not much he actually cares about spending money on, I’m not gonna deny him the cake lol.

SO really wants to just buy a bunch of burgers from Costco and have the dads grill them up but literally everyone else’s recognizes that that’s a bad idea because it’s too much stress to put on people to feed over 100 people like that. My low cost alternative is getting catering from a local restaurant, currently thinking a BBQ place we like, or a food truck, which I haven’t yet looked into. His mom had suggested the BBQ place so I know I’ll get support from her in not catering everything ourselves lol. I’m happy to do our own appetizers though, we can set up crudités and a charcuterie board.

Also Dobs glad to hear your brother is flying in tonight. I wouldn’t recommend going with that friend knowing you’ll get blackout drunk, with your history especially. Do you have any friends who would go out with you to have 1-2 drinks and just hang out?

 

[shaescott]

Lol nevermind on the food trucks, I looked it up and it’s still way too expensive. BBQ catering where we pick up the trays it is!

 

[WinterBub]

If your OH wants a nice/specific cake, then I put it in the "worth it" column, Shae! And Dobby, you cracked me up with the "Groom is kind of important" line OH bought a new suit, and that was well worth it for the pictures. LOL. we did pay for a good photographer, and that was money well spent. I do really enjoy looking at our pictures.

And I agree, Pretty. What a waste of time that Dr visit was I also thought that these days they could really target xrays- as in, I can see an issue if the xray was in your torso/close to baby. But your foot?! Hope it improves for you.

Sorry that they closed all your Carter's, Dobby we have one drivable but it is in a terrible mall that I don't go to. I honestly felt like I was going to get mugged in the car park whenever ive been there in the past. Never again! I mostly shop online these days, anyway.

Fair point on Turning Red being rated PG. I absolutely hate hearing you talk about tweens, though i don't want to think about it. I will say that I find the short shorts kids/teens wear these days shockingly short So, there it is- I'm an old prude now.

Glad that E is being communicative And congrats on getting your tax refund

AFM- AF arrived! So I'm happy for the day, now.

 

[WinterBub]

I think all your plans sound great, Shae. A backyard BBQ sounds perfect. For the bar- I'd suggest paying some people to staff it. If you're going to have lots of guests, you can't leave booze unattended. The grown up in me worries about his folks being legally liable if anything happened (ie. Underage drinkers etc). Just my two cents. I'd love to go to a wedding that was the way you describe yours And a $10k budget seems pretty reasonable. That's a good chunk of money without going OTT.

Good luck asking the church if you can marry there. They may have info on their website about requirements?

 

[shaescott]

Winter as I’ve gotten older I’ve become more of a prude too, and I’m in my 20s

As for the unattended bar, it’ll just be a few kegs and some bottles of wine and a big vodka lemonade dispenser. There will be very few people there who are too young to drink but old enough to want to, so I’m not terribly concerned about that. Also, all underage people will have a parent present, so it’s their responsibility to either make sure their kid isn’t drinking, or if the kid is over 18, make sure they don’t get hurt. There’s a basement people can crash in if they’re blasted when the party ends so they don’t drink and drive. Though this makes me think we should take and label everyone’s keys at the start, buy a breathalyzer, and make everyone use it before getting their keys back to go home lol, honestly might be smart. Some people are very good at faking sober, but the breath alcohol content can’t be faked.

Re: the church, I checked the website, there’s nothing about weddings on it. I’ll have to email or call at some point.

Thinking about mason jars with handles as a nicer alternative to solo cups. I could spend $275 on plain ones or $450 on personalized ones. Either way if I’m spending that much, it’s gonna be the wedding favors, personalized or not.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae wish I had some insight on how to many the drinks work backyard. I just know my old coworker said she just got a bunch of s* at costco. Honestly, I wouldn’t care or judge if I rolled up and it was straight up cans of beer in ice coolers. I know white wine is meant to be chilled, but reds can (and often should) be served room temp. I’m sure you’ll be able to troubleshoot with some time to research what others have done. There’s definitely some surprisingly cute disposable cutlery and glasses. I’ve gotten them before for showers at work.

And hahah yeah glad he’s not trying to spend thousands on a cake.

I do agree that as nice as it would be to have someone grilling, I’d maybe hire an acquaintance? Or just a person? Not just the stress of grilling for that many people, but they should also just be able to be in the moment. I know my coworker said that her husband had an employee at his startup who did mixology as a side gig. So they hired him to tend the “bar”. I know a teacher who also used to moonlight as a mixologist at weddings during the summer. So maybe put some local feelers out for people who are trying to run a side hustle. Only tough thing is obviously trust. BBQ trays sounds legit though. Just again don’t say wedding when you place the order LOL

Hope things work out with the church. Most churches I know do a members vs non members fee, but I know when my bro was with his ex that he had to go through classes in order to be eligible to marry through her church. Speaking of, idk if I mentioned he brought a girl home for 2 seconds the other weekend. When I asked him about her, he dodged me. Turns out, he told my mom last night that’s his gf!!! I like her though. She’s a much better fit. She’s super cute. Presents herself very well, articulate. She’s in two acapella groups, they’re in one together. She’s at UCB and is from SoCal originally. I can’t believe that poo head had the nerve to pretend like they weren’t dating. My mom did say the only reason he told her is that she asked specifically is that girl your girlfriend.

Re booze and kids, Winter brings up a solid point. 8 years can read but not that well and honestly I don’t think savvy enough to avoid alcohol. So I’d definitely hire someone to tend, especially with you being a nurse. Idk the local laws for you about booze around kids, but I know there’s a law around here about not having unattended alcohol at a party with minors under a certain age. I just forget what it is. And also if something were to happen with a minor drinking at a party that I’m hosting, I would lose my teaching license. So you may want to look into that. Idk how carefully your relatives are planning to watch their kids. I know mine don’t.

I know you'll get creative and you'll be able to have a beautiful wedding and reception. I'm so excited for you!!!!

Winter I was hoping someone would laugh along with me And omg yikes! Yeah I won’t go to the malls north of here, but thankfully my city mall is good. Has a nice Macy’s with a Last Act sections I can usually find shirts at $4-5 each. The outlet is okay, I’m not trying to be there too long but it’s not sketchy. Online ordering is the best. And right? re tweens! Like I thought I dressed like a hoochie mama but these kids these days put me to shame.

Re St Patty’s lol sorry to clarify. I have no intention or desire to get blackout drunk. A buzz, sure. Drunk, nah. But the group she goes out with… like I love her. She’s an incredible friend. But she’s immature af. They are the group that gets drunk and loud, kicked out for fighting and being belligerent, taking shoes off in the bathroom types. They’ve basically decided they’re never having kids or getting married or buying houses, so they just live every weekend like they’re in their early 20s. It's all moot though lol. I can't go out. I just got a head start on cleaning. Trying to declutter and move stuff around. Handyman is (as always) late. I'm just about done going through everything downstairs and my bedroom, about to head upstairs to reorganize the spare and A's room. I have like 5 loads of clothes that I need to hang... but no desire to do it. Probably ignore that until spring break. Wish me luck. It's such a damn mess up there.

 

[shaescott]

My relatives tend to watch their kids very closely, so I’m not terribly worried about that. I might make the non-alcoholic lemonade a different color so a parent (and anyone else) can easily see the drink and know it’s the correct one (like make pink lemonade vs regular). SO’s childhood town is not terribly strict. His neighbors had a cop invited to their July 4th party and they set off fireworks, which is illegal without a license there. The cop didn’t care. They even made jokes about it. Plus, SO’s family hosted a graduation party for his little brother which consisted of around 20 18 year olds and lots of unattended alcohol specifically for them. The kids set up tents in the backyard and left in the morning when they sobered up.

 

[DobbyForever]

That’s awesome, but yeah end of day if it’s your party and any person under 21 is caught in possession of or drinking then it will fall on you. The color idea is great. I’d definitely be that kid who’d drink the adult color cuz I can’t be told what to do but yeah just depends on the culture of the area as well. And sounds like SO’s family may have some good connections hahaha. We def have cops look the other way for high school parties for certain groups vs others. I just know as a teacher with a license, I have less liberty than say someone who works in tech. My parents were very be safe and make safe choices but no underage drinking in our house because as an attorney and teacher they immediately lose their license if a minor is found in possession of alcohol on their property.

 

[shaescott]

I had alcohol at my uncle’s wedding when I was 20. They said as long as my mom said it was okay, it was fine. I plan to have the same policy, if you’re 18+ with parent permission and presence I don’t care. Under 18 is an absolute no.

Funny story, when I was 18 I went to SO’s cousin’s wedding and they had an open bar. SO was 19. The bartender was very busy and there was only one so she was overwhelmed, she asked SO if she had already carded him and he said yes, so she just trusted him and gave him drinks for both of us the whole night. Looking back I realize she could’ve gotten in big trouble, but nothing bad happened so nobody found out who would’ve given her trouble about it.

 

[shaescott]

Oops, accidentally hit post.

Anyway, small conservative towns tend to have a very different attitude about this stuff. His town is one of such towns. When we called 911 at a party for a friend who thought he was having a diabetic seizure (it was just alcohol poisoning lol, he thought his sugar was like 10 and it was 300, we checked) the cops didn’t ask any questions about our ages or identities or anything, no IDs were checked. Only comment they made was that it didn’t look like a lot of drinking was going on. That’s because we were drinking in the basement and we brought him upstairs to the main floor before they got there. We did hide all the underage people in a bedroom upstairs for when they came though, to be safe. But seems like it wasn’t necessary.

 

[WinterBub]

It's up to you (and SO's parents if it's their house) to work out what you think is best. Just wanted to mention it, as people love to sue. And/or their insurance companies do if something happens and they can get their money back. We had an awkward family incident- aunt jumped on a trampoline and blew out her knee, and then her health insurance sued the family member whose house it was. Not really her fault, but awkward all around.

Oooo yeah, I bet there are tonnes of ways to jazz things up with little details my first thought was personalized napkins with like your initials monogramed in gold or something. The mason jars look great- I think the personalized one looks really nice. I'd love to take one of those home from a wedding!

Is your brother with the new gf the one who recently broke up with his fiance, Dobby? And good for you on the drinking front. I had my time partying, and was done with that for a good few years before I ever met OH. All the more now.

 

[DobbyForever]

Will reply eventually. My grandmother passed away today. She waited until everyone left the room and passed away so peacefully and quietly that nobody heard anything. Through a series of fortunate events, a couple of family friends were able to bring the monks from the temple to bless her. The hospice nurse got there right before the monks and helped us change her. She had bought the clothes to wear to the temple, but she never had a chance to wear them. And I was able to run to the store to get flowers and donations for them. I’m sad, but I’m happy she’s not suffering anymore and that she was able to see so many of her kids/grandkids/great grands and to pass at home and to be blessed by the monks. We’ll have another ceremony on the third day as well at the temple. Typically there’s a wake and then cremation on the third day, but we’ve already sent her for cremation “because this is America not Thailand”. But I can feel that she’s at peace.

 

[WinterBub]

I'm sorry, Dobby Honestly, it sounds like a beautiful way to pass, but horrible to lose her none the less. You all really did well by her, and I'm sure she felt very loved by you all. Hope you're doing ok.

 

[Flueky88]

I'm sorry I will do the best that I can and may have forgotten some things from what I've read through the week. I've been answering after hours call Monday through Thursday in addition to my normal job so I'm tired.

Dobby I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother's passing. Whether it is expected or not, it still hurts. I will be thinking of you and your family with thoughts of peace and comfort for all of you.

Winter glad that AF arrived. Remind me when is your appt with the specialist?

Shae yes I definitely thinking having parents grilling burgers and hot dogs puts too much pressure on them so they can't enjoy your special day. I haven't tried but I'm curious if you could make some shredded bbq pork in a crockpot in advance freeze in batches then thaw/warm up in a crockpot. Everyone could pitch in by letting you use their crockpot to warm the bbq.

I did my own veggie trays, fruit salad(just fresh fruit mixed together), crab pasta salad (actually my dad fixed the day before as it tastes best the day after), and made pimento cheese and chicken salad sandwiches. I had much smaller guest list. I think we had 30 max? In any case, just some ideas. Not saying you have to but Dobby and Winter have valid points about potential underage drinking, just think about it (okay I'll drop it).

Oh we also did cupcakes instead of a wedding cake. I spent about $120 on the cupcakes. All in all my wedding cost around $1000 I think, max $1500. No regrets on going cheap

Pretty sorry for that being a colossal waste of your time. Also, I always kind of laugh about advice to stay off your feet when you work and are a mom. Just about impossible to mostly rest.


As for Turning Red. I am a Christian but have no issue with it. The period reference goes over my girl's heads. I can understand maybe a 7, 8, etc year old asking questions and you may not feel comfortable talking about it. I don't really have an issue with answering questions about periods. It is normal and don't want it taboo or something to feel embarrassed about. My mom talked to me about a period when I was about 8 year old. I think I was 10 y.o. when I got mine so she wanted me prepared and not scared.

More Red Panda. It really resonated with me and I could relate to Mei a lot when I was that age. I was 14 in 2002 so I was around the same age. The "twerking" doesn't bother me. Rebelling against your parents is pretty standard as a teenager and Mei's was fairly mild imo. As a teenage you questions finding your own identity and independence. I feel like the arguments and probably pretty similar with how parents felt about Elvis dancing years ago.


AFM finally got a solid block of sleep last night. It has been a rough week. I had an email criticizing me for deciding to send a nurse out for 2 different people. It passed me off, hurt my feelings, etc. Especially as it was not from my boss or our Director. Then was asked a few hours later if I had missed calls. I was already hurt so ot misread and felt like I was being accused of ignoring calls. For some reason 2 of our VA offices phones weren't forwarded so it was just an IT issue. I cried. I talked to my coworkers in my dept and they all said they would have handled the situations the exact same way I did. I called my boss and director, it was smoothed over. I both emailed and talked to the person that criticized me. She said she would call me next time. I also asked that my department get training or education since things have changed on what to send a nurse out for and what not too. All I can do is go by my past experiences and if they change things and don't communicate those changes then don't fuss at me for the choices I make. I want to do the best for our patients, keep them happy and out of the hospital. Anyways, I'm better now.

Just been keeping up with trying to lose weight and be healthy. Walks for stress management.

My SIL is having her baby shower next month. I got the invite this week so I made my purchases from her registry this a.m. I'm looking forward to the shower.

Not much else to say. Hope you all have a good weekend.

 

[WinterBub]

Ugh, I'm sorry, flueky. Fwiw, it sounds like you handled everything really well. Both in the moment, and smoothing it over with your bosses and the complainer after the fact. It isn't hard to understand why HCW are leaving the industry in droves. So much stress, and so little appreciation for what you go through. Thank you for what you do! (And to you Shae, too!)

We watched Turning Red last night, and I loved it! I thought the same thing about the period stuff, Flueky. It would go over the head of those not already in the know. The twerking was done by a Panda, so found it hard to find offense there- it was also LO's favorite part I also think the sexual attraction type stuff was handled pretty deftly- again, for younger kids, it would come across as just "liking boys", whereas obviously older kids/adults get the nuance. We enjoyed it! And I was a tween/teen in those late 90s/early 00s, too. Ahhh the memories! I loved Hanson

Hope you're doing well if you're reading along, giggle!

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - I've heard of people saving money by having their teired cake be mainly fondant covered styrofoam and then just having sheet cakes for slicing and serving. Also, for not watering down the lemonades, you could make up a batch of lemonade before hand and freeze it (either in cubes or chunks) and then put those into the liquid and as they melt, they won't dilute the beverage. I've heard of people doing this with coffee for making iced coffee at home. And I'd definitely look into outsourcing running the BBQ. I was manning the grill for Alex's first BDay. Luckily that was only for 25-ish people. Can't imagine for over 100 while trying to enjoy the day. I've also been to a wedding that hadtrays of BBQ stuff and it was pretty good. And definitely like the idea of personalized mason jars. A useful keepsake it always nice.

Dobby - So sorry to hear about your grandma. I agree that it's never easy, but I know what it's like to be at peace knowing a family member isn't suffering anymore. Take all the time you need.

Flueky - Sorry about emotional roller coaster you had to deal with cuz of work. But you did the best with the info you had and glad to hear everything was eventually smoothed over and figured out.

Re: Turning Red. I guess different aged kids will get different things out of it. Winter and Flukey are right about the very young kids not getting the period references, and it's only really mentioned at the beginning of the movie anyway. And the twerking and gyrating was done in panda form to be antagonistic. My kids just thought it was silly. It's just a different strokes for different folks type thing, but there's really nothing wrong with the movie.

AFM, had my 4D scan yesterday (since it's 4:09am on Sunday for me right now, lol). Was a wee bit of a shit show. Long story short, my appt was for 11:30. Got there at 11:25 and there were close to a dozen people in the waiting room. They apparently had a couple people show up late for their appts. One of those appts brought like FIVE additional people with them. The notice on the website said they could only have 5 people total (including staff) on-site. Like, I left my SO and kids at home cuz of this policy. When we talked to the tech about this, she said they were easing up on restrictions and I was like "well, would've been nice for you to update the website then." But anyway, first thing she did was confirm it was a girl. So, yay! And then tried to get some good shots of her face. She was playing shy and the cord was in the way most of the time, but we got some pics. She suggested coming back though cuz they offer do-overs if the baby is hiding and said I should bring SO and the kids. So, I made an another appt for April 2. Hopefully she'll cooperate better. Otherwise, not too much else to report. 58 days to go, holy jeez! >.<

First pic is how she was at the start of the scan. Folded in half, arms around her legs, like a diver. lol
Big yawn, cuz laying around all day is tiring
And the clearest shot we got of her face. I've had a few people say she looks a lot like Matthew.
Here's Alex and Matthew for reference.

 

[WinterBub]

Wow! I never did the 3D thing- but the detail is pretty amazing. Also weird how clearly your boys look like they do now. I mean it makes sense, but it's kind of freaky, too! She looks beautiful- and I actually feel like she looks like a mix of both boys. I'm glad you got to see her (and confirm gender again!). And glad that they will let you come back. Awesome that they're letting people bring family along, but like you say- so rude not to update the website so you didn't have the chance to do the same. I bet it will really help the boys visualize that there's a real baby in there. Also- I can't believe you're so close to the end!

Does the BBQ place do proper catering, Shae? Maybe they would have staff work to serve food/clean up/supervise the bar as well? I've never heard the fake cake idea- that's genius I guess your centerpiece stays in shape the whole night!

My appt with the specialist is next Friday, Flueky. Neglected to answer that last time. OH is coming for the first time (he's watched LO the other times I've gone). So, will see what he says about the whole thing- feeling about doing it, feelings about that Dr etc.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs sending love I’m so sorry for your loss. At the same time, I’m very happy she was able to see so much of her family and that the monks were able to come bless her. I pray that she felt fulfilled and will rest in the greatest peace.

Flueks getting the trays of BBQ from the local place is definitely cheaper than standard catering. I just did some quick math and it looks like it’ll be $1,795 before tax for ~120 people if I had 80 servings of each meat (smoked chicken thighs and pulled pork), so total 160 servings of meat, then 120 small servings each of macaroni and cheese, potato salad, and corn bread. That’s $14.96 per person. The cheapest catering starts at $25 per person, most is much more. Then I’d get stuff from the grocery store for crudités and a charcuterie board. We’ll have less than 5 people who need vegetarian or gluten free, I think, so we can arrange something for them that we make on our own. Maybe a casserole.

Anyway, sorry about the issue at work

Pretty how adorable! I think she looks like a mix of both.

Winter they used to do proper catering, but now they just do pick up trays unfortunately. Probably because of COVID.