OH performance anxiety - 6 BFPs so far!!!!

[viccat]

I feel like crying today. I'm feeling like my body has suddenly turned on me when I've always been straightforward as far as AF is concerned. Last night I was feeling positive, but today I feel like I don't know what the feck I'm doing!!! It's at a time like this that I feel really bitter about not being able to BD for days like some couples do- at least then it wouldn't feel like we were gonna just miss the boat completely! We did AI on tues nite after I 'thought' we had positive OPKS... But I'm doubting that now. We might try again tonite.

I haven't seen a doctor at any point bcos I wanted to try for a little while. But It all feels like speculation & guessing & I'm feeling like I should just go get everything checked out rather than keep wasting time...
Now I have to go to work and try to concentrate : (

Oh I know exactly how you feel. Just one thing to check - you're not taking any new vitamins are you? When I took Pregnacare it did odd things to my cycle. I totally panicked and was convinced I was ageing and had left it too late (it doesn't take much for that ugly gremlin to rear it's head!) Anyway, I switched back to the equivalent Boots brand which has less "stuff" in it, and thankfully back to normal again.

I haven't seen a doctor either - OH and I agreed to try for 3 more months before we do that, and this is now the second of those months......

FF has estimated ovulation to be today (which would be CD16, which makes sense). I had EWCM yesterday am and today am. Last night had pain which felt like mittelschmerz on left side of my pelvis.

But I have done three OPK's - two yesterday (one am one pm) and one today (pm) all negative. From what I remember I have a 'slow surge' but is it possible just to miss the LH surge altogether? Anyone had any experience of this?

My temp was still low this am but I guess my question will be answered anyway if it shows a shift tomorrow morning...

I'm a bit mystified though...

The one month I tried to use OPKs I didn't get a clear positive, but my monitor pinpoints about the same day each month and it all matches up with EWCM. My understanding is that OPKs have varying sensitivity, and it may be that you just need a more sensitive test?

Hi Everyone, I'm getting on this post late and I think posted a while back, but haven't read through all the posts yet, but I will. I'm feeling really discouraged with my husband's performance anxiety/low testosterone? He is so bummed. We haven't seen a doctor yet, but I am encouraging him to see his doc if it is in fact low testosterone...he has difficulty with maintaining his erection, which then, we can't finish. It was so frustrating last night as I am ovulating and we tried, with the same frustrating result. We took a break from trying the beginning of the summer because of this and thought it was stress, but now I'm beginning to wonder if it's testosterone. I will be 40 in November and my husband will be 44 in a month. We are TTC with our first child. I want to read the past posts regarding syringe use for insemination, as he can get the job done on his own. I'm trying really hard not to panic and go to the extreme that we will never be parents because of this. I should note, we are both seeing an acupuncturist and he has some herbs with some natural help but he hasn't taken the herbs yet. Thanks for listening...I just feel so alone, as I can't talk to any of my friends about this, but yet feel so hopeless and sad. I'll go back and read all the posts. Thanks again!

Sorry to hear you are having trouble gustav how does OH feel about going to the docs?

 

[Juniperjules]

Juniperjules, I hear you, on all fronts!! I have a feeling I'm not going to be in this cycle at all.

And I'm in the same boat re the OPK's. In the past have had an unambiguous result with them, but feel like I might have missed the surge this time. Did you test again today?[/QUOTE]

Yep! I tested 4 times yesterday last one at about 7.30, then today I did one also about 11am. And to add to my frustration, I have this Persona monitor that I started using this month... & long story short- your not meant to mix up the batches of sticks you use.. & I have because I ran out.. So today the stupid machine isnt asking me for a stick when I KNOW it should be asking for them until cd23 at least!!

Feel like this month is a total bust! makes me feel quite panicky actually like maybe I'm not Ov??? I have had a VERY stressful year & am now worried the stress & high cortisol levels might have screwed with my cycle. My mum told me I'm being too negative too quickly, & she's probably right. But I feel so dejected right now. Like all this effort, OPKS, temping, Chinese medicine, Ov Monitor are all just a painful waste of time.. I did get some EWCM on Thursday the day after we did the AI.. That's the only positive so far. But I think would be a miracle if the timing was actually right!

 

[Juniperjules]

Viccat, what kind of monitor are you using? Is it the Clearblue one?

I'm thinking of buying one for next month. The one I have (persona) is actually designed as a contraceptive but people use it the opposite way for TTC. But I've found an article about how really you DO need to use a proper one for TRC b is the algorithm's are different even though both are detecting oestrogen & LH.

 

[Hortensia]

Hmm, seem to have + opk this morning on CD17? Which confirms that I know jack about my menstrual cycle - I seem to be stuck in this mindset of 28 day cycles and ov on day 14. I don't have 28 day cycles! This makes me realize that all previous 'high likelihood of pg' times I was just wrong

Juniperjules, I know that when DTD is an issue, there is huge added pressure to pinpoint ov exactly. I doubt I'll be in the 2ww since we probably won't get to DTD this month anyway I've decided I'm using this cycle as an observation anyway... And I am envious of couples who BD 3 or 4 times a week without any problems

I agree with Katherine that you should AI as much as possible till you get an answer one way or another in this cycle. And do something you enjoy to try and take your mind off it (easier said than done I know)

This is JMO, but I think fertility monitoring manufacturers exploit women's anxieties to a large extent. I'm as guilty as the next POAS addict, but I sometimes think that just watching for EWCM and temping over a few cycles will probably do the job just as well and for a fraction of the expense!

But maybe I'm just in a cynical mood...

 

[Hortensia]

Hi Everyone, I'm getting on this post late and I think posted a while back, but haven't read through all the posts yet, but I will. I'm feeling really discouraged with my husband's performance anxiety/low testosterone? He is so bummed. We haven't seen a doctor yet, but I am encouraging him to see his doc if it is in fact low testosterone...he has difficulty with maintaining his erection, which then, we can't finish. It was so frustrating last night as I am ovulating and we tried, with the same frustrating result. We took a break from trying the beginning of the summer because of this and thought it was stress, but now I'm beginning to wonder if it's testosterone. I will be 40 in November and my husband will be 44 in a month. We are TTC with our first child. I want to read the past posts regarding syringe use for insemination, as he can get the job done on his own. I'm trying really hard not to panic and go to the extreme that we will never be parents because of this. I should note, we are both seeing an acupuncturist and he has some herbs with some natural help but he hasn't taken the herbs yet. Thanks for listening...I just feel so alone, as I can't talk to any of my friends about this, but yet feel so hopeless and sad. I'll go back and read all the posts. Thanks again!

Hi Gustav,

From what you say it might be wise to ask your OH to see a doc about this. He would run tests and take past history into account - there is no doubt that simply not having enough sex is going to impact fertility. Would your OH be willing to see a medical professional?

I know you feel alone and stressed about this. There is a lot of advice and support to be had on these boards, and at the very least, being able to air your concerns might help. Sending you lots of positive vibes and

xx

 

[Katherine1209]

Gustav72, I know that when my oh hasn't been able to finish I've been totally devastated! Although I try not to let him know cause he's already under enough pressure....but it is sooooo frustrating, especially when the ov window can be short

I've also has issues with opk's....I have to test twice a day as have missed it in the past...must be a quick surge and drop, but my lines are never very dark, I keep them all as its easier to see the surge when I can compare all the sticks...and if oh throws them out, as he sometimes does if he finds them littering the sink, I end up going in the bin to get it out ......you should see my face when he tells me he threw it out..like he has thrown a baby out or something.... and then my frantic pawing through the rubbish...lol

All in all, I just don't get why my OH wouldn't do anything to get the deed done....I'd be happy with AI everytime if it meant we could increase our chances...

I've had a couple of day 21 blood tests done now to measure progesterone to see if I'm actually oving which were all good....just had another to check AMH, egg quality...I've asked oh to get an sa, just to check, but he's procrastinating big time....arghhh!!

H, I'm so envious of those big bd couples too, especially when they are worried cause they ONLY did it 5 times in their fertile time...I'm lucky for two!!

 

[viccat]

Viccat, what kind of monitor are you using? Is it the Clearblue one?

I'm thinking of buying one for next month. The one I have (persona) is actually designed as a contraceptive but people use it the opposite way for TTC. But I've found an article about how really you DO need to use a proper one for TRC b is the algorithm's are different even though both are detecting oestrogen & LH.

Yeah, I have a Clearblue one. I am more than happy with it, as it finds my peak two days every cycle. Not sure whether you would gain much over the Persona - but I'm only guessing as I've never used one.

I have started temping to confirm ovulation, as that was the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle for me. I was starting to wonder whether I got the LH surge but didn't ovulate. Otherwise the monitor would be enough - I don't use OPKs other than one month when I thought the monitoring was ignoring an LH surge. It just turned out I do get an early LH surge just after AF and then my proper LH surge later in the month.

This is JMO, but I think fertility monitoring manufacturers exploit women's anxieties to a large extent. I'm as guilty as the next POAS addict, but I sometimes think that just watching for EWCM and temping over a few cycles will probably do the job just as well and for a fraction of the expense!

But maybe I'm just in a cynical mood...

LOL ..... I know what you mean (having just spent £25 on test sticks )

I'm not sure yet whether my EWCM and temperature change have a measurable relationship with eachother though. The temperature change is only useful to tell you when in the cycle ovulation normally occurs relative to EWCM. Then you are working on probability for the next month.

I'm definitely happier with the advance warning of the LH surge that a monitor/OPK gives you. Having said that, I've got regular cycles so the cheaper version probably would have worked just as well for me!

 

[viccat]

H, I'm so envious of those big bd couples too, especially when they are worried cause they ONLY did it 5 times in their fertile time...I'm lucky for two!!

You and me both......

Don't tell anyone but at times I have to stop reading certain threads when they touch a nerve.

 

[Katherine1209]

Me too! And I don't answer some posts cause I'm too pissed! I think, don't you know how lucky you are!!

I'm so annoyed at oh tonight too, he all moody and it's starting to get to me....

 

[viccat]

Me too! And I don't answer some posts cause I'm too pissed! I think, don't you know how lucky you are!!

I'm so annoyed at oh tonight too, he all moody and it's starting to get to me....

Yup, I do that too! For the fear of offending anyone who might read this, I'm not going to list the things that get my goat!

Hmmmmm - what can you do about OH? Would ignoring him for a bit help matters?

 

[gustav72]

Thanks everyone for the support! It really helps...it's difficult to talk to friends about this as they are in different situations and I don't want to embarrass my OH. He is very open to see a doctor, I think he's been pretty bummed the past couple of days, so I know once he is in a better space he will. I think it's important to have his levels checked as he's almost 44 and even though he's never experienced anything like this until we started to TTC, he's not in his 20's anymore. Thanks so much! I spent most of the morning trying not to cry at my work desk cause I was feeling so distraught, the support helps!

 

[Juniperjules]

Thanks everyone for the support! It really helps...it's difficult to talk to friends about this as they are in different situations and I don't want to embarrass my OH. He is very open to see a doctor, I think he's been pretty bummed the past couple of days, so I know once he is in a better space he will. I think it's important to have his levels checked as he's almost 44 and even though he's never experienced anything like this until we started to TTC, he's not in his 20's anymore. Thanks so much! I spent most of the morning trying not to cry at my work desk cause I was feeling so distraught, the support helps!

TOTALLY know how ur feeling hon. I know part of my frustration is that my OH & I have always had a great sex life.. Never had any issues or problems. However, I have to say that it seems like since he hit his 40's it changed. His libido is lower for sure. If I didn't 'push' him, we can go for a month without having sex!!! Shocking to me, considering what he used to be like. And I get all paranoid about it wondering if he's just not interested in me anymore & then he gets annoyed & tells me im being stupid.. But he does admit that his drive is not the same as it used to be. There was also a couple of months where he was having trouble keeping an erection, but we just kept persisting (he kept saying to me that the more we tried the better it would work!). And actually he was right. It was almost like he'd gotten out of practice bcos we were going these long stretches with no sex.

My Chinese medicine lady also commented that 'sometimes man over 40 need some help'....it's weird though, I would NEVER have imagined that we'd have these issues if you'd asked me years ago. As the saying goes 'old age doesn't come alone!'.. : ) I mean I know we're not 'old', but ageing must have something to do with it.

The nice thing is, when u find a forum like this and you realise these problems are common & happening to lots of other couples. It makes you feel much less alone & weird!! (don't know about u girls but sometimes I DO feel like we're a bit weird!)

 

[gustav72]

Thanks! It does help to have a place to where people get it...sorry we are all in this situation right now though. My OH and I had a good talk tonight and we both are feeling more hopeful. He is going to see his doctor soon and get his testosterone levels checked. We have an acupuncturist, who gave him some herbs (goat something or other) and we'll see if that helps. I've let go of this month, and figure, there's always next month. sigh.

 

[Katherine1209]

Viccat, ignoring him is the only way, otherwise I'll just get more annoyed at him for being such a bummer! Went to bed and watched renovation shows...and oh is himself again today

 

[Katherine1209]

I get it too...never been in this position before....spend most of my time trying NOT to get pg and now I want to its seems such a rollercoaster of emotions...and the disappointment of the last six cycles when af comes was really unexpected....I thought I would just take each month as it came and it would happen when the time was right....well I think the time has been right so,where the heck is my BFP....

I agree about the frustration as my OHs libido has decreased a lot...apart from when we went on holiday to thailand ...I know he loves and is committed to me but sometimes I do take it personally...especially as when Im oving is the only time we are really doing DTD at the moment....

 

[viccat]

If I didn't 'push' him, we can go for a month without having sex!!! Shocking to me, considering what he used to be like. And I get all paranoid about it wondering if he's just not interested in me anymore & then he gets annoyed & tells me im being stupid..

You and me both - I sometimes feel like a sex pest However in OH's defence, he has always been like this.

I do sometimes worry what he will be like in his 40s! Can your virginity grow back?

 

[Juniperjules]

Hehe... Yeh a few months back I actually said to OH that I felt like I was turning back into a virgin!! : ) gotta have a sense of humour in all of this eh??!!? Otherwise you'd go nutz!
I HAVE found that the more sex we have... The more sex we have... If u get my drift? I actually think we got a bit lazy & complacent. I put on alot of weight & lost my confidence, and I think that affected him too. So we kinda drifted away from having regular sex- & I felt uncomfortable in my own body. Then last year we both started cycling, sometimes 60-80km a week & I lost heaps of weight & got my confidence back.

Unfortunately we've also had alot of external stressors this year due which hasn't helped either! But the sex has definitely been getting better & easier.

Unfortunately I panic easily about all of this though. I did it the other night, started saying crazy things acting really insecure... I know it's all of the pressures on top of one another that eventually get to me.. If we weren't TTC I'd be happy just casually working on improving our sex life. It's the baby-making that is usually the straw that breaks the camels back!

 

[Katherine1209]

I know just what you mean juniper! My oh and I had a terrible fight the other night and it was mostly because of me feeling like we only ever bd now when I'm oving! We both got lazy when we got together and now it's starting to catch up in us....I think I'll have to start being more healthy....

 

[greenjelly]

Do you have plans for Wednesday Katherine? xx

 

[greenjelly]

Hehe... Yeh a few months back I actually said to OH that I felt like I was turning back into a virgin!! : ) gotta have a sense of humour in all of this eh??!!? Otherwise you'd go nutz!
I HAVE found that the more sex we have... The more sex we have... If u get my drift? I actually think we got a bit lazy & complacent. I put on alot of weight & lost my confidence, and I think that affected him too. So we kinda drifted away from having regular sex- & I felt uncomfortable in my own body. Then last year we both started cycling, sometimes 60-80km a week & I lost heaps of weight & got my confidence back.

Unfortunately we've also had alot of external stressors this year due which hasn't helped either! But the sex has definitely been getting better & easier.

Unfortunately I panic easily about all of this though. I did it the other night, started saying crazy things acting really insecure... I know it's all of the pressures on top of one another that eventually get to me.. If we weren't TTC I'd be happy just casually working on improving our sex life. It's the baby-making that is usually the straw that breaks the camels back!

Well done on the weight loss Juniper. I too need to lose some. I might try cycling again.

Just to say, I am on a mission this month. I want my OH's sperm every other day. Im on CD8 today and plan to get some every other day until AF arrives. I feel mean as it feels like I am just getting my OH to comply as a babymaker but I just dont think we usually have spermy sex often enough in the month. I am making use of Artificial Insemination techniques this month which removes the romance even more but at least I am guaranteed a delivery!