is/was your LO a really bad sleeper? support and advise thread!

[AngelUK]

Thank you kosh
My boys sleep in the nursery in a cotbed each which are side by side. Our nursery is only a tiny corridor and the length of the kitchen away from our room so even without a monitor I'd hear them very well. Especially Dominic

 

[kosh]

Thank you kosh
My boys sleep in the nursery in a cotbed each which are side by side. Our nursery is only a tiny corridor and the length of the kitchen away from our room so even without a monitor I'd hear them very well. Especially Dominic

I know that this has prob been suggested to you 1000s of times but is there any way you could take Dom in bed with you?
my nights are so much easier now that i found this way of co-sleeping with Gael. He still wakes loads but I def do not feel it as much as before

 

[AngelUK]

There is no way that would be safe. I originally wanted a sidecar co sleeper for the boys but there was no space in our room. Also I like to pull the duvet up to over my chin to under my nose and find it hard to sleep without a pillow. All those things would be very unsafe for cosleeping. Not to mention my iPod earphones. I only have the audiobooks I constantly listen to, on the lowest setting but I cannot sleep without it as OH snores and has sleep apnia. Dom also snores btw and the few times I have laid down with him on the nursery bed, he kicked the life out of my tummy and boobs lol. Plus I would then feel really guilty leaving my little Seb all alone in the nursery and there is no way we could fit both babies in bed with us. But the idea is lovely thank you

 

[chatter]

sorry you had a bad night angel, but at least your OH is wonderful!

can i ask you (and all teh ladies here) - where do your babies sleep?

hi my lo co sleeps with just me, dh is in the spare room we have been doing this for a month due to exhausation on my part. I would rather not be doing it but I am more rested since.

 

[chocolala]

Lily is in the bed with me and my husband. We have a cot side car style which she spends some of the night in.

It makes night time so much easier, I'm nowhere near as tired as when I used to get up and feed her. I'll do the same with the next baby too, but from the start.

 

[lisa1980]

Chocolala - Congrats on your OH's job, that's brilliant news (even if you didn't catch most of it ). Re cycles sleep, it's easy to believe it has a role when you're BF...hormones affect SO much that it's very plausible they could be implicated but how they exactly affect it would be hard to work out. I mentioned that my LO is so easy for naps but fights like a ninja at bedtime. I'm starting to think it's because he's much more tired at the end of the day and this makes him more irritable and upset generally, hence why he cries regardless of what we do. Guessing, but it seems to be the case for us anyway.

Angel - your OH sounds amazing. I think you should lend him out Glad you got some sleep.

Chatter

Sorry for your sleep deprivation but you've definitely come to the right place for support and advice. Don't be shy to post - it's a lovely thread with lovely ladies who will always try their best to help if they can.

I'm happy to share my experience in case it helps but please do whatever YOU feel comfortable with as only you know your baby.

I had been thinking about it for a while after speaking to some ladies on here (particularly Flippityflop who has been very helpful) but I had always been so dead against it that it's taken me a while to come round to the idea tbh. I think I just got desperate enough, and the fact that my LO was crying whatever we did anyway meant that the crying in itself couldn't really have been any worse with CC.

I decided to leave him for 2 mins at a time and to pick him up when I went in. This isn't standard but it's my version and was the only way I could really handle it at first. Anyway, when he woke 40 mins after the epic bedtime struggle I went in straightaway, picked him up, checked his nappy, burped him , offered BF but he refused, popped his dummy in and gave him cuddles and kisses whilst saying '"sleepy time" softly and when he was calm I put him in the cot. He cried when I walked out and continued to cry for the 2 mins I waited outside his room.

I then went in, picked him up, cuddles and kisses and dummy and repeating that it's sleepy time until he was settled a bit (no more than a min or two) and put him down again and left the room. Again he cried when I left but not as hard and I could tell it was a really tired, frustrated cry. I repeated my 2mins wait up to 8 mins then extended it to 5mins as it seemed to disturb him more because i was going in so frequently. His crying became softer and more sporadic after the first 10-15mins and I decided not to pick him up when I went in after this as he was getting sleepier and I didn't want to disrupt it too much, so I just stroked his head and whispered softly to him each time.

He cried, on and off, for a total of around 32 mins, which is significantly less than the 1.5hrs of crying we had most nights whilst he was in my arms. When I could tell he was getting close to sleep I stopped timing and played it by ear so as not to disturb him. He then slept for 5 hours straight and I was planning to repeat the process when he woke at night but I really didn't need to as he settled in his cot, awake, with less than 30secs of whinging (not really crying tbh).

I didn't have a specific limit in mind when I started but I think that the fact that he wasn't crying in a really hard way for more than 5-10mins total (with me going in inbetween) meant that it was easier to stick to. Once his cries became more sleepy moans it wasn't hard to wait it out as I knew he was trying to get himself to sleep and that I'd actually just ruin it for him by distracting him. In my head I was comparing it to how he cries when I try to rock him to sleep and if it was worse than that I'd have probably caved, but it really wasn't.

I hated it. But I also hated trying to rock or feed a screaming baby to sleep for over an hour every night only for him to wake and hour later and have to do it all again, ad infinitum. I was starting to really resent it, and LO was continuously distressed at bedtime, which I can't allow to continue. What I really wanted is either a baby who sleeps easily and well or to live a life where I can happily spend all my time trying to get him to sleep and function well on little sleep myself, but I don't live in that world unfortunately so here we are.

I hope this helps you - please feel free to PM me if you want to know any more.

I also hope this doesn't offend anyone. I've tried to give an honest account of how it went for us but I'm not trying to promote it. I don't even know whether it will continue to work for us anyway. I truly WISH that I could just wait it out or work out a way to solve this issue with NO crying at all but I'm just not that clever or strong it appears.

 

[MrsHedgehog]

Lisa - you are doing the right thing for your LO and your family. I hope it continues to work for you. I'd be doing CC too if LO wouldn't sleep. As it is it's usually not a problem getting her to go to sleep, just stay asleep! She rarely cries at bed time as long as I time things right.

We had another dreadful night. The bad nights are so much harder after a few good nights to remind me what real sleep is!

LO was falling asleep at 10pm last night which is unusual as she doesn't usually get sleepy until midnight. Anyway, I got her ready for bed and put her in her cot for about 10.30. She woke 20mins later and I got into bed with her. After that she woke so many times I lost count and then was completely awake from 4 until 5.30am. I finally managed to get her back to sleep and she woke 5mins later She was finally asleep again by 6am then woke at 7.30, 8.30, 9, 9.30 and then slept soundly until midday. I really hate this messed up schedule. I think I could cope better with the night wakings if she was going to bed at 8 and getting up at 8 in the morning but no matter what we try she seems to have settled on having her night sleep between midnight and midday.

I'm so exhausted today and LO has woken up early from her nap, just when I'd finally sat down with a coffee.

We really need to get to the bottom of this sleep problem as I can't go on like this. It's a complete disaster. I'm tempted to try CC after hearing about others successes but I really don't think it would work. LO just wouldn't understand that she's supposed to go to sleep and would scream until she was in a state.

 

[ellebelle]

I don't want to turn this thread into a CC-fest as that's not what it's for and I know many are uncomfortable with it (understandably. I was/am too), so I won't go into lots of detail unless people want me to, but I'm planning to try to continue with it as it surprised me with how quickly it worked last night. I'm not kidding myself that it'll always be this easy but I'm going to play it by ear.

I never thought I'd do it, and it's tough (maybe more for me than LO though it seems ) but I feel so much happier today. We've been playing with his toys, singing songs etc, all the things I want to do everyday but have been too tired to do with enthusiasm if I'm honest. I'm really not trying to justify it or recommend it to anyone as I can totally see that it's not for everyone, but it's given me a little hope that things may improve more quickly than I imagined.

I hope everyone else's nights were sleep-filled

I just want to say that I was/am uncomfortable with it too, but for me it seemed like something I needed to try because the wakeups are way too frequent and it takes HOURS to put the girls to bed at night (I start bedtime routine at 7:30 and sometimes they are up till 11!)

I think if anyone is to try it you will have your best judgement to know if it's right for your baby or not.
I started doing CC this past Monday and really stuck to it, went in often to rub backs and give kisses and on the second and third night, one baby slept ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
I still don't feel great about letting my babies cry though!

 

[MrsHedgehog]

sorry you had a bad night angel, but at least your OH is wonderful!

can i ask you (and all teh ladies here) - where do your babies sleep?

We have co-slept since LO was born. In the beginning it was through choice, I loved having her close and felt she was safer. By 3 months she was starting to spend half the night in her cot but that went out the window when the 4 month sleep regression hit! We co-slept for naps too until she was about 8months and she finally accepted being put down asleep in her cot. At night though she wakes as soon as her head touches the mattress!

 

[ellebelle]

can i ask you (and all teh ladies here) - where do your babies sleep?

Mine have cribs in my bedroom

 

[chatter]

Thanks so much Lisa for your reply.
I think you are very brave to make this hard decision and fingers crossed you continue to have success as I am sure your whole family will benefit enormously.
I have too decided after much agonising that we need to do this and am going to do it in Oct when we have had our last holiday and DH will be home for a week to help as I am going to be a mess. But I have tried everything but to no avail.
I just hope that its not too late and that I can survive until then.

Thanks heaps and enjoy feeling rested.

 

[Lulu1982]

I don't want to turn this thread into a CC-fest as that's not what it's for and I know many are uncomfortable with it (understandably. I was/am too), so I won't go into lots of detail unless people want me to, but I'm planning to try to continue with it as it surprised me with how quickly it worked last night. I'm not kidding myself that it'll always be this easy but I'm going to play it by ear.

I never thought I'd do it, and it's tough (maybe more for me than LO though it seems ) but I feel so much happier today. We've been playing with his toys, singing songs etc, all the things I want to do everyday but have been too tired to do with enthusiasm if I'm honest. I'm really not trying to justify it or recommend it to anyone as I can totally see that it's not for everyone, but it's given me a little hope that things may improve more quickly than I imagined.

I hope everyone else's nights were sleep-filled

I just want to say that I was/am uncomfortable with it too, but for me it seemed like something I needed to try because the wakeups are way too frequent and it takes HOURS to put the girls to bed at night (I start bedtime routine at 7:30 and sometimes they are up till 11!)

I think if anyone is to try it you will have your best judgement to know if it's right for your baby or not.
I started doing CC this past Monday and really stuck to it, went in often to rub backs and give kisses and on the second and third night, one baby slept ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
I still don't feel great about letting my babies cry though!

I did the same. In after 2 minutes and then whatever I felt comfortable with. I don't think I've ever managed the 15 minutes you're meant to do!

Ava has napped really well today s,I'm hoping for a better night as her tantrums seem to related to being overtired and having not slept enough during the day.

Urgh ... Under 3 hours until bedtime routine and I'm already dreading it!!

 

[Boo44]

I think you ladies are great and so un-judgemental (is that even a word?!)

I agree with whoever said they dread the nights! I was wondering if it was normal to be 30 years old and dreading getting my LO sorted each night!

I have come to the conclusion I just need to chill out! I need to stop worrying. I worry that he eats too little or that he sleeps too much in the day. I take him to baby groups and he is the only one asleep each time! And all the other babies lie there being awake and settled! But one other mum told me she is worrying her LO won't sleep in the day. Can't win!! So my new resolution is to stop worrying.... we'll see how long that lasts!

I'm lucky my OH is like Angel's and is so calm and chilled and much better in the night than me!

 

[Lulu1982]

S,I've had to,out Ava to bed ... She was exhausted and getting miserable and is always hard wor once she's ver tired.

I just don't get it ... What is it at night time? Every nap time I put her in her cot and within 2 minutes she's asleep ... Night time she just kicks off! I know it's a tantrum this evening. She had 4 burps after her bottle, she isn't teething right now, she's a good temperature, she dropped off about a minute after I left the room (to refuel I believe!) and is now hard at it, giving it all the volume she can manage.

JUST GIVE UP AVA!! Because I'm not going to!!

Good out this evening ladies.xx

 

[firefly15]

LO is in a cot in his own room, has been since 6.5 months. There's no way he could sleep in with us, he's a light sleeper and we disturb him just going to bed, plus DH snores! I've tried co sleeping a couple of times but he hates it, other than naptime when he's happy to sleep on me, he likes his space for sleeping and genuinely seems to like his cot. Just got to get him to stay asleep once in it

So after a crappy night and being in a bad mood this morning I took LO out this afternoon as the sun had come out and I couldn't face being at home all day and evening on my own. I managed to time it so that we left when he was due for his nap and he was asleep within 5 minutes and slept for an hour! I parked up, read some magazines I'd not had a chance to look at and then he woke in a lovely mood. Pottered around the shops (very restrained retail therapy ) and then went for a nice slice of chocolate cake and a coffee and felt much better. I even managed to keep him awake on the way home.

I've just done bedtime and after being really nervous about being on my own for it, he's gone to bed perfectly!! Bath, story, boob and then into his cot where he rolled over and went straight to sleep. Keeping my fingers crossed it sticks but feeling very relieved that the 'hard' bit is done. His cold seems lots better today so really hoping for a better night tonight too.

Hope everyone else has a good bedtime and trying to send some sleepy chilled vibes to all the babies for tonight!

 

[Lulu1982]

It made me feel relaxed reading your post firefly! Good work! Fingers. Tossed for a good night for you!

Ava has dropped off which is 45 minutes rather than the two and a half hours last night so,I'm going to treat myself and actually have dinner tonight!x

 

[flippityflop]

Kosh - my LO sleeps in a cot in his nursery, has done since 4.5 months. His crap sleep started before we moved him so it didn't make a difference moving him (from his Moses basket).

Lisa - I'm obviously not happy you've had to do CC but I'm so happy for you iyswim! I really hope tonight is even better and you can get a good nights sleep. I know what you mean about having the energy to actually play and be fun for LO. I just never had the energy before. Fingers crossed for tonight. Let us know how it goes. We actually had the first night waking in almost a month last night. We were at my mums so it was a strange place (hasn't slept there since we did CC) and he's still poorly. He was awake from 2-3.30, I didn't do CC as he's poorly. Hopefully now we're home he'll be more settled although that one waking is nothing compared to the past and what others are going through.

 

[firefly15]

It made me feel relaxed reading your post firefly! Good work! Fingers. Tossed for a good night for you!

Ava has dropped off which is 45 minutes rather than the two and a half hours last night so,I'm going to treat myself and actually have dinner tonight!x

Thanks Lulu! He just stirred and I heard some grumbling and a few little cries but he seems to have settled himself so I'm also going to have dinner tonight Can you believe we consider this a treat?! Good news that bedtime was easier tonight, hopefully that will improve each night until you get the magical *stress free bedtime*!!

 

[Lulu1982]

I consider having a shower that lasts longer than 3 minutes a treat too, now that she's on the move! Good that he settled himself, that's a huge milestone in itself, I remember sprinting to her room as soon as she made the tiniest noise in the hope that I could settle her before she properly woke up!x

Kosh - you're earlier question ... She is in her own room since 5 months but has always not slept and nothing has ever made a difference! Co sleeping is not an option for us for many reasons.x

 

[Boo44]

Bedtime is not going well for us

LO is 10 weeks. I just don't feel like we have the evening routine sorted yet. He is feeding 3/4 hourly (FF) and that puts his evening bottle around 7 or 7.30. So we do bath then bottle at that time. A few weeks ago we started then putting him down in his Moses basket after that bottle in a room on his own (dining room so just next to us). The first 2 nights he went off no trouble in fact from awake a couple of times! We thought we ha cracked it.

Then gradually he seems to have got worse and worse at the routine. He is now wide awake after his evening bottle no matter what time we do it. He is not upset just wants to look round and play! If we put him down like that he just screams. So I started waiting until he was drowsy and then putting him down which worked for a bit. Now he is even worse in that it can be over an hour after his last bottle that he is drowsy so that wasn't working either! We thought maybe being downstairs was affecting him so have put his Moses basket into his cot to see if that works

Tonight he had his bottle at 7 as he was hungry. Bath first. Seemed really tired after bottle and fell straight asleep in my arms. I put him down at 7.50 and he was asleep. By 8 he was wide awake in his basket! Now no matter how much rocking we do he won't sleep

Forgot to mention he likes to suck a dummy but is completely incapable of keeping it in himself If we could find a dummy that didn't fall out we'd be laughing. As it is we can't stand next to his Moses basket holding his dummy in forever!!

Once he's asleep he's fine. But I just have this sinking feeling that we're doing something totally wrong with his bedtime routine as he just doesn't fall sleepy on his last bottle like he should

I'm downstairs in tears at the mo whilst OH sits up there with him and our tea is going cold

Helllllllp