Has anyone delayed telling DH?

[Emmyjean]

I just need a bit of advice. I just got my positive test a couple days ago, so right now it's only me that knows there's something cooking. I have not told DH yet, and am contemplating waiting until a little later to break the news.

I've had a heavy night class load this semester and he's pulled a large amount of daddy duty for the two boys since mid-January. Normally my class load doesn't include so many night classes so this will all resolve itself in a couple months, but I'm scared to tell him, "Hey, I'm pregnant again!" right now. We talked a lot about going for a third and after quite a bit of back and forth, we agreed on it, but because he's feeling stretched thin (albeit temporarily), I'm suddenly really nervous to tell him I'm pregnant. I didn't feel like this with either of the other two - I told him with the test stick literally still in my hand.

Is it straight-up wrong to keep it to myself? I'm not even sure how long I'm thinking - maybe just until after my first doctor's appointment (this week)? I considered not telling him until AFTER the semester is over so it's more good newsy instead of a bomb drop, but that's two whole months from now - that'll be the end of the 1st trimester and it just seems wrong to hold it back for that long. Not to mention impossible.

Just to clarify - I'm not afraid he'll like, leave or legit have a meltdown. I just feel like he'll be internally going, "Sh*t" instead of "Cool!" and that makes me sad.

I don't know. Maybe that's insane. Just sort of freaking out over here. Opinions welcome.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Just remember you can't control how other people will react internally. I'm sure my OH had an "oh sh*t" moment when we got our BFP (he was 10 ft away while I was poas so I couldn't really hide it from him) but it turned into excitement.

Tell him when you're ready but I suggest sooner rather than later.

I'm sure he will come around if he is like "sh*t" instead of "cool". Just try not to let it keep you from enjoying you pregnancy and good luck!

 

[maryanne1987]

My personal opinion is that I wouldn't keep it from my Hubbie as its his baby too, he has every right to know no matter his reaction. I don't feel i have the right to keep it from him. But if your only waiting a few days then I don't think that's too bad. Although he may be a little annoyed that you didn't tell him straight away. I know my DH would be very upset if I kept it from him. But then your know your other half better than anyone so do what's best for you and your family. Big congrats on your bfp!

 

[loeylo]

I hid it from my OH for a short while. Knew I was pregnant for about a week, told my OH and he told me not to test until my period came (this was our fourth pregnancy, he definitely knew that if my period was arriving then I wasn't pregnant!) my oh was then diagnosed with depression. I went out and bought a test without telling him, and it was positive. I was so scared to tell him because of how he was feeling, similar to you. He asked me if I had bought a test after a few days, so I had to tell him. He was a bit shocked that I had tested without him (I always test with him!) but he took it well and aside from a few freak outs, he took it well!

 

[Emmyjean]

Thanks ladies. Yeah, I don't necessarily feel right keeping it from him - the whole idea behind it was that I was thinking of HIM and his feelings, but maybe that's patronizing of me. I've already known for a few days, so technically I already HAVE kept it from him, but maybe it's time to just get it out instead of carry on any longer.

We've got a date night on Wednesday - maybe I'll tell him then.

 

[Mrs. MB]

You are thinking about his feelings and that's huge. I am similar to you in wanting to take care of a long of things but when I try to take care of something big by myself to spare DH he always says that hurts his feelings more because he feels I can't trust him "under pressure." I learned to just let him know and take things as they come...

I think you are ok for a few days but he will feel hurt if you hold off too long. Massive congratulations on the BFP!

 

[Katt36]

I would probably find. Really cute and surprising way to tell him to possibly lessen the blow that you tested without him!! That way he won't take it hard. Is there any special occasion coming up, birthday, anniversary etc. Easter is coming you could do a cute Easter reveal. Just trying to find ways to keep it cute and creative yet at they same time buy you some time that it sounds like you need.

 

[george83]

Our third baby was a total surprise, we had half heartedly talked about having a third but we hadn't really agreed and we weren't actually trying. I waited over a week to tell him because it took me that long to get my head around it. My oh is the least interested in pregnancy and doesn't do anything to help me out more if I'm feeling ill or tired so I possibly could have kept it from him for longer but it just felt to tell him when I did

 

[LoveCakes]

I waited 3/4 days because he was working away and i wanted to do it in person. Plus I got a very faint +ve 4 days before af but wanted to wait until it was obvious to show him.

I'd tell him sooner rather than later, you'll be getting more tired soon and if knows the extra work is only temporary it'll help. Maybe discuss an event or some he can do or a family one when things go back to normal

And congrats!

 

[HadenMama]

I knew a week before I even took the test. I wanted to keep it from him and tell him on Valentine's day but I didn't think that was very fair (it was only 2 weeks away at the time). I took the test one morning, got the BFP, and woke him up with a cup if coffee in one hand and the positive in the other.

 

[bonniebeams]

I waited a few days and even told him I was on my period (he asked since we were ttc) because I knew he wanted to be surprised. So a few days later I wrapped a onesie that said "I love dad" as a gift and gave it to him. He was very surprised and happy that I told him that way.

I say go with your gut and tell him when it feels right.

 

[medic76097]

I just need a bit of advice. I just got my positive test a couple days ago, so right now it's only me that knows there's something cooking. I have not told DH yet, and am contemplating waiting until a little later to break the news.

I've had a heavy night class load this semester and he's pulled a large amount of daddy duty for the two boys since mid-January. Normally my class load doesn't include so many night classes so this will all resolve itself in a couple months, but I'm scared to tell him, "Hey, I'm pregnant again!" right now. We talked a lot about going for a third and after quite a bit of back and forth, we agreed on it, but because he's feeling stretched thin (albeit temporarily), I'm suddenly really nervous to tell him I'm pregnant. I didn't feel like this with either of the other two - I told him with the test stick literally still in my hand.

Is it straight-up wrong to keep it to myself? I'm not even sure how long I'm thinking - maybe just until after my first doctor's appointment (this week)? I considered not telling him until AFTER the semester is over so it's more good newsy instead of a bomb drop, but that's two whole months from now - that'll be the end of the 1st trimester and it just seems wrong to hold it back for that long. Not to mention impossible.

Just to clarify - I'm not afraid he'll like, leave or legit have a meltdown. I just feel like he'll be internally going, "Sh*t" instead of "Cool!" and that makes me sad.

I don't know. Maybe that's insane. Just sort of freaking out over here. Opinions welcome.

My little guys are almost the same ages as yours. My oldest born nov 2012 and my little one born Jan 2014. And we are 26 weeks with #3. I didn't tell hubby for weeks. My best friend knew first. I found out at 8dpo and I didn't say anything till 7 weeks. I was worried too. We had a lot of upheaval in our lives and we're moving a fair distance back to my home town so I waited. And once I did he was thrilled. He may have had the oh shit moment but has been nothing but supportive and happy. We didn't plan this one either

 

[Emmyjean]

You all have been totally awesome, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the good advice. I ended up telling him last night - I still wasn't sure, but it was sort of an organic moment that came up and I figured, it's gotta come out sooner or later (no pun intended lol).

I have to say, I was worried for nothing - well, either that, or he's a better actor than I thought. He was more than ok with it, and even excited, in spite of daylight savings time making us (and the two boys we already have) cranky zombies.

 

[Ella86]

So glad for you that it turned out ok! Hang in there with these courses. I hope your first tri treats you kindly!