IVF or FET November/December 2015 - chat thread

[klik]

Scooby: oh, I'm so sorry to hear that... I feel like it's way too early for you to give up... you have to do what's right for you, whatever that is... And whatever you decide, we are here... This process sucks so much, so often...

Disneyfan: you are so sweet to offer! Thank you! Sure, I'd love to have her info. I do have my eye on a DOR magician for remote monitoring--Dr Jerome Check, at Cooper, who appears to be able to get even recently menopausal women pregnant with OE (so he'll probably think I'm an "easy case"). But his clinic is apparently chaotic and sometimes don't get back to you with instructions in time (so I hear), so it would be excellent to have another choice lined up as a backup! Thanks!

Wish: I'm so glad your DH is back, and with rubies! Are they set or do you get to pick a setting?! Also glad your AF turned out to be manageable... It was sounding painful at the beginning... Also, you missing him is partly because he's away and life at home feels empty, but partly because this is a really intensely painful time that would be better shared... Glad you can comfort each other from up close...

Sorry for the disappearance, gals, but I've been exhausted! My doc wants to try to change up the protocol--he wants to try a flare protocol, so we'll use Lupron + 300 Gonal-F + 300 Menopur. Huge doses, but it's because the Lupron becomes really suppressive really fast. This will give them max control over ovulation. I don't know about taking such a risk so late in the game, but... hopefully it will pay off...

 

[Disneyfan88]

Wish - I'm glad that AF was easier than you were expecting. It's great that DH is back home with you. Congrats on the new rubies!

Scooby - I replied on your journal but wanted to offer you the biggest hugs. I know how disappointed you feel right now and was really wishing for a different outcome for you. We're all here to support you and whatever decision you ultimately decide on.

Klik - I sent you a PM. Good luck on this next cycle. Hopefully this new protocol is just what you need!

 

[klik]

Thank you, Disneyfan! I really appreciate it! She has always sounded like a lovely, caring doctor...

My scan/bloods yesterday went ok--I got the go-ahead, anyway, and started Lupron yesterday, adding stims today. Quite apprehensive about this new protocol, and DP is railing against the universe for this taxing NY commute, so I sometimes feel like I'm having to manage his anxiety and disappointment as well as mine... Probably true sometimes, but then on the whole it's such a relief to be able to share the ups and downs with him...

 

[Disneyfan88]

Anytime, Klik! Best of luck with your current cycle! I hope the change up is just what you need.

 

[Wish2BMom]

hi girls! woah, I've been silent this week - I didn't realize. I had looked up your journal, Scoob and then was pulled away. I had to run to Philly for the entire day/night on Tuesday and then Wed/Thurs we had full days at the office. And my kitty has been sick (bad constipation) so I had to deal with that all week too. My apologies.

scoob - I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now. I get it, I TOTALLY get it. My crossroads is near as well. Well, it's actually not so much a crossroads but a stop sign and only a left hand turn to No More TTC Ave. Please know you can PM me at any time if you just want to hash through anything. to you and DH - this is all so life changing and I hate that we are on the tougher end of it all.

klik - maybe that's what I did a couple Novembers ago? flare or microdose, I can't remember the hyperbolic name of the protocol that we used. I hope it works wonders for you!! Wow, could I relate to what you said about managing DH's emotions as well. I feel like I'm always doing that in these tough times, which is kinda why I keep a lot of the details to myself. I really can't stand seeing him upset or disappointed. He gets all 'real' on me and then tries to reset MY expectations by saying 'this most likely isn't going to happen and I hope you're prepared for that, but I don't think you are.' Both of us trying to walk this fine line between optimism and reality is hard.

Man, sorry. I didn't mean to be a bummer today!! I'm actually doing ok - I feel lost at night when I'm not sticking a needle in myself or taking a pill! But it's been good. It might have been a blessing that I get a month off - this month is going to be super busy at work, wrapping up 3 major deliverables by 5/8. That also means that the first 2 weeks of my next DE cycle will be busy too so hopefully helping that 'out of sight, out of mind' zen place I was able to be in last cycle.

oh and DH came back with ruby earrings and a necklace. Pretty fancy so not everyday wear but demure enough for me too.

 

[scoobybeans]

Thanks ladies I love all of the women on here but I feel like you guys on this thread are like my BnB besties

klik- I totally understand the apprehension to try something completely different at this point, but it could be exactly what your body needs. I've heard really good things about the flare protocol. Now what happens with the Menopur if you take it in 300? Do they come in that size or only in the 75 and you have to keep mixing/adding?

Disney- I took a peek at your ticker today, and OMG pomegranate! That's particularly cute 21 weeks, wow. Time is just flying.

Wish- I think it's a good that you're getting a break. You seemed like you were in a great place mentally last cycle & I think if you can get there again that would be fantastic.

RE: handling partners, it's weird that this just came up. DH and I got into an argument about how much he's on his phone/distracted yesterday that turned into a HUGE fight where it eventually came out that he's looking for an escape from all of the stress of TTC and he's burnt out and disappointed and also worried that if it doesn't work that I'll be sad forever and he won't be enough for me. I mean, whew! He was holding all of that in because he knew I was in pain and thought I had more of a right to be sad since I was the one who had physically gone through the process. And it kind of opened my eyes to how confusing and complicated this is for our partners, because they have all of these emotions about it and very rarely do they have an outlet like BnB to talk about all of this. Also they must feel like they have no control or say in anything.

Anyway I'm glad all of that got out in the open, even though it was exhausting. My parents want to help us out to do another IVF and I have reservations about it (what if it fails again? how can we spend so much and accept charity on such a slim chance?) but DH really wants us to go ahead with it. I thought he was leaning the other direction so I'm surprised. I know I can handle it physically, I just need to get myself in a better place emotionally before we start. The meeting with the RE is next Friday, so I'll see what she says and decide if we jump back in or wait a couple of months.

Sorry that was so long! It's been a really tough year so far and I think we're all ready for some good news for a change.

 

[Wish2BMom]

woahhhhhh that's a good dump of emotions, Mr Scooby!! Glad you guys got that hashed out. Yeah, I don't really know what my DH is thinking b/c he keeps things SUPER close. And I think he rationalizes feelings away, tries to maintain logic at all times.
It def has been a tough year but it's only just April. Plenty of time for it to turn around!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

wanted to hop on and say hi before my week gets going. I wish you all a wonderful week full of happiness and inspiration.

klik - how's the Lupron going? When is your first scan to check things out?

 

[scoobybeans]

wish- True, plenty of time yet for things to improve for all of us this year!

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

 

[klik]

Hey, gals! I'm back stateside. I like the AirBnb better this time--let's see how DP feels about it when he gets in on Wednesday. Ugh, sorry I haven't been posting--it's just so much logistics, this back and forth, I struggle to find time to get everything done...

Disneyfan: thanks for the wishes!

Wish: so sorry about your kitty... I hope it's been feeling better! Your works sounds super busy! Re. our other halves, I've also been trying to shield my DP from the blow-by-blow details... Same as you, I really don't want to hurt him... In my case there's also some guilt: my body is the problem, not his; I decided on Cornell, not him... so I'm super, super grateful that he's along for the ride but his anger and frustration at the situation is really hard for me to handle, like it's all my fault. Which is not at all what he's trying to say--he should be angry and frustrated, darn it--the situation sucks! As for trying to support each other while keeping expectations realistic, that sounds really familiar... Feh. On an entirely different note, I hope you have a wonderful week, too!

Scooby: Oh, you'd just mix one water with four vials of Menopur (you put the water into a vial, dissolve the stuff, take it back out, then go on to the next one and so on...) and then inject the really concentrated stuff. As it happens, I brought from the UK (so much cheaper!) some multi-dose vials--you just mix it once and then you keep drawing out as many units as you need... As for your DH, I'm so glad you were able to talk it out. It's painful and difficult when that stuff comes out, but it's so, so helpful... I was also just moaning to my DP re. how long he spends on Twitter and he mentioned I spend a fair amount of time on these forums. I wish they'd have a forum too, but I sort of get why they don't--they're not going to talk about follicle size and medication dosage and embryo quality, right? But yeah, the distraction isn't as therapeutic as the forums are but it at least takes them away from this universe... Oh, yeah, re. lack of control I totally agree... Have you thought about whether you're taking your parents' offer? Of course you've no guarantee of success but... it's a better chance than not doing it... So hard to psyche yourself up for something you know doesn't have a great chance of working. And yet, sometimes it does... Good luck!

Wish, I think you did the Microdose, way back when--so long ago now! I thought that's what my doc would put me on, but he put me on a full flare protocol, so I'm hoping all this Lupron doesn't just shut my ovaries down. As it is, I did bloodwork on CD5 and my estrogen was abysmally low. So though I arrived yesterday, ready for monitoring today, it turns out they only want to see me tomorrow. Still, I always respond slowly, so trying not to panic... Also, I seem to be producing at least some watery non-fertile CM, so I hope that means my ovaries are at least starting to do something!

 

[scoobybeans]

klik- I can barely deal with a 10 minute drive to the grocery store after I've worked a full day. I honestly and truly don't know how you're handling a transcontinental IVF cycle... multiple times. I'm in awe of you & your commitment, and I sincerely hope it pays off big for you!!! Yeah I can't picture a bunch of guys getting together to talk about lining thickness and Crinone side effects I get why they stick to Twitter and video games. Personally, I'm so grateful that we have this support system. I don't know what I'd do without it. Good luck today! I hope things start to improve.

I have decided to accept my parents offer and do one more cycle, but my expectations are very low and I'm not particularly excited about it. Maybe that'll change after I meet with my RE this Friday and see what the plan is, but... I don't know. I've become divided into two different people, I think. One who is still planning a nursery in my head and thinking about first steps and school plays, and one who is thinking that I'll finally have time to finish my book and travel, and I'll still be able to enjoy boozy Sunday brunches and Netflix binge-watching. I think I'm just going to leave this one up to the universe, and try and prepare myself to go in either direction.

 

[Wish2BMom]

gosh I'm so there, scooby. The harder it is to wake up to Monday mornings, the more I'm like 'what am i really doing here...? You want to add a screaming child to this mix?' I wonder if I'm now doing it b/c I'm 'supposed' to be or is it b/c I REALLY want to be. Granted, I was so upset over my chemical last month that I'm quite sure this is something I want. But those little times...man.

and ditto klik - holy cow. My work takes me to Pittsburgh or Philadelphia or something and I'm all whiney! let alone traveling monthly across the pond for poking and prodding!! You are nothing short of a super woman - with all your continued optimism to boot!

disney - how are you doing? nursery set up? names? I need updates!!!

amanda - you are getting close now! how are you?

in sad news, my friend that found out she was preg the week before I did just lost hers. She had another scan today and no heartbeat, after seeing one last week. They thought it was measuring a week behind but she and I were convinced it was b/c she implanted on 12dpo. Either way, I'm so sad for her. They have one more frostie left and then they are done trying and will be happy to be parents to their only son. They've gone through so much of this TTC stuff too, I wish she could get her 2nd child.

 

[scoobybeans]

wish- Exactly what's been running through my mind. We're commuting about 1-1/2 to 2 hours a day for work now since we moved, and working full time on top of that. By the weekend I'm so exhausted... I have a vague plan that I can work 3 days in the office and 2 from home or something if we have a baby, because by then I'll be majority owner so I can kind of do what I want (to a degree) but that might not be realistic. Don't get me wrong, I still want this to happen. But I guess for the first time I'm allowing myself to look at the "other side" with more clarity. That's heartbreaking about your friend. I'm so sorry. I wish no one had to go through that, ever.

I messaged my RE to tell her we wanted to get started right away if possible and ask her if there was anything I needed to do to prepare (order meds, get additional tests done, etc.) I got a message back from one of the nurses saying there was nothing I needed to do and they'd talk about "next steps" with me when I go there on Friday. Does that sound ominous or am I reading into it? It hadn't even occurred to me that they might be trying to shoo me out the door. I could consider Cornell as a backup plan, since it turns out they do have a satellite office in Westchester where they do monitoring. But I know there will be at least 4 or 5 trips to the city and that's definitely not convenient. Also the thought of changing RE's again is just... sigh.

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hi ladies - so sorry for the absence. Things have been busy at home and work lately.

Klik - Welcome back to the States. I'm glad you like the place you are staying at now. I hope things are going well with your cycles so far and that your DP got in ok.

Wish - Good luck with everything at work. It sounds like you have a lot coming up, so a little mental break from cycling will probably be good for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Any loss is particularly difficult to hear about, but the losses from those who struggle as much as we have seem to pull at the heart strings a little more. I hope she's dealing with it ok.

Scooby - I'm glad that you were able to have a heart to heart with DH, even if it was a difficult conversation. I agree with you - I'm so grateful for an outlet like these forums and the wonderful friendships and support system that we have here. All of the wonderful ladies on this thread are particularly great, and I'm grateful for all of you. It's great that your parents are willing to help you guys out. We technically have money, but both sets of our parents were intent on helping us with some our IVF and FET cycles, and we were incredibly grateful to have so many levels of support (emotional, physical, financial...). Try not to be hard on yourself or succumb to the pressures that come along with this journey. All of your feelings are valid and understandable, and we're all here to support you and whatever emotions are running through your head at any given time. I hate to say it, but DH and I were actually ready to move on as a family of 3 after we took some time to process our last failed FET. Things work in mysterious ways sometimes, though!

Boopin - I'm thinking about you and hope your doing well.

Amanda - You must be getting close now. I hope you're feeling well and that your growth scan went well.

AFM - We have our follow-up anatomy scan coming up on Friday. I'm expecting everything to look ok, but we will see. The 20 week anatomy scan is usually the last ultrasound here unless they expect an issue later on, but we're doing this extra scan since she wasn't cooperating enough to give a good snapshot of her spine. I'm looking forward to seeing her again. We still need to work on cleaning up the guest room and rearranging furniture in order to get things ready for the baby. She will room with us for a while anyway, so we have time. The plan is to buy a new desk and move the computer into our bedroom. The office will become the new guest room (its the smallest bedroom in the house), and the current guest room will become DD's room. She'll move with her crib initially, and then we will eventually transition her to the toddler bed that we got from my aunt after my cousin outgrew it. The glider and dresser (which serves the dual purpose of a changing table) will stay in DD's current room, and we'll eventually set the crib back up in there down the road when we are ready to transition the baby to it. We think we have a name picked. It's not set in stone just yet, but we are leaning towards Sarah.

 

[klik]

Scooby: do see what your RE says... usually REs like to have a proper consultation after a cycle (though my Cornell doc mostly dispenses with that) so it may not be as ominous as it sounds. I'll mention here, just in case you want to consult with him, that he's Dr Owen Davis, and I cannot see him turning you away if you choose to go with him. He's a specialist in diminished ovarian reserve/poor responders/older women (so, squeezing everything possible out of uncooperative ovaries, basically) and I do highly recommend him for cases such as ours. I just wish Cornell weren't across the ocean from me! That said, geography really matters, and so does your relationship with your RE, so perhaps staying put is the right thing for you--life, always with the pros and the cons...

Wish: I'm so sorry to hear about your friend... M/cs really are the worst... She's got great support in you, and real, heartfelt understanding of how it feels... I'm so sorry--she must be devastated... I really hope that frostie she's still got means that you and she do get to have roughly coordinated pregnancies, after all...

Scooby & Wish: kids definitely are a huge amount of work, and yeah, it's hard to imagine how you fit them into an already full life... But if you just think about our relationship with our dogs--the amount of love that flows from us into those little creatures (and back!)... I think that's the driving force, that this love needs to go somewhere... Still, yeah, if it isn't kids, it will be something else, for sure--our creative energy will certainly not go to waste!

Disneyfan: it's lovely to see you've gotten the home layouts all figured out... what a lovely step for your DD, too, to go from crib to toddler bed, from only child to big sister... I'm really glad you get to see baby-maybe-Sarah again tomorrow!

AFM: DP is here (yay!). My ovaries aren't doing much of anything yet (per usual), and I'm going back in tomorrow. The good news is, I haven't developed gigantic cysts, which sometimes happens on this protocol, apparently. Now I'm just hoping to see at least one or two >10mm follicles tomorrow...

 

[amanda1235]

Hey girls, sorry for the absence, my mom's been here for the past 3 weeks helping me get things ready.

Scooby, I think it's completely normal for your RE to ask to see you before deciding on the next steps. I met with mine between every cycle, to see if there were any more tests to do, or anything we could tweak before starting the next cycle. Try not to read too much into it, and see what the Dr says!

Wish, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. M/C's suck. I'm sure she's thankful to have support in you, and I also hope that you will both get your coordinated pregnancies soon. Also, I know what it's like, after a loss or failed cycle, to wonder why you're continuing. The fact that you are going through all of this, obviously means that this is something you want, but I totally get the feeling of "why am I doing this?" and "Am I really prepared to change my life so drastically?". Ugh the emotions we go through, through all of this is absolutely insane.

Klik, I admire your strength!! I can imagine that the constant trips back and forth across the pond are extremely taxing and exhausting on both of you. At least it sounds like you have an amazing Dr, who is someone that you can trust. That is so important. When that little babe is eventually in your arms, the stories you will be able to tell him/her of how they came to be will be amazing. They will never ever have to wonder how wanted they were

Disney, I love the name Sarah! Would have been one of my favourites if there weren't already a few Sarah's in the family. Sounds like you're getting everything set and organized! It's exciting to get an extra scan, hopefully baby girl is better positioned to get a better picture.

AFM, everything is going well. Other than dealing with heartburn and finding it more uncomfortable to perform certain tasks, I'm actually feeling pretty good. Maybe the best I've felt all pregnancy. Had my second growth scan and dr's appointment on Monday, and everything was good. Both of us are healthy, so that's a good thing. Baby girl is still measuring big (estimated at 6lbs6oz already at 34 weeks!) but since my 2 glucose tests came back completely normal, they're not concerned. Looks like I just grow them big, which is ok. They'll do another scan in 4 weeks at 38w, just to keep an eye on it, and we're hoping I'm still able to deliver vaginally. The nursery is ready, and even though it should seem real now, it still doesn't really feel like it's happening. I probably won't believe it until I actually see her.

 

[boopin4baby]

Disney - I'm doing well. I'm eagerly waiting to start another DE cycle with a new donor this Summer. However, I'm enjoying my time away from procedures & shots... lol

You're in my thoughts this morning. GL at today's anatomy scan. I can't wait to see more pics of baby girl. And I love the name Sarah... nice choice!!

Hello to everyone else. I miss you guys!! I'm sending you all lots of hugs & baby dust!!

 

[klik]

Amanda: hi! so nice that your mom can help! Oh, I totally agree, any LO's generated by this group will never have to wonder how wanted they are! So glad yours is almost here! Excellent that your glucose levels are normal, and your little baby girl just happens to be big. I hope in spite of that, delivery is as easy as possible... Almost there--hard to believe, I'm sure... Good luck!

Boopin: so nice to hear from you! Glad to hear you're doing well... really glad you'll be trying again--hopefully a new donor is the ticket for you!

AFM: yeah, I think Lupron is not my magic bullet--we've got just two over 10mm (one at 13 and one at 10). Maybe the really little ones will have a chance to catch up but I'm not counting on it--if we get two mature, I'll be happy. Especially because I was afraid this protocol would shut me down altogether, and at least that doesn't seem to be happening... Oh, also, I have an annoying sore throat and cough

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hi ladies. Anatomy scan went well. Man this baby is stubborn. She was in the same position as last time (3 weeks ago), but we were able to finally get all of the pictures that we needed. The ultrasound tech still would have liked a better angle of the spine, but she took lots of pictures and said it was enough for the radiolist to make a definitive diagnosis (she said everything looked good to her, though). She's measuring 23 weeks, which is one day ahead of my due date based on LMP. I've been measuring one day ahead since my very first scan, so at least we're consistent.

Amanda - I'm glad that you are feeling a lot better these days. You are almost at that finish line! DD1 was a big baby, and I didn't know it until she came out of me in the operating room (she was born at 9 lb 5 oz, and I'm normally just under 115 lbs and 5'4" ). She was scanned just 2 days prior as we were almost a whole week overdue at that point, and leading into a holiday weekend, my doctor wanted to check the placenta to see if that looked fine for continuing to wait to go into labor naturally (DD1 was ultimately born 8 days overdue). That growth scan underestimated her weight, but I know a lot more people where the weight ends up being over estimated. It's just so hard to get an accurate measurement that late in the game. I'm hoping you get the vaginal birth that you are hoping for!

Boopin - I'm glad that you are doing well and am excited about your plans for a new cycle. Enjoy your break from shots and meds! You've totally got this when you are ready to gear up again!

Klik - Hooray for DP's arrival! That's great that you got the two follicles that you were at least hoping for - especially given that you weren't sure how you'd respond to the Lurpon. Hopefully there's time for a couple of others to catch up, too. I hope your cold gets better and that you are feeling a lot better in no time!

Scooby - How did your appointment go today?

Wish - Hi! Thinking of you!


The rain is coming down hard outside. Our drought in California was finally declared officially over happydance, and while I'm appreciative of the much needed rain that we've gotten this season, I'm definitely ready for the rain to hit the road!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Forgot today's pics. The profile picture from last time was better, but I still love looking at her. It's hard to see it, but if you look closely, you can see her eyes, nose, and mouth looking at you on the right side of the second picture.