General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Drowning under report cards but looooooove the photo! Condolences about your aunt. Glad you’re feeling better!

Gigs asked the ? We all want an answer too lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Yooooooooo get a chair and some biscuits it’s teatime!

I was minding my own business (lol) when I came across OA’s name on a baby registry!!! He has a very unique name and the city is where he lives. Some sleuthing of the girl and she posted a review of a gym down the street from his house! Which he’s said his new job gives him time to go to the gym, guess where, down the street from his house! To be fair could be different gyms. But she’s the right age range (39), right location. The timing would match up with when he told me he had slept with someone else and when he started being extra suspicious. So I text him and get straight to the point. I said I’ll explain why I’m asking later but I want to know if he’s expecting a baby. He texts me back to answer my question with a question! Why am I asking? But didn’t say yes or no!!! I have his texts set to deliver even if my phone is on DND and naturally I can’t sleep because I gotta know lol. So I had texted him back immediately. First to joke I asked first. Then to tell him why I asked. Finally to point blank ask again to let him know I’m not walking away without my answer. And now he’s radio silent!

The only odd thing is in my FBI level deep dive, she’s a nurse at the hospital his ex wife works (maybe worked because she also had a baby like a year ago). It’s a big hospital and a small town but still lol. Her social media must be on super private. Only found what I found because she also had a very unique way of spelling her name so her hospital had her listed in a brochure thing about their department.

But yo. She has two registries and they seem legit. Nothing purchased but they’re new. Like created in the last week new. Due date listed at late June!

So yeah I’m entirely convinced he knocked someone up.

I have amazing taste in men

 

[DobbyForever]

Updates got a looooong text that yup he’s having another unplanned baby. Did I mention she registered for a $900+ stroller?

 

[DobbyForever]

Plot thickens.

So he confirmed baby.
He confirmed they will only coparent.
He profusely apologized that I’m processing this while he’s in a different country.

Being me and now done with report cards, I was having a pity party about how we DTD like a week before her fertile week. How it was one of my fav nights with him but I could tell he was seeing someone from something he said. So I was going through all my texts/audios with my friend from around that time and running on my treadmill.

Woke up at 3am with anxiety. Went back to see what we talked about around that time. Girls. Make it make sense for me. I feel like my due dates were always pretty accurate to my ovulation date. I know there’s some plus minus but…

We have an agreement that he texts me any times he flies because that’s how my family is/my dad dying on a trip. He flew to Seattle like crack of dawn on 9/27. I’ve DTD with him before the night before a trip or even morning of and left when he leaves for the airport. So it’s not impossible to say they could have DTD 9/26 or 9/27. He flew back very late. He wouldn’t have gotten home until nearly 11pm with work the next day. He’s not usually one to request fun that late. At least not with me but I also wouldn’t tolerate that level of disrespect for a call time after 10pm at this age or thus dynamic. Other people might. So realistically improbably but earliest deed would be 10/3 but more likely 10/4. We were pretty chummy and chatty when he got back and were making plans to see each other the next week. So assuming he was in the mood and I do require childcare plans, it’s possible her rang her for fun from super late 10/3 up to early morning 10/5. He would have had his daughter 10/6 after school until 10/9 morning. He had to fly back to Seattle (issue with the deal and it was like multi millions) on 10/11 early morning because we had plans 10/10 that got postponed due to the work crisis.

So mathing here…
- Her due date is 6/25/2024
- Reverse conception calculators are saying most probably O date was 10/1-10/3
- Logistically, the closest BD pre trip is 9/26 or 9/27.
- Logistically, the closest post trip bd would be 10/3, 10/4, or 10/5. Which could potentially have been O or O+1.

All this said, he has taken exes on work trips while they dated. So she could have gone with him. I really don’t think he’d have DTD on 10/3. He’s old. He would have been stressed and tired from the trip. He got in so late. So really it’s more likely they’d do it 10/4. We usually do it T night because it’s his first night of the week without his daughter or Th night because he’ll have her all weekend. So 10/4 would fit his pattern of T. He’d also never ask me with a single day notice.

I feel like stars aligned sure if they did it 9/27 morning and she Oed on the early range for her due date OR they did it 10/4 and she Oed on the later range then sure. But I feel like he’s 50. His deposit isn’t huge. She’s 40. It just seems like a stretch to me. And now it’s 5am and I haven’t slept lol

ETA I really think 10/3 is out. Sleep is important to him. We’ve only ever done it that late if I was over all day and there was napping. I also just realized in two years of DTD I can’t think of a time that he ever finished at night. I almost always sleepover. We start and stop a lot because he’s old and he only ever finishes in the morning. And his deposit is comparatively weak and small to most guys I’ve been with. I assumed it’s an old man thing. I’m used to 20-30s guys out here making deposits 3-7x in sleepover so idk ladies I’m skeptical that this baby is his but is that just wishful thinking lol

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Wow, Dobby. That's a lot to unpack. I guess my only question right now is will you continue to see him? Between traveling, and coparenting 2 kids with 2 different women, is he even gonna have time? Oh, and do you think he'll ask for a DNA test?

 

[DobbyForever]

I mean idk. I was already at a “I think I only have patience for this for the rest of this school year but we’ll see.” I know it’s my decision. He’s clearly still gonna keep trying to sleep with me I think for me it comes down to whether or not he knew when we DTD last. Otherwise, it honestly doesn’t impact it.

But seriously, with DTD 9/27 and 10/4 with her probable O at 10/2 or 10/3 I really have doubts about it being his. I did tell him that this morning but I didn’t ask for a response so I probably won’t get anymore intel until he’s bsckb

 

[DobbyForever]

And even then she was only 10w and he didn’t it so I could see him wanting to wait until she was like 12-20w in case things went a different direction
ETA I told him my theory yesterday and his name is off the registry today

 

[Jezika]

Hey Dobs, that shit sounds super wild. I was gonna say could the “due date” you’re seeing actually be like a planned c section date? I have lots of friends around that age with planned c section dates that fall a week or so before their actual due dates (because of complications or because it’s an elective c section) so if they know they’re going to have the baby then, if makes sense to put that rather than the due date? Which also means the actual conception date would be later. Just a thought… but it’s curious his name is suddenly off the baby registry. Very curious indeed… though maybe he trusts your opinion/calcs without knowing enough about it himself to know whether things do or don’t line up in reality…? In very intrigued now, and also hope you’re doing okay around all this.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ooo I never updated.

So I texted her to confirm they weren’t dating. Turns out, they’ve been exclusive for over a year! The baby was planned! She was with him on this “work trip”. She moved in mid Jan when I had Covid! So she’s trying to justify him cheating because she had caught him before. I’m her mind, since we hadn’t slept together since she moved in it’s ok even though I DTD the week before and after she was pregnant, I’m pretty sure the super aggro night was when he found out, and then again when she def would have already found out! And he’s been texting me and clearly trying to make plans since she moved in!

So anyway she calls me twice to ask questions and I’m like look my only question was your relationship status because I don’t sleep with taken guys (anymore). She actually gave me the green light! She said we’re all adults and she’s just happy to be pregnant! Then she slipped that she was in Barcelona with him on his birthday trip because I told her thanks for calling and I’ll just confirm all this with him when he gets back as planned. So I was like put this guy on the phone. Partially because I didn’t really think she was with him and partly cuz that would piss me off because frankly I deserve that trip!

She agrees and so at 6:45am on his 50th birthday as he’s peacefully sleeping in Barcelona, he is rudely awakened by his 5 months pregnant girlfriend and his side chick on speaker wishing him a happy birthday. And if that isn’t the best mic drop on a cheater idk what is. And I know his first ex wife also served him divorce papers on his birthday for cheating! That was like 25 years ago! Guys never change.

Anyway he immediately curses me out saying I ruined his life and blah blah. I told him to get a vasectomy. She muted him because he’s screaming and it’s like 7am and goes outside. I tell her I won’t sleep with him but someone else will. She needs to think about the relationship she’s modeling for her daughter. I told her be careful because in two years he’s never yelled at me or cursed at me so idk who this angry man is. And that I had a feeling he will lie to her so if she wants to check tape I will answer any of her questions.

So he lied said I’m just a friend who talks about his kid’s IEP. We never had sex in the last year. That he only said it was an accident and they would coparent so I wouldn’t ruin their vacation by freaking out and he’d tell me the full story when he got back. So I sent her the texts. Went in for four hours. She’s delulu. After all was said and done, she put his name back on the registry. It’s so scary similar to what happened when I was pregnant with A. I was willing to let him cheat and agreeing to so many stupid things just to keep him around. My heart breaks for her.

 

[DobbyForever]

I will say though what I’m not sure about is how much of her story is true versus how much she just wanted me to not see him when he gets back. She’s a peds nurse at Stanford. It just seems odd to me that she could take a week off all the time to travel with him or like right now the Barcelona trip is two weeks. Idk but yeah she seems like me just happy to be pregnant with a guy who makes a lot of money and now she lives in Downtown Mountain View with her gym down the street and a farmers market every weekend across the street. He clearly takes her on trips, she’s been getting all my fun on that end. He won’t abandon his daughter. He hasn’t with his first. So yeah I was willing to be delulu over worse for less with A’s dad.

Anyway God knows I love too deeply to ever detach myself so he had to break my heart to save me. OA’s contact name is now “God Has a Better Plan”

I will say in OA’s favor, he warned me if we dated this would happen. So I am grateful that if that sentiment was true that I get to walk away unscathed. We’d always argue about things and he’d say it’s because I respect you that I put these boundaries so you don’t lean on me or to have you love me less. And I’m not madly in love anymore. I was cheated with not cheated on. I get to walk away free.

But long story short if a guy tells you who he is then believe him lol

 

[Jezika]

Wow Dobs, this is the kind of shit you see in movies and TV shows. I don’t mean the entertainment factor but rather the omg-that-can’t-be-real factor, especially the part about the phone call. But of course there’s that saying—that I can’t remember because I’m so tired—about real life being more unbelievable than fiction. So was she pissed with him at all or did she genuinely convince herself it’s all okay and that she’s up for an open relationship? Also that’s sad and ironic that her experience mirrors yours while you were preg with A. I shouldn’t project, of course, but it feels so vulnerable being pregnant and thinking of being abandoned in some way.

 

[DobbyForever]

I mean I didn’t stick around to find out her plan. She kept saying she didn’t regret her daughter, and I reassured her that she never should. A is my greatest love and blessing, regardless of who his dad is or how his dad treated us. And I genuinely wish her the same happiness and fulfillment that A brings to my life.

But idk I felt like her questions were less about getting the whole truth vs trying to convince herself that it was ok. That it was just physical or that it had ended when she moved in. At one point she asked if I had anything more recent, and I’m like girl it’s March 10th. I sent you a text from February 22nd (a month after you moved in/less than 3 weeks ago/6 days before they left for Barcelona!) of me telling your bf that at my Pap smear I told my gyn I hadn’t had sex this calendar year and his response was that he needed to fix that soon! Like how much more recent do you want?!

Not. My. Monkeys.
Not. My. Circus.

I think she’s delulu af. But having been that level of delulu for him and for other guys like I can’t judge. But I also can’t worry about her choices.

I will say like it’s been an exceptionally good week for A and me though. Like definitely getting God’s plan vibes.

My life would make a great movie lol. I want Zendaya to play me

ETA I will say the first phone call I got very I’m defending his behavior/we worked it out vibes. The second phone call was more a mix of wait so you slept when him while we were TTC/I was pregnant vibes but I’m trying not to yell or cry and stay calm vibes. After he yelled at me she was like in shock/processing. The texting I got more of the I’m trying to find out what his lies are but I’m also trying to find a silver lining because I like my new ritzy lifestyle and I’m getting my baby girl. He blocked my number (we have iPhones) after I texted him a meme of Bella and Edward from New Moon where Edward was saying “lie better” after four hours of his gf blowing up my phone with “well he’s said this” and me going “here’s your screenshot love”

 

[DobbyForever]

My personal most annoying one was him saying I was only there 11/30-12/1 to talk about his daughter’s IEP. She’d have already had her first prenatal by then, and he probably went. And I’m like yeah so let’s review the conversation where he initiated the invite, told me to show up in sexy clothes (stockings with bows, mini skirt, bustier, heels, red lipstick), that he was going to take me out to dinner first then we’d change and play once we got back, and my casual top was slightly risqué…. Like not inappropriate just not work appropriate. But yeah ok I came over to work on an IEP.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs this is WILD. I hope that girl comes to her senses and dumps him ASAP. Her daughter deserves better.

 

[shaescott]

This does explain why the man was never available… he’s juggling 3 lives

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh he has more than 3 lives because I knew about other women and she’s news to me.

I doubt she’ll wake up. I would probably still be with A’s dad if he wasn’t abusive and planning to teach that behavior to A. The fact she said I could keep sleeping with him because we’re all adults…. The lack of respect goes back ways.

I just still don’t buy that it was planned. He’s not the type to have wanted a baby at 50, he calls our local zoo “Unhappy” Hollow. He put his daughter in the edge of their family Disney photo so she could be cropped out because she was overstimulated and cranky. It would also majorly cramp his style to have a full time child/partner in his house. So I am curious on that but oh well I’ll never know.

In other news, I led a district level training today! I feel so grown up. I’ve presented to my school site but never at a district PD day . A got sweet comments on his report card and scored three goals in soccer this week. He has two more wiggly teeth. We have a playdate tomorrow. It’s been a great week.

There was this insanely tall, hot guy in my PD who was like my number one identity is my faith no questions asked but naturally he was married. But I see what you did there, God. I see you. He’s everything my grandmother wishes I’d marry

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Holy! I don't even know what to say. I guess you mostly dodged that bullet, Dobby. It sucks that some women have such low standards and set their kids up to have poor relationships in the future. But, like you said, not your monkeys, not your circus. A tiger doesn't change his stripes, so we'll see how long she can stand to put up with him and his "extra curricular activities."

Well, I guess in much less dramatic news, I had my 4D scan yesterday. The very first thing we saw was a potty shot with an obvious "burger", so definitely a girl. Got some decent pics too, but the video wouldn't load to the DVD or something. So, I'm gonna back on Wednesday for a complimentary session to (hopefully) get a new video. I also announced on FB and obviously surprised a lot of people. So, now it's just a matter of keeping busy until June.
Oh, and at my most recent MW appt, the MW I saw (a sub, cuz my usual MW had a family emergency) suggested I start getting scans every few weeks to monitor baby's growth. Apparently, they consider anything over 8lbs 13oz large and Matthew was over 10lbs and Zoey was 8lbs 14oz. They were both late, but whatever. I'll see what results we get for the first scan and go from there.

 

[DobbyForever]

Bummer about the video but yay free make up session! Looooove the photos. She looks so much like her siblings already! Love love love the last shot!

That’s interesting about the growth scans! I guess makes sense if you’ve had two “large” babies to expect a third. Just curious what one does with that info

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Maybe they'll consider induction if it looks like baby is getting too big? I think there's only so much they can do as MWs. I know they can do sweeps if you're already a little dilated. And, with Zoey, my team had suggested they break my water and then labour would most likely start. But I went into labour the night before they were gonna do this. Kinda like me. My mom was scheduled to be induced with me, but started labour naturally that morning. lol. I know the MWs also carry pitocin to help deliver the placenta, but I dunno if they can give it to help start labour. Guess I should get some questions ready for my next appt.

 

[Jezika]

Dobs that’s awesome re: your PD training. Damn right you’re a bonafide adult professional lol I’m also glad to hear A is doing well.

Pink those 4D pics are amazing! She looks so so sweet, especially in the second to last one. Have you thought of names? Also, at how many weeks were each of your kiddos born? I’m trying to figure out what to expect with Miles (did I mention we’re calling him Miles?). I went to 41+3 with Matilda and had an induction. I wonder if I’ll go over this time too.

Also ive been seeing a pelvic physio and they want to get all up in my hooha to do some perineal massage/stretching for me, which I know is a good thing but for some reason I feel weird about a young physiotherapist getting in there. Which i know is ridiculous. I don’t want to seem like a prude though so I won’t decline. It’s soooo not pretty down there though, let me tell you. In other news I’m a month away from my due date and have done zero mental or practical prep other than contemplating letting the physio do her thang with my thang. There’s just so much work to do before I can give birth, even though baby definitely won’t wait… how will it all unfold? HOW WILL IT ALL UNFOLD?!