OBEM - upsetting content this week.

[Tasha]

But that is reality in the real world outside forums Blah.
- The mw who told me that she cuddles people because she is a mummy and maybe one day I would understand.
- The friend who would not see me because it might be catching..
- The people who will not call our son by his name as it is not conventional.
- Numerous people who tell me that I have only had one child.
- the people who don't believe I gave birth to him. Dont know how they think he was born.

It goes on and on and on. There is probably not one person who has lost a child who doesn't have at least one example like this.

Yeah, that is what I was getting at with mentioning what various friends had said. I dont expect people to understand what my life or pain is like, they simply cannot but basic things like you still have to give birth, is something every person should be educated in.

I read pregnancy books, all had a small chapter on miscarriages nothing on stillbirths or neonatal loss. I went to antenatal clasess, no mention at all of loses. So when my daughter died, it WAS a complete shock that this had happened and I didnt have the internet so I felt alone, made to feel even moreso when the hospital told me we dont have the facilities to support you because this doesnt happen here It was the lonliest place to be, and it need not of been because there was nine other women that day delivering their stillborn baby, and seven ithers cradling their newborn as they said goodbye.

Awareness on a level that OBEM could give, couldnt be matched by a documentry and if people feel uncomfortable or scared, they have an off switch but if it makes one woman get checked or another feel less lone because she felt like I did then that is worth it to me

 

[Kay_Baby]

I think if the situation arises when someone was willing to have their story on OBEM, I think it should be shown.

Sadly, babies die, its a fact of life. Thankfully due to medical advances less babies die than use to.

OBEM is about the emotional journey of giving birth. That’s the emotions of everyone involved including the medical staff. I have a friend who is a midwife and I have meet up with her after the worst shift of her career where due to complications she had twins and the mum die during the delivery. Do you know how hard that hits the staff, let alone the family, and they are trained to deal with it.

I have at some point when I was pregnant watched a series about premature babies. They followed about 3 babies a program. Most of them did not go home yet I never read anywhere about anyone having issues with that being shown.

Showing these things makes the situations more accessible and easier to talk about. Without TV a lot of people would have no idea that many medical conditions exist.

 

[dizz]

oh for gods sake... step down off your soap box.

Until we get a world where NO ONE feels it's acceptable behaviour to blame women who miscarry, where no one feels it's acceptable to give people shit for naming deceased babies, where miscarriage and stillbirth care moves on to levels where women don't have to sit in ante-natal waiting rooms with couples clutching scan photos to be confirmed their babies have died and losses past, where pregnant women get the message that it's utterly fucking inacceptable to bitch about other women's miscarriages being inconsiderate in that it puts a dampner on their own pregnancies, where the media pulls its head out of its arse and runs some proper coverage of the issues instead of shite like the sodding Eastenders baby swap storyline... nope, it's my soap box and I'll continue to ride it to the end because the care both from the medical profession and society as a whole towards all those who've suffered pregnancy losses is absolutely abysmal and an embarassment to us all.

We really haven't moved on all that far from the age 30+ years ago when my aunt was forced to deliver a baby they knew would be stillborn and then subsequently made to stay the night on a maternity ward... and then expected never to talk about it again really - or at least a lot of people would like us back there for fear of upsetting others.

I actually find the whole thread title about it being something upsetting to be ignored and hushed up INCREDIBLY offensive toward those women on here expecting their rainbows... my lost ones - they're not some dirty sordid little secret to be hushed up - they were as valid as pregnancies, as bundles of our hopes and dreams as this one currently with her foot somewhere up in my armpit (I've not yet sussed out quite how wedging a foot there is anatomically possible) is.

I haven't been on most of the day because the site's running horrifically slow for me at the moment (please replace the hamster in a wheel powering the server) - but I just know from story after story within the pregnancy loss community how horrifically prevalent the comments are expecting us to shut up and keep quiet and stay out of the way, how people treat you like you're some kind of contagious illness or horrific reminder of things - things CAN go wrong, things DO go wrong and the hideously insensitive reactions of people make what's a particularly horrible bereavement and grief (for it's not only the grief for the actual loss - but for the hopes and dreams and future you've planned out as well - you have to grieve for that) umpteen bajillion times worse.

So no, I'll stay on my soap box and I'll continue calling out those who DARE fucking whine about other women being inconsiderate and having miscarriages and refusing to keep to the conspiracy of silence they'd like to maintain their insular little bubble. After all - if you're talking about first tri losses... we're about a quarter of pregnant women, second and third tri - rarer... but why on earth is it still acceptable to expect us to hang our heads in shame?

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

oh for gods sake... step down off your soap box.

Until we get a world where NO ONE feels it's acceptable behaviour to blame women who miscarry, where no one feels it's acceptable to give people shit for naming deceased babies, where miscarriage and stillbirth care moves on to levels where women don't have to sit in ante-natal waiting rooms with couples clutching scan photos to be confirmed their babies have died and losses past, where pregnant women get the message that it's utterly fucking inacceptable to bitch about other women's miscarriages being inconsiderate in that it puts a dampner on their own pregnancies, where the media pulls its head out of its arse and runs some proper coverage of the issues instead of shite like the sodding Eastenders baby swap storyline... nope, it's my soap box and I'll continue to ride it to the end because the care both from the medical profession and society as a whole towards all those who've suffered pregnancy losses is absolutely abysmal and an embarassment to us all.

We really haven't moved on all that far from the age 30+ years ago when my aunt was forced to deliver a baby they knew would be stillborn and then subsequently made to stay the night on a maternity ward... and then expected never to talk about it again really - or at least a lot of people would like us back there for fear of upsetting others.

I actually find the whole thread title about it being something upsetting to be ignored and hushed up INCREDIBLY offensive toward those women on here expecting their rainbows... my lost ones - they're not some dirty sordid little secret to be hushed up - they were as valid as pregnancies, as bundles of our hopes and dreams as this one currently with her foot somewhere up in my armpit (I've not yet sussed out quite how wedging a foot there is anatomically possible) is.

I haven't been on most of the day because the site's running horrifically slow for me at the moment (please replace the hamster in a wheel powering the server) - but I just know from story after story within the pregnancy loss community how horrifically prevalent the comments are expecting us to shut up and keep quiet and stay out of the way, how people treat you like you're some kind of contagious illness or horrific reminder of things - things CAN go wrong, things DO go wrong and the hideously insensitive reactions of people make what's a particularly horrible bereavement and grief (for it's not only the grief for the actual loss - but for the hopes and dreams and future you've planned out as well - you have to grieve for that) umpteen bajillion times worse.

So no, I'll stay on my soap box and I'll continue calling out those who DARE fucking whine about other women being inconsiderate and having miscarriages and refusing to keep to the conspiracy of silence they'd like to maintain their insular little bubble. After all - if you're talking about first tri losses... we're about a quarter of pregnant women, second and third tri - rarer... but why on earth is it still acceptable to expect us to hang our heads in shame?

 

[tina3747]

The thing is, if you had a programme specifically for still bith or neo natal deaths how many people would want to watch... ??Probably the ones affected by loss in the first place not the people who need to be aware of what can go wrong.
As I said, no one wants to see such a heart breaking thing , especially when pregnant but making awareness can be nothing but positive in the long run. And at some point, that pregnant lady watching may well have a connection to that particular birth unfortunately.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

I think its a very sensitive subject. nobody meant any harm or offence by there comments. But i do think its getting alittle to close to the bone now.
I see both sides. To a first time mum seeing such heartache can not only be sad but can scare a woman to death. I no a lady whos terrified of birth, but OFC it shouldnt be covered up.

Does anyone remeber a program called baby hospital, was on last year and followed premmie babies and poorly babies. alot of them didnt survive. I was abou 20 weeks pregnant and it broke my heart. I lived in fear that would be me esp as id had a scare the week before.

I just think its a scary reality that is out there.

 

[honey08]

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

Honey how on earth did i miss youd had your baby! Congrats xx

 

[smokey]

But why not Smokey? If someone had agreed to be on the show and then sadly went on to have a child born sleeping they may well support showing their story. They may see it as a fitting memorial or to help raise awareness. They may or may not choose to show their baby but may choose to show the birth and the subsequent deafening silence in the room.

I just cannot see why this is such a taboo in the first place but especially not why it is so tabok in a show about pregnancy. 17 babies a day die at birth or just after so it is reality for a lot of people.

It has nothing to do with it being a taboo subject.
OBEM falls into the type of tv along side big brother and my big fat gypsie wedding, its aim is more of a vouraism type show rather then a documentry so it doesnt have the backing and the means to approach such a serious subject and for this specific showto attempt to would end up coming across as a freak show look at the grieving family and thats what would put back all the hard work done by charaties and campagns to bring awarness about stillbirth and channle 4 know they couldnt handle this subject respectfully with this specific show.
I think at some point they may do a one off special to show the other side but with its weekly run show I just dont think they would want to go down that route.

Again I am not saying thay shouldnt just that they wouldnt for their own reasonings.
I realy wish people would stop twisting some things and making out like others are saying its taboo dont talk about it and such, some of the wordings iv seen in this thread and accusations are downright discusting.
It will always be a sensative subject and sadly it is a subject that will blind us towards what other people are trying to say and people read it as how thwy want to read it.

 

[bigbetty]

Woah. Gobsmacked.

The subject of miscarriage and stillbirths is upsetting, whether you've experienced it or not - fact.

The point to this thread was to prepare people who watch OBEM that this week's programme contains material on the subject of miscarriage/still birth - not one person has said anything about it being taboo or should be hushed up or ignored. The OP was simply providing information so viewers could make a decision about whether to watch or not - which is totally within their rights. If a person knows that a programme contains material they don't want to see then they have the right not to watch it without being accused of being insensitive or failing to acknowledge that it happens.

Dizz - you are totally entitled to feel the way you do and to voice your opinion, but please remember that not everyone wants to wear their heart on their sleeves. I have friends who have suffered losses and I know they don't want to watch the programme because it will bring back too many painful memories for them.

 

[aliss]

Wow, hot issue. I admit, I've never seen this show - I watched one episode of the US equivalent that we have here and it was just unpleasant.

Still birth is not a taboo subject for me, I have always known since my mom has had one.

I can understand why some feel they should probably forewarn audiences if such a subject will come up but I don't think it should be a banned subject. It has been a banned subject for SO long, did you know that when it happened to my mom (1980), you weren't allowed to name your baby, you weren't allowed to HOLD your baby, and you didn't even get to bury your baby? Unless the baby lived for a few hours at least. But if actually stillborn, no.

I wish some of you knew how badly that could scar a woman. My mom still talks about it. 1980! 32 years. She was so happy that I named my 9 week miscarriage. She wasn't supposed to do that with her 8 month still birth.

That's where we come from, why not move foreward?

 

[smokey]

Again though no one is saying it shouldnt be talkd about or it should be a banned subject just that it should be handled by a programme that can do it justice, that has researchers for it and statistics, facts, proper helpfull infomation.
A programme that could do it proper justice in a educational way and not half heartedly would do the cause 1000 times more good and raise awarness and support a lot more then a show that is basicly big brother with pregnant ladies.

 

[Tasha]

Firstly it IS a taboo. I am not saying that anyone on this thread wants it to be that way, but currently it is. There is babyloss awareness week in October, no main stream television programme will cover it.

Secondly their has been documentaries on stilbirth, but they don't reach out to the masses and besides people can read the statistics but that doesn't show what it is like for families going through it.

 

[indy and lara]

But why not Smokey? If someone had agreed to be on the show and then sadly went on to have a child born sleeping they may well support showing their story. They may see it as a fitting memorial or to help raise awareness. They may or may not choose to show their baby but may choose to show the birth and the subsequent deafening silence in the room.

I just cannot see why this is such a taboo in the first place but especially not why it is so tabok in a show about pregnancy. 17 babies a day die at birth or just after so it is reality for a lot of people.

It has nothing to do with it being a taboo subject.
OBEM falls into the type of tv along side big brother and my big fat gypsie wedding, its aim is more of a vouraism type show rather then a documentry so it doesnt have the backing and the means to approach such a serious subject and for this specific showto attempt to would end up coming across as a freak show look at the grieving family and thats what would put back all the hard work done by charaties and campagns to bring awarness about stillbirth and channle 4 know they couldnt handle this subject respectfully with this specific show.
I think at some point they may do a one off special to show the other side but with its weekly run show I just dont think they would want to go down that route.

Again I am not saying thay shouldnt just that they wouldnt for their own reasonings.
I realy wish people would stop twisting some things and making out like others are saying its taboo dont talk about it and such, some of the wordings iv seen in this thread and accusations are downright discusting.
It will always be a sensative subject and sadly it is a subject that will blind us towards what other people are trying to say and people read it as how thwy want to read it.

For me, OBEM and Big Brother are really not comparable. I also don't understand why people say that OBEM would treat the issue glibly or without due consideration. I don't think there should be a one off show about stillbirth as that is making it different AGAIN. It should be sitting there alongside all the other episodes which have covered a wide range of problems and complications.


When people don't want something covered because it is upsetting or hard to watch then it is taboo. I cannot watch shows where babies are rushed to SCBU as it is too close to the bone for me but I have the remote and can turn over. Would I be able to watch a show about stillbirth? Probably not as I know all too well what the pain in like but I have the choice to read the synopsis and not turn it on in the first place. There are always issues in this world which touch a nerve for people due to personal experience but they are still covered in soap/ documentaries/ talk shows etc. Surely many of the parents who have experienced long journeys in SCBU or women who have had to have crash sections will find episodes of OBEM which cover these issues really hard to watch but no-one suggests that these issues should not be covered. Not every story has a happy ending.


As Tasha says, there is a Baby Loss Awareness week but it is so poorly covered in the media that it really does not manage to reach many people. I have spent 4 years now listening to people tell me that babyloss is not taboo but when push comes to shove they don't really want to know about it.

 

[smokey]

All I can say is why I think they wouldnt do it as part of their show.
Obem was only ever originaly ment as light entertainment to point at the woman pulling funny faces and grunting noises type thing, its a voyarism type show.
That format seems to be working for them so I just dont think they will change it.
Again im just saying theoreticaly why I dont think they would but some seem to be reading it as "i dont think they should" or "no one wants to know about that so dont talk about it"

 

[fidgets mammy]

Why does it have to be on a tv show to make people aware of it? I think thete are better ways of dealing wirh it. I am carrying high risk twins and am fully aware that things can go wrong at any minute, i also suffered a miscarraige at twelve weeks and had to pass the baby myself, and i had a crash section with my son because his heart rate completely went. All these were and are very scary. I've only recently gotten over my sons birth and I certainly would not want to watch a programme where a lady had to pass a deceased baby at any stage. But that's me, and I'm sure there are others like me.

Yes it should be made more aware but in the right way. This thread is turning heated when it has no need to, everybody handles grief differently and the loss pf a baby is extremely sensitive.

 

[indy and lara]

Why does it have to be on a tv show to make people aware of it? I think thete are better ways of dealing wirh it. I am carrying high risk twins and am fully aware that things can go wrong at any minute, i also suffered a miscarraige at twelve weeks and had to pass the baby myself, and i had a crash section with my son because his heart rate completely went. All these were and are very scary. I've only recently gotten over my sons birth and I certainly would not want to watch a programme where a lady had to pass a deceased baby at any stage. But that's me, and I'm sure there are others like me.

Yes it should be made more aware but in the right way. This thread is turning heated when it has no need to, everybody handles grief differently and the loss pf a baby is extremely sensitive.

Honestly Fidget's Mammy I am not sure what will work. What is the right way? Pregnancy books have very little information about babyloss, health professionals are often ill informed, shows like This Morning ignore Babyloss Awareness Week every year. I could go on. When your pg is high risk you are more aware of the risks but most people who have a stillbirth or who experience neo-natal loss are not high risk so have very little idea.

 

[sparkle_1979]

I love obem and wouldn't watch it if there was a still birth shown. I'd find it far to upsetting as I think most would. I've had loses and I know watching that if I was pregnant ( with or without loses ) would be very distressing....

I don't mean to offend anyone who has had to go through such heart break I just feel it not something I want to watch someone go through, too heartbreaking and I'd be left feeling very upset after it x

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

Why does it have to be on a tv show to make people aware of it? I think thete are better ways of dealing wirh it. I am carrying high risk twins and am fully aware that things can go wrong at any minute, i also suffered a miscarraige at twelve weeks and had to pass the baby myself, and i had a crash section with my son because his heart rate completely went. All these were and are very scary. I've only recently gotten over my sons birth and I certainly would not want to watch a programme where a lady had to pass a deceased baby at any stage. But that's me, and I'm sure there are others like me.

Yes it should be made more aware but in the right way. This thread is turning heated when it has no need to, everybody handles grief differently and the loss pf a baby is extremely sensitive.

Honestly Fidget's Mammy I am not sure what will work. What is the right way? Pregnancy books have very little information about babyloss, health professionals are often ill informed, shows like This Morning ignore Babyloss Awareness Week every year. I could go on. When your pg is high risk you are more aware of the risks but most people who have a stillbirth or who experience neo-natal loss are not high risk so have very little idea.

When i was pregnancy i got a huge purple pregnancy book that had everything in it, even dealing with loss and whats available to you and stuff like. as hard as it was to read it was still in there. At first i was stupid and thought i dont wanna read that but like you say its reality and it does happen.
I assumed everyone got these books.. maybe its just my area.

 

[fidgets mammy]

Why does it have to be on a tv show to make people aware of it? I think thete are better ways of dealing wirh it. I am carrying high risk twins and am fully aware that things can go wrong at any minute, i also suffered a miscarraige at twelve weeks and had to pass the baby myself, and i had a crash section with my son because his heart rate completely went. All these were and are very scary. I've only recently gotten over my sons birth and I certainly would not want to watch a programme where a lady had to pass a deceased baby at any stage. But that's me, and I'm sure there are others like me.

Yes it should be made more aware but in the right way. This thread is turning heated when it has no need to, everybody handles grief differently and the loss pf a baby is extremely sensitive.

Honestly Fidget's Mammy I am not sure what will work. What is the right way? Pregnancy books have very little information about babyloss, health professionals are often ill informed, shows like This Morning ignore Babyloss Awareness Week every year. I could go on. When your pg is high risk you are more aware of the risks but most people who have a stillbirth or who experience neo-natal loss are not high risk so have very little idea.

No but my son wasnt high risk and they feared is i could lose him. And just because yr aware yr pregnancy is high risk doesnt make it any easier should anything happen to either one or both babies. My point is whether it shoyld be made more awarw or not, some people can not handle seeing these things. And tgat should be respected just as much as the fact it needs to be made more aware.

Like i said everyone feels different but there are some veeu strong opinions on here that could easily upset.