Mid June and July Firecrackers Group Due June/July 2017!

[lesondemavie]

Weebles - Yea the peace of mind is why I was asking, but who knows if it would have even helped at all. Thinking of you, and hoping to see a post soon giving baby a clear bill of health.

DH wants to cosleep, but I do not, so we're going to have to work that out. I know it works out fine most of the time, but I work with kids who often have sleep problems so I only see when that transition is tough and the kids haven't learned to self-soothe etc. I'd just rather form the habit from the get-go. My friends said they didn't plan on it but it was just easier, so who knows that could all go out the window once baby is here.

 

[Weebles]

When my son was a baby I ended up cosleeping with him. It was unintentional as it was so long ago I didn't even know it was a thing. But it ended up being soooo much easier as I nursed. Once he started sleeping through the night I held him until he fell asleep and then placed him in his crib which was still in my bedroom. He didn't actually get his own room until he was a toddler.

I would like to cosleep again but there is also so much more information out there on safety that I'm hesitant. I'm thinking of getting one of those cosleepers designed to be right next to your bed. I'm not sure what my cosleeping dog is going to thing about this though!

 

[lesondemavie]

Yea the safety is a big issue for me too. I would want to use something like that too weebles, but we also have two cosleeping cats. I would want to kick them out no matter where the baby slept in our room - just to avoid them sleeping on baby's warm head while we snoozed - and that in of itself would be a big adjustment. I'd rather just have the baby in a crib in the nursery right next door with a monitor. That way the cats can sleep with us and we can close the door to keep them away from baby at night.

 

[Maries_s]

I'm still cosleeping with my DD and we also stared unintentionally. I tried to transition her into her crib several times and anything worked for us. For that reason we decided that we are not cosleeping this time, no matter how convenient was for me to breastfeed.

 

[second.time]

I was another unintentional cosleeper. A lot of my attachment parenting was unintentional -- it just ended up being easier! I'm a restless sleeper and was concerned about safety too, but I was just very careful to make sure the bed didn't have too many blankets/pillows. I've heard that cosleeping can help prevent SIDS by regulating the newborn's breathing patterns (https://www.parenting.com/article/ask-dr-sears-co-sleeping-a-sids-danger). Of course rolling over onto the baby/suffocation from bedding/etc. is different from SIDS and is a different complication, so everyone has different reasons to choose a sleeping arrangement that works for them.

I wish I'd just been better about teaching my son to self-soothe gradually when he was older, maybe two or so. As a newborn it felt too upsetting to me -- he wasn't old enough to intellectually understand that his parents were nearby, he was just cold/afraid/scared. Babies are so fragile! But I should have been much more careful about transitioning into self-soothing as he got older, because it's tough on him now. I just need to be more careful in the future.

 

[lesondemavie]

I guess I should clarify. By self-soothing, I don't mean just letting the baby cry and figure it out for him or herself. Of course you can't do that when they are so young (although you might be able to start much earlier than you think). My best friend's baby learned to self-soothe beautifully at a very young age. He's not even two yet, and for as long as I can remember even when he was a little worm anytime he's upset he cries for like a second and then rubs his right ear and stops. She's a sahm, she's still right by his side anytime he needs her, and she doesn't just let him "cry it out." Self-soothing doesn't have to be taught by separation if you start early, but I think personality and other variables factor in too. It's not always as easy as it was for her, and I get that. Different kids and different families need different things and so flexibility is key. I just live and breathe all of this across so many families that I probably overthink it a bit for myself. I won't know my own reality until I get there and I'm open to figuring it out. Nothing is in a vacuum (like it is in research), so if we end up figuring out that something else is more important when we get there I'm sure it'll be ok. I know it's more work later on, but it's still definitely possible 😊👍. I'm sure you and your son are doing just fine second

 

[Girly922]

We used a bedside crib until DD grew out of it, and will do the same again this time. DD now cosleeps when she's poorly but I didn't feel safe to do that until she was well over a year old. I just don't trust myself enough when I'm asleep or sleep deprived.

Congratulations to everyone who has found out the sex and made announcements recently. I'm lurking a lot at the moment as I don't find a lot if time to sit down and post.

 

[blessedmomma]

Mummafrog- we still have our 2 yr old (will be 3 in a month) in a toddler bed next to our bed. We have a king sized too. We have often had two babies at a time in with us. We both love it, wouldn't change it for the world.

Weebles- we were doing the same. I bought a crib for my first baby that was a waste. I don't think there was a name for co sleeping back when I had her haha, but that's what came naturally to us.

Secondtine- we do a lot of the attachment parenting, but we did before it had a name or was something people chose to do. It is just things that we already did. I used to be a psychologist before I was a sahm and those labels for certain types of parenting were only starting to come about back then. Of course I don't believe in any of the psychology stuff anymore, but we still do the things that would fall into attachment parenting categories.

There is definitely a lot of misinformation about co sleeping out there. There are so many benefits. The majority of the world naturally does it and sids is not an issue in those parts of the world.https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/scientific-benefits-co-sleeping

I've been watching so many episodes of 'one born every minute' I was starting to terrify myself of the pain of labor haha. I think when they say you'll forget, they were wrong about some of us. Definitely worth it, but definitely painful. We went to our hospital tour and meeting with the nurse navigator yesterday though and seeing those rooms, hearing some newborns cry, oh it makes me broody to be holding this little one!

 

[second.time]

Lesonde, that's fascinating! I didn't know babies could self-soothe so easily at such a young age. I know whenever I didn't go to my son, he would just become more and more distraught. I had a few comments from older relatives about "spoiling" him when he was just a few weeks old. Obviously I should have worked on self-soothing later, but when he was a tiny guy, it was just not working for us. Hopefully I can find a good middle ground. My son is really bright and curious and can be independent when he wants to be (he always asks to stay home alone right now), but I do see how I've let him down in some ways by not helping him learn certain coping mechanisms.

Blessed, I always find it interesting and comforting to know how things work in other cultures. I coslept as a kid and maybe that's why it feels more comfortable to me now? It just feels "right" and familiar to have the baby in the bed where I can check him instantly when I need to. I do feel like every family is a bit different, though. Whatever works is fine!

 

[blessedmomma]

I agree second time. My very best friend was never comfortable with co sleeping. My bil and sil either. We purchased a crib for them for their second child as a baby gift, even though we would never us one. We have to be comfortable doing what we feel is best for our kids!

 

[Maries_s]

I agree that not every method for self soothing works. I first tried the not cry it out method and did not work, CIO moderate method was my final option and didn't work either so I gave up and keep cosleeping. The downside in my case is that my DD did not want to nap alone either and is hard for me to go take a nap when she wants.

 

[lesondemavie]

Wish they provided links to the actual research blessed, but I think the take home is that co-sleeping itself isn't the cause of SIDS. I'd be cautious in drawing the conclusion that it's safer though. So many factors contribute. Perhaps parents in the western world are just more likely to have/want soft mattresses and lots of pillows/blankets? All that aside, regardless of where you are most comfortable with your baby sleeping, it can be safe so long as you check risk factors and remove any dangers.

As for psychology, it's so broad of a subject that I think it would be hard for anyone to say they don't believe in any of it, but perhaps you just mean that you don't believe in whatever form of it you used to practice? I'd have to agree that there are a ton of bs theories and explanatory fictions in the field of psychology, but I've also seen some of it do a lot of good for a lot of families. I do believe that there is order to human behavior, and like gravity it exists regardless of what we think or do. People just focus too much on the form of everything and the how, and they miss looking deeper at the underlying principles. For example sleep-training methods, people get caught up in what they are and what they do and miss what about each method works or doesn't work in different situations. There is no one right way or wrong way.

I think you're right about your own history factoring in second (and blessed). It's such a personal decision. DH coslept with his parents, and I did not. He says it is a fond memory of his and he wants that for his kids. I have zero experience with it, and feel like I would just be a nervous wreck. I'm a worry wart by nature. I feel like it just doesn't suit me or our home, and DH seems to understand that. I shared with him that I still have plenty of fond memories of my parents and bedtime etc. I think sometimes when you got a feeling from something in particular it's hard to see or believe in your heart that you can get that same feeling any other way, even though we see it in the world all around us every day. I'm jealous of those of you who can do it comfortably in way, but also perfectly happy with my own decision. I know all of our kids will be just as cared for and loved regardless of what works best for us

 

[lesondemavie]

Marie - By the not cry it out method do you mean the Ferber method? Also my best friend does still struggle with her son and sleep. Not because he cosleeps, but he prefers just to sleep on the floor. He's the silliest boy. He'll be running around and then my friend will put down a pillow and a blanket and he'll just cuddle in and pass out. You mamas will all figure it out I know it. There's so much to do and think about, there's a beauty and lesson in every struggle and imperfection - and I'm sure I will have a fair share of my own despite my best efforts to prevent what I've seen and decided I don't want. I'm almost positive now that I'm having a girl, and she's going to me the girliest girl and I just won't know what to do with her (just like my mil and sil) ��.

 

[Mummafrog]

I feel the bottom line about birth and parenting is that what FEELS right and works for each individual family is right and mustn't be judged by those who don't know their life and situation.
There are some things that have been proven to be harmful of course and we should always be working on informing ourselves but there is no one right way.
For me personally, sleeping with my baby feels far safer, especially with breastfeeding and I have had a lot of professional support on how to do it safely and have done lots of research.
I co slept with my dd and breastfed her to sleep for as long as she needed and she gently and happily moved into her own room for the first half of the night at about 1.5 and now mostly sleeps through unless she has a nightmare or something. It's about the child as well and their different needs. I'm not assuming this next one will be as easy but we'll try and do similar

Leson - i was worried about a girly girl because I'm definitely not.. but honestly she likes what she likes and I love her showing me, also her nana and auntie can do the more girly things when she gets older hehe. What I've realised is she is her own person and we don't have to be the same to enjoy each others interests, just like with hubby I sometimes feel like I'm just watching in amazement as she grows, keeping her within safe boundaries but otherwise it's all her..

 

[Maries_s]

I tried:

The Fading Sleep Training method
The Pick-Up-Put-Down Sleep Training Method
The Chair Method For Sleep Training
The Check-And-Console Sleep Training Method (aka ‘Ferberizing&#8217

 

[DobbyForever]

I was thinking bedside bassinet for 6 months-1 year then transition to crib in the nursery. I was thinking it gives me time to save and decorate it but everyone is saying I should decorate it now. It just writes me out having a fully decorated room and not using it, kind of like having two empty rooms all this time because I lost the twins. Idk shrugs

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I was thinking of using one of these for the first few months (cuz I sleep in a queen sized bed, on my own): https://www.toysrus.ca/product/index.jsp?productId=72927866 . And then moving the baby over to a crib, but that crib would still be in my room. Does this seem like a good idea? First timer of here who is hella afraid of SIDS.

Also, I remember co-sleeping with my parents til I was 5 or 6-ish. I'd usually fall asleep in my bed, but somehow wake up in their's.

 

[DobbyForever]

My brother and I were bedside bassinets until we were a year old. We shared a room when I was little since we only had two. But when my dad died when I was four my mom couldn't sleep alone so the three of us shared a king bed until I was 5.

I'm terrified of SIDS just because I know mom's who did everything to increase it whose babies are fine and mom's who did everything by the books and lost theirs.

 

[second.time]

Honestly SIDS is just heartbreaking no matter what. Usually when a baby dies of SIDS it's not something that's easily preventable and the parents did nothing wrong at all. It's hard not to be afraid of it during those first few months, but it's a lot like the fear of miscarriage, I think -- you do everything in your power, of course, but it can happen to even the best and most careful parents.

I will say that if we can't get our 4-year-old to sleep consistently in his own room, I'll need to rethink everything. I wouldn't want a newborn and a 4-year-old crowding together. So I guess I have a few months to figure things out. This discussion has been making me hesitate about bed-sharing again because I've been re-reading the research! It worked so well with my son, I never felt concerned, but of course I want to reassess every situation as it comes.

 

[DobbyForever]

That's a perfect analogy. Idk for me it's not just sids. I keep having nightmares something happens to my newborn.

That's nice that you're re-researching it. I'm glad the bed sharing worked out well the first time. Some of these bedside sleepers are really well thought out. I liked the idea of the Halo Swivel with the see through sides so baby can see you and you can see baby with all four sides but the ones that line up by the bed buckle under adult weight. And you can literally swivel it onto the bed/closer if you're a lazy butt like me. But I don't know anybody who has one so it all just looks good in theory lol