icsi in 2011?

[Tinks85]

PSP, I am so so so sorry hun. You sound like you are coping really well. Take cae hun and I hope you find something fun to do at weekend thats easy on the wallet

Nayla, how are you doing hun? Sorry to hear things are a little rocky with DH but I am sure its just because everything is up in the air. Try and stay possitve, there is no reason why it wont be a yes this time

SLB80, its good to hear from you. Sorry St Marys have put your appointment back, that wont help your stress levels BUT 9 days until the bog day!!!! WOW, so happy for you hun, makes me want to get married again What did you think of Take That

Liz, well done on getting the job. It is a little awkward with you having your 12 week scan and starting at the same time but you have done nothing wrong. Please dont worry too much How are you? Any MS?

Littlemouse, congrats on being PUPO Hope you are resting and taking things easy.

Fisher, you must be relieved to know when you can start again and 2 cycles is not time at all. Just enough to let you body heal

Well girls, Take That was just amazing I had the best time ever and really needed it

DH and I have decided to go away for a few nights frome this Thursday. We really need to spend some quality time together, just the 2 of us and try and forget about IVF for a little while. We are sooooo skint though so we have decided to just go camping We go every year with friends anyway but have never been just us before so it will be a new experience. I know its a bit cheap but its time away

 

[annie25]

Nayla keep ur chin up honey I never had tww symptoms Hun!

Psp I'm really sorry about you hcg that sucks! I'm thinking of you hugs x

Fisher - I'm sorry it was mc but like u said more likely to work next time!

Slb I'm sorry they have delayed ur appt but at least u have the wedding to keep u occupied!

Tinks Hun have fun camping!!

Sorry if I missed anyone!

Afm I'm ok still getting random bleeding and don't feel preg but I'm hoping for the best! Xx

 

[gilkar]

Still on DHEA. For 2 months now. Ovaries - were being stubborn (not responding), so they were waiting for me to ovulate, but of course, I haven't - so they HCG'd me this morning, to force it. This Friday, I am on estrace, then await af (sometime in the next week), then start drugs again. Working for this one ~! Urgh.

 

[fisher14]

Thanks ladies

I am feeling much more positive now

We went away last week to a health spa and we are both more relaxed and less stressed than we were. I think the last few months took it out of us emotionally but we have become closer now

Xxx

 

[psp2011]

(Copied from "May anyone??" thread)
Hello all. I just got the call and it's BFN as I figured. FS wants to follow up as soon as I am ready. He only has office on Mondays so I think I'll wait till I have another monday off in 2 weeks. I don't think he will have any ideas as to why, but I think I'll go anyway. We don't have the money to try again so not sure it will matter.
I hope to see more BFP's from you ladies in the mean time! It kinda sucks now though, seems like both the BFP's and the BFN's hurt when I see them. I am so happy for you all that get the BFPs, just wish it was me too. And hate to see the BFN's cuz I know how sad it is.
And then I feel guilty cuz I do have my son and I know I am so lucky to have him. Oh, well. Just gonna hurt for a while I guess.

 

[slb80]

PSP I am sorry hun .
Nayla I am thinking about you.
Tinks what a good idea to go away for a few days, I love camping trips, I always have more fun on uk holidays! we are honeymooning in a caravan in the uk Take that were great! Robbie lifted the roof didn't he! I am not sure it was a good as the last tour but it isn't stopping me going with a friend on sat lol.

I have just heard ivf is in the nes again slamming PCT for withdrawing funding for ivf and that the government are saying they should be folllowing the NICE guidelines, I am just keeping my fingers crossed now that they might just shack up funding and it will be re instated! fingers crossed!

Hope you all had a good weekend ladies xxx

 

[littlemouse]

Slb I just heard it on the radio this morning too so had a look for the article here:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-13670615

It is shameful that the NICE recommendations are not being respected by the various PCTs.

Perhaps there is hope. Is there any point writing to your MP to find out what they are doing on your behalf?

X

 

[Nayla82]

Oh psp my heart breaks for you I hope and pray the lord makes it easy for you xx

I just read your rant on the other thread and you hit the nail on the head, you covered it all, I hope you didn't mind but i let my husband read it and he felt how raw this pain and journey is coming from another women.... Than he started adding his extras he really felt your frustration and pain your a very very strong women and i just know you will have that extra baby one day, hang in there Hun and give yourself time to get it out of your system I spent 1 full week in tears I had to stay of work,I honestly thought I was going to die of a broken heart, never felt that kind of pain before we need to be strong x

Lolley- your in my thoughts Hun, I hope yesterday gave you some good news x please hang in there you will overcome this xx

Slb- your weddings a heartbeat away you must be well excited, I also read the news about ivf i hope they fund your area soon xx

I hope everyone else is doing well, thank you all so much for your kind words

I'm 10 dpt and 13 dpo, I'm more than 100% certain I'm out, the same crap feeling I had in march is happening to me again just need to make it official on thursday, i just love being PUPO as this seems to be the closest i ever get to being a mom i wish and wish I'm wrong! But who am i kidding I'm dripping in sweat as I type and this ONLY happens before my periods as I'm not that much of a sweater..... For me this is a killer sign that its a no......... doing ivf for a 3 rd try makes me dizzy with fear ..... Why can't life ever be simple having ivf is already torture to the mind yet having it not work what have i done to deserve this

I always say that we are the masters of our body and we just know what our bodys are telling us.... Also i had a dream that woke me it felt so real! The embryologist took my blood test ( as planned for Thursday) she dipped it in something and within seconds she looks at me and says sorry its another no... Me and my husband walked to the lift without breathing a word.... The dream was so so real, i woke up shaking and I don't claim that I have powers but usually a lot of my dreams do come true.... The latest ones especially, i told my husband about the dream and he said " shit your dream always happen so we know its a no " he said I was hoping you had no dreams...

Sorry I'm babbling my soul out feeling so so sad.... Will update asap on thursday.... Need to prepare my heart for this blow thank u all again for your support, its you girls that keep me going xx

 

[psp2011]

Oh Nayla, please do hang in there!
Did you like my post! Glad DH did, and please feel free to share and add! I think it's rather cathartic.
I wish my dream had come true. I had a dream the morning I did my POAS and it was that it was positive. And I was telling everyone. It felt so good. Then I got the negative and I thought, "That's just mean!"
I'm praying for you for Thursday.

 

[Tinks85]

Nayla hun, please please do hang on in there Obviously I can only imagin what it feels like being so far into your 2nd round. Well TBH I cant imagin how it feels but stay strong and think possitive

PSP what thread is it you are talking about, I want to be nosy and read Hope you are doing ok. Any plans for weekend???

SLB, I did hear about that on the radio this morning and will have a read at the link littlemouse posted. It is right though, its sickening how things work at the minute. Robbie did make the show TBH. I didn't go to the last tour but I heard it was amazing. I am really looking forward to camping, got everything out of the loft so getting excited now

Annie, sorry to hear you are still bleeding try to stay possitive. Has the clinic said anything else?

Hi fisher, gilkar and everyone that I have missed, hope you are all well

 

[psp2011]

Tinks, it's over on the failed thread. A good read I think!

 

[LizzB]

Oh Nayla,

I so feel for you, you sound heartbroken........ I don't know what else to say......you are a strong woman and you will make it through. One day you will look back on all of this breathing a sigh of relief that you have what you want.

It makes you question everything doesn't it, but hang in there until Thursday and try not to torture yourself too much in the mean time.

I'm thinking of you.

Liz x

 

[Lolly1985]

STUPIDLY LONG POST ALERT......

Hi Ladies

I’ve missed you all! Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so much. I’ve only just been on and read back through all your posts.

I want to start by saying Psp I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I feel so sad for you as I know just how hard it is. I hope that you have amazing support so that you can stay strong. Don’t think that your hurt is any less valid because you have your DS. The pain is still the same. Cherish your son, have lots of gorgeous cuddles and I hope you can begin to heal soon.

Nayla, I’m so sorry you are so low and have everything crossed for tomorrow. My nurses have been telling me never to compare cycles and so you must try not to think that the symptoms are the same as the last time and so it’s a no. Each time is unique and there is no reason why it won’t work. There are many women who have AF symptoms and they are pregnant. I’m not trying to give false hope and am under no illusions as I would be feeling exactly the same but crazier things have happened (see my story below) so just see what tomorrow brings. Keep wishing hunny, we are all behind you 101% and rooting for you all the way.

Hi Tinks! Thank you so much for your words and offer for a chat, I have only just logged on to see though! Wow your appointment is so soon, about 2 weeks bet you are excited/scared all wrapped up in one! You will be great hun! Camping sounds great, I hope this rain stops for you. Couple time is always good, makes you realise what’s truly important. Have a fab time!

Liz, I can’t believe you got a BFP and a job all at the same time, what a great week!! Congratulations! Like the girls have said, don’t worry about the scan, its just tough!! You may have already put it as my mind is a bit info overload but have you got an early scan coming up? How are you feeling?

Annie, sorry to hear you are still bleeding. It will be no comfort to you me saying that it is totally normal for so many women in the first trimester. Any blood is of course a worry for you but last scan all was well and i’m sure things will continue to be. When is your scan? Love your picture of your baby bean, makes this process so real and suddenly forget all the drugs and thing about that amazing end results. Stay positive hun.

Hi Littlemouse, looks like you had a great result at EC and lots of embies. So you are PUPO!! Yay! Congratulations hun! Great they went to blast! How are you feeling, saw you are tired, hope you are managing to have time to rest up properly.

Slb, sorry about the appointment, so annoying. But 9 days until the big day! So happy for you Can't wait for a pic of your dress on your profile!

Fisher i’m really sorry m/c was confirmed. But your strength for your next try is inspiring and great to take it as a good sign as like everyone said, you did get pregnant. I’m just so sorry it was for such a short time. Wishing you so much luck for next time.

Well ladies I have had a rollercoaster of a week or so. I know I never went into details, it was too hard. Today I had a scan and had already made up my mind to come back on here whatever the outcome. I was so conscious that I wasn’t the only one going through hard times and I have felt guilty I have not been here to support you all. I hope you know I have been thinking and praying for you all. The second reason for coming back and deciding to face things no matter what is the sad news I got over the weekend. My cousins husband was killed in a bike race He nearly died last year of a serious infection and has been so poorly. In amongst everything they got married-it had been planned. It was a lovely autumn day in November. They couldn’t go on honeymoon as he was still recovering and couldn’t get insurance. They thought he needed a heart transplant but then out of nowhere he totally recovered. They got pregnant and just came back from honeymoon 2 weeks ago. I’m mortified to say I was even jealous of her pregnancy. Even after all they had gone through I still couldn’t talk about it. For that I am so remorseful. Well he went on the bike, he said it was for the last time as the baby was coming. She had been posting on facebook how everything had come together and she had never felt happier. Well his brothers were filming when he crashed. He was on life support for 12 hours but had suffered massive brain injury and it sadly had to be turned off. She is 6 ½ months pregnant and everyone is now so worried for her and her baby. I used to think she had all I wanted but that is probably how she now sees me. She has lost her soulmate. I am devastated for her. It made me wake up and realise what I have got and how precious life is. I have been so much calmer about my situation as I know that I should be thankful and there is so much worse pain than I have been wallowing in.

So let me explain what has happened. When I had my routine bloods last week they discovered my hormones had gone mad. Instead of DR basically switching then off they had gone through the roof and the oestrogen level was already at 10,000. Above 15,000 then there is serious risk of OHSS and they generally stop stims. Well I hadn’t even started stims yet. Was terrified and had to go the next morning for an emergency scan. They scan showed up 8 large cysts, 4 on each side. I was devastated. The most i’ve ever had was one at a time and they were always treatable. I thought at that stage treatment was a definite no no. Speaking with the nurse it kinda made sense. I had been having aches and strange feelings in the ovary area. It wasn’t pain just a kind of squeezing feeling. Also my breasts had been killing me but I put both down to the metformin as a new drug. Felt so stupid! They rang back later that day and told me to continue with the buseralin and matformin for another week and see what happened. I was totally not optimistic and got really low. Over the weekend I did notice the ovary feeling had stopped and then on Sunday I started bleeding. Was in agony, I couldn’t breathe for the pain. DP rang the clinic and they said that it was probably a good sign as a bleed indicates lowering hormone levels. They said the pain could be the cysts being aggravated and I could take ibuprofen, co-codymol and paracetamol and to get a heat pack. I spent the day in bed and they rearranged my scan for today as the bleeding was so heavy and sore. Sooooo I went today, feeling a bit more hopeful. Silly me. This time they found 9 cysts. They were talking about surgery but that takes away a little of the ovary with each cyst, then the risk of scar tissue. Remember them saying about an adverse reaction to buseralin or leftover trauma from last ICSI. Must admit by then I had totally admitted defeat, wasn’t even upset, just numb. The nurse was lovely, she was putting her hand on my shoulder and leg and saying she wasn’t ready to give up on me yet but her face said it all. DP, ever the PMA man even accepted it was going to be a no. We were all ready to fight the PCT not to count this as a cycle and as one of our tries etc.

I had meetings this afternoon and as I knew it would be bad news asked them to ring DP. They didn’t ring until 4.15 and apparently the nurse said are you sitting down so he obviously sh*t himself thinking something was really wrong! But crazy enough she said we can start stims tomorrow. WHAT!!!! My hormone level has totally stabilised and the cysts look like they are fluid filled and that they shouldn’t stop us. How they can’t I don’t know. There doesn’t look to be any room left on my ovaries to do anything. But apparently my egg reserve and quality are good and now my levels are down things should be ok. How, why, where they came from no one can really say. I hope they go but if not I hope things are not too hindered by them. I am trying to take it one step at a time and not pin too many hopes on this as situations with me seem to change by the day!! I am back in on Saturday for blood test to see if my stim dose is ok and I guess I will take it from there. I feel drained! I even threw my folic acid away as I was 100% convinced it was over and looking at it just upset me too much!!

Phew! I thought the huseralin was the ‘easy’ bit!

Thanks for your support ladies, my B’n’B family xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[littlemouse]

Lolly OMG what an awful lot has happened to you these past days. You must be reeling with it all chick.

I'm so sorry for your cousin, how completely tragic and heartbreaking. You're right, it does rather put things in perspective for all of us. All the difficulties of not conceiving naturally and then the treatment are so hard for our relationships but we have to remember to cherish each other whatever happens and remember how lucky we are to have one another.

And goodness what a total rollercoaster for you! Amazing news today. I know you don't want to get overexcited but I've got everything crossed for you that you can continue with the full cycle - what a turnaround. Good luck with starting stims tomorrow and keep us posted how it is all going please!

to you and well done for being so brave with it all.

X

 

[psp2011]

Just aweful about your cousin, so sorry!
Glad to see you back on though. And great news you will be able to go forward! Yay!
Now get on that folic acid again!!! lol!
Thanks for saying that about the sadness/pain being valid. I had a rough day today and just felt crap. I think it's going to be one of those good days and bad days kind of things. Not sure where we can go from here. I need to call and make a follow-up appt with FS, I guess we will start there.
I actually would like to adopt. But DH is against it right now anyway. Maybe something will change in the future if we can get our finances in order. That's what DH is most worried about. At least with adoption I don't have to worry so much about being a little older! I was trying to fit IVF in again before 35, not too much worry with that anymore.
Good luck with your cycle. Stims today wow!!

 

[Nayla82]

NOT PREGNANT

Very sad day for me, Im crying my heart and soul out trying to find the right words to describe how i feel... and its just dead and empty I need to wait for my Period to arrive in the next few days

I almost collapsed at the clinic when the embryologist told me its a No, i was shaking the full 15min waiting for her to come out, i had zero HCG in my system... Im not pregnant girls, it didnt work again I dont know what i have done bad in my life... and the lord works in mysterious ways but come on GOD GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!

Where do i go from here? i honestly dont know two failed IVFS within 4 Months i cant do this no more im human not made out of steele... im so so broken.. why me? why 2 failed IVFS im in my 20s and women in there 40+ have success first time round with Grade 2 and 3 embryos... what have i dont to deserve such BAD LUCK! again i was told that im a victim of statistics and just bad luck they dont seem to know what went wrong???
as they kept repeating the embryos were good and strong

The Doctor told me she would like to do more tests on me and see any immune problems? and maybe a D+C And Biopsy of my Uterus (i will have to go under again as that will be a surgery ) i dont have the energy for any blood tests or even lying on the table for an ultra sound right now sounds so so tiring i dont have the strength to do any of this no more i dont even know if i want to stay with her were over £10,000 out of pocket since March, with NOTHING to show but a heartache.....

im so so UPSET AND ANGRY, at the start she was telling me 1st is a trial second is usually the winner thats just bull shit! the thought of doing a 3rd ivf makes me so so sick.. and knowing 2 have already failed what chance do we have now?? last 48 hours i just felt it hadnt worked its a womens feeling and i know my body so so well... after all this time trying for a baby i know when my period is coming i just knew it....

Thank you ladies for your love and support what i do now? i dont know? i just want to cry and cry and cry, i feel like my heart will stop beating and if one can die with a broken heart i will be dead right now... im so so sad...

All the best to you all, im not thinking straight right now and i dont have a game plan.. when i do i will update you all... stay strong and good luck...

 

[psp2011]

Nayla, oh hun, I'm soooo sorry! I'm sending tons of hugs right now! I wish there was something I could do to help.
Please try and get rest, do all your greiving. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then you will probably cry some more.
Don't think past today for now. Lay off of it with plans etc. Leave that till you feel a bit stronger.
Hold you loved ones close. I'll be thinking about you and will be here when you are able to come on, maybe when it hurts just a little bit less.

 

[littlemouse]

Nayla sweetie I'm so sorry. It's so incredibly unfair and I feel sad for you. There is no rhyme or reason to this stuff and sometimes that's the hardest thing because we want to understand but we can't. I can only begin to imagine how it must feel and I can't think of any words that will make it better.

As Psp said, you have to take time to do your grieving. Please know that everyone here is on your side and here when you want to have a moan or a rant.

In the meantime, massive

X

 

[LizzB]

Nayla,

I have been thinking about you all day, i'm so so sorry. I wish there were words to help, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better, I wish I could just come over and give you a hug.

Like one of the other girls said - just focus on each day as it comes. Call in sick to work tomorrow for a few days, do exactly what you need to do for as long as you need.

Nothing makes sense, so don't try to rationalize it.

You're in my thoughts, I just wish I could help to make it better.

Liz x

 

[Lolly1985]

Nayla hunny I am heartbroken for you. Life can be so cruel and you have done nothing to ver deserve feeling this pain. Take time, it won't make the hurt go away but I hope you can heal and feel more at peace with the situation. Pull your DH close to you and support one another, even if it is only through shared tears and cuddles. We are all thinking of you and wishing we could do more to help. So sorry lovely