General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Unrelated, I’m over here having had sex on O+1 but at 9 PM (today the 15th), having part of me hope I ovulated more like 36-48 hours after my positive OPK (I’ve only been doing daily tests up until a positive, I had a positive at 5 AM on the 13th, it was fully negative with no signs of surge the previous morning, I didn’t take another after the positive because of work), and another part of me hoping I didn’t because 6 months pregnant in a wedding dress would likely require alteration to an empire waist, which would not look good for my dress though I just checked and our airline has no pregnancy restrictions, but no wine in Italy would be very sad. According to the giant Ovia study on conception chances, my chance is only 8%, and that’s probably for the morning after ovulation and not the night after lol, so I’m sure I’ll be walking down the aisle with a natural waist on my dress, but I like to dream and obsess, as you all know.

 

[WinterBub]

Yum for the menu choices! I'd go with the beef. They all sound really good to me, and I'd be happy with any of them I just went with beef as I think it is probably the best accepted for a large group. Lots of people don't like fish, and choosing pork would make it 2 x white meat. Beef and chicken is a solid choice!

For the hors d'oeuvres:
Definitely quiche! Then maybe deviled eggs and pigs in a blanket. Again, just thinking those are solid classics that a lot of people like. Deviled eggs aren't really my thing, but I know a lot of people go nuts for them!

I get the wanting to be pregnant. At this point, I think I'd work on trying from the honeymoon onwards. It would be awesome to leave Italy with a little souvenir

 

[DobbyForever]

Agreed what a cute story that would be!

i agree fish is a bit hit or miss and most people I know who would choose fish would happily choose chicken as well. I love deviled eggs hahahaha.

sorry things are nuts over here. OA is being a lot more affectionate as he transitions to the new job. A is back in school 17k later

only read this page lol.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m so glad A is back in school! I’m sorry it took so much effort and money though

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter that’s lovely on both ends! We saw Santa last weekend, and A held a (simple) conversation with him and even told him what he wanted. So glad DS is getting into the spirit and the school is better. I do agree it’s likely school is a factor with all the fuss they make for holidays and exposure/opportunities to use social language in a unique way.

Shae that’s quite the guest list! I love it. From watching a lot of bride reality tv seems like a great number. Lost in the mail is genius. Sorry about the dress woes. I don’t speak fashion, so I hope it’s sorted and an easy/cheap fix.

re food id probably go for the pork chutney. My only hesitation with pork is that I know a lot of people who don’t eat it either for cultural or personal reasons. I feel like “chicken or fish” is a classic duo option that’s in all the rom coms

for starters, I’d immediately nix anything chicken if you’re serving chicken as a dinner option. My thought being which 3 choices give variety rather than complimentary tastes haha. I loved stuffed mushrooms. I love kielbasa but I’d avoid anything spicy with undesirable stomach consequences. Meatballs are yummy plus if beef isn’t on the dinner menu could be fun. Maybe veggie quiche? I don’t think you can go wrong with any choice. I’d eat them all. But my concern would so far most options aren’t vegan friendly. So just making sure guests with dietary restrictions or preferences have enough choices. But I’m also the a*hat who believes it’s the couple’s day and they should have all the food they want lol

afm life has been chaotic. I’m just exhausted emotionally and physically. But things are good overall.

 

[Flueky88]

Winter, awwww it is nice when they are interacting or awestruck with Santa and Christmasin general. Much better than crying or sitting there not sure how to open presents lol.

Shae I'd go with the pork entree. As for the other options, I like pigs in a blanket, deviled eggs, and stuffed mushroom. However all these choices are yours to make whether you wish to choose options that you and SO like or your guests.

Yeah my O+1 was early in the morning vs later that evening. I'd say chances are low. Hope you can get a honeymoon baby, that would be an awesome story to tell and you'd get to enjoy your honeymoon

Dobby are you saying it cose $17k to get A back in school??!! I am glad he is back though. Also so glad OA is getting into a position that allows him more time to spend with you .

AFM work is bust as usual. Worked 6 hours over the weekend, but I'm salary so meh. Think I'll try to end my day early Friday though.

Girls are good. V's last day before break was Thursday and they had a Christmas party. She wanted DH to go so I stayed home with E and S. Presents are all wrapped but not under the tree as I don't trust them to leave them alone lol

Had our my department at work Christmas party last week. I made a Mint oreo cheesecake and a strawberry cheesecake. Turned out really well. Had a lot of fun with the team.

Been working on potty training S this weekend and it's went really well. She had 2 small accidents yesterday and 1 very small one today. We are doing diapers at night for now. She wasn't going for the naked method so we've been using panties and I've been doing more timed cues to potty than rely on her to go. Funny how siblings potty train different. In any case will be thrilled to only have 1 in diapers very soon! Best Christmas gift ever

 

[Flueky88]

Here are the pics from the other weekend

 

[DobbyForever]

Oooo salary but less hours is nice. Hope you can sneak out early on Friday! Wow, kudos to you for having all the presents ready to go already! The photos are precious! Idk why but the reindeer scares me a little lol. Like I get satanic demon goat vibes. Maybe because the antlers go the same way? I watch too many horror movies. I need a new hobby. Santa is so jolly and the girls are so cute!

It's already cost me that much. I paid about 2k to the child care program to hold his spot the last two months. They offered to waive it, but it just didn't seem fair when they have a waitlist a mile long to ask them to both hold his spot and waive his fees. Especially when they had nothing to do with it. I paid my retainer and I get billed monthly. But the attorney alone has been another 15k. Plus I spent a few hundred buying educational supplies for my mom to use with him. But asking for attorney's fees and child care fees would have stalled negotiations longer, so I have to just suck it up and take the hit. This isn't the end either. There's still documents to review and IEPs to attend. At this point, I'll have to have an attorney at every IEP meeting. My mom said I can skip rent next month and she'll give me 2k for Christmas. I may try to call the credit card to see if they can wave the interest on the payments to the law firms. Or I'll need to take to my HELOC about taking more out. It sucks being in debt, but at least when it's a loan vs credit card debt it doesn't hurt my credit.

Re OA he's taking his daughter to his parents' for Christmas, so he won't be back until the 2nd. But yeah supposedly once he's back, the new job starts... crap I forgot what day. But his old job ends this month and I remember he has 2-3 weeks before he starts the new one. So we'll see.

A is star of the week this week, so we spent the day making his poster. Aka I spent the day making his poster lol

 

[WinterBub]

I'm so glad that A is back in school, Dobby. What an ordeal... And again, so unfair as that's an incredible cost that you had to take on for the whole thing. Glad it is over! And I really hope that you and OA progress now if he's going to be local. At least now you can give things a shot!

That cheesecake sounds amazing, flueky! Do you have the recipe? Your girls are so adorable- I always wanted a sister and love the idea of the three of them growing up together There's something so special about experiencing Christmas through their innocent eyes, and seeing this real the magic is. That's awesome that S is doing well with potty training. When they're ready, they're ready... We just got LO out of night diapers, but that just sort of happened. We noticed he was dry more or less every morning, so said we'd give him a prize if he went 5 days in a row. He did, and we did... Now gone about a week without a diaper and all has gone well I read somewhere that being dry overnight isn't something you can train for, so we were just going to wait it out. Seems we got lucky as he just kind of did it/was ready.

 

[shaescott]

Currently 7dpo and PMS appears to be starting early. I started breaking out two days ago, napped yesterday afternoon, and today I want to cry because of all the Christmas pregnancy announcements and the fact that I’m most likely not pregnant. Also I want to nap again, which makes me suspect it’s the lattes I’ve had today and yesterday from the local cafe. On one hand I don’t want to be pregnant because I’d be 27 weeks on my wedding day which still likely won’t be hideable in my dress (not to hide the pregnancy but to have my dress fit correctly). But on the other hand, baby fever be wild. Might just fall asleep on the couch with the cat sitting on me. It’s pretty cozy.

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter that’s awesome about the night “training”! I was a bed wetter. Sometimes still do because I have these insanely vivid dreams of going to the potty …. But I’m asleep LOL and by the time my body/brain realize it’s too late. Hopefully still going strong!

hugs Shae. I know it sucks waiting to be the mom you’ve always wanted. Side note, a company may clear you but your gyn might not. I remember wanting to baby moon and see orcas, and my gyn forbid me from going but the airlines and the boats all said nbd they’d let me. I ended up heeding my doctor. But who knows maybe I’d have been fine lol. Though maybe not because I was a few weeks early on my EDD. 27 isn’t bad though but you know me and my unsolicited opinions. I want you to go and enjoy your wedding and then have a honeymoon baby. . I’ll be tickled for you regardless of the week but that’s my fantasy baby draft pick.

nothing new here. Enjoyed my few days to rest. Trying to square away the house/garage so I can come home to something nice. We head off to my grandmas tomorrow. A hasn’t seen her since before he could walk I think. Still infatuated with OA. When we had our CTJ he asked what I would want to change before I had a baby with him (I brought it up first) and then I had said I don’t want kids after 35/36 so if he’s moving this slow now I’ll be angry if he he tells me later he wants kids and he said I won’t make you wait that long. So now I’m slightly broody lol. But then s* hits the fan with A’s school and reminds me why I’m not actually broody

 

[shaescott]

Dobs “fantasy baby draft pick” mine too, I would prefer a honeymoon baby. Considering how long we’re there, I could get pregnant and find out I was pregnant all on the honeymoon if my cycle times itself right. That would be super cool. Though SO is against a honeymoon baby, he wants to get a house first. I’m hoping on the honeymoon I can convince him since we’ll be in that newlywed bliss. Anyway, I’m feeling better post-nap. I moved myself from the couch to the bed to avoid pain later lol. I have work the next two days, then Christmas Eve off, working Christmas Day, the next day off, the next day on. Which kinda sucks. The roommate had Flu A last week and SO is getting a tiny cough, which worries me a bit. I got my flu shot, unlike them, but it was way back in September, so I hope it’s still active in me. I really can’t afford to get the flu right now, because the hospital would be very suspicious if I had the flu on Christmas, and could cancel me for that. Right now I’m trying to get them to extend me until right before the wedding so that I don’t have to find a different contract for the 3 months following this contract.

Re: bed wetting, I also have those dreams of searching for a toilet and finally finding one, but I don’t actually pee, and I wonder why I’m sitting on the toilet but have no relief and still feel like I desperately need to pee. Sometimes I wake up then and run to the bathroom, other times I’ll go searching for a different toilet in the dream, but eventually I’ll wake up to go to the bathroom either way. Once I actually peed in the dream when I was like 12, we were in a hotel and I was sharing a bed with my sister, I was mortified. I hadn’t done that since I was potty trained, it was terrible. Luckily my sister didn’t seem to notice, I didn’t get her wet lol, I woke up my mom and she took care of it, bless her.

oooooo I hope you get to have a baby with OA! We need another pregnancy on this thread, it’s been too long! Although hopefully Winter will fix that for us next month!

Sorry I didn’t respond to the last page or so. Didn’t feel like I had much to say. Lovely pics Flueks. Lol @ Dobs comment of the demon reindeer. Too many horror movies for Dobs.

AFM I noticed that forums in general seem to have largely died? I went on the wedding forums I perused when I was younger and not actually engaged (but with SO already) and the lack of activity was disappointing. I did get a good response to my wedding entree question, I made it a poll and it had clear winners, there’s just not many posts. Maybe everyone just uses Reddit now? Or maybe not even that, maybe they use social media. Idk. This forum is still active especially in the TTC/TWW section, thankfully, because when I finally get to try I’m gonna be all over it. I don’t want to use social media for advice on weddings and TTC stuff, it’s so much less organized. Posts are all videos now due to the algorithms so I can’t search by words reliably anymore.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hope that you both managed to avoid the flu!

Yeah I mean would be nice to have a house first but there will always be something to have before the baby. Nobody is really ever fully ready for a baby. I do hope he comes around ttc on the honeymoon or at least soon after. If he wants a house, I’m assuming super busy with new job and holidays and wedding planning but have you two started really sitting down and doing the planning of getting a house?

We’ll see. I’m still not sure how compatible we actually are. He’s very classy (like he served me wine in his long stem glass and had an aerator) but I came to my grandparents and drank my CVS wine out of a red solo cup He always sets the table properly (like full multi course fancy swanky way), and we’re out here eating off paper plates and plastic cutlery And not to mention, we’ve never met each others’ kids or families. I’m very gentle with A, and some people see that as a negative or like I’m too loose with him. Like yesterday my mom took a dig at me at lunch with my cousin because all of her kids are very much in line (she had 7 with her, 5 hers and 2 were her kids’ cousins). She yells and spanks. A was being a little cranky (tired, hangry, playing) and my mom was like “she doesn’t believe in discipline” and I was like wtaf does that mean and she’s like you don’t spank him. Like first of all, I don’t need to spank him or want to. Second, he has ASD. If I spank him, he’s going to think it’s okay to hit people out of frustration or when they do something you don’t like. So yeah I find other consequences or solutions. IE you don’t turn the volume down on the phone when I ask, I take the phone away until you apologize and then do what I asked. You want to scream like a banshee, go scream outside where you won’t bother people. So who knows. He could fall into that category. Though I get the feeling he’s also into gentle parenting based on conversations and the parenting books I’ve seen about his apartment. Sorry that was a longer vent that I meant it to be lol. I also worry that I think he doesn’t really understand what it means to be a full time dad. Idk if he has it in him We’ll see.

Yeah I’m not sure if it’s a culture shift away from forums or just a platform shift. I felt like premom was pretty active with posts/polls, and it does sound like everything is all about Reddit lately. I never have luck o Reddit. Nobody responds to my posts, which makes me wonder if I’m even posting it correctly Glad you got a good response for your poll! Yes, it is nice that the forums for TTC and pregnancy are still pretty strong here. Makes such a big difference. Like it’s nice to have real life friends/fam going through it but idk I kind of like the online aspect of I can have no filter because we don’t know each other irl.

AFM just chilling with fam. My cousin from TX came by for lunch yesterday. A is living his best life. He’s so at home. They’re trying to keep him out of school when break ends for two weeks because the BCBA couldn’t finish her observations. So the IEP got pushed out to the 13th then the 16th/17th the kids have off. So they don’t want him to go back until the 18th. And I’m like you can f* all the way right off. I also misunderstood because I thought the BCBA-D was going to work with him directly, but she is just and IEE. His current BTs are not following the behavior plan that is complete bs anyway. They're trying to mislabel his behavior so they can kick him out.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs so far so good re: the flu. I got my flu shot, so I imagine that helped.

We haven’t started hardcore house planning. Ideally we want to save up a sizeable down payment to avoid a PMI. I know very little about home buying so I’m planning on taking an online class or something so I know what the heck all these terms and extra fees are. There’s also the issue that 20 years ago we could’ve bought a 4 bedroom house with a few acres of land for $250k (that’s what my parents paid). Now we’re looking at a minimum of $400k for a house that isn’t a fixer upper with any land. I’m sure you have little sympathy with the Cali prices but of course pay rates tend to be in line with cost of living in the area.

Once or twice in the past two years I’ve had to tell SO “no, I’m not safe, don’t do it” (meaning it’s not a “safe day” in my cycle, I could get pregnant, he has to pull out) because he’s got in a mood where he just wants to throw it all away and get me pregnant lol, so hopefully he’ll get in that mood on the honeymoon and I won’t tell him no that time lol. He’s logical 99.99% of the time, but I’m hoping that’ll fall away on the honeymoon.

Lol @ the classy thing. SO and I don’t drink CVS wine but we still only buy $10-20 wine, and we do have wine glasses, but we are not at all opposed to drinking it out of a red solo cup at a party lol. We’re not fancy people. But I do like to get fancy sometimes. I’m sure you could come to compromises with style of living. The aerator only for special occasions, for instance but not using red solo cups at a non-basement party setting might be a good thing for his sanity lol. Just my thoughts though. Hopefully his parenting style is similar to yours. Usually parents don’t have the exact same style, so a few differences aren’t the end of the world. Not spanking isn’t even gentle parenting, it’s just logical parenting these days because physical discipline is not the best way to discipline a child 99.99% of the time. Kids are not animals, they have complex thought processes. If my cat nips or scratches me, I’m gonna whack him away, because he’s a cat and saying “hey, that hurt, don’t do that” will not make any sense to his little cat brain, neither does taking away his toy, but a physical response will (this may be a recent issue with my cat lol). But if a kid bites or hits me, they do understand words and taking away toys until they behave. I have noticed that gentle parenting tends to under-emphasize discipline and negative reinforcement in general, I know positive reinforcement is the ideal but I do think kids need to get strong negative reactions to understand the severity of their behavior, at least if they’re neurotypical. Parenting a kid with ASD is undoubtedly different in some ways because their brains work differently in some ways, and that’s fine too. And obviously I have zero parenting experience lol so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I’ve never tried to use Reddit, I don’t like how it’s a giant forum for anything. I know there are subreddits but how can there be enough activity truly to get a response to anything but the most popular topics? Seems like there isn’t based on your experience. TTC forums are the only forums I’ve seen to still be active, and wow they are active. Women really need anonymous community during that time, I think. Wedding planning can be less anonymous, so people tend to just ask friends and family for advice or Google their questions.

Ugh re:school stuff. So frustrating. I’m sorry poor A deserves better.

 

[WinterBub]

Hormones are for real, Shae! It's amazing the drive we have to have these babies. Maybe your SO's hormones will get to him after the high of the wedding

I second the aerator only being for special occasions I think life would be boring if we only stuck with people we did everything the same as/agree on everything with. If you like each other enough any little differences on lifestyle etc won't matter. And I'm sure you'd find a shared parenting style if things get that far.

I hope everyone had a really lovely and relaxing time over Christmas. We had fun. We mostly got LO clothes and small things, but he was so pumped about it all. Every gift he opened he said "I've been wanting this!" Not sure where he heard that, but it was so sweet. And it was definitely only actually true for a couple of things

My other news is that my transfer prep seems to be going well, and I have a tentative transfer date for Jan 9! I'm excited but scared because of the excitement/potential for letdown. Lol!

 

[DobbyForever]

So glad my mom booked us on Southwest

6h in the car. 4 more to go. Send help.

side note:

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae yeah I mean everything is tricky with homebuying being so localized. You know I’m pro look into any first time homebuyers. I only had to put 5% down. I do have an escrow account, which some people don’t like because you do have some associated things like mortgage insurance or required homeowners insurance. I like it though because it’s all automatic, they use my monthly payment to pay my mortgage, my property taxes, my required insurances yada yada. Less for me to manage. Pricing is all relative, exactly. Housing more than doubling is nice in the sense that you know your house becomes an investment not just your home, but it sucks when you’re trying to save up for it. You may need to go for a starter home and upgrade later, but that’s hard when you want to TTC right away. You’ll figure it out though! But if that’s a big thing for SO to be comfortable trying, probably best to get on it sooner rather than later. Hopefully he’s feeling that newlywed honeymoon bliss and is up for some what will be will be bd!

Yeah having anonymity plus similar experience during TTC is so important. It’s nice we have the tech to have these forums. Honestly, I mostly only had a reddit to look for turnips/ Celeste in ACNH so that worked well HAHAHA. But what few times I posted for like life stuff they were wildly unhelpful.

Winter omg that’s so adorable! What a sweetheart! And yay that’s so exciting! Just a couple weeks away! Sending all positive vibes!

Haha yeah. I mean they’re probably all small issues. He pours the wine anyway. I told him it turns me on when he takes care of me So I don’t plate my own food or pour my own drinks around him. I don’t keep solo cups haha. I have mismatched wine glasses because I break them! So I’m down to one normal one and then a few I’ve kept from the arts and wine festivals. And with A, he’s a lot. And people say I’m really indulgent with him. Or like we went to this small hot pot place. A doesn’t really eat hot pot, and he wasn’t hungry. So he wanted to dance, but he was dancing on his chair. We were seated right next to eh door, and it’s glass. There was a wall/ corner, so i took him outside and told him he could dance in the the corner directly in my eye line. I basically disengaged from dinner convo, turned my plate, and watched him dance while I ate. He was mingling with the people who were waiting. Or like sometimes whoever is done first takes him on a walk. Or a lot of times I let him use my phone during dinners out when he doesn’t eat so I can eat. Or we went to the mall and its like I can’t shop at all with him so I didn’t go to the mall to shop, we just went because the mall had a little play ground and toy store. So everyone else went shopping and we just played. Which all feels normal but yeah the tantrums in the airport waiting to board or when he fixates on something. I can be flexible because it’s just him and me, but what happens when it’s the four of us? And he always tells me to stop worrying and that his daughter likely has/does have special needs, too.

 

[shaescott]

Oops I forgot BnB existed for a week but it appears so did everyone else, oops

Winter what day is your transfer again?

Dobs I just want to know how you’re breaking all these wine glasses

Currently an idiot because I scrolled on YouTube shorts until I have 4 hours until my alarm for work in the morning so yeah, I’m going to bed when I finish this post.

Wedding entree tasting is on Saturday. Confirmed with the seamstress that I am booked with her for my dress, decided I’m going to wear a hooped petticoat under the dress to make it more ballgown-y, without one the front of the skirt falls kinda flat and it bugs me, I need that volume and drama lol. Tried to find a longer one on Etsy rather than Amazon cuz I’m tall and they’re made for shorter people, found one that said hand made and when I ordered she said she’d be sending it from her Amazon store, and after a bit of searching I found the exact same item on Amazon. I did pay $4 less though lol and it’s supposed to be a little longer than average, but I’m still mad, I thought I was ordering something not mass produced in China with poor quality fabric, that’s why I went to Etsy instead, plus the description said hand made!!! If it was more expensive I would be furious, the shop gave me a huge coupon for favoriting it that brought it from 70 to 20 bucks, imagine paying full price for that and then it’s off Amazon??? Idk, we’ll see when it arrives if it’s acceptable. If not, it was 20 bucks, and I’ll order one of the other options off Etsy, they have cotton ones which are more likely not just off Amazon, they just won’t be as long as I want :/ so hopefully the one I ordered works.

Okay that’s all for now cuz I gotta get to bed lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae

No! Hopefully not too tired tomorrow. And hopefully the under thingies (so tired) works out! It is interesting how Amazon is branching out that way. It’s weird. Lovely about the tasting! I’m so envious.

I’m just so clumsy! It’s like they fly out of my hand when I go to take them off the counter, I dance in my kitchen a lot and knock them off the counter, I put them in the sink and forget they are there. So I’ll toss something in the sink on them. That’s the biggest one lol. I also stored all of my stemmed glasses in A’s dad drink cabinet, and when he took it my glasses went with him.

Winter, was today the day?!? Is no news good news on today being the tentative go day?

AFM just moving along. Have brunch with a friend tomorrow and dinner with OA Sunday. We have a sleepover scheduled next weekend on our one year match date. girls have I really been in this situationship for a year? Ffs

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby, I'm glad your mom is able to help you and A out.

Winter the mint oreo cheesecake recipe I used is: Instant Pot Mint Oreo Cheesecake - I Don't Have Time For That! and as for the strawberry one I just used the cheesecake #17 and found a recipe for strawberry topping.

That's great about DS getting night trained!! Yes I am glad they get to grow up together. It's been hard physically, mentally, and emotionally having 3 close together but I wouldn't change it. They mostly get along LOL