Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[rachieroo]

Hi heather just read entire thread. I really hope things work out how you want them to. Good luck with your appointment xx

 

[LittleLala]

Hi heather, I've been stalking this thread... I really hope you are okay.
Being nervous about going to the doctors is 100% normal. I understand. But it is the best thing that you can do. Doctors will not be judgemental, they will only want to care for you and your baby.

I will be thinking of you. Good luck. You have already taken the hardest step by telling your parents. You are brave. You can do this!

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Good luck for today!!!

 

[nic18]

good luck today!

 

[KFrey]

Good luck today Heather!!!

 

[heatherr]

So, I'm back from my appointment now. It was really long. They just asked me a ton of questions, talked about all our options, did a physical exam, took blood, etc. I didn't get an ultrasound because I knew when my period was within a day and they said everything looks good. I will be 14 weeks tomorrow. I did get to hear the heartbeat though and they said it sounds perfect. I'll get an ultrasound around 20 weeks as long as everything continues to go smoothly. I'm due April 10.

 

[wookie130]

So happy it all went well! You're entering into the "safe zone" of pregnancy, as after around the 12 week mark, the risk of miscarriage does begin to decrease a lot! Hearing the heartbeat also is more peace of mind, for sure. I'm sure hearing that all was well was quite a relief.

How are you feeling about the pregnancy overall after your appointment? Are you having any strong feelings toward keeping the baby, placing the baby for adoption, or are you just sort of waiting it out to have a better sense of what your heart and head are saying?

Good luck! At 20 weeks, you'll have the option of finding out the gender, if you're interested. It will really look like a baby at that point...I loved having my ultrasounds. The technology they use now is amazing!

 

[KFrey]

I'm really surprised they didn't do an ultrasound. Even if you know when your last period was doesn't mean that you ovulated at the "normal" time. How are you feeling?

Were you glad your mom was there? Was she supportive?

 

[skyesmom]

wow heather! congrats on the good news!

i am also a bit surprised that you didn't get the ultrasound done at this point, they can't really tell how far along the baby measures without it... but hearing a strong heartbeat is a great great sign, and at this point, as pp said, the risk of miscarriage or things going wrong is significantly lower!

what did your mom say? oh my, it must be a havoc in your heart now, i think it will take a bit for it to sit in!

while i still find it strange that they didn't do a scan now, i really hope that the 20 week one goes great and maybe bring the dada to that one, as you'll be able to see the baby and find out the sex and all

 

[nic18]

that's great glad everything went well
I take it your in the US if your not getting a scan until 20weeks?
your also due on my sisters birthday

 

[Feronia]

Glad everything went well! There really is no reason to do a scan at this point if you're sure about when your LMP is and know the general length of your cycles. The due date they gave you might be off by a couple of days or a week due to variations in ovulation, but that doesn't really matter. Babies don't come on their due dates most of the time anyway.

Have you spoken to the father since?

 

[kazine]

Wow I just read this thread through from the start, what a rollercoaster you have been on! Following and hoping for the best for you!

 

[heatherr]

So happy it all went well! You're entering into the "safe zone" of pregnancy, as after around the 12 week mark, the risk of miscarriage does begin to decrease a lot! Hearing the heartbeat also is more peace of mind, for sure. I'm sure hearing that all was well was quite a relief.

How are you feeling about the pregnancy overall after your appointment? Are you having any strong feelings toward keeping the baby, placing the baby for adoption, or are you just sort of waiting it out to have a better sense of what your heart and head are saying?

Good luck! At 20 weeks, you'll have the option of finding out the gender, if you're interested. It will really look like a baby at that point...I loved having my ultrasounds. The technology they use now is amazing!

I don't know, it just feels more real to me now. I keep saying to myself, "I'm pregnant" over and over again. I spent almost a month trying to deny it or ignore it away, so now after telling people and going to the doctor in such a short time frame, it is sinking in now that it's real and not going away.

I don't really know if I'm any closer to a decision. Part of me wants to keep it and can't imagine giving my own baby to someone else, but then I get really scared and feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and how much it would change me life. Sometimes I think I'm just not ready to have a baby and maybe it'd be better if it had 2 parents who were together and able to take care of it on their own, unlike me. Neither option sounds good. At this point I won't be getting an abortion, obviously.

I'm really surprised they didn't do an ultrasound. Even if you know when your last period was doesn't mean that you ovulated at the "normal" time. How are you feeling?

Were you glad your mom was there? Was she supportive?

They said they will get a more accurate "age" at the 20 week ultrasound, but even then it won't vary greatly. My cycle has always been regular, so the doctor said it's pretty safe to assume at this point.

I'm sort of glad they didn't do an ultrasound. It might have been too much for me to handle at one time. Plus this way the father can be there too.

I don't think I would have gone if my mom wasn't there with me. She stayed in the room with me the whole time. Afterwards I cried because it all just sort of scared me. But my mom said everyone's scared, even if they planned to have a baby. She said this is why she wished I hadn't been having sex in the first place because obviously I'm not ready to deal with the consequences, but that we can't take it back now so we'll just figure out what to do next.

that's great glad everything went well
I take it your in the US if your not getting a scan until 20weeks?
your also due on my sisters birthday

Thanks!
Yeah, I'm in the US.
It's actually the day after my birthday!
Actually mu dad has been a lot nicer lately and I didn't talk to him after my appointment (he was at work) but I know my mom must have. When he came home from work he hugged me and said, "Well, that'll be a nice birthday present at least, won't it?" I think he was half joking, but at least he's able to sort of joke about it now instead of being so mad like he was.

Have you spoken to the father since?

Yeah, I called him after I got home. I feel weird talking to him now, it's always awkward because he treats me totally different. He asked me if the appointment helped me figure out what I'm going to do, but I told him not really. He said if I need to talk about it I can call him. Then I started crying and he told me it'll be ok and that he won't abandon his child. And he told me how sorry he was that any of this happened. He says he needs to meet my family. So now I'll have to deal with that.

 

[LittleLala]

Oh heather I'm so happy for you. Things are really starting to get better. I am glad that your parents are really stepping up and being good parents to you in your time of need. And the father of your baby is sounding really mature and responsible too.

I hope things continue to get better
Good luck with whatever choice you make. Your mum is right- everybody gets scared.

Thinking of you.

 

[ClairAye]

Glad everything went well! It's great that the father is taking responsibility and being there for you too

 

[skyesmom]

so happy your dad is coming round and the father of your baby sounds like a great guy too.

and your mom is right, pregnancy and baby coming are always scary, no matter at what age and in which relationship or financial status. it is ALWAYS a major life change. and those kind of changes scare people and make them feel overwhelmed.

and especially, you get overwhelmed when trying to find an answer to all those questions now and at once. then it all collapses on you... but the thing is, you don't need to have them all now.

you won't know how to change a diaper until it's in front of you, you won't know how to manage college and baby until you're already in it, nor you'll know how to cope with the labor until the contractions hit... and so on. so you don't need to overload yourself with all of it now.

take it one step at a time. your feelings for your child will grow and evolve. same for his dad - and i am so happy to read he wants to meet your family from his own initiative - he does sound very mature.

and as far as you two are concerned - neither you or him can really have all the answers now on how your relationship will grow and how you'll manage it all. you'll discover it as it comes. from how maturely you both are taking it, though, whatever your personal arrangement may be, i feel you three will make a great family. and that's the most important thing.

but be proud of yourself - you are really doing great, even when it doesn't seem so.

and your dad is right - that really IS an amazing birthday gift

 

[redneckhippy]

I'm 30 years old, married, my husband & I both have stable, well-paying jobs with benefits, we spent 2 years trying to conceive and had to go through two rounds of IVF for me to get pregnant with this baby, so he could not have been more planned or wanted than any baby on earth ..... and I'm scared!!! Every first time mom is scared. I'm constantly terrified I will do something wrong and cause a miscarraige, and then when I think about after he's born I worry I won't know what to do or won't be a good mom or (and this may sound silly but it's one of my biggest fears) that I will set him down somewhere and accidently leave him there because I'm absent minded and always forget stuff (I don't carry a purse for this reason!). I don't think any first time mom ever feels confident, but I also think being scared and worried just shows you will be a good mom because it just shows how much we already love our little ones.

 

[KFrey]

Heather,
Your mom and dad sound WONDERFUL. What your dad said should speak a million words to you... that he makes it a positive and is joking with you about it. And your mom is such a MOM... "This is why I wish you weren't having sex in the first place." Reminds me of my mom and makes me smile. What a loving situation. You are really lucky. They are lucky to have such an amazing daughter as well... even if you made a mistake and they seem fully aware of how special you are.

Does your parents know you might consider adoption? Or the father?

I just want you to know that you can still do everything you had planned to do with your future with a baby. It would be more difficult but I've found that most things in life that are worth while usually are.

Ultimately, you have to do what's right for you! We are all here to support you.

 

[heatherr]

I'm on my phone right now and sometimes it doesn't like when I try to post here, so this post may look funny, don't know.

My mom had no idea I'd ever had sex. I just told her after all of this came out that I had sex with my previous nd who us my age before this. She tried to get me to talk about it back then, but I convinced her I wasn't having sex do she didn't have to worry. She said I should have told her so I could have got on birth control, but I really don't think she would have happily taken me to get birth control. Anyway, it wasn't like I was having unprotected sex, but my parents don't believe that.

Everyone knows about me considering adoption. Well, before I was even considering not continuing with the pregnancy at all. Now that I am at least definitely doing that, we are talking about things more seriously. Everyone says it's ok if I choose adoption. To be honest, it was only the past few days that my parents have talked about what we will do if I keep the baby. They said it's my choice, but I have to just think about it really seriously. They will help me if I keep it, but they said things will change and I'll have to get a job and all that, which I already knew. I don't expect my parents to also be the parents to my child. But they also said we just all have a lot to figure out still, they are still processing it and they have yet to even meet the dad, which apparently is going to happen tomorrow. I am scared if it doesn't happen soon, my mom will show up at his front door.

The father hasn't really expressed how he feels either way regarding keeping it.

 

[kazine]

I'll bet the father is very nervous to express his opinions. He knows obviously it is ultimately your choice what to do, perhaps he doesn't want to get "attached" to the idea of being a father if there is a chance that isn't going to happen. Try to think of it from that way if you're feeling a bit put out that he is pulling back from you. It's as much his baby as yours remember! I'm sure if you decided to keep your baby he would step up and do the right thing but possibly for now he doesn't want to get too attached to baby knowing you might be putting them up for adoption.

Hope you stay strong and make the right decision for you though, whatever that may be!