Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[mara16jade]

Hi Heather! I just read your entire thread. I must say you sound like a very smart, mature and level headed young lady.

I just had my baby in July, and while I was prepared, married and the baby was planned...my life has been forever changed. But for the good! The first few months are hard, yes. But it doesn't last forever. You'll be surprised how much the grandparents bug you to babysit - which will give you "you" time. I don't mean to sway you in anyway. Honestly. I have a family member who gave up their child, and I never, not once, think differently of them. I also have another family member who found out she is pregnant with an ex and didn't tell her parents for almost 3 months (she told me though). She's now 26 weeks, having a boy and is still trying to figure it all out. Unfortunately her parents have basically abandoned her and told her she's on her own for making this "huge mistake". Needless to say I'm very disappointed in her parents.

Anyways. If you're still thinking about talking to an adoption counselor, maybe they'll clear up some questions. Otherwise, it sounds like you have some options that don't require you to make any life altering decisions in the immediate future.

I wish you all the best. And I'm so happy to hear the father sounds like a stand up guy and your parents have stood by your side.

 

[Vickster1]

Hi Heather,

I've just read the whole thing . First of all congratulations! I'm due with our little girl on the 4th of April so we're pretty close. You seem very level headed to what's going on especially since you've had so much to deal with, especially with all the doubts about whether you wanted to keep her etc. The father sounds like a great guy considering everything he's dealt with. At least you know that he really does want to be involved and at least he's not a deadbeat who doesn't want anything to do with his child.

Hang on in there. We're all with you.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Hi, Heather.

I just spent about an hour reading through everything. Your story really touched me and I just felt urge to share something very personal with you. I'm not sure if you are considering adoption anymore but here is my personal take on it (and please do not think for one minute that I am trying to say do it, just sharing my own experience).

I was adopted when I was 2 days old and my adoption was semi-open. My adoptive father spoke to my birth mother several times throughout my first year (no pictures upon her request) then after a year all communication was cut. I grew up knowing I was adopted and from day 1 I had so much respect and love for the woman who made the hardest decision in the world. When I was 18 I made the decision to meet both her and my biological father. My feelings for my biological parents have always been very positive ones and I was raised by two incredible parents and a sister (whom is also adopted).

IF you decide on adoption, just know from an adoptees personal point of view, that you will be loved unconditionally!

No matter your decision just know you are such a strong woman and I have so much respect for you!

Thanks for taking the time to read everything. I know this thread is like getting out of control. I thought maybe I should have started a new one but didn't know if I should.

It means a lot that you shared something so personal. I know I was worried that my baby would feel rejected by me when she grew up, or not understand and hate me.

I still think about adoption and think it would be a good option at times, but it's really pointless if he says he won't consent to it. Sometimes I am just still so unsure that I want to be a parent and I feel like it's fine if he wants to, but it makes me feel guilty if my child doesn't have a mother because I didn't want to be a parent. But if she was adopted, then she would have 2 parents. But then sometimes I do think I can handle being a parent. I wish I hadn't lied to him so that maybe we could be together or live together without it being weird, but I really don't think he wants much to do with me except for what he has to.

You still have plenty of time to make a decision It kind of sounds like you guys could make 50/50 custody work? ...that would allow you time to work and pursue college etc, but also have your baby in your life and be a committed and loving mother.

Just a thought- have you ever apologized to the father of the baby for the lie you told early on? Obviously it was meant to be a little white lie, and you didn't see any of this coming! ...but I just thought it might go a long way to improving your relationship with him if you sort of acknowledge and take responsibility for that. He probably feels a little resentment, and might really appreciate hearing that you understand the impact etc that that might have had on him.

Hope all is going well for you and baby!

 

[bdb84]

You still have plenty of time to decide, but I, for one, love that your baby's father is so willing to be a part of her life. Maybe I'm biased but my uncle has raised his daughter, on his own, from day one. He is the most loving, hands on father that I know of, and my cousin is fully well rounded despite having a uncommon living situation (single dads, with sole custody, is far from the norm around here).

Her mom is still in her life, but it varies by year. Some years she's more present, and others she doesn't see her at all. She does not hold any ill contempt for her mother, as she feels the best place to be, if not with her mother, is with her father. She's glad that she wasn't placed for adoption because she would have missed out on the wonderful relationship that she has with him.

I don't say this to try to sway you.. but to just give you an example of how well it can work out if you do decide to relinquish custody to your baby's father.

I do have to commend you for how maturely you have handled all of this.

 

[Feff]

How're you feeling heather? How's bump? X

 

[heatherr]

I definitely think it is best for baby to be with family since that is an option. You can choose what level you want to be involved. I would say though to just be consistent. If you decide you don't want to be involved, don't be involved. Then, someday if you decide you do make sure it is a life time change of mind. The only reason I say this is my oldest sister had a dad who would hmm haw a lot and come into her life for a weekend, then not call again for years..really like 5-6 years or more. That was really hard on her. It was not hard on her at all for him not to be in her life until he started doing that. The only time she got hurt by the situation was when he would suddenly get a wild hair and decide to be a dad for a few days. My mom finally told him to not contact until she was an adult and could make her own choices.

Realistically, baby's dad is young. He will most likely date and marry someone else at some point in his life and your daughter will have two parents. Not saying that to be snippy or hurtful. I just don't think that adoption is the only way she would have two parents. My mom remarried when my oldest sister was about 5 or 6. She considers my birth dad to be her dad even though he is her stepdad. She has called him dad for at least my whole life.

I agree. It would not be right to come and go as I felt like it and I definitely don't plan to do that.

For some reason it's weirder to think about him marrying someone and my child treating that person as her mom than it is to think about adoption. But I think that's just me being jealous.

You still have plenty of time to make a decision It kind of sounds like you guys could make 50/50 custody work? ...that would allow you time to work and pursue college etc, but also have your baby in your life and be a committed and loving mother.

Just a thought- have you ever apologized to the father of the baby for the lie you told early on? Obviously it was meant to be a little white lie, and you didn't see any of this coming! ...but I just thought it might go a long way to improving your relationship with him if you sort of acknowledge and take responsibility for that. He probably feels a little resentment, and might really appreciate hearing that you understand the impact etc that that might have had on him.

Hope all is going well for you and baby!

Yeah, I have been thinking maybe it won't be so bad if it's 50/50. Or I guess I should say it won't be quite as overwhelming to me. I mean, it's still a huge thing thinking about being someone's parent. It just freaks me out.

I did apologize to him. He says he is over it and that it doesn't matter anymore. I don't know if it's really mad at me about it or just mad about the whole situation and has been made to feel bad about being with me at all by people he knows. He did say when he reached out to one lawyer they basically accused him of knowing I was 17 and just going along with it because he wanted to sleep with underage girls. And a lot of people he knows have been like "Why were you having sex with her?" Making him feel bad like he intentionally set out to sleep with a high school student. He is not like that though. I feel bad about that. Like you said, I didn't do it for a bad reason or to trick anyone. I didn't really think at the time. It isn't hard for me to pass for someone several years older, many people have thought I was.

You still have plenty of time to decide, but I, for one, love that your baby's father is so willing to be a part of her life. Maybe I'm biased but my uncle has raised his daughter, on his own, from day one. He is the most loving, hands on father that I know of, and my cousin is fully well rounded despite having a uncommon living situation (single dads, with sole custody, is far from the norm around here).

I doubt there is anywhere where it really is the norm. I think that's why I have a hard time with it because it's become perfectly normal for people to be single mothers, but for a girl to give up the rights to her child and let the father raise it is seen as weird. I don't think it is weird for him to want to keep her. He has said it scares him a lot and he's very nervous about it, but he feels like he can be prepared once she is here. I think he'll be a really good dad.

But the more time that goes by I don't feel that I want to completely remove myself from her life. I don't think I'll be able to do that. I feel like wanting to do that was just really selfish of me and mainly just because I'm so scared of it all. I don't think me not being in her life or just seeing her a few times a year would really be best for her. If I imagine it being me, I feel like I would hate my mom and feel really unloved by her. At this point, I don't see myself keeping her all of the time though. I feel like we would just have to divide our time with her. For a while I convinced myself maybe having her on weekends would be good. But now I'm starting to feel bad about that idea because I'm trying to take the easy way out and give him the responsibility for the majority of the time. Until this all happened, I never realized what a selfish person I was.

How're you feeling heather? How's bump? X

To be honest, I feel pretty normal physically. I'm not so tired like I used to be. The bump feels huge. A few people asked if I'm having twins. I think it looks bigger than it is because I'm pretty small all over and only about 5 feet tall, so it just looks funny. I finally felt movement in there 2 days ago, but it can't be felt on the outside yet.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Awww, that is awful that people are being so hard on him- especially as he really didn't know that you were so young. I can see how that is a real downer for him, and I guess the only remedy is time. Though I guess neither of you have to tell new people you meet that he is older than you! I think it is great that you apologized to him for inadvertently causing whatever trouble- I am sure he appreciated it. I also think you shouldn't kick yourself for how everything unfolded- I looked older than 17 when I was your age, and it is very tempting to start living as if you are 21 when you can pass for it! What's done is done, and as big of an upheaval as having a baby will be, you will have a beautiful little girl to show for all of this. Life just throws you curve balls sometimes.

It sounds like you are getting an idea of what you want to do custody-wise. I am sure at some stage, the right answer will become clear. It does seem as if something like 50/50 custody might work- especially with both of your families being involved, she would be a very lucky little girl to have you both and both sides of the family in her life.

Yay- baby kicks!!! That is by far one of the best things I have ever experienced. I still gets big smile on my face when my baby moves. so glad to hear like things are going well

 

[beanzz]

Only just read this. When I was 17 I had a 23 year old boyfriend so I would only ever feel guilty for lying initially not the age difference. Like what's been said though, what's done is done and it's no real biggy!

Congrats on your pregnancy and whatever decisions you make for when your baby arrives will be the right one, even if you feel selfish you're still going to be thinking of your baby's needs aswel as your own

Hope you're enjoying pregnancy, it's the best and you'll miss it hehe

 

[heatherr]

Well, I feel bad about lying and I feel bad that some people have made rude comments to him. It doesn't really matter in the overall picture because we'd still be dealing with most of these same problems regardless of my age. It just makes it a little more difficult when deciding how to handle everything because we are just at 2 different places in live I guess and it's not like he wants to be in a relationship with someone in high school.

I'm not enjoying pregnancy and I can't imagine ever missing this, but who knows....

 

[Feff]

Honestly? I didn't really enjoy being pregnant either. I was scared all through it that something bad would happen, and how would I cope when she arrived and things like that. But as soon as she was born I missed being pregnant lol! Pregnancy is a scary, scary thing. Especially at such a young age and when it wasn't planned. I know it's a lot easier said than done but try and relax a little bit. Perhaps you could fill in a baby book?over here we have books that you fill in things like family trees, where you put your scans in and all memories. Have you started buying any clothes? Even if the baby is going to live with her dad it might help you feel a bit more involved and excited? X

 

[skyesmom]

Heatherr, the things between you will change a lot anyway once the baby is there, and you really never know how it will go. i also think once the initial decisions are set regarding the custody, etc... you guys should start talking about your mutual feelings for each other.

your story ended abruptly when your school year started and "resumed" sort of in a really shocking way. neither of you had closure and while the baby is of course the emergency and the priority nr.1, neither of you should completely neglect your own personal feelings towards the other.

i think this is one topic that should deserve a bit more space and confrontation in your lives, no matter if you get to be together again or not.

it sucks when people are under so much pressure and bad influence from the world around them, he's good with not listening to all that crap but i presume he must feel very very lonely, with his closest friends telling him horrible stuff about your baby and the lawyers attacking him for an assault of a minor. none of that is anyhow helping a relationship between you two (no matter what kind of relationship it may be), nor his dealing with finding a right place for you in his life.

i really hope you guys take some private time to talk to each other and tell each other how you feel about each other regardless of the baby, the fact that you are still in high school and what other people say. just what is in your heart.
if i remember well, you have already apologized to him for lying... maybe saying that another time when starting this kind of talk wouldn't harm but... both of you have more important things to focus your attention to than the age difference and the fact that you are 17. because you won't be 17 or in high school forever. and after your baby is there or in 5 years time, that age difference will make you laugh.

i find it a bit of a pity that you two lose each other without even trying to face it just because the circumstances are hard and weird. sometimes it seems that age and high school are worse problem to you two than having a baby (sorry if i got this wrong from your posts).

 

[heatherr]

Honestly? I didn't really enjoy being pregnant either. I was scared all through it that something bad would happen, and how would I cope when she arrived and things like that. But as soon as she was born I missed being pregnant lol! Pregnancy is a scary, scary thing. Especially at such a young age and when it wasn't planned. I know it's a lot easier said than done but try and relax a little bit. Perhaps you could fill in a baby book?over here we have books that you fill in things like family trees, where you put your scans in and all memories. Have you started buying any clothes? Even if the baby is going to live with her dad it might help you feel a bit more involved and excited? X

Yeah, I'm constantly worried that something will happen, especially when I'm at school or something. I am way too paranoid about it. I have always been like that about health things, but it's way worse with this. I should never look things up online because that just gives you more reason to be worried!

I didn't think about a baby book, but we have those over here too. I am looking at them on Amazon now

Heatherr, the things between you will change a lot anyway once the baby is there, and you really never know how it will go. i also think once the initial decisions are set regarding the custody, etc... you guys should start talking about your mutual feelings for each other.

your story ended abruptly when your school year started and "resumed" sort of in a really shocking way. neither of you had closure and while the baby is of course the emergency and the priority nr.1, neither of you should completely neglect your own personal feelings towards the other.

i think this is one topic that should deserve a bit more space and confrontation in your lives, no matter if you get to be together again or not.

it sucks when people are under so much pressure and bad influence from the world around them, he's good with not listening to all that crap but i presume he must feel very very lonely, with his closest friends telling him horrible stuff about your baby and the lawyers attacking him for an assault of a minor. none of that is anyhow helping a relationship between you two (no matter what kind of relationship it may be), nor his dealing with finding a right place for you in his life.

i really hope you guys take some private time to talk to each other and tell each other how you feel about each other regardless of the baby, the fact that you are still in high school and what other people say. just what is in your heart.
if i remember well, you have already apologized to him for lying... maybe saying that another time when starting this kind of talk wouldn't harm but... both of you have more important things to focus your attention to than the age difference and the fact that you are 17. because you won't be 17 or in high school forever. and after your baby is there or in 5 years time, that age difference will make you laugh.

i find it a bit of a pity that you two lose each other without even trying to face it just because the circumstances are hard and weird. sometimes it seems that age and high school are worse problem to you two than having a baby (sorry if i got this wrong from your posts).

He is perfectly nice to me and we text a lot, but he just acts totally differently toward me than he used to. So, I just sort of get the impression that he definitely has no interest in being with me. I don't bring it up because I think I'll just end up feeling really stupid and don't really want to hear what he probably has to say in response. I have just felt bad about lying initially, then basically just realizing it was going further than I expected and getting scared and leaving without giving much of a reason, then returning a few months later "Surprise, I'm pregnant." I didn't want it to turn into a big elaborate lie, and I was sure he'd find out I was lying pretty soon. It's more the fact that I had to admit to lying and it basically just made me feel pathetic. I know these things aren't the worst things in the world and not everything is my fault, but it's like on top of all that I don't want to ask him to be in a relationship with me. I don't want him to feel like he should be if he doesn't really want to be. Plus, with the fact that I didn't even know if I would be involved in our daughter's life very much, it didn't really seem to make much sense to bring all of that up anyway. But now regardless of what the relationship is between the two of us, I know now that I do want to be her mother and be in her life. The only problem is that the more attached I get to the baby and the more real the whole thing becomes, I start liking him more and more.

Having a baby is definitely the biggest issue here for both of us. Regardless of his age, I would still be freaking out. It'd probably be worse if it was with someone my age because it's hard enough finding a 22 year old who will take on as much responsibility as he's willing to, let alone someone like my ex bf who is my age. I can't imagine him raising a kid any time soon!
The age difference doesn't bother me. It's not a dramatic difference, but it just feels like it now when you think he's graduated college and I'm in high school still. But when I'm 20 and he's 25 it won't be a big deal. I did tell him that and told him I wasn't lying about anything else. So everything he liked about me was still true. He said he knows and that it really isn't a big difference, but that he still feels guilty about getting me pregnant before I even graduated, and he says that's why he wouldn't hold it against me if I really wanted to be more removed. He said if it was 4-5 years ago for him, he probably wouldn't have kept a baby, unless the girl really wanted to.

I guess right now I also don't want to bring a lot of this up to him because things are going well and I'm just thankful that my daughter will have him for a dad instead of some loser who doesn't care at all. Sometimes I wonder if I did tell him how I felt, maybe he will admit to feeling the same way, but I'm just scared to. I used to feel more confident around him, but now I just feel silly. It's weird, sometimes I think "I was having sex with this guy, but now I get nervous just talking to him on the phone."

 

[Lissa3120]

There is honestly so much I want to say in this reply, but it would just turn into a memoir haha. So i'll stick with "wow" i'm in admiration of how strong, brave and mature you're being. Selfish? I really don't think you're being selfish at all, honest and realistic, isn't the same as selfish.

I really do think you'll be surprised how things will fall into place. Be that the baby with you, adopted, with it's father or with your parents. The only certain thing is, no matter what decision you make, it won't mean you love your baby any less than any other mother. You shouldn't feel guilty for you're feelings and thoughts... (little parenting secret... no one ever parents right no matter what, you always feel guilty, we always want more or different for our kids, no matter what our situation. The people who judge parenting the most are ourselves)

If you were to really consider your baby staying with her father, could you not do a term time sort of thing? In that he has her the majority of the week, enabling you to go to school, and live a reasonably teenage lifestyle, and then you were to have her over the weekends so that he has a break and a chance to enjoy his life, and if you wanted to go out on a weekend, your parents could always babysit on the odd occasion, then on school holidays, could you split that evenly so you have her half the time and he have her half the time?
I'm not sure how it would work out for you, but different things work for different people, parenting isn't a one size fits all situation.
If I were you, whilst i think it's great that FOB is offering to take on the main carer role, i wouldn't commit to signing anything over at this stage, because all could change in the blink of an eye. But it's great to put plans and thoughts in place, as options.

I really struggled to bond with my baby during pregnancy and her early months. I was in denial for quite a while, in fact i think she was about 6 months old when the realization hit that i had had a baby.

I don't know that much about adoption as it's not an overly common thing where i am (Rural UK) ...
There seems to be more of a negotiation when it comes to adoption now, maybe it's worth further investigation?

Just don't stress yourself, once baby is here, what is best for you and your baby will become clearer.

It's hard to picture life with a baby, and it's hard to picture life without your own baby and it being with someone else. Just because it's hard to picture doesn't mean it isn't a reasonable option

I hope you make the right decision for you, and it works out for you and your baby. You shouldn't feel like you'll be judged or any less of a mother for making a decision that works for you.

Best wishes

 

[beanzz]

Well, I feel bad about lying and I feel bad that some people have made rude comments to him. It doesn't really matter in the overall picture because we'd still be dealing with most of these same problems regardless of my age. It just makes it a little more difficult when deciding how to handle everything because we are just at 2 different places in live I guess and it's not like he wants to be in a relationship with someone in high school.

I'm not enjoying pregnancy and I can't imagine ever missing this, but who knows....

Aw, sorry you're not enjoying it. I agree with Feff, will getting involved with buying things for LO or something help make it at least a little bit exciting for you?

Hope you do start to enjoy it but either way it's only 9 months


Also, I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my son... I'd already dropped out of college to work instead but my college had a creche/nursery on campus. Does your school have something like that? I know I was older than you are now but age really doesn't mean anything. You can still finish school, you can start a career, you can still get everything you want out of life even if you decide to be the main carer of your baby it's not as scary as it seems once baby is finally here.
Good luck with everything

 

[heatherr]

I'm going to buy a baby book and start filling it out.

My current school doesn't have a daycare, but I won't be here too long once she's born. My college might have one, but to be honest I'm not even thinking that far in the future yet.

 

[skyesmom]

Plus, with the fact that I didn't even know if I would be involved in our daughter's life very much, it didn't really seem to make much sense to bring all of that up anyway. But now regardless of what the relationship is between the two of us, I know now that I do want to be her mother and be in her life. The only problem is that the more attached I get to the baby and the more real the whole thing becomes, I start liking him more and more.

so nice to read you are finding some clarity with your role in your babies' life i agree that it made no sense facing this topic before, but now that you know you want to be the mother to your daughter, i think you should tell him how you feel. you guys got nothing to lose.

He said he knows and that it really isn't a big difference, but that he still feels guilty about getting me pregnant before I even graduated, and he says that's why he wouldn't hold it against me if I really wanted to be more removed.

I guess right now I also don't want to bring a lot of this up to him because things are going well and I'm just thankful that my daughter will have him for a dad instead of some loser who doesn't care at all. Sometimes I wonder if I did tell him how I felt, maybe he will admit to feeling the same way, but I'm just scared to. I used to feel more confident around him, but now I just feel silly. It's weird, sometimes I think "I was having sex with this guy, but now I get nervous just talking to him on the phone."

see, THIS is exactly why you should tell him how you feel. i don't wanna sound pushy or anything but what i read here is your fear and his guilt. and fear and guilt shouldn't be the reasons to stop you guys from facing your feelings.

i am sure he'd act differently towards you if he knew how you feel. he liked you for who you are. i'm pretty sure he still does. but maybe he feels as awkward as you to tell you his feelings, and is bonding to you more and more as the baby grows, just like you do to him. these are all normal things to feel, biologically as well. hormones don't leave anybody indifferent, both you and him.

maybe he's afraid of speaking up because he thinks he has already ruined your life by getting you pregnant, and sees you act differently towards him as well (and you were the one to leave initially).

i am sure it will mean a lot to him if you tell him how you feel towards him. if he feels so guilty maybe he thinks that deep down you hate him for what he's done to you. maybe he thinks he stands no chance with you in the same way you think you stand no chance with him.

but all these maybes will find no answer unless you face it. and i find it just sad that people like you two drift apart due to stupid crap like fears and guilt. you both are so brave and responsible and mature, this is the last step you guys need to face.

maybe try writing him a letter, like you did to us in this post. your honesty is astonishing, as well as your emotional maturity. tell him how you feel more and more bonded to him, how you are who you are, how you don't hate him for getting you pregnant, how you'd like a second chance for you two but are afraid of being refused.

i really wish i could give you both a hug i hope my post doesn't sound too pushy. i just have a gut feeling about this and can't help but telling it to you.

 

[Feff]

Skyesmom is talking nothing but sense Heather lol! I'm really glad that you've decided to be in your daughters life. I wish more than anything that my daughter could have a proper family, but her dad ruined that by being such a dick during my pregnancy and for 17 months of her life. If you feel like you want a relationship and he does too then give it a go! I would just tell him, ask him how he feels. You're bringing a child up together, you're going to be parents, an age gap isn't going to change that so it shouldn't change whether or not you give a relationship a go! x

 

[Turtle0630]

Heather, I agree with Skyesmom as well. Not trying to pressure you into anything and of course you know your situation better than any of us and what's best for you. But I really agree with her on this, and I really think it's a great idea to tell him. The worst that can happen is that things might be a little awkward for a bit (but why really? It's not like he didn't know you liked him at one point, what's the difference now?). I just have this gut feeling about it too. I would though tell him your decision on wanting to be in your baby's life after all BEFORE telling him (or at least that that's the way you're leaning if you're not 100% sure yet). I only say this because if he didn't know that already but told you he felt the same way towards you, I would be afraid that he would always be wondering if you decided to stay in your daughter's life because of his answer/to be with him, as opposed to because that's what YOU want to do. Hope that makes sense. Regardless, thanks for keeping us updated so much, I really enjoy reading how things are going for you!

 

[mummytobe_93]

I honestly think the best thing you can do is go in to parenting with an open mind. Once you give birth to your child you might fe completely different and decide you want her most of the time or you may decide to go 50/50. Honestly it's hard to know what sort of parent you will be when you are pregnant, when the baby is there that's when it comes real I think you'll do a great job whatever you decide
Parenting is hard but you'll never regret the choice to parent xx

 

[heatherr]

skyesmom, I never really thought that maybe he thought I was upset at him about everything. I know he was annoyed because I would only ever call him to complain about everything. I have basically just been miserable about everything the entire time. But I've actually never blamed him or been upset toward him about it, never even crossed my mind to feel that way. I have only been upset at myself. I don't mind that you share how you feel. A couple of my friends also feel the same way and have been encouraging me too.

Turtle0630, I guess the main difference is that I'm just scared to tell him and be rejected and then of course still have to face him. I get what you're saying about telling him though. I agree. I am sort of worried if I do tell him how I feel that he'll think I want to be in her life to be with him or something. That obviously isn't the case, I mean even if we do get back together and it doesn't work out I would never just decide to not be in her life because of that. Our daughter is the most important
thing.

I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to just take the risk and tell him how I feel, but I really feel like I'm in love with him and I don't want to know if he doesn't feel the same way about me.