Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[ChiiBaby]

Heya hun, i know what you going though (sort of) I was 16 (now 19)when i got pregnant and my OH was 21 at the time. I was terrified what my mum and dad would think but they were okay with it as i was of age.

I hope it goes okay at the scan! feel free to message me x

 

[RubyRainbows]

Hi there! Congrats on your pregnancy! Regardless of the situation - a baby is always a blessing. You sound mature, and like you have a good head on your shoulders. You did the right thing by coming clean to your parent's and the father of the baby. Your parent's reaction sounds pretty typical, and it sounds like they are already "coming around." Of course your mom is going to be by your side and attend the appnt with you. Sounds like you come from a great family and they love you very much. They will help and support you i'm sure - just give them some time to come to terms with everything going on. After your appnt, i think you should plan a get together with your parents and the father of the baby. He sounds like a decent guy too - and i think it will help the decision making process for all of you to talk about your options. At the end of the day - the decision is all yours, though. You can still attend college and have a bright future for you & your child, if you decide to keep/parent the baby. And if you decide to place the baby for adoption, that is wonderful too! You can make a family's dreams come true with the greatest gift in the world!!

I am a social worker and i work with teen moms. Check to see if you have Nurse Family Partnership, Early Head Start, or Parents As Teachers in your area. These are 3 excellent prgms that help families/young moms.... all free of charge!

I think now that you've told everyone (at least the most important ppl), once you have some more time to process everything, and once you see the baby in an ultrasound... you will start bonding more with the baby.

Most importantly, if you haven't already - start taking prenatal vitamins ASAP.

Good luck at the appnt - keep us posted!!

 

[heatherr]

I know that I can go to school still and that my life isn't over, but I just wasn't prepared for such a major change in my plans right now. Going to college won't be the same with a baby. Nothing will be the same. It's just like a huge curveball for me I guess.

So like a day after I told the father that I had the appointment on Thursday and he just said "good," he asked me if I wanted him to go with me. I don't know if I should have said yes, but I told him my mom was going and that I just wanted her to be with me this time. I told him maybe next time. My mom said they most likely won't do an ultrasound at the first appointment. They might schedule one for me, but even then it'd be a few days away, not on the same day. So I could always invite him for that. My parents are mad at me because I won't let them contact him at all. It's just too awkward for me. Of course my dad is like "This is a 22 year old guy who got my daughter pregnant, I'm going to talk to him!" But I begged them to at least wait until after the appointment until I know everything for sure and at least get that step taken care of because that all freaks me out enough. They said fine, once the appointment is over then they will be meeting him whether I like it or not and whether I have anything to do with it or not.

 

[skyesmom]

that's a good plan. and sounds like he wants to stick around.

your dad sounds still in the stage of accepting it and blaming everybody else around except of you (and himself). not that there is anyone to blame, but you know... sometimes shifting all the responsibility to another person makes it easier to cope, but it isn't always right.

maybe they think he's some kind of an unsupportive ass and who knows how they imagine him; from what you say, he sounds good and sounds like he wants to be there for you and the baby; maybe your parents will drop their insane anger and worry when they meet him.

i would suggest you don't let them meet him alone and be there, so at least you're present and can have some control of the situation and stand and speak for yourself as well.
imagine you'd be alone meeting his parents and his mom raging out at you for lying about your age and getting pregnant on purpose so that her son would have to provide for you and you wouldn't need to worry about going to college, working, bla bla bla... and now because of you he can't go outa state to study as he planned, etc etc etc.. not nice.
And no matter how angry, your parents should talk to him with respect.
Do his parents know about the baby by the way?

 

[nic18]

Hope everything goes well!
I agree about you going with your parents, 17-22 isn't that big an age gap and ofcourse they are going to have to accept and get over it now, what's done is done

 

[skyesmom]

oh and i agree: 17 to 22 may seem like a HUGE age gap NOW. plus, you really have a good and responsible head on your shoulders and he ain't a prick either and trust me, with time that age difference will disappear and you won't even remember it!

 

[KFrey]

Heather,
I definitely think they will do an ultrasound your first appointment. They always did with mine and you are so much farther along they need to do one. It is understandable that you didn't want the father to come. I would definitely give him a play back though on how it went and keep him totally in the loop so he doesn't feel shut out. PLUS you can send him pictures. I am excited to hear about your appointment! Seeing your baby on the screen for the first time... EEK.

 

[ClairAye]

I agree about the age gap, it's what myself and FOB had when I fell pregnant with our first and you soon completely forget about it!

 

[heatherr]

He hasn't told his family yet. He says he's waiting until I go to the doctor and everything is official and we know more details. Like he's still in denial about it...But I guess I didn't tell anyone for almost a month and was trying to just ignore it until it went away, so I shouldn't judge him right now.

 

[emsmamasinc11]

Hi! if you ever want to talk feel free to add me on fb i have a two almost three year old little man! my names Autumn renee ojeda

 

[skyesmom]

kudos to you for not being judgmental towards him! i understand the wanting to wait until the ultrasound, though.

his parents will bomb him with questions, they may get angry just as yours, and it's easier if he has some answers, especially since you're around 12 or over weeks now and an ultrasound is more than due.

i feel his wait is not denial, it's more of a wait where he'll have some more concrete information and answers for them rather than "i got a girl pregnant, she's around 12 weeks now and she's 17 (which i didn't know at time). no, i don't know if the baby is fine as she was scared and hid it from everybody for a while and hasn't had an ultrasound yet".

(a friend of mine was in a similar situation, he was 20 and his mom first accused the girl of inventing it all and wanted concrete proofs... she came around after the first freak out though and loves her grand daughter to bits!! MUCH later (i am telling you, 10 years later) she actually told us she freaked out because she knew many women who lied about being pregnant in order to get pregnant and "keep" the guy when they felt the relationship was wobbly. she wasn't referring to any particular age here, just a general thing. so who knows what is cooking in the parent's heads after all and what their concerns may be.)

but you guys are doing it all good for now. both you and him! good luck with everything!

 

[KFrey]

Tommorow's the day! Are you getting nervous or excited or both?

 

[nic18]

hope all goes well tomorrow

 

[wookie130]

Good luck, Heatherr. One foot in front of the other! Whatever you choose to do regarding the baby and the father, we're here to listen and support you.

 

[ChiiBaby]

Good luck hun! hope it all goes well for you x

 

[heatherr]

Tommorow's the day! Are you getting nervous or excited or both?

Mainly just nervous. It will be real once the doctor confirms it. I don't like medical things to begin with, so just that alone makes me nervous. Also never really thought about something being wrong before because I was just concerned with how to tell people. But now I'm worried about something being wrong.

 

[ClairAye]

Good luck! Keep us updated

 

[wookie130]

If you've continued to have positive pregnancy tests at home, you are most definitely pregnant, that much is guaranteed. Tomorrow, there a few things that may or may not happen at the doctor's. The doctor MAY:

-Ask you for a urine sample.
-Ask you for a blood sample.
-Ask you a series of questions about your LMP (last monthly period)...it helps if you know the first date of your last period, as they use that information to check how far along you actually are.
-Take your weight, health history, etc.
-Possibly perform a pelvic exam.
-Possibly perform either a transvaginal ultrasound (if you're about 9/10 weeks along or less), or an abdominal ultrasound, and compare how the baby is visually measuring to your LMP date, and if you're far enough along you may see a heartbeat, also.
-Discuss folic acid and/or prenatal vitamins, lifestyle choices, diet, etc.
-You may want to ask about resources in your community, such as WIC, Medicaid, programs for pregnant teen moms, adoption resources, etc. Let your doctor know you've been on the fence about what to do...whether it would be best to either raise the baby, or give him/her up for adoption. Let them know you need to know what your options are, & if there is someone on staff you could discuss and share your feelings about.

Good luck! Hopefully all is well w/you and the baby, and that tomorrow brings you some answers and clarity.

 

[heatherr]

^ Thank you, that helps a lot wookie130. I will just have to see how it goes.

 

[skyesmom]

keeping my fingers crossed for you that it all goes fine!