IVF or FET November/December 2015 - chat thread

[Wish2BMom]

I'm a bummer now too!! This does definitely suck the life and happiness right out of you. I get where you're coming from Scooby. I'm sad but sorta glad that we have our 3 embies left and that's it. I was talking to my sister this weekend and just saying how it SUCKS that this is one thing that no matter how hard we work at this, it's not guaranteed that we'll succeed. I hate that feeling, I don't do well in that space. I'd assume we are all similar there.
Klik - I'm devastated for you. So many ups and downs, sometimes on an hour by hour basis. Moreso for you - you're traveling countries to get this done, for goodness sake!!!
I'm so mad for all of us.

I hope you do have some good news, scooby. Not long now!! My fingers are so crossed for you!!

So I think we are going to transfer 2 next time. So that means we are down to 2 tries. Sad to think this might be coming to an end, but again, I think it's necessary soon so I can carry on with life if that's what is going to happen. No more meds, shots, exams...blah.

Told you - super bummer here!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hugs for everyone

 

[klik]

Wish & Scooby: we can all be bummers together...

Disneyfan: thanks! I hope you're right, and we'll all find our way there one way or another...

Scooby: thanks! I'm sorry if this thread is bringing you down--there is definitely hope for you, with that nice clear uterus you've got now! Hang in there...

Wish: OMG, talk about life and happiness being sucked out! I'm so sorry... M/Cs suck so, so, so much... Oh, and I am SO with you--if you put effort in, you should get results! I hope transferring 2 does it for you, but right now, yeah, just be mad and sad when you need to be and try to find joy wherever you can...

 

[Wish2BMom]

klik - so what is next for you now?

scoob - not long until test day!!! are you feeling anything? I know you were counting yourself out the other day but has anything changed?

disney - do you have names picked out yet? nursery getting ready at all? how excited is DD??

amanda - how are things going for you?

boopin - how are you healing?

afm - still waiting for AF to show. I hate this part - takes so long for the body to get rid of the PIO and wind down, while boobs still hurt and such. Makes you think 'what if this thing turned around??' which is virtually impossible. But I still google, of course. However, I have done just about everything humanly possible that you shouldn't do at 5 weeks preggo (with a healthy one, mind you!) this week!! Massage where I lied on the intake form and said I wasn't pregnant b/c they needed a Dr's note if you were, pedicure where they rubbed that spot you shouldn't, dentist visit with xrays, drank wine...hahaha. Maybe today I'll have a soft cheese & deli meat sandwich followed up with some crack!! Bad Wish!! Can you imagine if my blood test turned out with 1000+ on Fri?? oh dear...

 

[scoobybeans]

wish- That was exactly what I was saying to DH the other day. I've had to work hard for everything I have, but working hard has always gotten me where I wanted to be in the end. This is the one area of my life where it doesn't seem to matter how hard I work at it. I just fail again and again. I completely understand the need to put an expiration date on this as well. At my lowest, a few days ago, I wasn't even willing to do another IVF if this IUI failed. Now I've resolved to take it day by day. I really hope one of your next 2 transfers works! And if not, we have a lot of other positive things in our lives that bring us joy. There are pros and cons to both outcomes. I think, eventually, we can adjust if we need to.

Disney- Thank you sweetie! I know that you and Amanda understand how difficult this is and you will always relate more to us than to people who can get pregnant in the blink of an eye. I was just reading someone's blog who finally got pregnant after 5 years of trying, and she had such guilt over her success because of her friends who were still struggling. I hope you never, ever feel that way!

klik- No, no you guys never bring me down! I just feel very upset when things don't work out for the women on here. I'm always rooting for everyone's success! I hope your doctor comes up with a better protocol for you. I know, eventually, you will get there!

AFM, I'm 8dpiui today (7dpo). My trigger shot finally tested out this morning. I've had tons of symptoms but I know they're from the Crinone. I've had cramping on and off since the IUI, but that's also very common. I go back and forth between thinking I'm out and thinking I'm pregnant with twins. My emotions are all over the map lol. I am feeling better than I was a couple of days ago though. I haven't been that low in a long time. For the first time, I'm allowing myself to consider what a childless life would look like for us. It's not what I hoped for, but I take comfort in the fact that I have a strong marriage and a wonderful stepson, and a great job. I could focus on writing and we could travel and just embrace the lifestyle. I'm not quite there yet, but I need to consider this possibility.

 

[scoobybeans]

wish- we cross posted. I'm glad you're living it up! I told DH this morning that if I get a BFN this weekend the first thing I'm doing is having a martini To answer your question, I have every symptom under the sun: crazy dreams, sore boobs, thirsty, hungry, moody, etc. But I can't believe any of them because of the progesterone! Not counting myself out quite yet though. Stupid optimism

 

[Wish2BMom]

HAHA! I'll have one for you too but your symptoms sound SO promising!! Though I do think it's the crinone right now too only b/c your trigger shot just tested out. But my fingers are SO VERY crossed for stuff to start happening for real over the next couple of days!! AHHH!

Yes, stupid optimism. Gets ya every time.

 

[Disneyfan88]

You ladies are all incredible and supportive despite the struggles that you power through. I try to always be mindful of what I post here as I do know and understand all of the emotions that you all are going through all too well.

Wish - Good for you for taking care of yourself (both physically and mentally)! I'm sure the massage and pedicure were especially helpful at allowing you to relax a little. DD is the cutest thing ever -- always kissing my tummy and saying things like "Hello, baby" and "I love you, baby" without any prompting. We're currently struggling to pick a name (though we do have a small list) but have accepted that there's still plenty of time to find one. We're thinking about nursery plans and are considering the possibility of moving DD to a new room. I always intended to give her the biggest non-master bedroom, which is furthest from our room, given that she's the oldest. If we don't do it now, it'll be harder to swap them later. I'm hesitant to make any changes, though, because she's such a good sleeper right now.

Scooby - thanks for your sweet comments. I know that your meds can mess with your mind, but everything sounds good so far. I'm continuing to keep everything crossed for you! When is your official test date?

Klik - Good luck with your doctor meeting. Did you get that scheduled for a particular day?

Amanda - You are getting closer! Did you pick a name yet? How are you feeling?

Boopin - I hope you are doing well.

Aster - If you are lurking, I hope things are well on your end, too.

 

[amanda1235]

Hey girls! I'm going to try and catch up, I'm sorry if I miss anything!

Klik, how are you doing? I know how discouraged you must be, and I'm so sorry. You do have a couple friaries though, hopefully a natural FET will get your lining where it needs to be? What's next? I hope you have a good trip back home!

Wish, Good on you for enjoying yourself in all the ways you can while not pregnant. I know how gutting m/c are, and totally unfair. Do you have a plan for the next step(s)? Or will you wait to see dr after the next beta? How's your partner dealing? I hope you have a good support system around you! You deserve a day at the spa, I'd say!

Scooby, Ugh crinone is a bitch, I had terrible side effects from it, drove me nuts. I'm really hoping your symptoms are true pg symptoms though, and not just the damn meds. Hang in there! I'm glad you hard a strong marriage, and great stepson, and although I'm sure you take comfort in that and can start to maybe accept a childless life, I really sincerely hope that is not what is in store for you. The first IVF cycle really is a trial, and although for SOME people it works, it's not usually the case, hang in there!

Like Disney, I try to be very mindful of what I post. I know the emotions you guys are going though, and understand what it's like. My journey to get here will always be part of my story, and I still can't believe I'm at this point.

Disney, your DD sounds so sweet, I'm sure she'll be a great big sister! I can understand you not wanting to change her room, but for sure it'll be easier to do it now than later. If she's a good sleeper, maybe it won't affect her too much!

AFM, I'm 32 weeks, and huge. It still feels like a dream, and I can barely comprehend that there will be an actual baby here sooner than later. Had growth scan yesterday, and baby girl is measuring quite big (95%), so they sent me for another glucose test today, and I have another growth scan in 2 weeks. I'm a little worried, and trying not to be, but anything out of the "normal" sends me panicking. We don't have the nursery ready yet, although that should be done this week. My mom is here visiting, so she's helping out big time.

I will stay around here as long as you'll have me to cheer you ladies on and offer support!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Amanda - I can't believe you are 32 weeks already! She'll be here before you know it. DD was rather large when she was born. I failed the first (1 hr) glucose test by one measly point but passed the 3 hr version when I had to repeat the test. My bump always measured ok, and I never got any growth scans after the 20 week anatomy scan, so we had no idea that she would be 9 lbs, 5 oz at birth (DH and I are both small shorties at 5'4" ). She was 8 days overdue, so perhaps that was related to it. Hopefully your screening comes back normal again. Do they have an estimate on how big the baby may be at birth?

 

[klik]

Wish: lol on the crack! I'm glad you're living it up otherwise. Grrrrrr for all the sacrifices we make without payoff... Nice that you get to take some time off all this, however limited. I'm still so sorry... I mean, it's impossible not to feel hopeful after a BFP.

Disneyfan: omg, your DD sounds so so so so adorable!!! So sweet she's so looking forward to her little sister! Yeah, like Amanda I can totally relate to you not wanting to rock the boat, but... better now than later... Good luck with that! When is the next scan?

Amanda: 32 weeks! Amazing! Gosh, you'll be delivering soon--so exciting! Glad your mom is around to help... As for you being a worrier, we do know that! But I hope, like so many previous scares, this one turns out to be false alarm. Here's to a big, strong, healthy little baby girl!

Scooby: I'm glad you're starting to make peace with the idea of being childless... also I think you're managing to keep yourself near that sweetspot of having some hope but not too much... I hope you get an excellent surprise, soon!

AFM: spoke to my doc today. He said these things just happen, sometimes. I've been hanging around in case he wanted to change things up and prescribe Lupron, and sure enough he did. It will be a Lupron flare protocol with estrogen priming and high stims: 300 Gonal-F + 300 Menopur. Not usually indicated for DOR women, but I can understand why he thinks we should give it a shot in my case, with my eggs that don't mature til they're 16 at trigger and my LH that seems to want to rise when the lead follicle is ready, period. He thinks it's unlikely it will oversuppress me in the following cycles (like BCPs do, or long protocol), which is really my greatest fear. I don't feel too great about experimenting this late in the game, but who knows--maybe this is the ideal protocol for me and this time next month I'll be asking myself where it has been all my life...

 

[Disneyfan88]

Klik - Your instincts to stay in NY to get your Lupron before heading home paid off. I'm really pulling for you this next time and hope that the change in protocol is just what you need.

 

[Disneyfan88]

Klik - I've seen reports of some negative activity going on across the pond. I hope there are no direct impacts to you or anyone you know and that your trip home goes smoothly. People suck.

 

[klik]

Thanks, Disneyfan! I barely slept, worrying about changing up a protocol that in the recent past looked pretty good... I'm starting to concoct a plan to stay home, if possible, after this next cycle, with another US RE who might be able to monitor me from afar...

As for London, yeah, some people are terrible. I'm unlikely to know anyone who was there--apart from the perp and the policeman, the other affected people were probably mostly tourists--it's a bridge with really beautiful views... And what did this jerk accomplish? I don't feel terrorized at all--London still feels pretty darn safe. All I feel is furious on behalf of the people who died and the ones who are in hospital. Going back tomorrow morning--can't wait to see our pooch!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Klik - If you're interested in checking out my RE as part of your search, I can PM you her details. I know that she does video conferencing and has done the kind of long distance planning with patients that are not able to travel to her that you are considering. No pressure either way.

 

[scoobybeans]

wish- How are you doing hun? Still thinking about you

Disney- I appreciate your consideration, but please don't feel like you need to censor yourself on our behalves. We're all thrilled & excited for you! Your daughter sounds absolutely adorable. I agree that now sounds like the right time to switch rooms. I'm sure if you make it an exciting adventure, she'll love it!

Amanda- You're welcome here forever, of course! Wow, 32 weeks... You're getting so close! Try not to panic, I think little one measuring big just means she's super healthy Do you have a theme for the nursery? I'm thinking my early symptoms were a combination of the Crinone and the Ovidrel, because they've definitely lessened since the Ovidrel tested out of my system. I'm trying not to look into things too much but it's so hard lol.

Klik- Maybe a new protocol will make all of the difference! It's worth trying. I think staying home sounds like a wonderful idea. All of that travel has got to be stressful, what with the jet lag and delayed flights and sleeping in a different bed. I hope you had a good reunion with your dog! Mine were so snuggly this morning, it was hard getting out of bed. They always seem to know when I need cuddles

AFM, today is 10DPIUI (9DPO). Symptoms seems to come and go. My boobs are noticeably less sore than they were a couple of days ago, which I think is kind of a bad sign. I've been super tired though, which is maybe a good sign? Lol. As you can see, I'm driving myself a little nuts. I'm glad I'm not testing though. I've realized how stressful POAS is for me and I'm just kind of enjoying the possibility that I might be pregnant for now.

 

[Wish2BMom]

hi all!

ditto what scooby said, disney (and amanda) - please don't censor yourselves or go away - we want you here and we want to celebrate everything with you!!
disney - DD sounds so adorable!! I'm so happy for you that she's so spontaneously excited for baby's arrival.

klik - ugh, i'm glad you wouldn't know anyone but it's still so scary. Enjoy your trip home and your snuggles with your pup!! I hope Lupron is the answer for you and your next cycle.

scoob - SO EXCITED for you to test. Remember - I felt NOTHING. Most ladies don't know they are pregnant until a few weeks in, without all of this monitoring. So enjoy your PUPO-ness!

afm - AF started to arrive last night, and I felt like CRAP starting around 1pm yesterday. So I bailed out of work a little early (around 4), got myself a meatball sub, a coffee oreo shake, some Doritos and holed up in my room away from the visiting family for the night with kitty snuggles and a movie. BLISS!! Besides the AF, of course. But BLISS! I didn't realize how much I needed that.
Bloodwork tomorrow and I'd assume I'd be back to zero since AF started, so hopefully we can get this show on the road again soon. And DH comes home tomorrow too!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Scooby - Hang in there. You're almost at test day.

Wish - Your hcg level may not yet be at 0 yet, but it should soon. Continuing taking care of yourself and finding ways to relax. I hope AF is kind to you and you're feeling better soon.

 

[Wish2BMom]

scooby - any updates??

how was everyone's weekend? klik - are you home safe and sound?

my levels weren't quite back down to zero yet - 2.8 or something. So I go in again this upcoming Friday. But AF was here and is gone, I can expect maybe a little spotting. It wasn't the 'gates of hell' I had imagined it would be and that's b/c I didn't get up very high to begin with. So AF was very nice to me, thankfully. Though I had a headache from Wed-Saturday morning that was not pleasant.
DH is home from India and I feel much more balanced. Phewwww so glad that week is over. It's funny - I'm completely fine on my own when I'M the one that is traveling, for work or whatever. But for some reason, it's a completely different story when I'm the one home and he's away. Perhaps b/c I have a certain rhythm of my own when I travel for work and then my rhythm at home is inclusive of him, so that's what's so off when he's gone. Anyway - he brought me rubies!

That is all that is exciting and new with me. Another busy week at work, what else is new. April is shaping up to be another busy month with our clients, so hopefully we're sorta smooth-sailing after that. HAHAHA yeah right. I might need to find a new job...

 

[scoobybeans]

wish- I'm so glad you didn't have physical pain & suffering to deal with on top of the emotional pain. I'm also glad your DH is home safe & sound and you're feeling better. Also, rubies!!! Score!

Looks like another big fat negative for me. I've taken this one pretty hard. Just gave a full update in my journal if anyone wants the long version, but the short version is that DH and I are at a crossroads and trying really hard to figure out which direction to go.