Moms of April/May/June 2010 babies thread! :)

[maybebaby3]

owen's awake again! sleep is not on my agenda for the night i guess!

 

[maybebaby3]

how come he's fast asleep on the sofa and i cant sleep coz of him. he ruined the tradition of being together to do the tree even though i do it and he watches! the kids were all excited and he couldnt hav cared less

 

[maybebaby3]

got up with the kids this morning and got them breakfast. OH got up off the sofa where he slept last night and gone ad shut himself in the bedroom! nice to have a bit of support and then i'm the lazy one who does nothing he didnt even speak to me

 

[Sarahwoo]

Maybe I'm sorry that your had a rough night and that your OH is still been a prick

I like Amy's suggestion that you make him realise that you would be fine without him. He has it all his own way at the moment and as awful as it sounds it really is emotional abuse. For him to make you feel that way, its just so wrong of him. Can you imagne what you would say to a friend in the same position? Or to Erin in 20 years time?

I understand that its not easy for you to just kick him out, but maybe if you could take back some control and start feeling better about things yourself, either he would change or you would feel stronger and more able to stand up to him?

Steve and I used to have the odd issue - well we still do obviously but we deal with things differently now. Steve used to sulk, sometimes for hours, sometimes for days. Oh my goodness it used to drive me mad! To begin with I couldn't just leave him to it, I would be asking him what I had done, getting upset etc. That just made things worse, so after a while when he started sulking I would just ignore it and get on with things as normal. I would speak to him like normal (ignoring if he snapped or gave me a nasty answer etc), do all the normal things I would do. I would always make sure that he never saw me upset, even if some days I would be in tears as soon as I left the house in a morning and dread going home, I made sure he thought I was as right as rain. As time went on his little sulking issues got shorter and shorter. I used to dread doing something (it could be something sooooo small) that would send him into a sulk. Now, generally speaking, if he gets annoyed about something (like last night he stubbed his toe in the bin because I'd left something in the way) he has a few minutes on his own, deals with it, then is fine. Its a far more grown up way of doing things, and it makes our lives much happier because I'm not treading on egg shells the whole time. Could you do something like that? Just ignore him and get on with things? So if he's sulking, you would just get on with things with the kids - go out, do whatever, so he's the one whos missing out? If ou plan things and look forward to them - ie with the tree - just plan to do it without him, If he joins in, then fine, but if not you're not dissapointed and frustrated. And he might realise that he can't bring you down, and he might start noticing that he's the one missing out. If he says something to you about the house etc just smile and say yep, I've been busy. If he says well you just sit about all day laugh at him and say your kids are more important than living in a show home and that if it bothers him he knows what to do. Just keep it all quite light hearted. Don't let him see that anything he does / says bothers you, because so often its like he's doing it just to see your reaction. Its the actions of a bully - and the best way to deal with him is to spoil his game and not let him see that it bothers you. Even if it does.

Lots of love xx

 

[maybebaby3]

thanks sarah. i feel so dead inside though but i think i will try that approach and forget about him. it frustrates me so much that he thinks i am rubbish and 'unefficient' i even do his bloody uniform for him which has to be perfectly ironed every day. he says thanks sometimes but cant he see that i am doing this at 11.30pm in between owen waking every 30mins

 

[Frufru]

Only flying thorugh but could not leave without posting at all.

maybebaby. I feel so frustrated and upset on your behalf, not to mention angry that someone so close to you can be so blind and treat you so poorly I have always admired how amazing you are caring for and raising 3 children. Your hubby is living in an unrealistic dreamworld and needs to realise how much you do for him and the kids. I wonder if Sarah and Muddles suggestion of stopping doing things for him and just focusing on what you and the kids need would open his eyes a little. Whatever you do you can't go on like this with him criticising and upsetting you like. I hope I don't offend you by saying this but I feel the way he treats you is tantamount to emotional cruelty

GOt to go for now, will pop back later.

Here are a few more hugs

 

[maybebaby3]

just been food shopping with the three kids and nearly burst into tears as picked up far too much and had a basket overflowing trying to pish the buggy with a french stick under my arm and milk hanging off my fingers get home and he's STILL in bed

 

[Sarahwoo]

Maybe get the kids ready and go out, go do something nice even if its just going to your mums or something. Let him get up to an empty house and wonder where you are.

 

[maybebaby3]

he got up whilst i was cooking lunch. he is in better spirits today. hope it lasts! he actually played with owen for a while!

 

[hope&faith09]

Maybe you are not crap you deserve so much better.

Me and OH arent talking similar to you maybe he is just sitting on his arse expecting me to do everything and we were up arguing until 2Am this morning, he then got up at 7.30 and went out after promising he would look after Amy today I havent seen him all day. At the moment I am seriously contemplating leaving him and really dont know what to do. I sat on the kitchen floor crying earlier I just dont know what to do I feel like a crap person and a crap mum. Sorry for the rant.

 

[A3my]

Maybe - I think what Sarah said is brilliant dont be so sad, he's the one missing out on all that you and your beautiful children have to give

H&F - you are not a crap person or a crap mum! You're a brilliant committed mum and one of the most determined people I have ever met (albeit cyberly!) things will get better xxx

I do think we are a bunch of strong women, its weird how men can get such a hold! This is why Kerry and I split 4 years ago. I got to where I couldnt take the controlling anymore. I was a nurse but went back to uni and changed career and Kerry couldnt take how much more independant I was of him and had an affair. We split and he moved out. 6 months later we slowly got back together, on my part I couldnt handle the girls being part of a broken home and despite his bad parts and affair I still loved Kerry. Since then even when he gets really shitty he never quite crosses the lines he used to and pulls his wieght a lot more, even though its not as much as a lot of nice men, I appreciate that its never as bad as before...if that makes sense. I'm waffling now but I used to get so down like you are maybe and feel dead inside but now I never quite reach that low becasue I know he's not in control. sorry for the blurb!

 

[Sarahwoo]

Evening all!

Huge to Maybe and H&F . . . I'm sorry you are both having such a rubbish time in your relationships You both sound so lovely and I hate that your men make you sad, you both deserve to be so happy. I wish there was more I could do to help, but I hope knowing that you have friends to 'talk' to on here helps

Amy it sounds like you went through an awful time with Kerry, good on you for coming out the other side

Oliver just woke up for the first time tonight . . . back shortly

 

[Sarahwoo]

I'm back . . . he's been so good tonight, he was asleep for 7pm and that was the first I heard from him, and he was settled again nice and quickly

I've been trying to get my head around Google Adwords tonight, for my wedding business. Steve has agreed that if I can get enough confirmed bookings I can not go back to work and just do that instead, so I'm putting as much time into it as I can. I thought I'd give Google Adwords a try, so we'll see how that goes . . . fingers crossed! It takes some understanding though, and my brain is not used to actually having to do something I've just found a box of chocolates so I'm rewarding myself with them . . . it was either that or a glass or wine

 

[A3my]

I dont even know what google adwords is!!! thats brilliant news though, every day I think about leaving Alex and well up! its going so quickly. The only way I could even reduce my hours would be if we sold up and moved to a cheaper house in one of the towns. I know it gets easier from the girls though, its just when they are babies it feels so wrong!

I've been so bad tonight, I ate a whole tub of B&J and now I am having a cheeky glass of wine! I've been feeling pretty rough the last couple of days and thought the wine might help!

 

[Sarahwoo]

If Steve was at home I would soooooo have a glass of wine but I have a rule about not drinking on my own. Ever since we moved in I said I wouldn't drink on my own, when I was working and not pregnant it would have been to easy to get into the habit of having a glass every night with my dinner. And now, even though I hardly ever drink, I just can't bring myself to drink on my own

I can't think about leaving Oliver with anyone My mum (who was a stay at home mum herself) thinks I would enjoy the break when I got used to it and realised that Oliver was fine and loved nursery. I think she could have a point. But I have always, always wanted my own company and I could earn far, far more doing this than I ever could working for someone else. To be honest if it takes off I think it will be much, much more work than working at the bank - but with the rewards to match. Argh I hope it works, I really need to focus and do well. I am so easily distracted with other little projects, like the 'I Made This' stuff is all what I bought / made for doing craft fayres and then did one and didn't enjoy it. I get an idea and I just run with it, but I am determind to just focus on the weddings for a while and let everything else just tick over.

Sorry to go on, I know I'm just rambling, but you guys are the only people I can ramble to My head is all full of ideas and options . . . now I've got headache

 

[A3my]

Ahhh, you're lucky you get nights on your own I drink because Kerry is here only joking! I wouldnt drink on my own because I'd want to be on the ball if anything happened

thats so fantastic you can make a mint and I think you are very lucky to have such a creative mind! My mum was a SAHM but she always had a weekend job because she felt she needed a break. When I was younger with the girls I wanted company but now I am happy on my own. If I had a different husband I'm sure I could even drop one day, Kerry earns so much more than me, but he's not prepared to contribute anymore to the family outgoings. But I know things could be a lot worse, at least this way I can provide the girls with a good quality of life, with riding lessons and holidays etc and one day Alex can do all those things too. Its a shame the world has gone to pot financially. Our company used to be so good to work for but now they treat their employees like crap

 

[Sarahwoo]

Amy thats fab, you are such a great mum - I look at you as a bit of a role model to be honest, I like how you do things You are a great role model for your girls too, from what you say it sounds like you are a lovely little family

I think if Steve worked 9-5 and I had a job I enjoyed and that paid well, things would be different. Working for myself just fits in better around Steve, and like I said has much better earning potential. I think I will still ask my parents to take Oliver for one full day each week at some point to give me a break and let me get some work done. Well this is all presuming I can make a go of it and do well . . . fingers crossed! I saw someone who was selling her business and she was turning over £60k a year . . . and most of that was profit. I have to say that spurred me on

Right, I'm off to bed . . . I've had a lovely productive evening but my brain is now mashed

xx

 

[Sarahwoo]

Oh my goodness, we had such a good night! Oliver woke at three, and then at five and was soaked through so had a full change. Then he slept until half past nine! Bliss! Oh I feel like a new woman, haha!!

Xx

 

[maybebaby3]

h&f - i feel for you. men just dont understand what it is to be in charge of the house and the baby and how much time a baby demands from you! rant away, god knows i do enough of that i hope things with dave settle down and he realises what he's got before it's too late! huge hun. i find that letting i all out here helps a great deal and i wish i'd discovered b&b a long time ago like when i had dylan!!! it's very therapeutic (sp?) to let it all out. i'm sorry about dave and his empty promises. i know how you feel. like sarah said maybe it's best just to plan things without them and if they join in well and good.

sarah - for good nights! good boy oliver for being such a good boy! i hope you can sort out the business do you can chuck in work! i would love to but i am now the highest earner and even if i wasnt i'd still have to work

amy - you are such a strong woman! i know what you mean that it does get easier leaving the kids. i guess you get used to it.

i had to go back to work when dylan was 8 months and then again when erin was 11 months and owe will be 11 months when i go back. we are not offered part time here as teachers so i will be full time again. i hope to secure a new job soon but it is not looking promising at the mo. i amfed up of where i am. the staff are quite bitchy and there is a lot of two facedness and backstabbing.

off to do some housestuff as today OH is actually right as i've bee sat on my bum for the past hour! dont tell him that though!

 

[emera35]

Roh has Bronchiolitis We spent all of last night in hospital as he needed to be on oxygen! I put him to bed last night and he went off to sleep, then about 20 minutes later started moaning a bit. When i went to check him he was gasping and breathing really fast. When i turned the light on i saw his lips were blue, so i called an ambulance. After a few hours on oxygen he perked up loads, so this morning they let us come home, as he is getting enough air now, even though his breathing still sounds awful! He just wants to play, but i have to keep stopping him, as he gets excited and then out of breath. When they checked him over they said his ear infections have cleared up though, so thats a plus. I'm so tired and worried, but OH insisted on working today, and last night when i called him from the hospital. I was so suprised i didn't challenge him, but looking back i'm a bit miffed i had to go through all that on my own... i really need an hour off so i can sleep