icsi in 2011?

[slb80]

Hi ladies, just thought I would pop in and see how you are all going, wow everything is moving so fast! Tinks, I can't belive you are starting a cycle!

Update from me is we can't raise the funds for even 1 try, and DH is very ill at the moment, looking like atransplant will be happing in the near future, so now isn't a good time anyway but I can't help feeling time is ticking and our only chance has slipped away. I haven't been on much because I am not coping with everything very well at all. I am emotinal wreak. Hope you are all well ladies xx

 

[Tinks85]

SLB80 - I am so so sorry to hear DH is not well, that has to be enought to cope with without any stresses with TTC. Time out from here is proberly a good thing. Make sure you take care of your self hun You are in my thoughts

Lolly the scans are not the nicest but this will be my 3rd scan during AF at St Marys and its not as bad as you think. The nurses dont even flinch and out you at ease, its just normal to them. As you said we dont have our dignity any more

 

[GillAwaiting]

SLB80 Im so sorry to hear of your troubles. You've got such a lot going on. No wonder you are feeling low. I hope a windfall comes your way and your prayers are answered.

Tinks I was thinking all day about what you said about people knowing too much at work. You are so right about it all. The people in my office have some idea what's going on and Im back to work next week. It will be another week before I can test and no doubt they will all assume that treatment works. Still it prob best they have some idea as I will take off another 2 weeks for the next stint. Its easier to get my gp to sign me off and not be wrecking everyones head going in and out with scans etc. The clinic is an hour and half drive each way, or 2 hours with rush hour, so it's a whole day gone getting there and back.

I emailed the cons last night and she called me today. She's so lovely and approachable and was so positive about things, bless her. (sooo different from the last clinic, where there was zero positively). She said everything looked so good, it was early and to be positive. I have apt for beta blood test on Mon 3rd Oct and will get new script that day for IUI and so straight into that. No delay. Also she said we will do the rest of the Chicago bloods too but don't need to be med free to do them, we can do them simultaneously with getting treatment going. It's weird, I kinda grieved over a BFN for a few days after last weekend but now Im just ready for the next thing. DH thinks Im a bit mental but I don't know how to stay sane without being proactive.

You all know the story, after so much disappointment and grief, it's the soldiering on that keeps you going. Off now to help unload the moving van and then some more tomorrow and help unpacking/babysitting Sunday. Thank goodness for staying busy!!!

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi everyone

Slb, so sorry about DH hun, that has to be so hard and I send you and your family all my love. What an awful time you seems to be going through, I don't understand why good people can face such hardship. I understand your need to take some time away, and thank you so much for your lovely wishes

Hi Tinks! Thanks for reasuring about AF/scan! I know they will be used to it but just seems a bit grim!! But anything to do with af is strange to me as I so rarely have them I will be on the same meds as you for this cycle! Except the lower does of gonal f. Had Maree, not seen her before, but she was lovely. She was explaining about the new policies regarding ET and how they now take embies to blast if they are good enough. Maybe we would have had that option last time as ours was a textbook perfect one But then maybe not with only having the one good one at day 3. Who knows, but unlikely to have changed the outcome. Had to go to ward 90 as assume you did. Thats also a new one, only wengt there before for EC/ET. Can't believe all the building work going on down there

Are you due af this weekend? Eeeek, you could be starting soooo soon now

Hi Annie (if you are back?!!!) If you are hope the hols were just what the doctor ordered and you had the best time!!

Gill, I don't blame you about being signed off, especially as your clinic is so far away. Its so nice that your doc is so lovely, you deserve it. You sound like me, thinking ahead/having a back up plan. It can be comforting to have that but I just hope that you get positive news at your beta, you so deserve a happy ending.

Started back at uni for final year today -yes, on a saturday!!! Least its taking my mind off the bloat and wind these tablets are giving me at the moment!!! Poor DP

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Tinks85]

Gill, its great how understanding your cons seems to be and that you have a plan for the next stage, if its needed

GL for the beta

Yes Lolly I ad to go to ward 90. I thought I was in a nightmare to be honest when we on our way to the lifts, its looks like an abandond hospital lol. The ward is very nice though and clean

They never explained anything about blasts, just that they will be replaced between 2-5 days and that the embyologist will come round and speak to us after EC.

Booooooo to uni on a Saturday but its fab that you are now in your last year

Sorry about the wind, that could be embarassing. I am sure DP doesn't mind

Well AF has just arrived and I am going for bloods tomorrow and if all is well I can start the gonal f tomorrow nigt

 

[Lolly1985]

hi tinks! Yay for af!! so glad she didnt start playing games with you!

So i assume you have had your scan and are waiting for bloods results and then away you go! Wow, it feels surreal that you are finally here for me so god knows how you are feeling!! Its all good though hun!

Thinking of you and will be sure to check in later x x x x x x x

 

[Tinks85]

1st one done Was more nervous about doing the injection than I though I would be. I held it to my tummy hesitating for a few minutes but could hardly feel it once it went in tomorrows should be a doddle. I am being eased in gently though as the Gonal F is in a pen

Lolly I didnt need a scan as I had one last month and they said that was upto date enough so just had bloods. We were the first there so we were in and out in no time.

I can believe we have started eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk

How is everyone???

 

[Lolly1985]

yay tinks!! congratulations on starting! and good news you only needed bloods, lots quicker. So do you have follow up bloods in a couple of days? Glad injection was ok, fear is always worse than actually doing it! You will be seein some juicy follies before you know it

All ok here ta, same old really. 3 more days of my tablets and then should get af this weekend. Might be a week behind you, all being well!

Hi to everyone else x x x x x x x x x

 

[Tinks85]

Yep, I have to go for bloods on Wednesday and Saturday and then we have our first scan on Monday Seriously does not feel real.

I hope we are close together

Do the tablets give you any side effects?

 

[Lolly1985]

i hope we are close together too! Good you have a saturday scan, roads are quieter! Itll be lots of early mornings from now on

Other than terrible gas!! no, no side effects!

x x x x x x x

 

[trying4babies]

Hi Girls

Only new to this site. TTC a long time now & had 1st ICSI cycle which failed. I knew D13 as all symptoms went, Had bubble shooting, sore breasts, weeing - the lot. I still had to do my PT this morning which was a BFN. I was devastated. Quite heavy now & i'm amazed how my normal Period cycle was on time. Due yesterday which was a proper month. Lots more pressure now... But absoluletly heartbroken as is my DH.

We are thinking of waiting until after xmas for our next attempt but i'm thinkin maybe earlier as the only thing which was a put off was ER - very sore for many days after...

Would love to join in wit keeping up to date with you all..

x

 

[GillAwaiting]

Hi Trying4Babies, sorry to hear that ICSI didn't work out this round. Do they have any idea of changes they can make to the next go? It's hard to keep the will to keep going but maybe try to think of the first one as a trial run for meds and stuff and they learn more about your body as they go along. Good luck for the next round.

Lolly, Tinks, Im rooting for yeee big time. Won't be long now. It must feel so good to be doing something. Fingers crossed for the best Christmas present ever. The injections are a funny thing. For the first time in my life I've been trying to keep an extra few pounds on my tummy to make sure there is plenty of fat to be sticking these things into. Still on the stingy clexane and it really helps to have a bit of flab

Im now on 10 dpo. My temps have been way up since 5dpo and Im feeling pretty nauseous on and off but honestly I think that's just the progesterone suppositories mixed with the steriods etc. Has anyone here any experience of Cyclogest and its side effects? Nothing happening in the boobage at all . Im trying not to take a test because its just too early and might give me false positive from the trigger shot. I just want it confirmed now and move on to the next cycle and IUI. How many days past ovulation did you guys test at?

 

[Nayla82]

Hi Ladies

Im sorry I have not been on here for a while.. Whenever i wanted to click and leave a MSG I would log out, But seeing everything that is happening wanted to send you all my love and i have missed you girls like crazy xxxxxxx

Wow it truly is all go in here..... Tinks, Annie, Lolley I wish you all the best! let the second half of 2011 bring greater luck xxxx

I have not really scrolled to back into the thread, but wishing everyone a healthy journey where ever you beautiful ladies are xx

AFM the 2nd failed ICSI knocked me very badly and as time went on i got worse.. and in July i broke my right arm in the swimming baths slipped and broke it on the marble slab.. Im on the mend..

Also i am Booked to see a Therapist in the next few weeks.. I need professional help.. as living like this is not good for me.. and just talking to someone might help? she specialises in Hypnotherapy, and hopefully she can help my thoughts about positive energy and thinking.. They do not come cheap but my husband said he will help with the costs.. as he keeps telling me 'dont go crazy on me' its such a dark place and i hate this women that I am... I refuse to go to my gp as i dont want Anti-deprressants hopefully once I am happy and healthy in my mind and soul.. IVF 3 will come in 2012... im very tearful and negative.. and doing another cycle like this is a no go.. I hope i will know when im ready... Maybe doing it in March and so close in June drained me i should have spaced it out looking back.... it was an emotional blow... yet i was like a bat out of hell... no stopping me,, only now im feeling the pain... I will be back on here with full force!

Anyway dont let me pull down the mood in this thread... Please give us some bfps!

Love to you all xxxxx

 

[Nayla82]

Oh Gill i just read your post, Please hang in there and 10dpo way too early try testing after day 12, you deserve this Hun xxxxx

 

[GillAwaiting]

Oh Gill i just read your post, Please hang in there and 10dpo way too early try testing after day 12, you deserve this Hun xxxxx

Ah Nayla, so often I've thought of you and wondered how you were doing. We knew the last cycle really took it out of you and to be honest I was bit worried about you. The devasation is so overwhelming. I went down the tubes for a few months myself after the last miscarriage and waiting months and months for test results. I knew I needed help and even went to the gp but couldn't say anything to him. The words wouldnt come out. In the end it was the fertility cons who suggested the anti-anxiety meds at our first meeting and it was such a relief when she did. I resisted for a month but she insisted that I went on them before starting treatment. It has helped. Please do whatever you need to do to get yourself through this. Fair play to you for thinking about another cycle and going again. You are stronger than you perhaps think you are. Did they run any kind of tests on you to see why the last cycle didn't take?

The reason I ask is that early miscarriage and non-implantation are all caught up on the same bundle. We have eventually found that I have antibodies that would probably keep causing m/c. It's been a long expensive road to get to this information and we had literally started the stims when this all came to light but it is now invaluable. I wish clinics would do more investigations when cycles don't work.

Please stay back here now with us. We've missed you.

 

[Nayla82]

Oh Gill seems like its never ending is it? until we have been to hell and back they say 'oh lets test this and that ' i hope your levels go back with in range

I did have my Thyroid Antibody tested just before my ICSI 2 as i demanded it after the failed 1st one, she said well your paying for it and if you really want it theres no harm... As i suspected that might have been an issue it came back a little high at 195 and im sure she said 105 or 115 is the maximum it should be? yet again her famous words its nothing for me to worry about and gave me the Steriods to take when i was half way through stimming? no way it would have been in my system... Again im thinking if she found that out earlier before i started cycle 2 maybe i would have got my BFP? As to me 195 sounds very high??

She is very casual and told me she can make me do all the Immune tests under the Sun but the only thing they can give me is the Steroids that i was already on? and she told me it will cost over £3000 and maybe more for the tests? I dont know anymore Gill.. sometimes i feel like im the Doctor and all i have been doing is researching till im blue in the face...

One test she came up with is the Kerotype test her words 'if you really want to' as this test looks deep into my DNA and My husbands DNA as the embryo can look amazing to the eye.. yet inside it can be all messed up and broken? I told my husband and he told me 'i dont need no more shit and surprises, say it says we are not compatible?? I would rather not know.. this is one test i will refuse' again i dont have the strength to beg him and push him... he has even stopped taking his Vitamins.. Even though i have been taking folic acid and pre-natals for over 2 years it is the norm for me... yet he says 'whats the point in you taking them, it is not like there working?' he is very down also....

I need to have Hysterscopy to make sure theres nothing sinister in there? (Biopsy) (when she has always said the Uterus is not likely to be the problem) not looking forward for that as I will be going under again. She said she would like me to repeat ALL of my intial Blood tests on CD 2 when im ready to start again.... The intial blood tests were so expensive as theres so many of them! We just dont have money like that and now I will probably need at least 6-12 Sessions of Therapy and its £95 a go... My husband told me i need you to get your mental strength back.. and we will start again.... hate to admit it he is right... no way i can even look at IVF now...

Also I have been off work for a while unpaid leave, I have days where i cant even get out of bed... im not even a shadow of my former self I will keep going and going.. and hopefully all this will be a distant memory.. Since June there has been so many friends and family that have announced their pregnancies...and i guess there will be many more to come before i get my BFP that i yearn for xxxxxx We need to stay strong x

I will definitely try and be more active and support you lovlies x

 

[GillAwaiting]

Wow Nayla, you've been round the rollercoaster good and proper. Thanks for sharing all your info. It's a very interesting read all that you have been through. I'll bore you a little with some of ours. We had those karyotyping blood tests done, DH and I. They send you this funny looking diagram thing back with the results. He also had Y Deletion test and then eventually went for sperm DNA fragmentation test. Slow process, but it all came back fine.

About the vitimins, DH had repeat sperm tests at the beginning of our clinic stuff and his results were horrendous. I forget what the numbers were but i think both times somewhere about the 1 million mark. 6 mths later, being on the wellman conception vits, eating great, no sports, alcohol or smoking and they threw in an ordinary sperm test with the dna frag test and this put him at the 20 million mark. To say we were shocked is an understatement. Try to encourage your DH not to give up on the vitamins. If for nothing else, for his good health. My DH has bad acne his whole life and was antibiotics on and off for years but hasnt been on them for a long long time now and his skin is fabulous and he never gets sick.

Also about the anti thyroid antibodies. My clinic put me on steroids and they also did an intralipid infusion a few days before the trigger shot. If I (ever) get a BFP from a cycle then they would do another infusion then too. Its some kind of soy thing they pump into you. They have some specialist immunology guy at Sims and he seems to know his stuff. That's really all they can do. There is something else called Ivig but I think that is a bit waaay out there and horrendously expensive (it could be on our horizone though, nothing would surprise me). I will do the chicago tests now too if no bfp this time. It won't mean a difference to the treatment but Id like to know what we are dealing with and what the odds really are. We've come this far, they are literally the last tests that we can do. I must check on the results sheet at home for the anti thyroid antibodies what the ranges were for you. I have high levels of two which prob means Im fecked.

It is all so hard and so unfair. You see these teenagers walking around absent minded with their kids in strollers, smoking like chimneys and disinterested and you want to scream and cry. I never go shopping anymore or out in places where there are likely to be lots of people like that. I know this might sound a bit radical but what about starting the adoption process? We spent months putting paperwork together and honestly its not like we have got our heart set on it or anything, far from it, but I did find that concentrating on those forms and getting the bits and pieces, helped to curb the feeling of powerlessness. It's doing something now that you 'might' need in future. It's just about keeping options open. We took it slowly and having to sort one thing a day made me get out of bed and go into work to phones, computer, photocopier etc.

Its a great idea to do some therapy. Poor DH's can only listen to so much. My DH is really sick of the whole thing. It just takes over your life.

 

[GillAwaiting]

Tested today at 11 dpo -

I know, I know, was supposed to wait another few days but really just needed it confirmed. Left work early to do it as I couldn't wait another minute. Blood Test on Monday to confirm and straight into a medicated IUI. Did one of those digital tests that say pregnant or not pregnant because I've done too many tests where you just aren't sure what it's telling you.

Now I know for sure that the progesterone does make you really sick and gives you consistent pregnancy temps. Good to know!!

 

[Tinks85]

Nayla - So good to hear from you, I have been thinking about you Sounds like you have been through it hun. So sorry to hear you are so down but it is understandable. The therapy is a great idea, shame you have to pay out £95 a go though Make sure you take care of yourself and stick around

Gill, I dont think there is a test you haven't done, your poor bank balance Please stop counting yourself out already lol. Its good you have a plan to focus on but you may not need it I would wait another 2 days before testing if poss 10dpo is still very early

Welcome trying4babies, sorry to read about your failed cycle. Hope you can going again as soon as you are ready

How are you Lolly??? Still windy

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi Ladies

Nayla, so lovely to hear from you, but at the same time so awful to hear how you have been feeling. I’m so sorry things have gotten so hard for you. Therapy may be expensive but I am very thankful you are going, you sound so down. You are clearly very depressed but can understand your decision not to take medication. It must be hard to know what to do for the best.


I think you are 100% right not to have another cycle now and am glad you see the need to get some of your strength back. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We have all been there, and the closeness of your previous cycles maybe was the wrong decision. But you did what you thought right at the time. And even if you had waited, another failed attempt at any time hits very hard.


Two failed cycles is a horrible feeling that I know so well. The first one doesn’t work and you kid yourself that it was a ‘test run’ and that the second go will be different. They know your body and have tweaked the little details, surely it will work. And then it doesn’t. And you don’t know what to think. Is it ‘bad luck?’, is there something badly wrong here? Is it my eggs, his sperm? Is my body not meant to carry? Did my embie die too soon or just not stick? Was it my fault? Will it ever happen? Like you I believe that my embie died very early. I bled so soon after and told the nurse at my last appointment that weeks of hope lead to days being pupo and then it was all taken away. It hurts so badly. I’m trying to be positive, but honestly not about this cycle, about the future. I am in a place now where I don’t believe it will work. I’m not all down and out but I think looking at things realistically, the odds are not on my side. But me and DP have decided to try our best and if this cycle doesn’t work we will have a lovely family Christmas and look into adoption next year. I need a plan and it sounds a good one right now. Of course if it failed I don’t know how I will feel/cope. It will probably come in waves like last time but I hope by having this plan I will be able to come to terms with things.


Sorry to hear DH is struggling also. It’s a horrible feeling isn’t it? You want to make it better but are not strong enough yourself to help. I don’t know about you and know your circumstances are different, but I carry a lot of guilt around and think if it wasn’t for me DP would have his family by now. He never makes me feel bad but I just can’t help thinking he would have his dream if it wasn’t for my stupid body. Like you girls have said it makes me enraged when I see teenage mums with 2, 3 kids hanging off them, smoking, swearing, shouting… AHHHH!!!! Sadly my job means I see lots of children who come from difficult backgrounds. Why are we being punished when our child would be so loved and cared for?


Nayal, you and Gill have both had so many tests. I don’t know how you cope. I want a baby more than anything so is it strange I don’t want all of that? Am I contradicting myself? I somehow feel that I could have another years worth of immune tests and maybe come back with nothing apparently ‘wrong’. And then that is another year gone, when I could have been waiting for my adopted child. I have been on this TTC rollercoaster for nearly 6 years (started the process with a ex when I was younger – in a strange way thank goodness it didn’t work as probably wouldn’t be with DP now), but it has taken a good chunk of my life away and now I am just ready to be happy, not prolong it. Maybe it would help but maybe not. Maybe my path leads me to adoption. I totally respect and understand why you continue. You are braver ladies than me. I just think I have gotten impatient and don’t want doctors poking and prodding anymore, the anxiety of test results and the constant chasing. I want to settle down. I feel strangely calm about this cycle – what will be will be. I think I am ready to draw a line one way or another.

Wow, sorry girls, went on and on and on there...


Gill, hunny, its still early, although sure you don't want to hear that right now. But you didn't test with FMU either. There is still a chance, but equally i'm so so sorry if this isn't your cycle

Nayla, I am so glad you are getting help. I hope talking to others on here starts to get all the pain out. Given the circumstances do your family now know?


Tinks, I hope the stimming is going well. How were your bloods today? Any twinges? I just hope the metformin doesn’t make you feel sick like I did!! Keep drinking lovely. Ooops, actually just scrolled down and see it says you do feel sick, boo! Hope its not too too bad OMG the bloat!! These tablets are crazy I am full of air, keep running to the toilet at work to let rip couldn't subject my poor colleagues to that!!! Well last day tomorrow then bring on af!!!


Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx