Hoping for a Sticky Rainbow in Winter 2015/16

[fairycat]

Lyn - You sound like us lol. Good luck!

Ilove me - hope that's a good sign!!

 

[Unicornwoman]

CD 1. showed her ugly face today. Hoping for a BFP in December!

 

[LynAnne]

Thanks MDC and fairycat. Lots of good luck to you too!

Unicornwoman - sorry the witch got you. Hopefully you'll have good news in December instead.

AFM - I can't believe I'm almost at my fertile period already. OPKs start today and I'm feeling much better about this cycle. That doesn't really mean anything but at least I'm feeling more positive. I hope I keep on feeling that way especially as next week is the due date of my second loss. I'm trying yo keep busy so I don't think of it too much. Fingers crossed for those December BFPs!

 

[fairycat]

Last month I had a week of spotting before and after AF. I wondered if a pregnancy would happen or not. I'm happy to say I haven't had any spotting this cycle! I'm so hopeful that this will be our month! I want to be pregnant so bad, but then I am also scared to death of it. Not just because of the mmc, but in general. Does anybody else feel like that?

 

[ILoveme29]

@Unicornwoman sorry the with showed. wishing you the best for next cycle
AFM the cramping is not as intense as yesterday, however my abdomen is sore to the touch, didn't have this last cycle hmm and my boobs are itchy not sensitive but tingling

 

[danser55]

So I finally ovulated and confirmed with my RE (Via progesterone level test). I believe I'm about 3-4 days past O. I just want to fast forward to testing. I already feel exhausted and so incredibly thirsty.

I think I will start testing mid next week, knowing I will see BFN's and just keep expecting to see that until my period arrives.

 

[Unicornwoman]

Last month I had a week of spotting before and after AF. I wondered if a pregnancy would happen or not. I'm happy to say I haven't had any spotting this cycle! I'm so hopeful that this will be our month! I want to be pregnant so bad, but then I am also scared to death of it. Not just because of the mmc, but in general. Does anybody else feel like that?

Yes. I do. There are so many things that could go wrong in a pregnancy. It's overwhelming. Having experienced a loss, I think there is a lot of fear of going through that pain all over again.

I heard a quote after my mmc that I thought was so true: "A miscarriage is a loss of innocence. Never again does a positive pregnancy test promise a baby; it merely promises a possible baby on the far side of many rocky shoals."

On the other hand, I think its natural to worry. From what I understand, being a parent is pretty much a constant state of worrying from day 1 of pregnancy until...well...forever!

To me, it helps when I focus on the fact that everything is worth the risk if it means the possibility of having a family of my own.

 

[TTC74]

Last month I had a week of spotting before and after AF. I wondered if a pregnancy would happen or not. I'm happy to say I haven't had any spotting this cycle! I'm so hopeful that this will be our month! I want to be pregnant so bad, but then I am also scared to death of it. Not just because of the mmc, but in general. Does anybody else feel like that?

Yes. I do. There are so many things that could go wrong in a pregnancy. It's overwhelming. Having experienced a loss, I think there is a lot of fear of going through that pain all over again.

I heard a quote after my mmc that I thought was so true: "A miscarriage is a loss of innocence. Never again does a positive pregnancy test promise a baby; it merely promises a possible baby on the far side of many rocky shoals."

On the other hand, I think its natural to worry. From what I understand, being a parent is pretty much a constant state of worrying from day 1 of pregnancy until...well...forever!

To me, it helps when I focus on the fact that everything is worth the risk if it means the possibility of having a family of my own.

I can totally relate. I'm scared to death waiting for my first ultrasound bc last time it was just confirmation of an ectopic pregnancy. So, yeah, miscarriage has definitely made me once bitten twice shy.

 

[LynAnne]

I actually just wrote a blog post on trying again after a loss and how you're never quite ready because of the fear of things going wrong again. A while ago, before I even had any losses myself, I read something to the effect of "a father worries about their child from the moment they are born but a mother worries from conception" and I think that's mostly true. Even before things went wrong for me I was aware they could. Now my Biggest worry is that for some reason I cannot actually carry a baby to full term. Of course hope for a healthy pregnancy and baby far outweighs any of my fear.

My thermometer arrived today so I'll start temping tomorrow. I'm already using OPKs but obviously still negative as I'm only CD11. I really just want to ovulate this month as I'm about 99% sure I didn't last month!

 

[Trr]

I actually just wrote a blog post on trying again after a loss and how you're never quite ready because of the fear of things going wrong again. A while ago, before I even had any losses myself, I read something to the effect of "a father worries about their child from the moment they are born but a mother worries from conception" and I think that's mostly true. Even before things went wrong for me I was aware they could. Now my Biggest worry is that for some reason I cannot actually carry a baby to full term. Of course hope for a healthy pregnancy and baby far outweighs any of my fear.

My thermometer arrived today so I'll start temping tomorrow. I'm already using OPKs but obviously still negative as I'm only CD11. I really just want to ovulate this month as I'm about 99% sure I didn't last month!

I have this exact same fear. Like I am young and healthy, why did the baby not stick. All we can do is keep trying and hoping. I feel like there is the extra fear though.

 

[fairycat]

I have fear of another failed pregnancy, but also just pregnancy in general. I get anxiety about it - being exhausted, sick, giving birth, etc. All that fear went out the window when I lost it.... I just need to look back on that and remember.

Gosh, waiting for the first ultrasound is going to be so nervewracking!!! I was soooo nervous for my first one, and had no reason to be. Maybe this time if everything is ok, subconsciously I'll be ok?

 

[Trr]

I think we all have that fear after a miscarriage. We are always going to be scared that the same thing is going to happen, I have the same anxiety TTC now and am terrified to tell anybody when I get pregnant even my husband. poor guy took it way worse then me when we lost the first. I just feel like people looked at me like I was broken.

 

[LynAnne]

I'm not too scared of the actual pregnancy or giving birth. It's definitely the fear of feeling all that grief again. If it happens for a fourth time I think that it might just break me. I'm terrified of not being able to have my own child that is half me and half DH, I hate the idea of not being able to make him a dad. This is all pointless though because I'm sure we'll all have our little rainbows soon.

I'm glad I'll be able to get an ultrasound about 6 weeks. It'll be waiting between then and 12 weeks that will be really hard!

 

[Mdc]

With my whole heart I agree with you ladies, and I do believe it is only those of us with such grief in our past can understand. I remember clearly an old friend had a loss and I remember being taken aback and all I could say was I am sorry. Now being where I am (and we all are) it is such a different perspective. The fear of the known is all too real...and it is heartbreaking. For me and DH it was a long road to get a BFP and just when we thought we were out of the woods and then bam...devastation. I do struggle with the what ifs and what may be. However, I do feel that things will work out for all of us. And more importantly when we have our screaming, tantrum throwing toddlers that we will take a deep breath and say...yes it is worth it. Totally worth it.

The reason I love this site is that we can laugh, cry, scream, perseverate , be impatient, and best yet totally understand the fear together with so many people that are sharing the same experience. When we all get our BFP we will be there cheering in the wings.

Wow, did not mean for that to be such a diatribe, but you guys get it.

 

[Unicornwoman]

The reason I love this site is that we can laugh, cry, scream, perseverate , be impatient, and best yet totally understand the fear together with so many people that are sharing the same experience. When we all get our BFP we will be there cheering in the wings.

I agree. I came to BnB after my first loss. I felt very alone and isolated. I needed to know that what I was feeling was "normal." Everyone I've met here has been very understanding and encouraging. Plus, it's really uplifting to see other ladies who'd been through a m/c finally get their rainbows. It gives me hope that mine is around the corner!

 

[EverythingXd]

I can relate to the fear as well. Fear of another ectopic, fear of another MMC. Fear of getting even further with a pregnancy but not getting to take a healthy baby home. And then, weirdly, fear of having another baby and changing the dynamic of my family (my 2 boys in the main are lovely together), fear of more damage to my body from another pregnancy and birth... my desire for another child far exceeds all of the fear though and I try to have positive thoughts too.

It's not my month this month though! I'm CD24 now and I think I O'd CD11/12. I had pre-AF spotting yesterday and certain she will show today. I have no pp or bloating, which means I'm out. Onwards and upwards

Sorry AF got you Unicorn

Lyn, fingers crossed you O and catch the eggy this month!

ILoveMe, good signs! When will you start testing?

Good luck to all those waiting to O, and hope the TWW doesn't drag too much Danser and anyone else in TWW.

 

[sailorsgirl]

Hi, would you mind if I joined you? This is my 4th cycle after losing my 3rd angel at 17 weeks back in August. I am hoping to catch a rainbow before my oh deploys for 6 months next year.

Xxx

 

[LynAnne]

Hi sailorsgirl, you're more than welcome to join us. The more the merrier. I'm sorry to hear of your losses. Sending you lots of good luck for the future!

Everythingxd - sorry to hear that this hasn't been your cycle. Fingers crossed you get it next one!

MDC - I have to agree, it's really great to have found BnB for all the support that it gives you. I first joined when I was WTT to vent my frustrations at DH not being ready to try but it's carried me through all the different stages to where I am now. The best thing is knowing I'm not alone in my experiences and my feelings, that it's all pretty normal.

It's kind of comforting to know that we all feel the same way about trying again and potentially et those BFPs soon. I think that we can all agree that it is a perfectly normal way to feel after all that we have been through.

AFM cycle-wise. Started temping this morning to go with the OPKs. I'm only CD12 and due to ovulate on Tuesday so I've still got a few days to wait. I really hope this can be my month. It's so hard to be waiting around for my body to catch up with my brain in terms of being ready for another pregnancy.

 

[fairycat]

I'm glad to have found this board too, and met a ton of amazing ladies on here. I came on here when I didn't know what I was doing with my first pregnancy, then quickly learned that just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you will have a baby. It certainly prepared me for losing mine, but then you never think it will happen to you. It's great knowing people on here that understand, and all the more exciting when I see the rainbows! I'm still in a fb group with people from here and so happy for the ones that are doing great.

I should O in the next couple of days. We haven't had time to BD, but we will today! The closer the better, I guess! Then will again on Monday. Still taking temps. My temp is at its lowest today. Does your temp usually drop before going up? I'm not sure exactly what to look for as this is my first time. I feel lucky, because my hubs is in a human sexuality class right now for school, and they are learning all about conceiving and pregnancy, etc. When I told him I was going to start temping he understood and told me everything he learned in class about it. I love him, lol. It's nice he understands what I'm talking about, and was actually interested to see my chart.

 

[danser55]

I am about 5/6 DPO. I really feel out this cycle, not sure why, it could just be self preservation so I am not so disappointed when I get a BFN. It's a bit messed up but since Monday or Tuesday, I've been pretty tired, constantly thirsty where I crave cold water, real hungry and my boobs are sore. These are all of my 1st trimester pregnancy ailments, I know obviously I'm not pregnant but it's annoying and a bit sad. I just want the wait to be over so I know what is going on.