Hurry up BFPs!!! We are ready when you are :-)

[xxDreamxx]

I want to get some cheapies too.... Must see if there are any on eBay Australia

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Im getting a bit of a cramping feeling now. Just lightly and slight back ache. I wish AF would just come and surprise me lol x

 

[c.m.c]

hi everyone... hope you're all well and temping is going good.

i have just realised that tonight is the first time ive been alone since this all happened.............. my DH has been with me every day and night but is away tonight for a few hours.... i think its just hit me what ive been through.

i havent cried yet or felt that sad about whats happened... i mean i keep saying ' o mother nature knows best' and 'its just one of those awful things that happen' but when anyone else says anything im so annoyed.. like my cousin said to me o these things happen for a reason and i didnt talk for an hour i was so annoyed at her... i thought how f###ing dare she say that.

sorry for the rant im just feeling sorry for myself tonight... im 30 on friday and its just going to be shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i always said i would never say 'why me?' because i always believe 'why not me!!!' but tonight im just thinking 'why me?'

i just want to fast forward a a couple of months and get baby making.... even being able to check ovulation would give me some sort of focus to take my mind off this.... suppose i had to cry sometime and tonight is that night... its hit me like a ton of bricks

34 of my friends ( well 15 friends and their partners and some more!!) are taking me out for a meal on sat night and i know they have been so so supportive

sorry i dont know where else to post this... you girlies have been the most used thread ive been in since this happened..... an i know some of you have had so much worse happen so i feel a bit bad for being so sorry for myself

 

[Left wonderin]

C.m.c you have been through a terrible experience and have suffered such a loss . Don't feel bad for feeling the justified terrible pain that goes along with that loss. You are Intitled to cry tears for your babies , as many as you like , river fulls ! Ocean fulls .

I feel very sad reading the story of your loss so I can only imagine the depth of the pain and sadness you feel . Please do not be hard on yourself , my experience was when you body physically recovers you "look " well again and people around are only to happy to believe this , but I was far from ok , I was sad and in pain . No one could see it but it was there .
That I found hard , everyone around me who felt uncomfortable with my grief sighed a sigh of relief that I was " coping , even smiling but on the inside I wasn't . It is important to allow yourself feel those feelings xxxxxxxxx

 

[c.m.c]

thank you... physically i was feeling so much better today.. i guess its just hit me now what has happened...being alone this evening just hit me like a ton of bricks

i really am looking forward to temping with you lot (even though i havent got a bloody clue what i will be doing).... just want to wish the next few weeks away but then i remember i will be off work recovering with my daughter Ava... without her and DH it be much harder.

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Cmc. Big hugs hun. We all get days like that. Dont be hard on yourself. Cry whenever u need to. Ive had strong days and weak days and u will too. Other people who havent been through a loss cant understand. My friend is pregnant and i mention her baby when i feel strong enough but when she brings it up i feel mad at her and hurt. All my friends have been v.supportive and they were all going for lunch the other day and to take their children to the park. This made me v.angry when i got the text invite to go. I thought "why do i want to go to the park and watch their children play when ive just lost my baby" i felt hurt. But DH said i should be pleased they asked me to go. Basically im saying i react strangly and differently to things now too. It is getting easier with time but it does repeatedly hit me like a ton of bricks. I hope u feel more positive soon. Will your DH be home soon? Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by so u can start concentrating on ttc xxx

 

[c.m.c]

thank you for your kind words mrsbroodypant.... you suffered your loss not that long ago too and im sure it is just awful when friends do that- even though im sure theyre trying not to leave you out..... its such a strange process dealing with it all!!!

my DH will be home in an hour or so... have been alone for 2.5 hrs now and its just weird as its the first time in 2 weeks ive been alone.....


just feeling crap as its my 30th birthday on friday and also our wedding anniversary next week and i just dont feel like celebrating................roll on July and I will be trying like crazy (fingers crossed i dont need methotrexate!)

 

[hilslo]

cmc - so glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. I think we all get days where the grief overwhelms us. Sometimes the best thing to do is have a bit of cry (or great big gulping sobs). What you've been through is horrible and there are no prizes for "being strong". You are not feeling sorry for yourself, you are simply grieving.

The ladies on this board are here for the bad times and the good times. We're here to support each other. You guys are the only people that I know that have been through the same hell and I for one would feel very alone if I didn't have you to whinge, shout and celebrate the small things that other people take for granted!

Sarah - keep with it - I promise you will start to see patterns and understand them!! You do sometimes get a random temp (I always get a very high temp after I've had a few glasses the night before or if I've slept badly). I now try to stay clear of drinking more than a couple around the time I ovulate so I don't miss it! Try pasting the address of your chart on here so we can have a peek and help you interpret it!

ece77 - still no ovulation for me! I was so hopeful after it seemd to follow your pattern but still no sign of it. I'm starting to get very annoyed with it. I just get a move on body - I want to get back in the saddle! I'm starting to worry that it's going to take 3 months like when i cam off the pill - eek!!!

I might buy some cheapies too. I use Boots ovulation sticks but as my cycles are quite irregular and I seem to have a very short surge I get through a lot of them. I'm a bit worried that they won't be accurate enough to pick up my short surge. You ladies seem to imply that they're not very accurate so use them for the build up only then move onto smilies. Do you think I might miss my surge if I use cheapies??? Plently of time to buy some. I've got to get AF first and then if I follow my old cycle pattern I don't O until somewhere between CD19 and 28!

Nina - have you managed to hold off testing so far?

 

[hilslo]

Cmc/MrsBP - I know exactly how you feel. I don't want to be left out but I don't want to be invited to the baby events either. I know it's a no-win situation but I can't help it.

ps I've tried to add a ticker showing where I am in my cycle but seem to have failed with technology again so it only shows the link. Grr - why am I so rubbish at anything technological. My parents are better than me at this!

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Cmc - i know how u feel with celebrating. Its my bday on monday and DH next week. We usually have a big garden party with bbq and bouncey castle and invite all our friends and family round. We arent doing that this year. And its our anniversary in July. I dont want anymore bdays or anniversaries as time is going by without a baby. I want time to stand still but ttc time to move quickly and get pregnant again xxx

 

[c.m.c]

hilslo thank you so much.

i am so glad that i have BnB and everyone who can totally and utterly relate and empathise with me. it helps so mcuh on evening like this!!!


lets hope O day arrives soon for you!!!! im all excited to see everyones charts.... can wait to get on FF too!!!

 

[Left wonderin]

Cmc you will just love it I love temping and checking out my chart lol....

 

[lune_miel]

CMC I echoed all of your feelings these past 5 weeks. It really does feel good to take that alone moment and cry it out. I obsessed online these past few weeks how to prepare for getting back to TTC. The waiting seems like forever, but it will come.

MrsBroodypant Will your cycle be medicated?

The 3 cycles I took Clomid I always O'd on cd18, but I did try to use OPK's anyway. I never got a dark line on the IC's, even when I tried to hold it in the afternoons. Some women just don't. Maybe the expensive smileys would work for me tho...and I am happy that my body has seemed to "reset" post-m/c, as I think I just O'd on cd18 on my own. Maybe the hormones have jolted back to normal, but I want to take Clomid when the next cycle starts bc I know it worked for me. 5dpo and I'm a little scared for the , not sure what to expect - heavy or light...

 

[sarahkr]

afternoon ladies....
cmc... you are totally in the right to feel like that, my shit head brothers mrs just had a baby 3 days after my m/c, no one in my family knows we are trying, so my mum came round the other day, got her phone out and said ahhh look at the photos, i said "no your ok" i've seen some on facebook, my dad called me a nasty bitch!! i wish i could have just shouted at the top off my voice why i couldn't bare to look!!! so i had to look and i said yeah its a baby.... i'm so awful, he's my new nephew, its not his fault, i haven't even been to see him!! i had to walk round mothercare last week, looking at baby things so i know how you feel... i'd be totally the same if andy went away, he's been my rock, but i only had a few days of happiness, not like you girls, i do really feel for you all, it must have been soooo hard, but i totally admire you all for comin on here, i actually feel like i shouldn't be on here but i think your all lovely, and you have helped me... i know probably your all thinking i shouldn't be on here, but those few days of complete happiness were destroyed, and my oh doesn't like to talk about it, so i thought i would find someone who i could talk to.. so i did... even if you have made me even more bloody bonkers with this temping, i can actually laugh at myself now, and i hope you can laugh at me too!!!
i'll put my feeble chart up, if you want a proper laugh!!! just got to work out how to do it lol xxxxx
hope everyones ok xxxxxxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Morning everyone.

Im 5dpo now but still having light AF cramps and slight backache.

Lune_miel yes i will take clomid when AF comes. I ovulated cd17 on clomid. I do the smiley opks and they work for me as lobg as i dont start them too soon after last clomid tablet as that gives a false smile. I will start opks on cd13. Like u, im really hoping clomid can work for me again
Xxx

 

[c.m.c]

sarahkr- i totally know how you feel... trying to go buy baby presents and everyone showing a baby off to you is not helpful... i think its hard for anyone to understand who wants a baby so bad and then this happens.... an you have every right to be here... i was 6+4 when i lost my pregnancy in the womb and 7+3 when the ectopic was discovered so i didnt see a baby and sometimes feel like i shouldnt be as sad as someone who actually gave birth or saw their tiny baby... but its still a loss no matter how far on the pregnancy was and we still grieve

thank you ladies for all the kind words...

im stalking all your temps... i cant wait for my hCG to get to zero then im going to be obsessed lol

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Sarah and cmc your losses are just as bad as everyones. I had a chemical pregnancy in April 2012 and only knew i was pregnant for a week then af came and i found that really hard. Having a baby taken away at any age is hard. But there is always someone in a slightly worse situation. I knew i was going home without my baby but it must be extremely difficult if u go into give birth full term and come home unexpectantly empty handed. But we are all greving the same way. The sadness definately seems to hit us as a group. Some days we are all positive and other days we all feel down. I feel a connection to u ladies xxx

 

[hilslo]

I gave up my seat on the tube twice today for pregnant women. So hard not to scream "It should be me!"

I didn't well up though so that's progess!

Cmc and Sarah. We've all suffered a loss no matter where we were in the process. We are all back at square one and the more the merrier to offer support and some much needed cheer wherever possible (not that I want any of us to be here)

 

[xxDreamxx]

{hugs} to you all. It doesn't matter when you lose, all our emotions are the same. We had dreamed of our baby and what he/she would be like and now we have lost the dream and whatever gestation date you lost is irrelevant and the pain feels the same.

The only thing about being 13,14 or in my case 16 weeks is that you have gotten past that 12 week mark and start to relax just a little....

Today is 3 weeks since I lost my little one and I would have been 19 weeks today.

 

[hilslo]

I'm sorry Susan, i wish there was someway we could erase the dates from our heads. My 20 week scan was due on Tuesday and I can't stop thinking about it.

I think thinking about where we would/should have been is the worst part of all this but it's impossible not to.