General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Jez that’s awesome!!!! Congrats! Please keep in touch and keep us updated!

Shae FXed that interview is scheduled soon

 

[Jezika]

K hey again y'all. Once again I should desperately be working on my research because one of my meetings got cancelled (I'm just finishing my clinical residency) so I'll just throw caution to the wind. I did catch up last night on the last few weeks of this thread, so here goes...

Shae it's truly awesome to see that you're married and a nurse now after knowing both those things were what you were working towards last time I was on here. How are you enjoying nursing? That's also great news about moving in with your papa... it really does sound like win-win in so many ways. Did DH straight up say he's up for starting TTC full force next cycle? I really hope so. I know you thought you may have been pregnant in the past and I was curious if they happened after proper ejaculation during your fertile window...? If not, I feel like things will be much more hopeful with proper efforts. Also, LOL @ your impulse gaming purchase. That reminds me of last year when I bought a VR headset and then used in like less than 15 times since.

Dobs I'm sorry to have read about your aunt and also about your friend's friend passing away. Any unexpected deaths due to heart issues in young people freak me out now because I worry about long-term impact of COVID of CV health. The same day I read what happened to your friend's friend I also saw an article on how more and more young people are having heart attacks. Not great for my health anxiety but at least motivates me more to try to be healthy. I see you've been doing intermittent fasting too. I've been doing in religiously as well for the past year and it's made a huge difference, but I haven't been doing exercise very regularly so I've also lost quite a bit of muscle mass I think. Of course I've stopped IF since finding out my pg so now I really do need to exercise. Since we moved out of Toronto (where I walked all the time) and to a suburban area, I drive everywhere and basically don't do much except occasionally dance around my kitchen or attend a "heels" class with a friend (where everyone where's high heels--except me, actually--and dances sexy lol... it's quite empowering). Also, that was an impressive amazon haul that you got a while back. I was certain it would've cost you way more, but maybe I'm thinking of Canadian dollars. I think I accidentally caught the prime day when I was ordering UV resin and it happened to be very cheap. Otherwise I will like I'm addicted to Temu . Good call on wills, too. I'm ashamed to say DH and I still haven't sorted ours, which is so bad considering we're parents. Re: ADHD, it's funny you mentioned reading about the hunter/farming thing because a while back I read an article on the evolutionary-based advantages of genes that predispose folks to things like anxiety, ADHD, etc. If you're interested I'll try to find it. Also, are you guys renting a horse? lol. So jealz. Oh, and who's OA?

Pink - I am so impressed at you wanting a fourth child. Truly, it's taken me almost 7 years to get to the point where I could even imagine the remote possibility of being able to handle two children, and even that is almost entirely motivated by wanting a sibling for Matilda (who no longer wants to be called Tilly... right after I ordered a bunch of new name labels and personally hand-embroidered a nice sweater with 'Tilly' on it). I'm particularly in awe of anyone who takes having multiple young children in their stride. I feel like a weak parent and I often think DH and I generally suck at life lol. Same with kids' parties - last year we paid a tonne to do one of those parties at a soft play place so that I wouldn't have to organize much (we've avoided non-family-only parties for her previously), and I still found it quite stressful. I vowed I'd never have a winter baby so that we can just do a party at a local playground with bbq food or picnic or something, but a friend pointed out that with rain risk I can never count on that anyway. Booo. So I guess my point is that you sound like a way better mum than me, ha.

Flueks - how are your little ladiessss? I'll be honest, I don't recall much of what you wrote previously, but I think you had fewer messages. Hope you're doing well in any case!

Has Gigs been about at all?

AFM, I'm still finishing my stupid PhD as you might've guessed, but it HAS to happen next year. If having a baby screws that plan, it will not be good. I still also have to do one year of supervised practice after that before I can become a completely autonomous psychologist, so I feel at this rate my peers will have retired by the time I even get my proper career started.

Haven't checked for typos, sorrrrryyyyyy

 

[Jezika]

Oh, and here's a progression pic for y'all. So what happened is that I had mentally told myself a long time ago that the very earliest we could start TTC is July 2023 because that would give me till the end of the Winter semester to finish my PhD, though I knew finishing that might take longer. But I also knew that TTC can take a lot longer too, esp when the last time I TTC'd was at age 30, not 37/38. July rolled around and DH and I were still terrified to TTC because while we both want a sibling for Matilda, it's also really scary to think of the newborn stage (and beyond) again and losing so much of the freedom that we've regained over the years. Plus we really aren't "natural parents", if that makes sense. I mean, I think I personally am great with some stuff.. like I'm pretty confident that I'm doing a decent job with nurturing emotional health for the most part, but other than that I'm not one of these get-up-and-go kind of parents and I find all of that so stressful (I also seriously swear I have ADHD). In any case, we most certainly did not TTC in July, but then a few weeks ago I was feeling super horny, which is rare, and I thought it would be exciting to invite DH to finish inside me, which didn't feel too risk because my period app told me I was 3 days outside of my O window and even further from my predicted O date (my cycles are very short so it predicts my O be like CD 10)... but risky enough to be kind of exciting and I also knew it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did by some miracle get pregnant. And again, I genuinely thought it would take many months of trying to even get pregnant. Anyway, it was only after that that I recalled that I ovulated later than expected with both my pregnancy cycles 7 years ago. I checked FF and it turned out I'd O'd on CD14 the first time and CD 16 the second time. We BD'd on CD15 this time around. Still, I wasn't too worried coz again, why would it happen on the first (non)try? Then from about 6DPO onwards I honestly just knew. I can't even say how, I just really felt it. Caved and ordered wondfos and tested at 11DPO. We are staying at our best friends' place out of town all week and they were SOOOO excited but DH and I were just in shock. I'm also scared of telling my other best friend because she's the only one in our tight friend group who doesn't have kids and she'd gotten pg on the first try 1.5 years ago but had an MC and has had a really, really rough TTC journey emotionally and basically said she'd feel crushed if I got a BFP before her. But she also made me promise to tell her straight away and did advise I TTC sooner rather than later because it can obviously take a while. She actually got pregnant again for the first time since 1.5 years ago last week but the line faded after a day and it was an obvious CP. I haven't told her yet because she's doing a bunch of stuff for a friend's wedding and I don't want to potentially mess with how she's feeling... but I also think she'll be mad at me for not telling her straight away. Also, I know I could still miscarry, so I'm trying not to think of this as something that's actually going to happen, and more like seeing if the egg was a good one, and I will try to be okay with it if that happens because at least it buys me more time re: dissertation and other life stuff. But I'm truly grateful that I even got pg this easily... which I also kind of feel bad about.

Sorry for the convoluted essay! If you got this far, I'm so honoured. Now have another meeting and did no work yet again argh!

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Aww, Jez. Being able to handle a bunch of kids doesn't make you a good mom. Maybe I just deal with chaos a little better. I also definitely love babies and deep down there's probably a part of me that just wants to be loved and needed and kids fulfill that need. Honestly though, I'm far from great when it comes to nurturing their mental health, so you definitely "win" in that category. Everyone just handles things differently. And I feel like generally the moms that worry that they're bad moms are actually good; truly bad parents don't care about that stuff.
As for party planning, same thing. Some people love coming up with themes, shopping, making loot bags, baking and prepping food (aka me), and some don't. I'd rather spend $200 and do it at home than spend $400 to go to an indoor playground, but I'm also hella cheap. And personally quite poor from being on mat leave. lol. Arguably, winter babies are easier cuz you KNOW it's gonna be too cold to do anything outdoors. With my 3, you need to play it by ear and have a back up plan or 2 in case of rain or a freak snow storm.
But anyway, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and popping out a bunch of kids close together doesn't make you better than anyone else. Just run your own race and do your best.
I had a friend with a similar issue. She was pg and didn't want to tell a friend with fertility issues. If I were in your shoes, I'd maybe wait til you at least have your first scan to confirm a heartbeat. Just my 2 cents.

Sorry if I've asked this before (or if you'd rather not share), but where do you live approximately? I'm in Mississauga.

 

[Jezika]

Pink that's kind of you to say. I guess none of us are perfect parents anyway and one of my weaker areas is stamina, planning/organization and feeling easily stressed/overwhelmed. I actually love the idea of planning a special party at home, including decor, games, cake etc., but putting the energy into thinking about it, let alone executing it all, feels quite overwhelming on top of so many other things I have to think about and do. Plus I for sure would worry about everyone having a good time on the day. My best parenting moment in that aspect was baking Peppa Pig Cookies and number 3 cookies for her 3rd birthday, which I have to say turned out pretty damn well, but I had stayed up till like 3am making them so needless to say I never attempted it again, ha.

I like the idea of only mentioning being pregnant to my friend when I know it's likely to turn out okay, but she would 100% be mad at me for not telling her straight away. I think I will tell her tomorrow once the wedding stuff is over and hope she understands why I didn't do it sooner.

I now realized that telling Matilda will be a cool thing because she will be thrilled. We might wait with that till a safer time. Ideas are welcome! I kind of feel foolish when I let myself entertain the idea of it working out. Apparently there's around a 75% chance all is fine.

Oh, I moved from Toronto to Barrie! I'm now half an hour away from my mum, who lives in Oro-Medonte, which is at least closer. We are not wild about Barrie, but it is what it is, for now. You're in Mississauga, if I remember correctly?

 

[DobbyForever]

Will catch up this weekend just popping in to say A lost his first tooth today! …. Right after I dropped him off so I could go to work

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Jez - Honestly, staying up til like 3am before a BDay party is normal for me. lol. I'm usually frosting cupcakes, making spinach dip, and cleaning like crazy. I'm trying to be better with time management though. Like, I'll decorate and prep loot bags a couple days before. As well as any baking. There are probably tips online to make throwing a party simple. As for making sure everyone is enjoying themselves, just make sure you have lots of food and be a bit of a social butterfly, so no one feels ignored. Apart for that, if people are gonna be judgey jerks, just don't invite them to stuff going forward.
Ok, you know your friend the best. Good luck!
However you decide to tell Tilly, get it on video! My parents have a video of when they told me I was gonna be a big sister. I was 4 and playing with my Barbies and had zero F's to give. lol. Once I understood, I kept saying I wanted a sister. When they decided to get video of that, I immediately changed my answer to a brother and could not be swayed. They did end up having another girl, btw.
Ah. I know people in Barrie. And one of my aunts lives in Orillia. I wouldn't be thrilled to live in Barrie either. I need the hustle and bustle and noise pollution. I'm a 20 minute walk from the biggest mall in Canada. I cannot downgrade. lol. That being said, I'm very slowly accepting the idea that one day we'll outgrow our townhouse and/or one of our moms will require a lot of assistance and will have to move in with us. We won't have room for that and we'll have to move. Most likely to Kitchener cuz SO and I both have family there.

Just for all the people that don't live in Canada...
Mississauga - 716,000+ people
Barrie - 141,000+
Kitchener - 233,000+

Dobby - Congrats to A! Can you see his big boy teeth coming in yet?

 

[DobbyForever]

I can see the tippy top of it but not much. I know it's growing though because of the four x-rays that was the only picture that turned out clear haha. So the dentist had said it was loose but not loose enough given that the tooth was getting ready to come out so she encouraged us to wiggle it every day. I knew he'd lose it today because he woke up and immediately wouldn't stop saying it hurt and touching it. I just hoped it wouldn't come out until I got home. But he was good. We talked a lot about how instead of giving it to mommy he needed to give it to my brother (who is watching him until he's back in school as I'm back at work). I guess it happened while my brother was napping, so A woke him up and was like LOOK AT MY TOOTH!

Jex I have every intention of reading the essays hahah I'm just so drained today

 

[Jezika]

Pink that’s so cool that your parents got the sibling reveal on video. Sounds like you had a classic 4-year-old’s response, which of course makes it even better. I’ll for sure get it on video. I think she’s at the age where she’ll either be super excited or super intrigued and thoughtful. I will also have to prepare for what to tell her about how it happened because she for sure will interrogate us and will want the exact specifics rather than something vague like, “a special cuddle between mummy and daddy put a baby in mummy’s belly” lol. I’m big on not lying but also obviously don’t want to provide info that’s not age appropriate.
Yeah DH and I have been devout big city folks since moving to Toronto in 2008 and before that we were in London, UK, but I grew up in a shitty suburban town in the UK between ages 4-21 so moving to Barrie feels like going back to that kind of place. But I feel like we didn’t really have a choice because we owned a 1+den townhome in Toronto and could never have afforded a detached house with a yard there, but in Barrie you can get a 4-bedroom with a big yard for the same amount (mind you, prices were insaaaane when we bought, and then of course all dropped). We also weren’t even taking advantage of Toronto living in recent years and I often found myself annoyed with the chaos and crowds and dirtiness. It’s nice to have a slice of nature in my backyard in Barrie (we invested a lot on laying down sod and creating flowerbeds and a veggie patch so it’s my little suburban oasis) and I should take advantage of all the water sports nearby, but I think my dream home would be more rural these days. My mum lives on the Braestone development and it’s so stunning there with their own community farm and rolling hills and forest trails and such. But funny you should mention Kitchener because my bff lives in Waterloo (where we’re visiting right now), and if it wasn’t for being near my mum, we’d love to live here, especially given that my mum doesn’t even see us as often as we’d like because of her controlling, narcissistic partner. There are so many cool places here and downtown Kitchener is so trendy! I feel like if you like Mississauga you’d surely like it in Kitchener? Bonus with family being there too. Oops, sorry for rambling (again)!

Dobs congrats on A’s first tooth! Of course you missed it Hopefully there’ll be many more for you to catch. I think Matilda’s first one also fell out at school without her realizing (and got lost) and her second came soon after at home but we somehow lost it in the living room despite trying to avoid exactly that… it was quite inexplicable actually. And there be been no more teeth since then. Was he excited/proud? Is he excited about the tooth fairy?

Shae I forgot to say that’s so cute (and coincidental) about watching the video of Matilda with our cat recently (who sadly died a few years ago). She’s changed so much since then… like she actually has hair lol. I’ll see if I can attach a pic or two… And I’d be thrilled if we could be bump buddies! Remember I said years ago that there’s a good chance that could happen?!

 

[Jezika]

Dobs I wrote my additional essay above before I saw your message. And omg please know there’s no obligation to read my long-ass messages. I really don’t know how I can write so much. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to even read it back myself for typos.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Jez - You should do what they did in Knocked Up; ask the kid how they think babies are made. Well, actually, they asked the kid how they thought the baby got out of the mom, but still. See what she may already know. lol
The only appeal of Kitchener (not including having family there) is homes should theoretically be cheaper and it has a good sized German population. Like, to the best of knowledge, lots of Germans settled there when they came over. It was originally called Berlin, ON. But hopefully it'll be a while before we move, if we move.
Aww, such a gorgeous girl. She's gonna be a great big sister. Are you or DH hoping for a certain gender?

Dobby - Well, that's life. At least he didn't lose it and didn't freak out. What's the going rate for teeth in Cali? lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Gonna reply in chunks cuz tired brain is tired.

Def don’t stress my friend with the heart attack. He has depression and was clinically overweight for over a decade and was a severe (makes me look sober) level alcoholic. We are talking drinking an entire bottle of tequila and then some every day.

Sorry Tilly doesn’t like her nickname anymore. Maybe it’ll grow on her? I swear my students bounce around their nicknames all the time.

No worries on when the phd gets done. Just hopefully done before little bean gets here. You’ve got this! Forget everyone else.

ETA omg that’s such a cute story! I love it. I think your friend will be sad because of her journey but ultimately happy for you and understanding of why you didn’t tell her in the moment. Maybe make it extra special? Like me I’d be hurt out if jealous that not only did the other friend know first but you tested with them (if I read that correctly). Ugh but then what I would want is a fuss like a whole announcement built just for me but probably not if I had that TTC history. It’ll work out.

EATA I always felt a huge pull to be a mom and people say I’m a very maternal and natural teacher yet I feel like a headless chicken with my one kid. But def agree with Pretty that only good parents worry they’re not good parents lol. I’m def the opposite for parties. I hate planning and coordinating. I’ll shell out the money to avoid having to do any work moreso now that I’m so freaking tired

Another edit that’s awesome that you’re closer to your mom! Pretty the numbers made me chuckle. My town has less than 30,000

back again getting too tired to retain lol um…. I forgot but Tilly’s photos are so stinking cute!!! Oh re tooth fairy sorry the teeth got lost! Honestly my mom just threw mine away lol. He’s like excited because he thinks he’s getting lion king toys but I can’t find them anywhere! So he’s getting a raw deal lol. He was excited to show my brother but by the time I picked him up he didn’t even tell me. I only noticed because he was in my face and hard to miss the gap haha. Part of me was hoping school picture day would be early but it’s not too late September so his new tooth will likely be in by then.

made it! Lol pretty I thought you meant literally like people were out here selling baby teeth. He got a coupon for $25 tooth fairy dollars cuz the tooth fairy only had $1 on her. Not that his spoiled and entitled child mind cares about money lol. He is grateful and understands mommy’s money pays for his shit and mommy has to work to make money but like he wouldn’t know the difference between a penny and a $100 bill lol. It’s all just money. But yeah he gets “$25” cuz first tooth bonus and inflation and a hulk cape.

no thoughts on explaining it but I know here usually the defining of sex and sperm meets egg is a 5th grade talk. I will say that as uncomfortable as it is I’m pro be brief but accurate and scientific. I know I’ve mucked things up with A trying to be cute or use euphemisms for hard topics vs just being straight.

 

[DobbyForever]

Afm it’s like midnight sigh I got caught up writing a new meet the teacher letter and then translating it to Spanish. Got my weekly schedule put together on a new template. Hoping not to physically go into work this weekend. We have work days all day M and T but I’m taking a half day on T so I can take A to a school event and then horsemanship.

 

[Flueky88]

Jez, omg congrats!!! Do excited for you. Also, Tilly is so cute. I can't believe how much she has grown up.

I like rural-ish living. We live pretty close to grocery store , hospital, etc. but we live in the country. I love not having my neighbors right beside me and the mountain views are a plus.

Dobby yay for lost tooth but sorry it happened when you were away.

Also don't feel bad about town size, mine is under 5K LOL. The town we are close to is 15K.

Sorry you stayed up late working. I hope you don't have to go in this weekend and I hope you enjoy your half day on Tuesday

Shae I'm glad you were able to extend your lease for one more month.

That stinks that you have to start nights if you want to do L&D. I know one of our hospitals make L&D do swing shifts which I think is crazy. How are people able to perform at their peak when their sleep health is crap?

Pretty, I hope you enjoy your family get together in a few weeks.


AFM one of our neighbors brought donuts to us this morning. The girls really enjoyed them. I had a bite of one E didn't finish. The neighbor and his wife have 3 kids. A 3 y.o. and 1 y.o twins. So hoping to get our kids together and play more.

Girls are doing good though. V went back to school Monday. Had open house at the school Tuesday evevening. It went mostly well. S was messing with a spinner and got in trouble. I was in the library paying a school fee, so DH was dealing with that. We should know in about a month if S gets into preK. E will probably enjoy being home during the day without her sisters lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh also what is temu?! Is it legit? It’s in my ads all the time. Cool stuff but the price is low or concerns me it’s like not legit

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Temu is basically Chinese Amazon. Tons of merchandise for fairly cheap prices. The first day I signed up, I placed like 3 separate orders cuz they have all these in-app coupons and price cuts and whatnot. It can be pretty addictive, but I've only ever ordered stuff that one day. I got a few little items for the kitchen, some hair stuff, 2 dresses, a shirt, a hat, etc. It all seems to be decent enough quality. Will most likely order from there again.

Flueky - Aww, that's nice of your neighbours for the donuts. It's also to have playmates of a similar age close by.
FX S gets into PreK.
And thanks. The boys are really looking forward to the trip.

AFM, still not too much to report, except that Zoey is climbing on everything. She's using child sized chairs to get onto the love seat, when she goes upstairs, she beelines for her bros' room and starts climbing the bunk bed ladder. I'm all for being fearless and confident, but holy. She might give Matthew a run for his money when it comes to being a daredevil. lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs awww sorry you missed A losing his tooth but so exciting that he lost it!

Jez I’ve only had one cycle ever with full ejaculation in the fertile period, that was on my honeymoon, and I didn’t get pregnant. I had been testing my progesterone levels with a fertility monitor and noticed they were lower than normal during that entire luteal phase, which is likely why I didn’t get pregnant. It was too low to support a pregnancy. It was likely caused by stress on my body from the honeymoon. It was extremely hot and humid and we honestly didn’t do much relaxing, the entire honeymoon was booked with tours and activities. There’s just so much to see in Italy, I wanted to see it all, but of course I then neglected to allow us to relax and just enjoy each other’s company. My progesterone levels are normally nice and high during the luteal phase, so low levels are not my normal. I expect once I get off night shift my body will relax enough to get pregnant. We are waiting to try until I get off night shift. DH didn’t give a full enthusiastic go ahead but he gave a tentative “We might as well” for once we move in with my grandfather, which will be the same time I stop night shift. But then he tried to take it back saying he wants to take time off from work to work on his portfolio so he can get a job in his degree field finally, and he worries that if I get pregnant and am too sick to work, he’ll need to get a job fast to support us. I told him that the vast majority of women are able to continue working even with bad morning sickness and such. He’s still nervous about it. We’ll see how he feels when we get there. I really hope he’ll say yes and we can be bump buddies! I also told him it might not happen right away considering the honeymoon O-2 was a fail.

Awww too bad she doesn’t like Tilly anymore. She’s gotten so big! So crazy to me.

 

[DobbyForever]

Read and run but Shae maybe gently remind him that babies take 8-9 months to gestate lol he can do his portfolio and get a job in that time. Also side post Barbie rant women are expected to work full time and keep house while pregnant so it kinda annoys me when guys are like oh I don’t wanna be pregnant yet cuz I have stuff to do

 

[DobbyForever]

Like look at jez out here working on her dissertation whilst pregnant. I was writing a 50+ page $60,000 grant proposal while working full time to get tenure when I was pregnant with A. Ugh I gotta work on my portfolio when you two don’t even have kids yet so he can just come home from work and do whatever…. Such man cold whinery

I clearly had a bad day

 

[Jezika]

Pink, that’s a great idea about asking the kid how babies are made. I have no idea what she’ll say but I feel like she’d be shocked to learn that p goes in v (if push comes to shove and there’s no other honest way of answering). I had no idea about Kitchener having a big German population. That’s pretty neat though. I wonder why so many Germans chose to settle there. P.s. you must’ve been thrilled to finally get your girl baby! Last I knew you were hoping for a girl.

Dobs, that’s good to know about that sex ed happening in grade 5, though idk what grade that is in Canada. Matilda’s going into grade 2 but maybe that’s SK in the US? These things confuse me. And re: Temu, ditto what Pink said. I’ve been more or less impressed with everything for the price. There are some particularly good finds on there for some things and I like that there are generally a lot of reviews with pics and videos. I think you US folk also get more bonus savings and stuff like free items whereas we don’t in Canada, booo.

Flueks, that mountain view sounds incredible. That’s exactly the kind of thing I like. Mountain, forest, lake… I’ll take it. Also, what’s a spinner and why did S get in trouble? I hope they weren’t mean/unreasonable. Fingers crossed on the preK!

Shae, I echo Dobs that the baby be brewin’ for 9 months so that’s good time to get the portfolio sorted. And as if women in America can afford to take time off work when pregnant anyway? If y’all have to return to work while having a newborn I’m pretty sure the expectation is to also work through extreme nausea and other stuff. Sadly. Do you think he’s also a little scared about the responsibility of having a baby? I know it scares a lot of guys. Even DH at the ripe old age of 42 is low-key freaking out about the idea of having a second child. Also, what is this progesterone testing wizardry? That’s so cool. Can any layperson acquire one of those things? Also if stress can cause low progesterone levels, I wonder if that explains many women’s trouble getting pg? Italy honeymoon sounds amaaaaazing.

AFM, line progression below for anyone interested. Bottom is 16dpo/today. I was worried a few days ago about slow-to-darken lines and today I had a bit of light brown discharge, but I’m trying to remind myself that if this doesn’t work out, there are still lots of chances and the timing may be much better ‍ U/s is booked for Sep 11 and I contacted several midwives because they seem to get booked up the moment sperm meets egg.