Mid June and July Firecrackers Group Due June/July 2017!

Forums New posts
Ya, I don't really have much ready for the baby, because this is my first I am waiting til after the baby shower to buy most of the stuff needed for baby:shrug: But I am leaving for my babymoon this Thursday evening!!! Super excited to get away for a few days, explore and eat everything!:haha::happydance:
 
I feel like I've swapped one issue for another. -.-

I was finally able to pick a date and find a venue for my shower (June 11), so I just need to finish my registry and then it's time to start inviting. Question: Is it ok or kind of rude and greedy to have the registry, but also have a short list of places we'd like gift cards from?

Anyway, the new issue now is the name. BD asked me if I'd been thinking about names and I said I had and told him Alex. He said that's his manager's name (but with KS instead of an X) and he wasn't a fan. I then pointed out a couple hockey players named Alex (Nylander and Ovechekin) and he kind of disliked it less. He asked about a middle name and I told him I like the sound of 2 middle names and I was thinking Jared Ewing cuz that's what my mom would've named a boy, if she'd had one. And then he asked about the last name and I told him we could discuss it later (cuz it was late and we were already in bed). So, this morning, he tells me he's not a fan of Alexander Jared and counters with John (for his late grandfather) and Werner (for my dad). I tell him I find John to be a boring name and tell him I was thinking Matthew for a 2nd boy. He asks about the last name again and I suggest we talk about it later cuz he's driving me home at the time and this discussion will take more than a few minutes. Once I'm home, and I'm packing my lunch for work, I end up crying for like 20 mins.

So, here's my thought process: I've been dreaming of kids for years. I was thinking about baby names while he was still joking about pushing me down a flight of stairs. Now he wants to come and try to change what I've always wanted. It's bad enough I've already been denied my little girl, but to be denied a name I've really liked for years is kind of too much. On top of that, he's not my husband. He's not even technically my boyfriend, but he's thinking I might put his last name on the baby I'm carrying. Sorry if I'm sounding like an asshole. I'm obviously hormonal, and probably kind of tired right now. A discussion definitely needs to be had. And I dunno if I should msg him now and let him know I'm kind of upset or just bring it up when I see him again tomorrow.
 
Pretty - I think you are completely right in your thought process and you have a right to be upset. Personally, and only you can make the decision, I feel that the baby should have your name and you should name it whatever you want. Maybe let him have a little input on the middle name as a compromise?

My reasoning is because, like you said, you technically do not have a "title" on the relationship and you aren't married. I think those are two very solid examples you can give him and have the right to give the baby your last name. He can't really say anything to that.

There are a lot of unknowns in your relationship right now, for example, how involved will he be in the baby's life. I say give the baby your last name, name it what YOU want and then down the road if he has proven himself to be involved in the child's life and you actually want a long-term relationship with this person and he will be a good partner for you and makes you happy THEN maybe you can discuss changing the last name. You can always change the last name in the future.

I have changed my name three times across my entire life, long story. So it is not uncommon.

I hope this helps, don't be sad you have every right to feel the way you do and I completely agree with your logic.

808 - Have fun on your babymoon!!!
 
Pretty: Can you put both last name? My DD has my DH last name and mine but that's how things works on Puerto Rico. I'm planning to do the same with baby #2 even when I'm leaving in USA now.
 
I don't think that's unreasonable, pretty. Disagreeing over baby names is hard. I've fantasized about having total veto power. If I picked out a name I loved and then someone came along at six months and tried to change it, I'd be peeved. If you're open to it, you could always sit down with the baby name books and find a few possibilities. It might just be that he wants to feel involved in some way and he's sad about missing out on naming. If you let him feel more involved in the process, maybe it would help and he'd come around to the name Alex Jared anyway. Or, as TTC said, let him choose a possible middle name.

The surname is tough. I do think you should feel free to go with your gut on this one. You're always 100% going to be in this baby's life, and I'm sure your BD will be great, but it's less certain than your involvement. Using both names could work, or using your BD's surname as a second middle name?
 
So I felt the craziest thing this morning when I was lying on my back watching tv before work today. I felt a large bulge move/roll up my right side just under my rib! It was hard and about the size of my palm, it felt so weird that I had to stand up:haha: it must have been the baby? I just have never felt any movement quite like it, it was like I could feel my baby's butt or head, lol! And half of my upper belly was sticking out uneven... And now all day today I have been feeling the strongest kicks that I have ever felt! This baby is getting BIG:haha:
 
Pretty, SO and I disagree a lot on baby names. To the point we haven't decided. It's annoying. I just want a name at this point. I think you should be open about your feelings BUT I will caution you about not compromising. This isn't just your kid. It's his. And if you ice him out on the name, it could push him away especially since you aren't technically an item. So while I totally get what you're feeling and it's a lot of negative change, try to compromise. Mine with SO was I wanted middle name. It's non negotiable. So he has more veto power on first names. I always envisioned my son being Ethan or Dylan, but he tore down Dylan so fast. But since I claimed middle I didn't feel it right to claim both. But he does want us to agree. I would; personally, see if you could compromise on the middle name. If it's your mom's choice, I think the father should have more say than what mom wants/wanted.

Re last name, hyoenate? SO and I are not married but baby will take his last name. I'm not particularly attached to mine and his family is super crazy about that. I have family who has gone either way, but not for nothing the ones who gave the baby the dad's last name still have father figures actively involved in a relationship or coparenting peacefully. Those who didn't no longer have dads involved at all. But this is just my family and friends. And like someone mentioned you can legally change it later so trust your gut

In any case sounds like a convo is in order to find the deal breakers and compromises. Sorry it's not fun to deal with :(

808 I agree have fun!!!
 
Pretty - I agree with Dobby. If you want him to be involved, then it might be best to give a little. I know your situation is different, but DH and I also had a hard time agreeing on a name. It's a tough topic with a lot of feelings involved. I think you should be open about how much the name Alex means to you, and then go from there. It's uncomfortable, but in the end you might love what you come up with together just as much. For me, I put my foot down with the last name, but compromised on the first name and gave him complete control of the middle name.

Malia - I've been feeling those rolls too, and movement on both sides of my belly at once. Baby was so active today, and tonight my belly just looked like popcorn. It's my favorite part of pregnancy so far :). Love how big our babes are getting!
 
I'm slightly jealous of you ladies experiencing the rolls. Since I have an anterior placenta I don't get much of that.. I have been feeling some gnarly kicks tough. Tuesday was my last day on the monitor and I sent it back today to be reviewed. Although I know being in the medical field I should stay off Google, I started doing research on the pvcs/ heart palpitations I was getting.. I'm now wondering if they have anything to do with my heartburn/acid reflux and the pregnancy induced hiatal hernia. I've been seeing a lot of people talk about a hiatal hernia putting pressure on the vagas nerve and that could cause pvcs.. a very interesting thing to look into. I'm going to discuss that with my GP once she gets my monitor results... It may just mean I'll have to deal with them until I give birth and then I'll really have to work on losing weight which was my plan anyways...
 
Gag - I have an anterior placenta as well and I just started feeling the rolls now at 27 weeks. Maybe you will soon too.
 
Thanks everyone. So, I've had time to calm down and let things sink in. I hung out with BD for a bit yesterday, but neither of us brought up the name issue. I thought about my attachment to Jared Ewing and I realize it's sweet, but it's nothing my mom knows about or ever asked me to consider. And I can see how naming a child after an actual deceased relative can be more important than a hypothetical sibling. I'm thinking I'd be willing to counter with Alexander Jonathan (or John) Ewing or maybe even swapping out the Ewing for Christopher (BD's first middle name).

As for last name, BD is not a fan of hyphenated last names. I'm kinda whatever about them. I do know that when he was born (out of wedlock), he got his mom's last name. Then, when his parents got married a couple years later, they made his then last name a 2nd middle name and made his dad's name his actual last name. Like I said, it's a discussion to be had. At the moment, there's only 1 male (my nephew) with our last name. I know some people don't care, but I kind of do. My last name is pretty unique and his is decently common. Plus, he has 2 male cousins who could have sons and help the family name live on.

As for "baby rolls", I believe I'm been feeling those for a number of weeks. Last I heard, I have a right anterior placenta, but it doesn't seem like it's affected my ability to feel movements.
 
Gag I feel you. I only feel my guy once or twice a day if I'm paying attention because of my ap :(

Pretty yeah that's tough. I like AJ or JA. Both have a nice ring to them. I think the last name should go over well given what happened with his own mom. But when the time feels right you two can approach it again. You have time :). For now, enjoy life.
 
DH and I had to have the last name discussion even though we are married bc neither of us changed our last name. I'm still a C and he's still a G. I want our baby to have both of our last names, but DH initially disagreed and said that he didn't want to make our kid weird. He even said one morning that he'd rather the baby just have my last name, which isn't what I want. There are lots of good reasons for the baby to have his last name, and the reasons for mine are purely emotional. I love my mom's family and even though I'm considered an H when I'm around then, I would love to actually have the last name as well. I let him know how strongly I felt and how important it was to me, and I even (in tears mind you) told them if it had to be just one name I'd rather baby have his name. We tabled it for a bit compromised on a first name, and I said he could choose the middle name. In the end, he came around and agreed that baby can have both last names <3. It's a discussion and a tough one, and it will not get solved over night, but you may just end up in a good place after all.
 
When we had DD we weren't married, but knowing that we would marry and I would take DH's name (as much as I love my maiden name!) DD was registered with his name for him to have parental responsibility for her. However, if we weren't in a position knowing we'd get married etc, I'd have been much more likely to have argued for her to have my last name. One big reason for this is that a mum cannot take a child on holiday/out of the country (without the father) without proof of relationship and in some instances a letter of consent from the father if she has a different surname to that of the child.

I'm not sure how the laws are on this in other countries, but it's worth looking into before you decide on whose surname your child/children will take if you don't share a surname.
 
Good Point Girly. I agree, I remember my mother, after the divorce, kept my fathers last name (even after she remarried) because that is what mine and my brothers last name was and she couldn't travel with us with a different last name nor without permission from my father. I live in the states and the same rule applies.
 
I was not with my son's father when I had him. I chose his name on my own and originally he was to have my last name. BD hated the name, mostly because of his mother I think, and offered up a few names I couldn't stand while the birth certificate was right there next to me. I stuck to my guns and I'm glad I did! Don't regret it one bit, I love my son's name to this day. I did end up hyphenating his last name and my only regret about that is the hyphen itself. I didn't know two middle names or two last names without the hyphen were an option. Oh well. I don't have my maiden last name anymore so on one hand I'm glad my son has the name of one of his parents but on the other I'm a little sad my maiden name is sharing since my brother isn't here anymore and the only one to carry on the name is my nephew.

This one I chose the first name but my husband had some say.. as in he couldn't hate it. Middle name I also chose but it's very meaningful to both him and his mother. Last name is obviously his since we are married and have the same name. The name has grown on him to the point where I started discussing other options but he just won't have it.

I've been thinking a lot lately about labor. Stressing about it actually. I just invisioned in my head it just being my husband and I... A private and intimate experience for us to share. My best friend, more like a sister, wants to be there. She wants to photograph and well, I really would like some photos of those precious moments. I go back and forth on this. I want it to just be my husband and I but I also want the photos. To further complicate the issue I think my MIL wants to be there. She hasn't directly asked but has made statements.. Like how when she went into labor she called her own MIL to be there, you know, those not so subtle kind of hints. And I don't want her there. I trust my friend to be able to take a back seat, to be a fly on the wall with a camera, silent, and even then I'm still unsure. But my MIL.. I love her. She's wonderful. I'm so happy to give her a grandchild and make her a grandmother. And I just don't want her there, I want my husbands support not hers. My husband already told her he would let her know when I was in labor and would call again after she was born. She was noticeably disappointed but agreed so she understands.. But then what if I do decide to have my friend photograph? She'll be hurt. I know it's my choice but it's enough that I'm hoping I'll go into labor late at night while everyone is asleep even though I think some photos would be so sweet and special. Sorry for the long rant, I've been obcessing about this for almost a week now.
 
Weebles: Can your DH take the picture instead? In my first pregnancy I let only my mom and my DH to be there and he was the one who took some pictures. I was lucky that my MIL is not into any medical process that involves blood but I was sure who I wanted in the delivery room and nobody else was allowed even if the situation could have been different.
In this labor I just want my DH and my mom asked at the begging of my pregnancy if she was going to be there and I told her no and that's it.

This is a personal experience that only you know how you want to share it. You should feel confortable and feel in control of all the process.
 
Weebles, birth is such a huge and unique event. It's very intimate and very challenging. It's not like a party or something -- you don't have to feel obligated to invite anyone you don't want to be there. Hopefully anyone will understand your need to have focus and feel as comfortable as possible during this time. It's understandable that you want photos too.

Could you let your mother-in-law be at the hospital but waiting in the area for friends/family? That way she can come in as soon as possible afterwards, but just explain you don't want the birth room to be crowded during the actual event.
 
I actually had this conversation with my mum after we had DD. It never even crossed my mind to discuss it with her before. I don't think DH and I even discussed it. It was always just assumed that it would just be us when the time came, and it was. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there.
When I brought it up with my mum a lot later she said she never would've considered being there unless I'd specifically asked her to be, and wasn't sure how comfortable she would've felt if I had asked. Saying this, my mum and I are ridiculously close.

I'm not close with MIL so that would never be an option :haha:

This time, as I'm hoping to stay at home, I've asked my mum to come up as soon as labour starts so she can entertain DD in another room or take her out while I labour with DH as support. My mum is more than happy with this arrangement.

Birth is an incredibly intimate experience and people should respect your wishes whichever way you choose. This is your birth, not theirs. And even if they don't like your choice, they'll get over it once baby is here.
 
Oh tough call. My cousin ousted all parents for both births. Grandparents were obviously butt hurt, but instantly forgot it the moment they saw their grandkids. As for the friend, I would just tell MIL you hired a professional labor photographer who happens to be a friend. She's not there to talk or do anything other than photography. If she gets butthurt, pretebdvto hire an actual professional who cancels last minute so your friend steps in lol. Sorry not much help!

I want zero push pictures ty. Don't even know if I want skin to skin pictures. I'm on the fence about letting my premed brother in to observe. But I feel like he'll ask too many questions lol like shuuuutttt up

MiL is racist and hates me for being black so no issue there. I'd be shocked if she even turns up
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

NightFlower
February 2024 testing thread
12 13 14
Replies
264
Views
14K
star25
star25
mizsophiexxxx
Advice? Late Implantation?
Replies
4
Views
3K
Kiwiberry
Kiwiberry

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 3 (members: 0, guests: 3)

Members online

Total: 649 (members: 1, guests: 648)

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,308
Messages
27,145,034
Members
255,759
Latest member
boom2211

Share this page

Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"
<-- Admiral -->