Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[mara16jade]

Hope you're doing OK. Lots of

 

[heatherr]

Everything is ok today, but I am at home and will take it easy just to be on the safe side.

I did look up my number one school today. They don't really admit first year, non-traditional all students. They usually have around 30 spots for non-traditional students, which I will qualify as with a child. But you have to already have at least 48 undergrad credits and transfer in. So, that is an option I might be able to look into later.

 

[Turtle0630]

Heather, ! How scary! I'm glad to hear that everything is okay, I can't imagine how scary that must have been for you though. I hope you're able to relax this weekend and rest up!

 

[BabyCleo]

Gosh that's always scary Im glad you are okay!!

Please don't feel like you are selfish. You want your education, and that is not selfish at all. It will set you up to be a very good parent one day!

May I ask when you are graduating? Im guessing you have some time between baby being born/going to college? You could always live off campus with baby (if you decided you wanted to keep her close) ... there is always a way around things. Trust me, at 17 I have no idea how I made it work. Honestly, when I left home I had zero idea what I was doing. When someone asked me how I managed it all I couldn't even answer. But somehow it worked.

Sometimes its best to literally take one day at a time. I hope you get accepted into your first choice!! I remember how exciting it was when I was accepted. xox

 

[heatherr]

The baby is due April 10. I graduate at the end of May.

One of my issues is that I don't want to move far away (the schools I like are all 8+ hours away) by myself with a baby. So even if I could find a school that offered family housing or would allow me to live off campus, I don't really want to be that far away with her on my own without my family & fob around. I know this is my choice and I guess if I wanted it badly enough I would move there and do it all on my own.

If I go to a nearby school I will probably just live at home for now.

I guess another problem is that I feel the RIGHT thing to do is to stay at home, go to a school near by, save the money. I just can't accept it. It's not that I don't think it'll be a good education or anything. It's just hard to change your plans when you've had one vision in mind for a long time.

 

[LittleLala]

So glad to hear that your bleeding has stopped. That must have been terrifying.

I don't really understand how American universities work so I can't really help with any input. Even though I'm not a teen (25- oh god, I still can't get used to saying that) I am currently halfway through my degree at uni. I am going to continue classes but take them online. Is that an option, to enrol as an online student? I know it isn't the same experience but in the end it gets you the degree.

Good luck with everything heather, I keep rooting for you. I know that in the end, whatever decisions you make will be the right ones for you.

 

[mara16jade]

Have you applied or been accepted to any schools yet?

When do you hear back from them?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Can you homeschool (online even?) the rest of the year?

In the US- K12 is an option. Its public school online but is an option!

 

[MommaAlexis]

Caught up!
Hey doll, I'm Alex. I was 19 when I got pregnant, the father was turning 24. It was a planned pregnancy. I felt fear and happiness all at once. Unfortunately, the bio dad kicked me out on the other side of the province and I had to scramble for a way home. I lived in a homeless shelter, I was two days from being evicted if I did not find a place in time. I never felt so unsure, I was literally terrified. I eventually found a place, but I can tell you it wasn't without moments of wondering how stupid I was. There were times where I cried for hours because my daughter would not stop crying and was so sick. I hated pregnancy. Furthermore I hated other kids lol.i STILL don't babysit. But then there are other moments. When my daughter took her first steps, it was like the fear and doubt and anger over the last two years just melted away. I cried haha, because I knew it was all worth it after all. Sometimes it takes 11 months of wondering what the hell you were thinking before it makes sense. And like someone else said, it's animalistic at times. My daughter screamed for hours every day sick, and it scared me. More than anything had. She gave me a reason to give a shit, and I don't see it as giving up my freedom anymore. It's just what I do, and the thought of someone hurting her makes me want to literally claw at someone's face. If it weren't for her, nothing else would be important. I am in my second year of university. I got a scholarship for having the highest female average. I live with my girlfriend. My daughter goes to ballet, and tells me I'm "just too cute" when I yawn. She's my best friend. And even though I know I spent hours doubting myself, it seems so far away now.

As soon as that little girl starts acting like a real human, nothing will matter. As soon as she walks, or tells you what her favourite colour is, or tells you how pretty you are, everything else jist disappears.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Also, you should be aware that you are at high risk of postpartum depression, so how you feel may be caused by depression, which can be helped through therapy of some sort or medication once she is here.secondly not everything needs to be fifty fifty. Even if you have her on weekends and stay over at his a few times per week, or stay together for a week or two a month. Even having your parents take turns on a couple nights a month so you and fob can spend time getting to know each other for real. Maybe a play group through a young mom program? I took my daughter every friday morning with other teen moms! We learned tips etc, while the workers watched our babies in the next room. If you wanted to, you could add me on facebook to see what life is like for a previous teen mom, I also have an anxiety disorder which makes parenting interesting haha.

 

[heatherr]

So glad to hear that your bleeding has stopped. That must have been terrifying.

I don't really understand how American universities work so I can't really help with any input. Even though I'm not a teen (25- oh god, I still can't get used to saying that) I am currently halfway through my degree at uni. I am going to continue classes but take them online. Is that an option, to enrol as an online student? I know it isn't the same experience but in the end it gets you the degree.

Good luck with everything heather, I keep rooting for you. I know that in the end, whatever decisions you make will be the right ones for you.

I am not very interested in taking online classes. I don't think they really work with my style of learning and I think I need the structure of actual class times, but it is always an option. I would rather go to regular face to face classes at a school close to home though.

 

[heatherr]

Have you applied or been accepted to any schools yet?

When do you hear back from them?

I have applied to several schools. I applied to my top choices as well schools closer to home that I have think will be easier to get into. There is no guarantee that I will even get into the schools that I really want to go with. The deadlines just passed though, so I won't hear anything for a while.

 

[heatherr]

Can you homeschool (online even?) the rest of the year?

In the US- K12 is an option. Its public school online but is an option!

I'm not very worried about finishing the last few months if high school at my regular school. I think I might feel different if I had an entire year of it left to go. But all of my teachers are aware of my situation and we have planned out how we will handle things once I have the baby. Luckily I am a really good student and they are all very happy that I am sticking with my academics and trying to make sure I stay on the same track.

Sorry, I had to respond in so many posts. My phone isn't letting me multi-year in one post. MommaAlexis, your posts made me tear up. Thank you for being very honest about things and how you have felt in the past. I feel like I can imagine what you mean when you talk about how seeing her walk and talk take away all of the other feelings and doubts. I always feel so torn about everything, like part of me cares so much and wants to experience those great things with her and the other part of me is just so selfish. But then I read you posts and start wondering how I could ever just give her up completely. Ahhh, feeling so emotional right now.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Sorry im confused: Are you keeping her? Did you tell the dad? ( i missed those updates)

As for my own story:
At 19 I got pregnant and i wasnt married. It wasnt planned. The guy was a doodle and abusive. I had actually dated him in high school and he was sweet back then. I thought i was doing what was right and i was going to "make him be a dad"- BIGGEST MISTAKE. He denied our son and i made him get a DNA test, which started a domino effect of unfortunate events. He got custody of our son but doesnt even take care of our son and one thing after another.

Im not telling you to give you a bad story. Im telling you because i dont have many regrets in life, seriously i dont, but this one is. I love my son, i dont regret that at ALL! I regret getting his dad DNA testing and "making him be a dad". I wish hed just up and leave and give me my son!

 

[heatherr]

Sorry im confused: Are you keeping her? Did you tell the dad? ( i missed those updates)

As for my own story:
At 19 I got pregnant and i wasnt married. It wasnt planned. The guy was a doodle and abusive. I had actually dated him in high school and he was sweet back then. I thought i was doing what was right and i was going to "make him be a dad"- BIGGEST MISTAKE. He denied our son and i made him get a DNA test, which started a domino effect of unfortunate events. He got custody of our son but doesnt even take care of our son and one thing after another.

Im not telling you to give you a bad story. Im telling you because i dont have many regrets in life, seriously i dont, but this one is. I love my son, i dont regret that at ALL! I regret getting his dad DNA testing and "making him be a dad". I wish hed just up and leave and give me my son!

Sorry, I know this thread is really long and it is hard to know what's going on. Maybe I need to put an update in the original post.

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm doing for sure, which is one of my main issues.

I have told the father. I was strongly leaning toward adoption, but had not actually set anything into motion yet. Then he decided that he wanted to keep her, even if I didn't. He is being very flexible with me about how indecisive I am. Well, sometimes he gets frustrated with my back and forth, but overall he is understanding. So, basically I just don't know how involved I am going to be. I do care about her, but at the same time I don't know if I want to be a parent right now. I don't feel it is right to be a part time patent and go off and do my own thing, let fob care for her all the time, and still call myself her mom.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Sorry im confused: Are you keeping her? Did you tell the dad? ( i missed those updates)

As for my own story:
At 19 I got pregnant and i wasnt married. It wasnt planned. The guy was a doodle and abusive. I had actually dated him in high school and he was sweet back then. I thought i was doing what was right and i was going to "make him be a dad"- BIGGEST MISTAKE. He denied our son and i made him get a DNA test, which started a domino effect of unfortunate events. He got custody of our son but doesnt even take care of our son and one thing after another.

Im not telling you to give you a bad story. Im telling you because i dont have many regrets in life, seriously i dont, but this one is. I love my son, i dont regret that at ALL! I regret getting his dad DNA testing and "making him be a dad". I wish hed just up and leave and give me my son!

Sorry, I know this thread is really long and it is hard to know what's going on. Maybe I need to put an update in the original post.

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm doing for sure, which is one of my main issues.

I have told the father. I was strongly leaning toward adoption, but had not actually set anything into motion yet. Then he decided that he wanted to keep her, even if I didn't. He is being very flexible with me about how indecisive I am. Well, sometimes he gets frustrated with my back and forth, but overall he is understanding. So, basically I just don't know how involved I am going to be. I do care about her, but at the same time I don't know if I want to be a parent right now. I don't feel it is right to be a part time patent and go off and do my own thing, let fob care for her all the time, and still call myself her mom.

IF he is willing, then let him and go to court for visitation at least ( DONT GIVE UP ANY RIGHTS OR ANYTHING), that way it can be changed later when you are in a better place. If you completely give up custody it can be near impossible to get it back but if you have visitations or even a shared parenting, then it can easier to flip back later. I highly recommend shared parenting. You can even do " ill have her during the summer and well share major decisions" it doesnt have to be like mine with only every other weekend. Shared can open up a lot of give and take that you may feel right now " i cant do that" but later you will be so thankful you set it up that way.

 

[BabyCleo]

I just thought of this: what if you took a year off before heading to college? I actually applied, got accepted then ran out of money cause I wasn't living at home. I couldn't get any assistance (I tried) so I spoke to my university and I was able to put my classes etc on hold and go back when I was ready. Those years in between did wonders. Even though I did graduate later, my life was much more set up. You going to university with a 1 or 2 year old may be easier, and by then all your plans would be in place.

Just something to think about! I didn't know I had that option available to me, but in the Canadian universities its pretty common I think.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I just thought of this: what if you took a year off before heading to college? I actually applied, got accepted then ran out of money cause I wasn't living at home. I couldn't get any assistance (I tried) so I spoke to my university and I was able to put my classes etc on hold and go back when I was ready. Those years in between did wonders. Even though I did graduate later, my life was much more set up. You going to university with a 1 or 2 year old may be easier, and by then all your plans would be in place.

Just something to think about! I didn't know I had that option available to me, but in the Canadian universities its pretty common I think.

I took years off and then went WITH 3 kids.

 

[MommaAlexis]

I went and did my first semester online when I was still on maternity leave! then went to actual class when she was a year old so I didnt fall too behind. Ill be done law school by the time she is seven, and have the rest of our life comfortable and with free time

 

[heatherr]

I just thought of this: what if you took a year off before heading to college? I actually applied, got accepted then ran out of money cause I wasn't living at home. I couldn't get any assistance (I tried) so I spoke to my university and I was able to put my classes etc on hold and go back when I was ready. Those years in between did wonders. Even though I did graduate later, my life was much more set up. You going to university with a 1 or 2 year old may be easier, and by then all your plans would be in place.

Just something to think about! I didn't know I had that option available to me, but in the Canadian universities its pretty common I think.

I don't know if I'd have the same sort of motivation that I do now. I don't know, never really thought of taking a year off as an option, but I guess it is.


I'm 30 weeks pregnant now. It's crazy. I can't believe only 10 more weeks until the baby is here, maybe even less of course. It scares me so much. I have also been feeling very depressed lately and anxiety is through the roof right now. It's not even just over the fact that the baby will be here so soon. I don't know why I feel this way, but I just feel really bad lately. I just feel really lonely too. Things are not the same between me and my friends. It's not that they are mean to me. We're still friends. I guess I just feel so different now.