Is it right to smack a child?

[Wantingbbbump]

And here is the thing...since you all are jumping on me for my opinion, and saying 'smacking around', which, I am sorry if that was offensive...I don't know the PC way of saying you discipline your child by hitting, and I didn't realize at the time that was being offensive.

ANYWAYS...back to the debate part...some people DO feel any form of hitting is child abuse. I am sorry if that bothers people. I am one of those people. My sister hits her kids..I think it's abusive. I love my sister, she is a good mom in every other way (IMO) but I do not agree with her hitting them. She knows I feel this way. We choose not to discuss it to be honest. You all attacking me for feeling this way is fine...choose to. But, I am not the only one who feels that way. Some people think it's OK to hit their wives (its legal in some countries). I do not see the difference in hitting a wife (or husband I suppose that happens) and a child. So...from a DEBATING point of view..not attacking anyone here, or trying to be condescending as I have been accused....I am just talking about relating hitting grown ups and hitting a child... if it is OK to hit a child, is it OK to hit an adult?

Also, a point to add...in Canada, it is illegal to hit a child under two...I hope the word 'hit' is OK to use??? Smack...however you say it.

I like a good debate. Okay the difference between a man or woman hitting a spouse is it's done out of anger or in some cases they get a sick pleasure from hitting. I am now disabled because my EX husband beat me everyday no matter what I did. I now can't work because of the pain I have everyday. When a child is hit because they have been bad I do feel it's wrong in a way, but when it's to teach them of dangers when nothing else has worked then I don't feel it's abuse because the parent isn't mad and isn't getting pleasure out of hitting the child. I do however feel it's abuse if you leave a mark on the child because it was too hard and that is never okay. Most parents that have hit out of teaching danger does it out of fear to get the child's hand away from the danger. Kind of like when I grabbed my daughters hair, I felt really bad about it but she was after her ball and a dumb teen was speeding down my street and had I not grabbed her where ever I could reach she would of been hit by him. I had a neighbor yell at me for grabbing her hair and she said she was going to report me for abuse but that was not my intent. I was just saving my child from a very early death right in front of my face. Does this help a little with why some view it the way they do?

 

[JASMAK]

@JASMAK SAID~ "Oh well....can't win em all...I know I won't be losing sleep over it. I hope you manage to get over it...now THAT is being condescending...because you know what...I just don't care. And, yup...I DO think it's child abuse. There. Ha! That is my opinion...take it or leave it."

This was really uncalled for! I have NEVER abused my child. What do you think we should so just let our kids get hurt when they don't listen to us saying no? Would you like that better? Should we let our kids run out in front of a car and get hit and end up dead and then say "Oh well, Johnny should of listened to me when I said that could happen if he runs in the road."
We all want what is best for our kids and we all have different way of teaching our children. There is NO right or wrong way with kids and what works for one child may not work for another. I always try to say NO and redirect the child first but some babies and kids are head strong and do as they want anyways and I would rather have to give a swat or smack a hand a time or two to save that child from a greater harm. Out of my 4 kids 1 has never got a swat or a slap on the hand because she would do as I ask but 1 time I did have to grab her hair to stop her from a speeding car on my street when she was very small. I was going for the hood of her coat and grabbed the only thing I could of reached and if I didn't she would be DEAD today. Did I feel bad about making her cry YES but I am so happy that I have her today. It's part of my being the best mom I can be. Nobody should ever be accused of child abuse unless they are beating their child and trust me there is a big difference. We can all talk about this with respect for each other, we don't have to agree abut we DO need to be respectful and agree to disagree.

I deleted that response for a reason...but thanks for posting it...I am sure it makes you feel good. I edited it because it came out and then I decided against it and changed about two seconds later. You know, you are getting all worked up here just because *I* don't agree with you?!! Really? Come on! Where is YOUR respect for me too? You totally twisted my words with the post previous to this, and attacked me! I agree that we disagree...why do you want to fight about it? Posting the qoute that I decided on was innapropriate? Why do that? Are you looking for an army to come after me? Respectful? Hmmmm...

I have NEVER attacked you in anyway shape or form nor was I trying to do something to make myself feel better or to send an army after you. I read what you wrote, copied and pasted it prob at the same time you were taking it off. I am not worked up at all because I don't see the need of getting that way over something posted online but your abuse comment did upset me so I responded and that is the reason there is open forums, so we can post and respond. Nothing more and I wasn't responding to you to be mean in anyway. I was just asking what YOU think we should do if the child won't listen to us after we have tried to say no, move the child away from the danger and they keep going at it. I am not the person you were getting into it with and I at the time didn't know you took the comment off. Where in my post to you did it say I wanted to fight with you?

I just didn't see any point to your reply except to expose the comment that I had already deleted. Anyways, I do think that there is other ways to discipline. I am not sure if you are really asking me tho.... lol

I will answer with what works for me:

If Jasper doesn't listen, he gets a warning. I tell him what he is doing/saying is innapropriate. I tell him if he continues...this is what is going to happen...and I try to relate it to what the 'crime' is. For example, if he is being mean to the cat...he will be grounded from the cat for the day, two days, etc. He is almost 9, and I also explain to him how moving the cats mouth (probably sounds funny, but he moves the cats mouth like a puppet and makes funny voices) isn't nice, and the cat doesn't like it. I tell him how the cat relies on us to take care of it, and needs us to be good to her. He gets it. There is other things, of course...being rude at the table = being all done. Talking back, he doesn't do that much, but probably a time out.

Makena is disabled (autism) but she is verbal and still gets discipline. I give her time outs, because they work for her, and calm her down too. She can get really worked up. I have to make sure Makena really understand what I am saying as she is very delayed in speech and more so in understanding (she says more than she can understand) so I often get her to repeat things back to me in her own words, and if there is an issue that she is struggling with (taking things without asking) we use social stories (basically just stories about kids doing the same things) to help. But, she still gets the time out...and she gets a simple explanation of why she is getting the time out.

Kelana is a baby. I have just started disciplining her a smidge. She has been taking her nails and scratching my face the past couple days. It really hurts and one even bled! I put her down and say a firm (but not yelling) no. I leave her down for a few seconds, and she is usually good after that. I don't use any other discipline on her yet, just distraction. She is not allowed in the kitchen for cooking, and I have electrical outlet locks on....because I believe parents should supervise their children AND make their environment safe for playing and learning.

This is what works for me. I have never had to resort to hitting. There has been times when my child has ran into the road, and it is VERY scary. I understand that. Just because I don't hit my kids, doesn't mean I would rather they get hurt. You all get offended that I think hitting is abusive...I am offended that you all think that because I don't hit my kids, you think that I think it's OK my child gets hurt. I think that we are all guilty here of throwing accusations and hurtful comments.

 

[Wantingbbbump]

@JASMAK SAID~ "Oh well....can't win em all...I know I won't be losing sleep over it. I hope you manage to get over it...now THAT is being condescending...because you know what...I just don't care. And, yup...I DO think it's child abuse. There. Ha! That is my opinion...take it or leave it."

This was really uncalled for! I have NEVER abused my child. What do you think we should so just let our kids get hurt when they don't listen to us saying no? Would you like that better? Should we let our kids run out in front of a car and get hit and end up dead and then say "Oh well, Johnny should of listened to me when I said that could happen if he runs in the road."
We all want what is best for our kids and we all have different way of teaching our children. There is NO right or wrong way with kids and what works for one child may not work for another. I always try to say NO and redirect the child first but some babies and kids are head strong and do as they want anyways and I would rather have to give a swat or smack a hand a time or two to save that child from a greater harm. Out of my 4 kids 1 has never got a swat or a slap on the hand because she would do as I ask but 1 time I did have to grab her hair to stop her from a speeding car on my street when she was very small. I was going for the hood of her coat and grabbed the only thing I could of reached and if I didn't she would be DEAD today. Did I feel bad about making her cry YES but I am so happy that I have her today. It's part of my being the best mom I can be. Nobody should ever be accused of child abuse unless they are beating their child and trust me there is a big difference. We can all talk about this with respect for each other, we don't have to agree abut we DO need to be respectful and agree to disagree.

I deleted that response for a reason...but thanks for posting it...I am sure it makes you feel good. I edited it because it came out and then I decided against it and changed about two seconds later. You know, you are getting all worked up here just because *I* don't agree with you?!! Really? Come on! Where is YOUR respect for me too? You totally twisted my words with the post previous to this, and attacked me! I agree that we disagree...why do you want to fight about it? Posting the qoute that I decided on was innapropriate? Why do that? Are you looking for an army to come after me? Respectful? Hmmmm...

I have NEVER attacked you in anyway shape or form nor was I trying to do something to make myself feel better or to send an army after you. I read what you wrote, copied and pasted it prob at the same time you were taking it off. I am not worked up at all because I don't see the need of getting that way over something posted online but your abuse comment did upset me so I responded and that is the reason there is open forums, so we can post and respond. Nothing more and I wasn't responding to you to be mean in anyway. I was just asking what YOU think we should do if the child won't listen to us after we have tried to say no, move the child away from the danger and they keep going at it. I am not the person you were getting into it with and I at the time didn't know you took the comment off. Where in my post to you did it say I wanted to fight with you?

I just didn't see any point to your reply except to expose the comment that I had already deleted. Anyways, I do think that there is other ways to discipline. I am not sure if you are really asking me tho.... lol

I will answer with what works for me:

If Jasper doesn't listen, he gets a warning. I tell him what he is doing/saying is innapropriate. I tell him if he continues...this is what is going to happen...and I try to relate it to what the 'crime' is. For example, if he is being mean to the cat...he will be grounded from the cat for the day, two days, etc. He is almost 9, and I also explain to him how moving the cats mouth (probably sounds funny, but he moves the cats mouth like a puppet and makes funny voices) isn't nice, and the cat doesn't like it. I tell him how the cat relies on us to take care of it, and needs us to be good to her. He gets it. There is other things, of course...being rude at the table = being all done. Talking back, he doesn't do that much, but probably a time out.

Makena is disabled (autism) but she is verbal and still gets discipline. I give her time outs, because they work for her, and calm her down too. She can get really worked up. I have to make sure Makena really understand what I am saying as she is very delayed in speech and more so in understanding (she says more than she can understand) so I often get her to repeat things back to me in her own words, and if there is an issue that she is struggling with (taking things without asking) we use social stories (basically just stories about kids doing the same things) to help. But, she still gets the time out...and she gets a simple explanation of why she is getting the time out.

Kelana is a baby. I have just started disciplining her a smidge. She has been taking her nails and scratching my face the past couple days. It really hurts and one even bled! I put her down and say a firm (but not yelling) no. I leave her down for a few seconds, and she is usually good after that. I don't use any other discipline on her yet, just distraction. She is not allowed in the kitchen for cooking, and I have electrical outlet locks on....because I believe parents should supervise their children AND make their environment safe for playing and learning.

This is what works for me. I have never had to resort to hitting. There has been times when my child has ran into the road, and it is VERY scary. I understand that. Just because I don't hit my kids, doesn't mean I would rather they get hurt. You all get offended that I think hitting is abusive...I am offended that you all think that because I don't hit my kids, you think that I think it's OK my child gets hurt. I think that we are all guilty here of throwing accusations and hurtful comments.

I am very sorry if you feel that my posting what you said was me being mean and if you thought that I was saying that you would rather your child get hurt then I am sorry, very very sorry because I don't think that. Shoot I couldn't because I don't even know you. I did really want to know how you taught your kids. I also have a child with autism and it's so hard to parent her, she is the one that went into the road and was almost hit. With her it's hard to get her to listen to me and I have to watch what I say and how I say it because she will pull into herself and I will teach her nothing. It's really hard because she is almost 10 and hasn't grown past the age of 5 in a ton of ways. My children never get hit now it was only maybe 2~3 times if that as a small child. I had asked their Dr what to do when nothing worked and he advised a swat on the butt or a smack on the hand. I didn't listen when my 2nd daughter was biting hunks out of my oldest back..he told me to bite her back, I couldn't as an adult tell her not to bite by biting her. It made no sense to me. I did have my house child proof but my darn kids would always get the caps off and my kitchen is open so there is no way to put up a baby gate. If I would of had another choice I wouldn't of hit my kids at all because it always made me feel like dirt.

 

[robinator]

Spanking: It hurts more than you think

https://www.toronto.ca/health/children/discipline.htm#3

Reasons why NOT to spank:


Spanking is hitting, and hitting hurts physically, emotionally and socially.

Hitting people is wrong - and children are people, too.

Children who are spanked are more likely to be aggressive. This can lead to other problems, like bullying.

Spanking can result in fear, not respect. A child who fears a parent may learn to hide behaviour and lie rather than trust that parent to guide and teach.

Spanking may get a quick reaction, but next time you may end up hitting harder. And when you're angry and stressed, it's easy to injure your child.

Spanking doesn't teach the right lesson. It shows a child that hitting is a way to solve problems.

This is true in some situations, but we cannot all be grouped together under these theories. My brother and I were spanked as children, and not only are we both productive members of society, we have never hit anybody and because of being spanked, we were taught how to be respectful and reign in our tempers. No one, shrink or otherwise, can say one type of experience automatically makes someone behave a certain way. But, if you want to go with that argument, what about....

....timeouts as the sole means of discipline? So many children these days, even young ones like kindergarten, act entitled and pitch fits when they don't get their way, and no one stops them. Then they grow up to be adults who are entitled and pitch fits when they don't get their way. If a behavior is accepted when you are a child, why grow out of it when you are older?

You and I are not going to agree on this topic, and that is fine. In my opinion, spanking as discipline is not only acceptable, but effective. It was in my case, and that is my personal experience.

 

[Dragonfly]

Seen this earlier.

"When I was about twenty years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time.

"But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking--the first in his life. And she told him he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying.

"He said to her, 'Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock you can throw at me.' All of the sudden a mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, it mkaes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

"The mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. Because violence begins in the nursery--one can raise children into violence."

~From a peace prize acceptance speech given by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking

 

[mindgames77]

Smack - no, it really hurts. Can't imagine the pain for a child.

Spank - yes, it doesn't hurt as bad and quickly grabbed my attention as a child when I was being a brat! Let me know not to try to mess with my mom or dad ever again!!

I'll also note that my parents probably spanked me a total of 5 or 6 times throughout my childhood. It was enough to scare me of some ominous looming means of discipline that was always a possibility if I was being a brat....so I usually remained on my best behavior.
It should be used very sparingly otherwise it loses it's tactful power!

I think my answer would be similar to this.


I don't have kids yet, but I nanny. I discipline based on the parent's instructions. I've never, thankfully, had a parent tell me to spank their kids, and honestly, if I was ever told to, I'd never do it. I don't think I could live with myself.


For my own kids, when the day comes, I'll use more of the "time-out" method.
When they're old enough, they will lose/gain privileges based on their behaviour.

However, as a child, I too was spanked maybe 5 or 6 times, and I knew what a spanking was. If I was threatened, I'd stop the behaviour immediately.

I was not traumatized by it, I learnt from it. But there's obvioulsy a limit. I 100% disagree with bare-butt spankings, and using ANY object. My mom was spanked on the bare ass with a belt several times as a child and I could never imagine doing that!

This would be the general idea:

If my 3 yr old was reaching her hand towards the burning hot element on the stove, my reaction would be to smack her and away before saying "No, no sweetie, we don't touch burning hot elements".

But as for general being naughty, time outs work brilliantly, and so does "taking away" their favorite toy etc.

 

[MonstHer]

When I was a teen, my dad once took EVERYTHING out of my room that wasn't clothing or bedding when I got into trouble. (I snuck down the street at like 2 am to go have a smoke with my friend, they thought I had gotten kidnapped). That got me to straighten-out real fast! lol
Way more than abuse/beating.

 

[JackiePed]

I don't think abuse or beating ever helps. It causes kids to rebel. Nor do I think that 'spanking' a teenager would do any good at all. In fact, although I am not vehemently opposed to spanking younger children if done in a controlled manner and not inflicting anything even close to injury on the child, I'm not convinced it's necessarily effective as a means of deterring a child from naughty behavior, either. The few times my children have been spanked as a means of deterring naughty behavior, I don't really feel like it worked any sort of magic, any better than time outs or talks, or whatever. (I personally think, regardless of your method, patience, a sensitivity to your specific child's temperament and what works with them, and consistency are the only key to teaching your kids right behavior and deterring the 'wrong'....If you're consistent about when, why, and how you spank, it may be effective. If you're consistent about when, why, and how your child gets 'time out', it also can be effective.)

As I mentioned above, the urgency that I consider when a baby or toddler not yet capable of reasoning or understanding abstract cause and effect who is about to do something dangerous... that, to me, is a time when a swat on the hand sends the right message. "Road=ouch"

You can't make that kind of connection when a child has, say, talked back to you. In order to make the immediate connection, you have to do it right away. If you do it right away in that situation, you're angry and you risk overreacting when you do it....and it doesn't make sense to the child anyway. If you wait until you're not so angry (which you should when it comes to using spanking as punishment), then it no longer has a direct cause-and-effect connection.... thus it's in a different category than the arguments that have been made for using it to keep a child out of danger.

So.. spanking or swatting to send the message that a behavior is unacceptable is less effective, in my mind....and can even confuse the child. Not to say it is NEVER going to work, or that I haven't tried it, or that I don't know great parents that utilize it, but I think it's less effective, and there's too many variables.

 

[robinator]

When I was a teen, my dad once took EVERYTHING out of my room that wasn't clothing or bedding when I got into trouble. (I snuck down the street at like 2 am to go have a smoke with my friend, they thought I had gotten kidnapped). That got me to straighten-out real fast! lol
Way more than abuse/beating.

Mine didn't take stuff out of my room, but he would take the door off the hinges. Oh, I haaaaated that!!

 

[robinator]

. "Road=ouch"

You can't make that kind of connection when a child has, say, talked back to you. In order to make the immediate connection, you have to do it right away. If you do it right away in that situation, you're angry and you risk overreacting when you do it....and it doesn't make sense to the child anyway. If you wait until you're not so angry (which you should when it comes to using spanking as punishment), then it no longer has a direct cause-and-effect connection.... thus it's in a different category than the arguments that have been made for using it to keep a child out of danger.

Oh, I don't know.... My dad was the enforcer in our house, so I had to wait ALL DAY, knowing I was gonna get it when he got home. I watched the clock and so the waiting was very effective. BUT, I was older (6+) so I was able to make the connection. Agreed that younger kids can't do that.

DH and I are trying to figure out if it's best to do it that way, or have whichever parent "caught" to behavior do it, so one parent isn't considered the "bad" guy.... The jury is still out on this one.


ETA: when I say "gonna get it", I mean a spanking; I do not mean getting the shit beat out of me...

 

[Quackquack99]

If the police and school teachers are not allowed to hit a child when they misbehave or be deviant, why is it allowed for myself to hit my child? It isn't. Its double standards

 

[robinator]

It's not a double standard; your child is not theirs; therefore they only have limited disciplinary authority over your child.

 

[JackiePed]

When I was a teen, my dad once took EVERYTHING out of my room that wasn't clothing or bedding when I got into trouble. (I snuck down the street at like 2 am to go have a smoke with my friend, they thought I had gotten kidnapped). That got me to straighten-out real fast! lol
Way more than abuse/beating.

Mine didn't take stuff out of my room, but he would take the door off the hinges. Oh, I haaaaated that!!

Oooooh, I've heard of that. I would have HATED that more than anything!! I was a pretty obedient teen, but the few times I really did blow it, all they had to do was take away my phone privileges and I thought I was going to diiiiiiiiie.

 

[alaskagrown]

When I was a teen, my dad once took EVERYTHING out of my room that wasn't clothing or bedding when I got into trouble. (I snuck down the street at like 2 am to go have a smoke with my friend, they thought I had gotten kidnapped). That got me to straighten-out real fast! lol
Way more than abuse/beating.

Mine didn't take stuff out of my room, but he would take the door off the hinges. Oh, I haaaaated that!!

Oooooh, I've heard of that. I would have HATED that more than anything!! I was a pretty obedient teen, but the few times I really did blow it, all they had to do was take away my phone privileges and I thought I was going to diiiiiiiiie.

One of my worst was when my sister and I said a "cuss word." We sang (in tune of the Adam's Family theme song), "When Uncle Fester farted, the family went re-tarded..."
We got hot sauce on the tongue. Ahahaha...oh gosh, I think back on that and laugh. My sister said something one time, don't know what it was, and got soap in her mouth. A Christmas Story anyone?

Mind you, we were probably like 4 and 8...

 

[smokey]

Well, I am just glad I don't parent like that. I feel sorry for your kids, honestly. That's all I am going to say, because I find it very emotional to think of kids being smacked around, no matter how lovingly you all describe it...it's plain cruel to me. I fin the justification sickening. Sorry. Just how I feel.

I find the implecation that I and others smack our children around realy offensive, a tap on the hand after telling him and taking him away from a situation for the untold amount of time is a far cry from smacking him around.
Just because you parent differently does not make you better it just makes you different.

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I am just glad I don't parent like that. I feel sorry for your kids, honestly. That's all I am going to say, because I find it very emotional to think of kids being smacked around, no matter how lovingly you all describe it...it's plain cruel to me. I fin the justification sickening. Sorry. Just how I feel.

I find the implecation that I and others smack our children around realy offensive, a tap on the hand after telling him and taking him away from a situation for the untold amount of time is a far cry from smacking him around.
Just because you parent differently does not make you better it just makes you different.

Well, I feel that I am making the best choices for my family, and it's simply an opinion.

 

[smokey]

Well, I am just glad I don't parent like that. I feel sorry for your kids, honestly. That's all I am going to say, because I find it very emotional to think of kids being smacked around, no matter how lovingly you all describe it...it's plain cruel to me. I fin the justification sickening. Sorry. Just how I feel.

I find the implecation that I and others smack our children around realy offensive, a tap on the hand after telling him and taking him away from a situation for the untold amount of time is a far cry from smacking him around.
Just because you parent differently does not make you better it just makes you different.

Well, I feel that I am making the best choices for my family, and it's simply an opinion.

And thats fine while others are doing what they think is needed at the time.
Smacking them around implies its done for the shear hell of it for no reason just because you feel like it or for using over the top methods for every minuite little thing which im sure no one here does.
Everyone is entitled to an oppinion but thats not a loophole to being offensive, manners has to play a part in it as well.

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I am just glad I don't parent like that. I feel sorry for your kids, honestly. That's all I am going to say, because I find it very emotional to think of kids being smacked around, no matter how lovingly you all describe it...it's plain cruel to me. I fin the justification sickening. Sorry. Just how I feel.

I find the implecation that I and others smack our children around realy offensive, a tap on the hand after telling him and taking him away from a situation for the untold amount of time is a far cry from smacking him around.
Just because you parent differently does not make you better it just makes you different.

Well, I feel that I am making the best choices for my family, and it's simply an opinion.

And thats fine while others are doing what they think is needed at the time.
Smacking them around implies its done for the shear hell of it for no reason just because you feel like it or for using over the top methods for every minuite little thing which im sure no one here does.
Everyone is entitled to an oppinion but thats not a loophole to being offensive, manners has to play a part in it as well.

If you read the other posts, I have already gone over it all... I am not looking to get into it with anyone, sorry.

 

[ShanandBoc]

Well what a read. We all need to respect that we are doing what we feel is right and that im sure we are all loving parents. There is no need for rudeness and aggression towards others that i have seen in this thread, whatever ur opinion, what a pity

I personally wont be resorting to spanking Ellie, but i also dont think that using it as discipline with small children is wrong or abuse either. I think its been completely taken out of context, i do believe it has its place although i have chosen not to use this method (so far) Every child is different. You explained it very well Alaskagrown

I was spanked as a child (by my mother) on only a very few occasions when i was being a total utter disrespectful brat. It pulled me back into line and it didnt instill any fear into me at all. It showed me that there was consequences for my actions when nothing else worked. My mum is the the most soft, kind hearted loving person you will meet, i never for one second feared her because of it. Sometimes there is no other way to exercise your loving authority as a parent and i get that.

 

[xemmax]

It's not a double standard; your child is not theirs; therefore they only have limited disciplinary authority over your child.

Well I agree that they should only have limited disciplinary authority over your child but children aren't 'yours' to do whatever you like with. They aren't possessions, they are people. I don't believe anyone should be allowed to raise a hand to a child be it their own or anyone else's.