Just browsing through the first page and it looks like there should be some exciting news coming up from a lot of ladies here; stims, ultrasounds, retrievals, and tests, oh my!
I'm running out of fingers and toes to cross and loving it!
AFM, I've been lucky to have very symptom-free pregnancies. A nagging feeling of being "unwell" tends to be the worst of it, with some nausea here and there. I haven't thrown up once yet with this one, so yay! (Just watch, I've jinxed it!) Some nagging eye pressure problems that should resolve in the next month or so, and that's it.
Jenn, you're missing my deer-in-headlights expression, but be sure I'm making it! Do I have kids...sorta kinda not really?
Brace yourselves, this may get long. Also, hurtful or offensive to some. Lying would be shorter and sound nicer, but I suck at that.
Genetically, I have five. Biologically, one and half. Emotionally, I have four. Legally, I have none.
I live with my identical twin and her four children, whom I've been helping to raise for the last 12 years. Their father had a...troubled childhood and while he lives with us, that's almost all there is to it. He can go days without saying a word to any of us, and when he's gone on buisness, nobody's routine changes but mine since I don't have to worry about getting home from work in time to get the car back to him to go to work. Genetically and emotionally, they're mine. I worry about hygenie and cell phones and boys (and now girls...is 12 too young to be finding a Playboy in his room? I suspect it isn't and that's distressing.) I make lunches every school day and do breath checks because they try to lie about brushing their teeth. I check homework and collect dead bugs and let them call me Rat Butt when I call them Rat Face when they won't answer when I call their names.
Mianna is genetically and biologically mine, but not legally or emotionally. I love her like I do my other 60-odd nieces and nephews. (I'm one of 15. Oneof14, I keep meaning to ask if you are, indeed, one of 14. If so, do you mind my asking which numbers? I'm 12 of 12 girls, and 13 overall.) She's adorable, and brilliant, and tall which is not from my family at all. I send birthday cards every year, I still email her mom, and we even call each other sometimes. I was stunned the first time M. put me on the phone with her. She talks! She has words! What happened to the baby I sent you home with??? This is a little PERSON! It was so incredible. But she's not my daughter, not in my heart, and I don't worry about her the way I do the four I live with.
Michelle Jr. here is biologically mine, his or her little skeleton being knit from my own bones, with genes that aren't mine but may be expressed according to how I carry him or her. It's a wonder that I'm humbled to be a part of. But I'm going to be glad I can stop worrying so much after the birth, when suddenly J&H will have to take over the 'how young is too young' problem!
And while I'm glad you asked, I'm worried about my answer. I'm not a part of the surrogacy community because I'm not raising a child who calls me Mommy. To put it mildly, I was judged harshly for that, and my motives questioned. I love it here, and it's been such a huge resource for me in terms of just getting through IVF not just physically but emotionally.
But I realize that all of you ladies, especially those of you going it on your own, have a drive and love that's one step beyond what I feel. I recognized that while I was still lurking; that my grief over negatives and failed cycles is a step removed from what you have felt. My desperation a shade paler than yours. It's why I hesitated to decloak, as it were. I didn't want to offend anyone who has been trying so hard and suffered so much first hand, while mine has been secondhand.
So. There we go. In person, I get the deer-in-headlights look back.
still has to work to get in...
this morning, as I suspected my trigger never left but now my test lines are dark enough from the squinters I was getting to feel comfortable saying it. I got my first true (just didn't believe it) positive on friday the 13th, the 6 months anniversary of the loss of our daughter, maybe Hannah was looking out for me after all. 
