New here and seeking some advice...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by Baby_Bink, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. Baby_Bink

    Baby_Bink Member

    Nov 20, 2011
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    I just found out on Wednesday that I am pregnant and am looking for advice on a few things.

    Firstly, this is my 4th child. This pregnancy is completely unlike all the others that I've had in regards to how I feel. My stomach feels constantly tight, like contraction tight. It actually scares me. Is this normal for being around 3-4 weeks in? With my others I never had this at all so I'm obviously quite concerned. My other kids are 11, 9 & 5 so I did have them somewhat close in age. Is it possibly the ligaments and everything just needing to stretch themselves back out? Sorry for the mini-freak out, this is just new to me!

    Now this is where the story gets fun....

    I am recently divorced from the father of my other 3 children. The father of this baby is the guy I actually dumped to be with my now ex husband. His wife had moved out and in with another guy, completely just walking away from everything. This happened around June I believe. Around Halloween he asked me to come over and talk as we've maintained our friendship through the years and us getting together to talk was nothing new or out of the ordinary. We did actually talk for a good couple of hours. Unfortunately alcohol was involved and old feelings resurfaced and, well, you get the point. Was it a smart idea? No. But I can't change the past.

    This past week I realized I was late. I took 2 tests on my lunch on Wednesday. I thought both were defective as both the test and control lines were so faint you could barely see them. I bought 2 more after I got off work and again, a faint positive but with a much stronger control line. I finally took 2 more as I was still in shock and again, positive.

    I called him immediately but he didn't pick up and instead texted me. I tried 50 different ways to get him to get together with me and he wouldn't so I had to tell him via text which is NOT how I wanted to tell him. He asked if I was sure and he even accompanied me to the doctor the next morning for a confirmation test which was positive and gave me an EDD of 8/1/12. I handed him the results and an appointment card for my first appointment. We talked for a minute and he gave them back before leaving.

    Here is where this situation is quite sticky and I'm not sure how to handle it.

    He lost a child a few years ago. His wife went out shortly thereafter and had her tubes tied as she didn't want to face the potential of ever losing another child. This crushed him but he accepted the fact he would never have more kids. And now this happens. His entire family is still very much caught up over the death of his child even though it's been almost 5 years. I don't blame them one bit. But now that they've received the news, it's almost like they are mad and think that this new baby will be taking the place or erasing the memory of that child. That's not at all how I want the situation to be. But, that is what the current situation is so that is what I am trying to deal with.

    Does anyone have any advice on dealing with a parent like this who has lost a child before and then had another? I personally have never faced it so I am trying to understand how he and his family think/feel so I can help them through it or at least understand their perspective because I do respect them even if they don't me at the moment.

    (also, I realize none of this situation is ideal. I don't want to be lectured. I am trying to make the best of the situation that is at hand regardless of how messed up it might be. I just want what is best for the baby.)

  2. jess1983

    jess1983 Mother of 3

    May 3, 2011
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    My stomach feels tight all the time, and my other two are 11 and 6 so I think time may have a lot to do with the ligaments having to stretch back out. As for your other situation congrats on your pregnancy. It is a bummer that everything happened like it did but you just have to make the best of it that you can. I really don't know how you would deal with the family. Hopefully in time they realize that you were both willing adults and they need to love the beautiful baby that has come of it. He or she is not a replacement but a blessing :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
  3. intravenus

    intravenus Well-Known Member

    Jan 10, 2011
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    hello, didn't want to read and run... I have no clue what you should do to bring the family round, but i feel sure, if he was originally happy to be a father, once he see's the little ones big eyes looking up at him he will come round to the idea and see it as a person to love, rather than a situation to fear. Best of luck :)x
  4. Rigi.kun

    Rigi.kun Mum to Teddy

    Sep 27, 2011
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    Didn't want to read and run. My tummy never felt tight, it could be unrelated to the pregnancy.

    As for the other thing, I've never been in that situations, but it sounds like your going to need to give them space and time. It's only early days

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