Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[smoore]

I'm not surprised by the homebound teacher at all. That is a very typical situation in this area. Our school is super technology based, and they still send a homebound teacher if a student can't be in school long term for some reason.

I wish you the best and hope that everything goes well! I would think for those few hours you could go sit at the kitchen table with the teacher. You will still be relaxed and not standing for a long time.

 

[40isnotold]

Your baby will be fine. You are far enough along plus the steroids help. I had complications at 20 weeks and was on strict bed rest. Now, I'm on partial bed rest and I'm at 25 weeks. I've been off work since the beginning of January. I met my first goal of making it to 24 weeks last week, and my next goal is 28 weeks. I'd be very happy if I make it to 32 weeks.

You've got this! Please don't feel like you are being punished. Preterm labor happens to a lot of women and there are so many women who have great success stories. I'm so glad you have got a great support system with your family, the fob and the fob's family. I'm also glad that you can continue school. Yes, bed rest is boring, but the health of your baby is so much more important and you don't have much further to go.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Aww, stay hydrated! Sometimes that can cause contractions!

I hope the baby lives with you. A baby needs a mommy. Of course a daddy too but there can be some attachment issues when a baby is separated from its mother.

 

[wookie130]

^^^ I don't know. Most of the time, baby needs to form a strong attachment to SOMEONE, and that certainly can be to her father. Babies generally form strong attachments to the primary caregiver, and I feel it's a myth that baby can only bond deeply with the mother. I know that this is true in the case of children who are adopted as infants...they can be as deeply bonded to their adoptive parents as anyone in a biological parenting scenario.

If heatherr chooses to not be the primary caregiver, and if FOB assumes this role instead, this is still a very lucky and blessed little girl. She will be loved, and THAT is what she needs, whether the daily needs are met mainly by her mother, OR father.

 

[skyesmom]

wookie i couldn't agree more! the whole adoption wouldn't work at all if babies could only bond deeply to their mothers exclusively.

heatherr, don't feel pressured to act in any direction. you guys will know what works the best once she's here, not only in terms of emotional attachments but also in terms of practical things.

 

[wookie130]

Yes, skyesmom, I totally agree with you...it's really just one of those wait-and-see, play-it-by-ear-and-heart types of things, I think. I have no doubt that heatherr will do what is best for everyone in this situation, even if it doesn't conform to what others may perceive to be what is "best." It seems like there are strong extended families on both sides for support, and that the baby will be very loved by all, no matter what the living arrangement looks like. Families come in all different varieties, but what children need most, is LOVE! She will be loved!

 

[Turtle0630]

Yes, skyesmom, I totally agree with you...it's really just one of those wait-and-see, play-it-by-ear-and-heart types of things, I think. I have no doubt that heatherr will do what is best for everyone in this situation, even if it doesn't conform to what others may perceive to be what is "best." It seems like there are strong extended families on both sides for support, and that the baby will be very loved by all, no matter what the living arrangement looks like. Families come in all different varieties, but what children need most, is LOVE! She will be loved!

Wookie, I couldn't agree with you more, including what you said in your previous post about it not needing to be the mother that a baby bonds with. It doesn't matter who it is, it just needs to have someone in its life loving and caring for it, that it can form a bond with. Fathers are just as capable at creating that bond with and caring for their children as mothers are, and your example of bonds formed after adoption is a perfect one. Heather, your little girl will be loved no matter what. You have such a strong support system, and the FOB is going to make a great daddy. Don't feel pressured into doing anything by anyone!

 

[Rae15]

Heatherr, I've been following your thread for a few weeks now and I have to admit, I'm very impressed. I'm also a senior in high school, happily married as well, and I know how stressful making after graduation decisions are and I'm not even pregnant yet! I understand the loss of friendships as well, because getting married at 17 kinda of puts a damper on high school life and friends. They're still your friends, but you're at different places in your life. You'll make plenty of friends that are in the same stage as you, promise. I took a chunk out of my day to read through your post and I mean, every single post. It's very obvious from the very first request for advice to now, you have grown and matured. Another thing, don't blame yourself for anything you have done in the past. Just learn from them. There is no use crying over spilt milk, right? Your "sins" have been transformed into a beautiful blessing that some women may never have the chance to experience, and that my friend, is a rare, blissful thing. You are a strong young woman, I think it's just time to forgive yourself and let yourself enjoy the miracle coming into your life. You are blessed with a supportive family, a FOB who wants to be involved in his child's life and isn't opposed to being involved in yours either. So please, let yourself be happy, Heatherr.

 

[heatherr]

We are sort of leaving things to be determined as far as arrangements go right now. Once we do decide what will happen, things will be flexible into the future. My school will not give me a lot of time off after the baby is born, unless there are complications that would give me a medical reason to have to be at home and recover longer. A newborn doesn't count as a valid medical excuse as far as my school is concerned. Right now we are thinking of having her stay with her dad most of the time while I am still in school. He is able to take off a few weeks after she's born or once I have to go back to school. I can still go over there during the evenings or maybe have her on weekends. Then we will figure out what we do over the summer. I think we will have her continue to live with him for the most part and I will have her during the days while he's at work.
I do plan to be actively in her life, and I can go see her at his house any time and plan to be over there a lot with her, but I think as far as a day to day schedule and care she will be better off for the time being actually living with her dad.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

You all took that entirely wrong. I did NOT say the baby could ONLY bond with mom.

I said

Of course a daddy too but there can be some attachment issues when a baby is separated from its mother

 

[chistiana]

Heatherr I haven't written since the beginning of this thread but have been reading and after reading today it seems that even though you re still not 100% sure of the arrangements some things are actually so much clearer in your head now (like the fact you want to spend time with her) which is awesome to hear I think you ll be a fantastic mom and even though it's not something you can consider now I have an inkling that you n fob will end up together!

 

[Kailetski]

I've been lurking off and on since the beginning and would just like to add that I can see how much you've matured and changed. My first thought when you had mentioned pains was labour and I'm so glad you went in and are being taken care of now, just a few more weeks to hold out but even if she comes now I'm sure she'd do great, it would be hard at first but the chance of surviving at this point is very good, one girl in a group I'm in had her little girl at 22 weeks and shes home and doing good now!
You're off to an amazing start by having a plan and finishing school and all of that, just remember to not make any sudden decisions you may regret later, if you want to be a part of your daughters life, the time off school if you think you should, if you really think she would be better off with her father while you finish school try it out, do what you think is right, I'm sure in the end everything will work out great.

 

[MrsC8776]

I hope you're doing ok

 

[heatherr]

I really appreciate all of the support, especially people who have just recently posted for the first time who have been following my thread. Even if you've only posted here 1 time, I feel like you are all my friends who understand what I'm going through.

I am okay. I'm still on bedrest. At my appointment this week they said I am 2 cm dilated, but they aren't very concerned about that. I haven't gone into labor again, so that's the most important thing. They think it's better that I stay on full bedrest though. But I'm almost 33 weeks now! I'll have my 33 week appointment next week.

I've just been keeping busy working on school work, reading, sketching. I do not have to have a teacher come to my house every week. It is a service that is offered, but is not always required. We are going to see how it goes and if me or my teachers feel I need extra help then someone can come over here. Right nowI am doing okay with the school work and most of my teachers are being really nice and supportive about it - I have been communicating with them via email.

Things with fob are a bit complicated right now, but I'm not going to worry about that.

My sleep schedule is really messed up though. It's almost 2 am and I'm wide awake. I'm constantly waking people up with my TV and stuff...it just seems to much easier to fall asleep at 12 pm nowadays and be up all night

 

[missk1989]

Hi Heather, I'm glad your okay. I hope whatever is going on with FOB improves as you will need each others support.

If you want to sort out your body clock I suggest trying to stay awake a couple of hours later each day until you are back to sleeping at night. So if you usually sleep from 12pm, try to stay up until 2pm today and then 3/4pm tomorrow etc.

Thinking of you

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Glad you are ok xxx

 

[wookie130]

Glad to hear the baby is staying put, and you're able to avoid a teacher coming to your house for the time being. I never slept well during pregnancy...particularly in the latter part.

 

[skyesmom]

hey heatherr! glad to hear you and the baby are doing good! omg 33 weeks, the time has flown by! real happy to hear she is staying put and being a good little girl baking in there

i also hope that the things with the fob get easier again, as pps said you'll need each other's support soon and you know, a bump or two along this road are a completely normal thing. everyone has incomprehension and rough times, even the most solid long term couples, in good or bad times, it is just a part of being humans i guess.

i'm sending you a huge hug

 

[SurpriseBub]

So glad to hear you are well and that baby is staying put! I say sleep whenever you feel like it- I am sure bed rest isn't fun, so I would just take whatever liberties I could!

I hope the next few weeks run smoothly. And I hope you can work things out with fob, too! I think you are wise not to worry about that right now.

Take care of yourself

 

[heatherr]

Things with fob will be fine. He is still being supportive and has visited me several times. I think the reality of everything is hitting him and he's been thinking, "What am I doing?" It's put him on edge a little.
I had sort of suggested the possibility of living together maybe once I'm in college to make it easier for everyone, but he isn't really into that idea. I suggested a few other things and he just didn't like those either. We're just disagreeing on some things. And he sends such mixed messages a lot of times.