Kash Robert Patrick has arrived <3

[mrskcbrown]

I so can't wait for you to have your little princess

Life is definitely a struggle right now. I also feel that Gord is lying to me and hiding something from me. I am against doing drugs, and I have seen some of his text messages before about drugs. When I asked him about it, he promised me he wasn't doing them, and he said someone else used his phone. That honestly makes no sense to me at all. I seen another message from Friday night talking about drugs as well. If I can somehow find out the truth, it's over. I am not going to put up with being lied to and made a fool of. And when I say drugs, it's pot and coke!! I'm just so upset because I want to believe him, but how can I when I seen those messages?! It's like he is living 2 different lives.

We still get into quite a bit of fights. Nothing has gotten better since Kash was born, and I even told Gord he is a bad father!! He pays attention to Kash for maybe 10 minutes a day. If he's not working, then he is golfing, playing video games, or out drinking and spending all our money!! I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I want this to work, but part of me is wondering if it ever will. And right now I have no income of my own, so I am in a tight spot. Once I am back to work, and I still feel like this, then I might have to make a decision.

I am hoping the pap came back abnormal for that reason for sure. I have pains down there though (it goes numb and kinda stings like a pinched nerve), so that kinda makes me worry a little.

ok, typing with kash standing on me isn't so easy when he keeps moving around lol. I'm hoping he goes back to bed soon so I can too. I haven't had much sleep yet, and I'm on my period too, so I just want to go curl up and forget life for a few more hours!!!

Sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. Condolences on losing your grandmother. I pray Gord is not using drugs either. They wreck your life!!!

The pics of the baby Kash are so adorable. He is such a cutie. My boy is doing well. Now 16lbs, 3oz and 25 inches. He is pretty much sleeping through the night too. Enjoy your time off, you have a long way to go. Ive been off 6 months.

 

[msarkozi]

I read signs that someone is doing coke, and he doesn't fit it, so I am hoping that is a good sign. We applied for extra insurance through my company, and he got a letter in the mail a couple nights ago saying he was denied because of drug use. So I asked him if he failed the urine sample we had to do, and he said the letter only said that it was because he answered yes for the drug question. I dug the letter out of the garbage to confirm that's what it said, and it did. But I am also wondering if he did actually fail that test?! He told me he hasn't done drugs since Kash was born, but it's kinda hard to believe when you see the messages that you do. And there is one night he got high that I knew about and I got pissed off at him for and wouldn't speak to him for the rest of the night.

Glad to hear Malcom is doing well. He is such a sweetie I'm lucky that the doctor signed me off of work early, so I had an extra month off. In the end, I will have been off for 13 months. As much as it is going to suck to go back to work when time comes, the paycheck is going to be nice! Once winter comes though, Gord will be raking in the money as it is busy season. The only thing is, I won't see him as much.

I am thinking of starting Kash on solids soon. He does seem somewhat interested in what we are eating. I am not sure if he is completely ready for it, but I figure if I try and he isn't, he is going to let me know.

 

[mrskcbrown]

I read signs that someone is doing coke, and he doesn't fit it, so I am hoping that is a good sign. We applied for extra insurance through my company, and he got a letter in the mail a couple nights ago saying he was denied because of drug use. So I asked him if he failed the urine sample we had to do, and he said the letter only said that it was because he answered yes for the drug question. I dug the letter out of the garbage to confirm that's what it said, and it did. But I am also wondering if he did actually fail that test?! He told me he hasn't done drugs since Kash was born, but it's kinda hard to believe when you see the messages that you do. And there is one night he got high that I knew about and I got pissed off at him for and wouldn't speak to him for the rest of the night.

Glad to hear Malcom is doing well. He is such a sweetie I'm lucky that the doctor signed me off of work early, so I had an extra month off. In the end, I will have been off for 13 months. As much as it is going to suck to go back to work when time comes, the paycheck is going to be nice! Once winter comes though, Gord will be raking in the money as it is busy season. The only thing is, I won't see him as much.

I am thinking of starting Kash on solids soon. He does seem somewhat interested in what we are eating. I am not sure if he is completely ready for it, but I figure if I try and he isn't, he is going to let me know.

My baby is on baby foods, and rice also some juice like white grape juice because he has constipation bad and it helps. He loves the baby food. Every kind except green beans, but I keep making him try them. I usually feed him milk first and then baby food once a day. He leans and reaches for my cup when Im drinking and my spoon when Im eating, so thats how I knew he wanted more. Good luck. I think Kash will like the food!

 

[vickyd]

Mel as far as i know you shouldnt have a pap done at least 6 months after birth. My doc has schedualed mine in September cause he didnt want any false readings from the pregnancy.
I know quite alot of people that use coke. Its very easy to spot the signs: loss of appetite, on edge all the time, the face becomes bloated giving the impression of weight gain but its completely localised to the face and although they have erections its difficult for them to ejaculate. I hope he isnt using, ive seen my best friend become a total ass after years of doing coke...He is (or was) a very talented architect but no longer hasthe motivation to do anything productive.

 

[mrskcbrown]

I didnt know you shouldnt have a pap until the baby is 6 months???? I just had one and my baby is 4 months but it turned out fine

 

[msarkozi]

I just tried Kash on some brown rice cereal tonight. He wasn't too sure about it, but I think he did a good job for the first time. We will see what happens over the next few days. I have the baby bullet, and I am loving it so far.

Vicky - I haven't had one in 2 years because of being pregnant, and I wasn't able to have a 6 week check up because I was on my period, so then I was told to have a complete check up done a few weeks later. They said they will redo the pap in 3 months, which will be the end of the month. Since my colposcopy is at the end of the month, they will redo my pap after that, depending what the results are. I think I might have had one pap that was abnormal before, but they told me it wasn't any concern.

He doesn't seem to have any of the signs of using coke, so I really hope he isn't. If I find out he is, it's over, simple as that. When we got together, there were quite a bit of things I didn't know about him. Later in the relationship I learned he had a gambling problem. I've had to go through a lot of crap with him, but there are some limits, and drugs is the end of them.

 

[mrskcbrown]

I just tried Kash on some brown rice cereal tonight. He wasn't too sure about it, but I think he did a good job for the first time. We will see what happens over the next few days. I have the baby bullet, and I am loving it so far.

Vicky - I haven't had one in 2 years because of being pregnant, and I wasn't able to have a 6 week check up because I was on my period, so then I was told to have a complete check up done a few weeks later. They said they will redo the pap in 3 months, which will be the end of the month. Since my colposcopy is at the end of the month, they will redo my pap after that, depending what the results are. I think I might have had one pap that was abnormal before, but they told me it wasn't any concern.

He doesn't seem to have any of the signs of using coke, so I really hope he isn't. If I find out he is, it's over, simple as that. When we got together, there were quite a bit of things I didn't know about him. Later in the relationship I learned he had a gambling problem. I've had to go through a lot of crap with him, but there are some limits, and drugs is the end of them.

I definitely understand. Everyone has a breaking point!

 

[svetayasofiya]

I really really really hope Gord isn't being stupid and using. I totally understand that that would be it. Not that I have experienced it, but it would definitely be my breaking point. Zero tolerance for crap like that. I'll put up with weed but not chemicals.

 

[msarkozi]

You are so much better then me Chris, as I don't even want to put up with that. My issue is because any time he was high, he would come home, eat pretty much everything in the house, and then go to sleep. I just don't think that is fair to me, as I am left alone all the time. I need some attention too. He still claims he doesn't do it, but it's so hard to believe when you see those messages........too bad I couldn't give him a lie detector test lol!

 

[mrskcbrown]

You are so much better then me Chris, as I don't even want to put up with that. My issue is because any time he was high, he would come home, eat pretty much everything in the house, and then go to sleep. I just don't think that is fair to me, as I am left alone all the time. I need some attention too. He still claims he doesn't do it, but it's so hard to believe when you see those messages........too bad I couldn't give him a lie detector test lol!

Praying everything is getting better relationship-wise.

 

[msarkozi]

We are going away on Thursday next week, and I am hoping some time away will help us out. I have to get my colposcopy done on the 28th, so I am heading down a week earlier to visit family and basically just get out of Town. Gord will be with me for the weekend, and then is going to fly home on the 25th. I am so glad he is going to be driving down with me, as it is so hard to travel with Kash. I am hoping having someone in the backseat with him will make things a lot easier.

So yesterday was day 4 on the rice cereal, and he still wasn't caring for it much. So I also made up some of the heinz rice cereal, and he ate the whole tablespoon!!! Since the homemade cereal is more textured, I am thinking that is part of the issue. Today, we moved to bananas, and he ate the whole amount I served him. So glad he is liking his food. I think after these 4 days are up, I am going to try some sweet potato

 

[msarkozi]

sorry I haven't been around for awhile. I left on holidays on the 20th, and then I had a very shitty next couple of weeks. I have to get caught up at home, and then I will catch up on everyone's journals.

To explain my shitty weeks:

We went to Red Deer and we visited my grandma in the hospital the next eveneing. We had such a great night with her, and she was so happy to see Kash. She really lit up when we walked in the room. Well, the next day, the dr phoned and said they had to take grandma off the fluids, as it was just pooling in her leg and not circulating (since she couldn't swallow, and could not have the feeding tube through her nose anymore, this is how they were giving her nutrition). So she was only on morphine. She went downhill quickly. Sunday morning the doctor phoned and said she had 2-4 days max, and 4 hours later, the nurse phoned and said her color changed. So I spent the rest of the time at the hospital and watched my grandma stop breathing! It was not easy at all. My mom got to the hospital an hour late, so it was just my grandpa, brother, uncle and i in the room when it happened.

So then the rest of the week was funeral prep. The viewing was the Thursday evening, and then the service Friday morning. I was glad I was staying at my grandpa's house, as he really needed us to be there for him.

Also on that Thursday, I had my colposcopy done. The doctor explained to me what the report said and why I was having it. I am in the high risk category, which has a 12% risk of cancer....the next category is cancer!!! I had to have a biopsy done, so I was crampy for the next few days after that.

Tuesday, I met Gord in Edmonton at the airport and then we continued driving to Grande Prairie for our medical appts there. We didn't get in until 12:30ish am and then Kash decided to stay up until 2:40! Then it was an early morning. Gord's surgery for his hernia won't be until the later part of September yet!!

Thursday, I started my thyroid scans. This was an uptake scan this day. So since I was radioactive, I was told to watch how much I was holding Kash. When I went back 4 hours later, she made a comment that my thyroid was processing slowly. So of course I googled when I got back to the hotel.

Friday morning, I had my nuclear imaging scan done. I was asked to wait while the doctor had a look to make sure everything was good before I left. So the tech comes to me again, and she said the dr wanted me to wait around as he was going to look at my other reports and decide if he wants to do more. I started freaking! The doctor finally came to me after a bit, and he said that my dr thought it was hyperthyroidism that was showing from the blood tests, but the scan wasn't showing that at all, and I had to have a biopsy!!! 2 friggin biopsies in a week!! I was ready to break down! Let me tell you, the freezing into your neck hurts like a major bitch, and then my neck is still sore after! So now I keep having mini breakdowns, wondering if I have cancer or not! I was told the cervical biopsy results would be 1-2 weeks, and then the thyroid biopsy about a week for results, so I am pretty much going to get slammed all at once with everything! Not sure how much more I can handle!

 

[Allie84]

Oh Mel! What a rough couple of weeks indeed. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandma. I think it's lovely she got to meet Kash first and he brightened her day.

It must be really scary waiting on TWO biopsies! I was worried I had thyroid cancer a few years ago...as a doc told me my thyroid felt large once at a routine physical and sent me for a scan. I spent the week worrying I had thyroid cancer and Googling it and the good news is it is a curable cancer. It's like the best cancer to have if you have to have cancer (which of course I hope you don't). Doctors just always have to look for the worst thing (like when I had to get an MRI when my prolactin was elevated to make sure there wasn't a tumor). As for a colposcopy, I think Megg just had one done recently due to blood test results and it was normal.

How are Kash and Gord? I hope you managed to have some fun on your trip away and it wasn't just hospitals! Welcome home and welcome back!

 

[mrskcbrown]

Praying for you on the loss of your grandma and I hope all is well medically!(((HUGS)))

 

[msarkozi]

Thanks ladies! I am just hoping for some positive results for both biopsies. For my colposcopy, he said if it comes back positive then we have to discuss treatment, which could be radiation, lasering, or hysterectomy!!! I felt gutted at that word! my mom had to have one in her 30's and I've always been worried I would too. So, I need a negative result!

Gord's surgery won't be until late September sometime, so he isn't working much. I am getting really tired of having a non intimate life, and so I am a little depressed there.

Kash is growing like a weed and getting so talkative! he really makes me laugh! he is rolling over both ways, and seems to be gaining weight like crazy! still not back to sleeping thru the nights though, and so i am finding it pretty hard. he seems to be going through the separation anxiety stage now too, so that can be fun lol! teething like crazy, but no teeth coming through. a friend ordered me a baltic amber teething necklace, and so i am just waiting for that to arrive. ummmmmm, oh yeah, his baptism is on the 21st and so i am starting to plan for that. i am also going to have some 6 month pictures done on the 29th and am excited about those.

other then that, i don't think there is too much else. kash is sitting on my knee and trying to bounce, so it is making this difficult to type lol. hoping he has a nap soon so i can get some things done.......then i can catch up on some more journals

 

[vickyd]

Shit Mel talk about a diffficult time....Sorry your nan passed away...
I hope your biopsies come back negative, i cant imagine how stressful the wait is! Ill be praying that all goes well for you hun!

 

[msarkozi]

Thanks Vicky! I am trying to focus all my energy into preparing for Kash's baptism on the 21st so that my mind is off of it. So far I have made 10 dozen cookies, 40 buns (with another batch on the go), and 9 dozen meatballs since these can all be frozen. Ordered a meat tray, veggie tray, fruit tray, and cheese tray. I have someone making me a cake in the shape of a cross as well. I put my mom in charge of making butter tart bars, and ham & pickle loaf. I am going to makecarrot cake bars and chocolate chip cheesecake bars as well, and a pasta salad, I am hoping that is all enough!

Kash keeps trying the keyboard away to eat, lol! Everything goes straight to the mouth....he is going to be deadly when those teeth come in! ouch!

I talked to Jaymes on fb the other day as we haven't heard from here in a long time. She is having a hard time and doesn't want to come back to bnb.....not sure if she will change her mind later or not.

 

[Allie84]

Sorry to hear that about Jaymes...I always think about the girls who have left and hope they are well (of course, I wish they would all come back)! It's too bad she's having a hard time...to clarify, is it with Bnb or just with life?

Wow, sounds like a feast for his baptism!! In my church we don't baptise until they are 8 so I don't have one of these to look forward to yet. Did you get him a fancy outfit?

 

[msarkozi]

oh really? 8? how come they have to wait til then? I did buy him an outfit from Sears. It's pretty cute, but it's not the one I originally wanted. I found a website online that handmakes them, but they were out of stock for the size he needed. I contacted them to see when they would have it in stock, but she said they were out of material. So needless to say, I couldn't get the one I wanted

I would say both. Jaymes said she is having a hard time coping with her loss still and she can't be on here. She is going to counseling now for it, so I hope it helps her. The kids are back in school now, and she has been back to work for a bit. I think other then trying to cope with the loss, she seems to be doing pretty good

 

[svetayasofiya]

Hi Melissa!!! Wow, when it rains it pours. Sorry you are going through so much. When will you get your results back? I really really really hope everything comes back perfect. How are you feeling? My sincerest condolences for losing your grandma. It is so hard, I've lost both of mine. We are actually naming our baby girl after one of my grandmas.

How is Kash doing? Is Gord feeling better? I can't remember, but when do you guys get to move into the bigger house?

I don't understand about Jaymes..... what happened???? I think I am scared to know.....