MAY we all be blessed with baby! May 2013 and beyond (BFFs Seeking BFPs)

[newbie2013]

So great to read updates from so many of you. Please keep them going!

I'm ok. Waiting (again). I'm on cd10 so have another four weeks until I start monitoring for ovulation for the fet. Dh is away right now and being annoyingly uncommunicative. While I realise that he's working, I really wish he would prioritise me more. One call a day is not too much to ask for. Yesterday, I didn't even get a message on my phone. I'll be having words with him when he gets back - politely. Still two weeks for he returns, but he's flying to his sister's on Wednesday and will be there until he comes back. Hopefully he'll be more up for communicating when he's with her. Better time difference and greater access to wifi.

I'm looking forward to getting started on the fet. Currently trying to work out if we should put back one or two. I was so convinced that we should do one at the fresh cycle, but now I'm like, let's go for it. Hard decision. Doc recommended only one, but also said their stats for fet weren't as good as for fresh. Every clinic has different success rates. With statistically not as good rates, why not two?

 

[Gkmk]

Hi newbie, sorry for the fresh cycle, good luck for your fet. I hope you will find following information useful
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2729859/
Which summarises to
Our model showed that cases having at least one embryo with grade ≥ 3BB might serve as suitable candidates for SET.

I don't know if your embryos are graded, if they are graded you may want to check success rates for that grading for single and double embryo transfer . However, based on my browsing during my IVF cycle, grading isn't everything and some people with AA grades did not get bfp

 

[newbie2013]

Wow. Thanks for the link, gkmk. I really appreciate it. My embryos weren't graded but to my extremely untrained eye, they looked just like the examples of good ones I've seen online and the doctor described them as near perfect blasts. At least I have time to consider what to do. We've got three frozen, so maybe one this time and two the next (assuming that the first try fails and all survive thawing).

Thanks!

 

[ProfWife]

I think it really comes down to preference. If you decide you want two and are okay with the possibility that they both take (and remember there's always the chances that identicals can still split from a single blast), the doctor will likely follow through as long as you're physically a good candidate for multiples. It's not quite as common for both to take, but I have two friends who decided to try 3, since it was so unlikely for all three to take...they both have triplets. So, it does happen sometimes.


I hear you on the priorities. Hubs and I just got into it over that. I get maybe 30 minutes of his time a day between his job and the other activities he's involved with (home owners, bank oversight committee, leadership classes at church) outside of the 50+ hours he works a week at his normal job.

I don't even know what to do at this point. I can't take any of those things off his plate, I'm not allowed to paint or lift (I can barely bend over at this point), and I can't assemble the crib and room without help. I'm about to just call my sister, niece and niece's fiance or my old co-workers to come over and help me get things done without him...just so I don't have to hear him go through the list of all the things he wanted to accomplish but didn't in a certain week. It stresses me out and makes me incredibly sad that I can take so many things off his plate but he's still not satisfied...and no where in that long list of things does anything close to a date night or spending time with his wife come into play.

I know he works excessively hard at maintaining excellence in those areas - he's great at them and I'm proud of him for it...yet he's never happy with himself or his accomplishments. I feel like I'm constantly on a hamster wheel. It's exhausting.

 

[RaeChay]

Prof wife- sorry to hear things are that way. I'm going to be blunt here- you guys need to get this issue figured out between the two of you asap. Seriously. Because adding a baby into that mix will be disastrous to your marriage if you don't. No lie. Especially during the newborn phase- you WILL have PPD. it's not a question of if; you need him around for support, and you will need help. I don't think it's an exaggeration to suggest marriage counseling now, to prevent problems before the baby is even here. Newborns are HARD and going from a couple to a small family is an enormous adjustment during the first year, no matter how much the baby was dearly wanted.

I hope I'm not sounding too harsh. I have your family's best interests in mind!

 

[kksy9b]

Echo rae here- there is nothing can prepare you for life with a baby but it is HARD on a marriage. Definitely able to get through it but if there are issues going in, it will only amplify and exaggerate them. I would stress that the foundation of your family is your relationship- nothing else matters if there are cracks in that relationship. I hope you all are able to work it out and get to a better place

 

[athena87]

prowife- I agree that you'll want to get it figured out before baby. If you don't, then you will be stressed about him not spending enough time with your baby and it will cause even more problems. I personally didn't have ppd, but when I stopped breastfeeding at 5 months the hormone change made me feel crazy. It took a couple of months to sort it out. My dh was a football coach on top of being a teacher, he'd leave at 6:45 in the morning and not get home til 7-8 at night, sometimes not seeing lo before bed. The newborn phase it was more ok because ds didn't sleep regular hours so he got to see him more, but once he was closer to one and had a regular sleep schedule it really wore at dh not being able to see him more than an hour a day maybe. So right after Christmas he decided to quit and few days later we found out I was pregnant so it was really a blessing. I pray that your dh will come around to seeing why it's unacceptable and how hard he is making it on you. When are you due again, it has to be coming up soon right?

 

[ProfWife]

Thanks guys. I honestly don't think counseling is in the cards (time constraints). Thankfully, now that I'm home again (I was teaching full-time briefly to cover a maternity leave) it's already getting a bit better. He also just changed programs at work - - - as in today. I'm hoping the step back from what he was doing will also allow him a bit more chance for perspective.

Huge benefit...just found out his leadership class was canceled tonight. So, he'll be home soon. Bad news - every time I get up, I get a major braxton-hicks wallop. I overdid it today cleaning and shopping I guess. So, dinner may be in the oven, but he'll have to finish it up when he gets home.

Last night we started working through our schedules of events coming up (some together, some separate). And he chose a few options that will allow us to have more full-days together rather than splitting them up.

We're working on it. He's always great when it becomes obvious that he has no other choice but to take care of something. I just have to remind him it would be nice to be out of crisis mode when he steps up instead of in the middle of something (like labor).

 

[momwithbabies]

My husband and I have had many conversations about how work runs our lives at times. I've said before that I feel like his work is first and family is second. These conversations pop up every 3 months, or so. It usually happens when I'm stressed, he's stressed, and we don't have the time to stop and talk. But once we talk about it, even though I am always the one that brings it up, it gets better.

Just part of our marriage/family dynamic for us. I do agree that the baby will make it more complicated, but with communication and realizing we all make mistakes, you'll be okay. I had some pretty dark moments after my second was born - had to take Zoloft for a bit. It was tough, but it's so worth it. Just keep those lines of communication open...I know I'm one to talk, lol. I tend to hold on to the anger because it's easier to be angry than to be sad. Your baby will need you to take care of you, first. That's a tough lesson for mommies - me included.

Sorry for the rant...I'm sooooooo tired! I had to wake up before 10:00, lol! Can't wait for my snow day Friday. State assessments are next week for us

 

[melann13]

LADIES!!! I'm SO happy to see you all. I was here awhile ago and recognize many names. It's like coming back to old friends.
I had joined this thread when TTC after loss in 2013. I was one who showed up with a BFP shortly after joining that thread. My daughter just turned two.
We were planning to wait to TTC til this fall as I am now a full-time professor in my first year and on tenure track. However, I had to go off BC in early January as I was not comfortable that it was actually working. I have only used the mini pill for years as I have migraines with auras. Last fall I started experiencing ovulation pains and my periods were very regular, which is not really standard for the mini pill. My OB and I discussed my options and decided that since I seemed to be very regular and the pill wasn't working, and I wasn't a candidate for an IUD since we wanted to TTC this fall, we would go with NFP.
Well, God had other plans and last night I got a BFP. We are SUPER excited, don't get me wrong, I just am having anxiety about how it's going to work to be due Dec 1 in my third semester here in my tenure track position and teaching my specialty class... I'm not ready to tell anyone IRL because I'm not even late yet, but I needed to get it off my chest... On a whim, I logged in here, and HERE you all are! I think of you all often as remarkable strong women, and I knew where I wanted to turn. Blessings in your journeys, and please send prayers my way for a sticky bean. This LO may not have been entirely planned, but is certainly wanted and cared for.

 

[kksy9b]

Melann! Definitely remember you hun and its so nice to hear from you! Congrats on the new pregnancy, how exciting!! It will be hard with all that is going on but what a blessing this new one will be. Wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months!

 

[ProfWife]

I remember you, Melann! Congratulations! Sometimes things work out the way they actually should, not always the way we believe they should. Do you break in early/mid December like most universities? If so, it's possible you'd just have final assessments or be granted the ability to virtually hold class on one of the many sites available for that now.

I hope the university can work something out for you.


AFM - I overdid it yesterday and found myself stuck on the couch with Braxton-Hicks every time I tried to get up. So, today is a stay-at-home kind of day for me. I've updated grades for two assignments and will start grading the 57 research papers left in my stack once I get up from my nap...if Anne lets me nap...she's been moving around like crazy since I ate lunch. I'd rather feel her than nap any day. ;-) 30 weeks tomorrow! We're in the home stretch.

 

[kksy9b]

You are getting close profwife!

 

[melann13]

Congrats Profwife!!
I'd currently be due Dec 1. Finals would generally be around the week of the 19th (I haven't checked the calendar yet). The beauty of it is that we have J-term, and I already have a release for that, so I'll probably only miss 2-3 weeks. My little girl had to be induced at 42 weeks, so there's always a chance that I won't give birth until the second week of Dec. My only concern is finding replacements for my classes this fall (which obviously isn't my problem, but I'd like to think that I can help). My schedule for spring semester next year is quite heavy. Wondering if I might ask for a slightly lighter schedule (maybe get an adjunct for labs)... I know I still have a lot to get through before that, but I'm hopeful... I had very strong implantation pinching, which is what I had with my daughter, that plus the sore boobs and nausea is what made me very suspicious. Thanks for the welcome back! I'm only 3 weeks 5 days... lots of praying to do...

 

[kksy9b]

Well, my DH spontaneously decided we could give it a go this month. I'm fairly sure today is O day (FX temps confirm in the next couple days and it isn't another anovulatory cycle) so as of tomorrow I will be in the tww! I'm a big bundle of lots of emotions since it happened so suddenly. But mostly just super excited to be back in the TTC world!

 

[newbie2013]

I saw a pregnancy announcement on Facebook today. I rarely see them, to be honest, which is a relief. However, today's announcement filled me with even more mixed fillings than usual. It was from an old friend, who I had a discussion with about ttc a few months after we started trying. She was told that there was no chance she'd ever have children and they were going through the process of adoption. They had a "surprise" pregnancy a couple of years ago - I'm not sure if it was natural or assisted. And now they've announced another "surprise". Again, I'm not sure if it is natural or assisted. Either way, I was filled with both happiness for them and despair. I feel that it may never happen for us.

I guess it doesn't help that DH has been away for two weeks and won't come back for another week. I've been desperately lonely, even though I went out a few times with friends and I even had a few drinks (I don't usually drink, so it was fun!). But mostly, I've been lonely. Long evenings after work, not feeling motivated to study, not doing the housework that needs to be done, the couch has become my best friend and the TV my entertainment. The only positive is that I have been working out on the treadmill almost every day - haven't lost weight, of course, because I've been eating like a cow!!

I really wish it will be my turn to make one of those announcements (not on Facebook, on here) soon

 

[kksy9b]

 

[momwithbabies]

Sorry, Newbie. It's tough when announcements seem to come right and left. I hope your husband comes home soon to cheer you up!!! And sometimes those nights out are what hold me together, lol!

 

[momwithbabies]

Happy Easter, ladies!!! I pray you have a great day with family and friends!

 

[ClandestineTX]

I saw a pregnancy announcement on Facebook today. I rarely see them, to be honest, which is a relief. However, today's announcement filled me with even more mixed fillings than usual. It was from an old friend, who I had a discussion with about ttc a few months after we started trying. She was told that there was no chance she'd ever have children and they were going through the process of adoption. They had a "surprise" pregnancy a couple of years ago - I'm not sure if it was natural or assisted. And now they've announced another "surprise". Again, I'm not sure if it is natural or assisted. Either way, I was filled with both happiness for them and despair. I feel that it may never happen for us.

I guess it doesn't help that DH has been away for two weeks and won't come back for another week. I've been desperately lonely, even though I went out a few times with friends and I even had a few drinks (I don't usually drink, so it was fun!). But mostly, I've been lonely. Long evenings after work, not feeling motivated to study, not doing the housework that needs to be done, the couch has become my best friend and the TV my entertainment. The only positive is that I have been working out on the treadmill almost every day - haven't lost weight, of course, because I've been eating like a cow!!

I really wish it will be my turn to make one of those announcements (not on Facebook, on here) soon

I know that feeling all too well. Honestly I got it two weeks ago when one of my exes posted an US photo with a rather crude announcement on Facebook. I think it's one of the worst things for people in pain, of any sort, even for Hubster on Mother's day the year his mom passed. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I fear for those of us LTTTCers some amount of it stays with us forever.

Hugs to you and I hope time passes quickly.