LO's bathing with Dad

[whitelilly]

Nothing disgusting about it at all. I am laughing though as my LO had a bath the other night with his daddy for the first time. He hated it though, as Daddy is quite a bit bigger than me and I don't think LO liked not having enough room for his toys! He actually stood up and tried to get out the bath. Poor daddy!!!

 

[Lisa1302]

I don't see anything at all wrong with having a bath with LO. I certainly wouldn't call this lady disgusting for saying what she did though, I agree that she obviously has some deep rooted issues which is sad although it doesn't make what she said any more acceptable. It's not as simple to say that you should still be capable of tact etc when you have dealt with abuse in your past - there will always be triggers. My DH is currently on a weekend retreat in an attempt to deal with is abuse - if it was all so simple, there wouldn't be any need for this.

On another note, I don't remember ever seeing my dad naked, it's not something which has registered in my memory. However I do remember clearly the first time my dad came out of the bathroom naked and quickly covered himself up so I wouldn't see - I remember thinking it was so weird that he'd cover it up, I didn't understand why

but it is that simple! in my head anyway. I hate that people use it or are expected to use their experiences as an excuse for not being able to think straight. I'm sorry this has really got my back up. Why shouldn't she be able to see the difference between innocent 'just being naked' and something which is negative and abusive? they're massively different things. I know people are affected differently and have different triggers but it's completely illogical to think that way...like if people think that way about their husbands and them sharing a bath with their little girls then imo, they probably shouldn't be with their husbands.

That is pretty mean to say - you have no idea how something affects a person, even if you went through it yourself you wouldn't be able to say you know how it feels for everyone.

My cousin was abused as a little boy by a man up the road, seriously abused on one occasion. He has tried to take his life because of how it made him feel.
You can not judge how a person deals with something horrendous happening to them, not can you throw names at them for the way they see things.

 

[Eala]

but it is that simple! in my head anyway. I hate that people use it or are expected to use their experiences as an excuse for not being able to think straight. I'm sorry this has really got my back up. Why shouldn't she be able to see the difference between innocent 'just being naked' and something which is negative and abusive? they're massively different things. I know people are affected differently and have different triggers but it's completely illogical to think that way...like if people think that way about their husbands and them sharing a bath with their little girls then imo, they probably shouldn't be with their husbands.

All this post has shown is that you have no idea of how damaging abuse is. Count yourself lucky that you've obviously never encountered it in your life. I hope that you never do meet someone in real life who has been abused, because with that kind of attitude, all you'll do is cause harm.

 

[isil]

but it is that simple! in my head anyway. I hate that people use it or are expected to use their experiences as an excuse for not being able to think straight. I'm sorry this has really got my back up. Why shouldn't she be able to see the difference between innocent 'just being naked' and something which is negative and abusive? they're massively different things. I know people are affected differently and have different triggers but it's completely illogical to think that way...like if people think that way about their husbands and them sharing a bath with their little girls then imo, they probably shouldn't be with their husbands.

All this post has shown is that you have no idea of how damaging abuse is. Count yourself lucky that you've obviously never encountered it in your life. I hope that you never do meet someone in real life who has been abused, because with that kind of attitude, all you'll do is cause harm.

You don't know me and shouldn't assume anything.

I admit I have difficulty accepting that people deal with things differently to me, but I don't think your comment was called for. You really have no idea.

 

[Eala]

If my post was uncalled for, then you should re-read yours.

You made the assumption that anyone who has suffered from abuse should deal with things the way you do. Just because you cope one way, doesn't mean you can pass judgement on anyone else who responds differently.

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander - you decided to make judgements and assumptions well before I did.

 

[Faerie]

Sofia has refused to have a bath with either of us since she was about 8 months old.... she wanted the space to splash and orders me out if I try! Up until then she took baths with both of us, sometimes all together.

She sees us both naked.

 

[Feltzy]

I don't see anything at all wrong with having a bath with LO. I certainly wouldn't call this lady disgusting for saying what she did though, I agree that she obviously has some deep rooted issues which is sad although it doesn't make what she said any more acceptable. It's not as simple to say that you should still be capable of tact etc when you have dealt with abuse in your past - there will always be triggers. My DH is currently on a weekend retreat in an attempt to deal with is abuse - if it was all so simple, there wouldn't be any need for this.

On another note, I don't remember ever seeing my dad naked, it's not something which has registered in my memory. However I do remember clearly the first time my dad came out of the bathroom naked and quickly covered himself up so I wouldn't see - I remember thinking it was so weird that he'd cover it up, I didn't understand why

but it is that simple! in my head anyway. I hate that people use it or are expected to use their experiences as an excuse for not being able to think straight. I'm sorry this has really got my back up. Why shouldn't she be able to see the difference between innocent 'just being naked' and something which is negative and abusive? they're massively different things. I know people are affected differently and have different triggers but it's completely illogical to think that way...like if people think that way about their husbands and them sharing a bath with their little girls then imo, they probably shouldn't be with their husbands.

I agree, it is completely illogical to think that way, it's a shame that she does, I completely disagree with her thinking that and she may well need to get herself some help - but it's someone calling her disgusting that I disagree with. She's not disgusting for thinking that, she may need some help.

I took offence by what this lady said as my OH baths with my daughter and I in no way see it as disgusting I was just throwing her own words back at her!

If the OP had said that her friend said she would feel uncomfortable if her daughter bathed with her OH then I wouldn't have had that response so please don't blow what I said out of proportion. There were a few other responses along the same lines so I don't know why my post has been targeted!

And people are assuming that this lady was abused as a child there is nothing in the original post to suggest she was, she could just be plain ignorant.

 

[isil]

Of course I can pass judgement on how someone else copes, it's called opinion! I just think that it's a very extreme view to hold that you can't be naked around your own child - even if you're suffered from abuse. If it starts to affect relationships with the people who are closest to you though it's not acceptable and needs to be addressed and dealt with.

I don't know what my assumption was (I said that I know people are affected/triggered differently) but I think your assumption that I have no idea what I'm talking about is much more extreme and damaging than any potential (and unintentional) assumptions I've made in this thread...

 

[mumandco]

I was going to put a thread up like this not soo long ago,me and my Sis were talking and I mentioned that I bath with my son (20months) and so does my oh she told me it was disgusting and really couldn't see why we'd do it!it made me think twice about whether it was ok and I realised thAt is was more than ok she's the one who's missing out by not sharing a bath with her children ever!!! But you can imagine her face a few weeks later when I told her that me,oh and ds had a bath together and we had so much fun splashing ds face was a picture when I threw water over daddy

 

[hopeandpray]

my ex was abused by his father and his mother never knew due to the excuse of his father having a shower with him. i would have no problem bathing with my children when i have them but i know that if something would mention the same to my ex he would have a bad reaction. i wouldnt have been ashamed of him if he said it was disgusting, it cuts close to the bone for some people and people who weren't or don't know people in that situation will never understand

 

[Feltzy]

my ex was abused by his father and his mother never knew due to the excuse of his father having a shower with him. i would have no problem bathing with my children when i have them but i know that if something would mention the same to my ex he would have a bad reaction. i wouldnt have been ashamed of him if he said it was disgusting, it cuts close to the bone for some people and people who weren't or don't know people in that situation will never understand

I understand what your saying and what an awful situation for your ex to be in. I can understand why in your ex's situation he would have a bad reaction.

Here's a couple of stories on the flip side:

My mum and step dad had Evie one night and took a picture of her having a bubble bath, you couldn't see anything. It was a lovely pic and my step dad put it on his screen saver, some friends came round one night and my step dad put his computer on and one of them told him he was sick and should be ashamed of himself for having such a pic on his computer. My step dad was heartbroken at such a reaction and infront of all of his other friends too, he rang me to see if he had been out of order as he started to believe that what he had done was wrong, I told him he had done nothing wrong and this guy was in the wrong for suggesting he had.

Another time I was on holiday and a guy was taking a picture of his son coming down the waterslide. A woman got up off her deckchair and started having a go at him in full hearing range of everyone else there, calling him a peadophile and saying he was out of order taking such pictures, this guy told her it was his son but she didn't care she still thought it was out of order.

I know this thread has gone a bit off topic but I just wanted to balance the argument a bit as there are innocent people who get things said to them and its not nice to see.

 

[Kelloggz187]

Well like I said earlier, I haven't known this friend for that long, so I really don't know if she said that because of some underlying issues or not. To be honest, the thought that that might be why she said it never even crossed my mind.

I understand that a lot of cases of abuse do occur within the family, and I think that's really awful and my heart goes out to anyone who has experienced that. But I also think it's awful that people are made to stop and think or second-guess anything they do with their own children because other people may see them as being 'weird' or 'disgusting'. I may be totally over-exaggerating here, but is it going to eventually come to a point where people are too scared to even cuddle/kiss their own children because of what other people may think

The world's gone mad! xx

 

[Samemka]

Can't see a problem with this in the slightest and the fact your friend acted so disgusted makes me wonder whether there's been something happen to her that's made her think this way...either that or she's just plain weird

 

[Mrs_B]

my ex was abused by his father and his mother never knew due to the excuse of his father having a shower with him. i would have no problem bathing with my children when i have them but i know that if something would mention the same to my ex he would have a bad reaction. i wouldnt have been ashamed of him if he said it was disgusting, it cuts close to the bone for some people and people who weren't or don't know people in that situation will never understand

I understand what your saying and what an awful situation for your ex to be in. I can understand why in your ex's situation he would have a bad reaction.

Here's a couple of stories on the flip side:

My mum and step dad had Evie one night and took a picture of her having a bubble bath, you couldn't see anything. It was a lovely pic and my step dad put it on his screen saver, some friends came round one night and my step dad put his computer on and one of them told him he was sick and should be ashamed of himself for having such a pic on his computer. My step dad was heartbroken at such a reaction and infront of all of his other friends too, he rang me to see if he had been out of order as he started to believe that what he had done was wrong, I told him he had done nothing wrong and this guy was in the wrong for suggesting he had.

Another time I was on holiday and a guy was taking a picture of his son coming down the waterslide. A woman got up off her deckchair and started having a go at him in full hearing range of everyone else there, calling him a peadophile and saying he was out of order taking such pictures, this guy told her it was his son but she didn't care she still thought it was out of order.

I know this thread has gone a bit off topic but I just wanted to balance the argument a bit as there are innocent people who get things said to them and its not nice to see.

I remember when a woman took her son out of the soft play and shouted loudly that she was taking him out of there for his own safety and going home, why? because I was heavily pregnant at the time so my husband was in there with my son. Man in the softplay!!! Panic stations!
I have also been told off by a woman for taking pictures of my kid in the park. I simply told her I thought it was incredibly arrogant of her to think her children were interesting enough that I would want to photograph them rather than my own children...

 

[GingerNut]

The world's gone mad! xx

Yup.

In fairness, isn't it a bit harsh to make assumptions about abuse or 'deep seated issues' in this case? Maybe the woman just had prudish parents, and was brought up that way! I find some of what's being said about her just as bad as you're all finding what she said.

My own parents wouldn't have bathed with us, and we never saw them naked. There's nothing wrong with that, it was just the way they were. People just aren't all the same - get over it!

 

[Feltzy]

The world's gone mad! xx

Yup.

In fairness, isn't it a bit harsh to make assumptions about abuse or 'deep seated issues' in this case? Maybe the woman just had prudish parents, and was brought up that way! I find some of what's being said about her just as bad as you're all finding what she said.

My own parents wouldn't have bathed with us, and we never saw them naked. There's nothing wrong with that, it was just the way they were. People just aren't all the same - get over it!

Nobody is saying that there's anything wrong with not wanting to bathe with your children or feeling uncomfortable about it, not at all! Its the way in which she told her friend it was wierd and disgusting that some people have had issue with. Just because people think it is acceptable to bathe with your children it doesn't mean that we think its unacceptable if you don't, it only becomes unacceptable when you push your views about it onto other people and make them in some way believe that what they're doing is wrong.

 

[samsugar7]

OH has stopped showering with his daughter now she is 5 because she was telling her friends at school how hairy his willy was

He will only stop showering with Jaden once he gets too big to fit them both in the shower unit

 

[Lu28]

The world's gone mad! xx

Yup.

In fairness, isn't it a bit harsh to make assumptions about abuse or 'deep seated issues' in this case? Maybe the woman just had prudish parents, and was brought up that way! I find some of what's being said about her just as bad as you're all finding what she said.

My own parents wouldn't have bathed with us, and we never saw them naked. There's nothing wrong with that, it was just the way they were. People just aren't all the same - get over it!

No-one was making assumptions about abuse etc. That issue only came up because someone said she was disgusting for thinking that way and it was pointed out that it was possible there was something in her past leading her to think that way so maybe some empathy would be in order even if we disagreed with her thoughts.

My DH always bathes Aisling and I found him the other day sitting on the edge of the bath with his feet in it because he liked the idea of having a bath with her but was afraid it would be seen as weird

 

[DottyLottie]

Gosh no, nothing weird about it at all! It sounds like your friend has the issues.
I bathed with my own dad, and even remember staying with my grandparents and seeing my grandad getting in and out of the bath.

Actually, my nan often recounted the story of when I was about 5 or 6 and prone to bed wetting, if I stayed at my grandparents house they would wake me up at midnight ish and take me to the toilet.
One time, my grandad took me and he was butt naked, and I said to him "Grandad your jimmy (our word for willy) is really small isn't it?" lol

 

[PeanutBean]

OH has stopped showering with his daughter now she is 5 because she was telling her friends at school how hairy his willy was