Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[SurpriseBub]

Sorry you are felling so drained... with you mom's history, it sounds like it would be worth calling your dr. Some people need iron supplements on top of prenatals.

Pregnancy definitely feels a lot like a marathon rather than a sprint! And I am sure it is tiring with school and everything else. Give yourself permission to rest as much as you can!

 

[MiniKiwi]

It's totally normal to have no energy at this stage. It does get better though. A trip to the doctor sounds like a good idea, if you're a bit anemic it's no big deal, you'll get some tablets to sort it out. I was anemic and the difference with some tablets or a diet change is so noticeable and quick! It stopped being difficult to get out of bed in the morning.

I understand not wanting to tell people, but I'm sure you'll feel relief when it's out in the open. You've nothing to apologise for or be ashamed of, I think you'll find most people are supportive. I'm quite thin too and my bump wasn't really noticeable until about 22+ weeks, so you probably have some time to come around to the idea of telling people when you're ready.

Sending lots of hugs and support, you're doing great

 

[heatherr]

I had my doctor's appointment today. My blood tests from my first appointment indicated possibly very very low levels of anemia, but more of what is typical during pregnancy and since I hadn't started taking prenatal vitamins yet it was understandable. I had more blood drawn today and my doctor is going to send it to be tested to make sure the levels of whatever it is is where it should be. We should have the results tomorrow. I guess with my mom's history of it and the fact that I'm a teenager I am more likely to have anemia.

Other than that, everything looks good. Next appointment in a month I'll finally get an ultrasound!

 

[ready4number1]

Great news!

I have read your thread and glad everything is working out for you thus far. Please continue to update. Will you post a baby bump picture?

 

[LittleLala]

Good to hear you are healthy x

 

[KFrey]

Hi Heather,
I can't wait to hear about your ultrasound... in a month Crazy to think the first time you see your baby they will be able to tell you the sex. Do you have a preference on what you are hoping your baby will be? Any more thoughts on what you might do? Keep your baby or adoption?

How are things going with the father?

I am so happy to hear you are right on course and healthy.

I'm getting a 3D ultrasound on Friday! YAY

 

[x__amour]

Been following your thread for a while but only now just had time to respond.
I'm Shannon, 23. I have an almost 4 year old and a 6 month old.

So glad things are going well for you, I hope your pregnancy and family situation continue to get better.
See you around.

 

[heatherr]

Hi Heather,
I can't wait to hear about your ultrasound... in a month Crazy to think the first time you see your baby they will be able to tell you the sex. Do you have a preference on what you are hoping your baby will be? Any more thoughts on what you might do? Keep your baby or adoption?

How are things going with the father?

I am so happy to hear you are right on course and healthy.

I'm getting a 3D ultrasound on Friday! YAY

How did the ultrasound go for you? Does your doctor always do 3D or did you have to go somewhere special?

I don't really have a preference. It's hard to imagine it being a book or girl right now.

I am leaning toward keeping it. It's hard to think of giving my child away. But I feel like I am still trying to talk myself into not keeping it. I can't commit to anything right now, I'm too scared to do that.

The father is coming to make next appointment with me. Things are ok with him. I told him how I felt like I didn't want someone else to raise my baby, but I'm scared to be a parent and feel to overwhelmed by it because I will have the baby with me and have to be the main one takes by care of it. He said the baby can live with him then. I said I don't think I could do that either. So he said maybe after the baby us born and then I graduate we can live with him. But then he said he doesn't know if that's a good idea, we'll just have to split time so it's not just me all the time. I hate the whole situation.

 

[wookie130]

Heatherr, you really have to just follow what both your head and heart are telling you to do. At your age, you will need some help in raising the baby, and I think it's great that the father is so willing to be a part of the baby's life. It's completely fine to need help...even us "old" (lol) people need help with our kids, and need a break from time to time. Of course, if you continue contemplating adoption, that is certainly always an option also...it will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but there are a lot of blessings with it also, both for you, the adoptive family, and for your baby as well. But again, you must follow your heart. Adoption is a decision that you must be 100% at peace with, even though it's a step that comes with an automatic level of self-doubt at times, I'm sure.

As far as how to divide the baby's time up between you and the father, if you decide that you do want to raise your child, he or she will definitely need you more in the beginning, particularly if you plan on breastfeeding. Even if you plan on bottlefeeding, expect as the baby's mother, to be the "default parent." That is not to say that the father's role isn't crucial, or important, or any of that. But, babies do have a tendency to bond and form a stronger attachment to their mommies, at least in the beginning, so that's something to keep in mind.

Do you have resources for acquiring what you need for the baby, if you plan on raising him/her? Brand new little newborns require very little, and as easy as it is to go overboard and buy every cute new baby item and fad on the market, they need little more than a safe place to sleep, diapers (cloth or disposable), a food source (breastmilk or formula), a few toiletries (shampoo/wash/diaper cream/lotion), and some weather and size-appropriate clothing. You won't need many toys at first, as they don't really have the ability or desire to play in the beginning...new babies do a lot of sleeping, crying, pooping, eating, and that's about it. LOL! My son is 11 weeks old, and is only JUST starting to seem interested in batting toys around a bit. What babies REALLY need to thrive are free...lots of holding, love, talking, singing, rocking, walking around, and just YOU and your attention. They are a massive time-suck, but I don't know how to describe it...they're the BEST and most rewarding time-suck on Earth.

 

[heatherr]

No, I don't have any of my own money at all. I've never even had a job. I'd have to rely on my family or the father for right now. I could get a job, but 5 months isn't very long to save up all the money I'd need. I will get a job if I keep the baby. Even if I can't make that much, I don't want to just rely on everyone else for everything.

 

[lovingmumma]

hi im milly and i had my boy at 18 (almost 21 now) , i just wanted to say that I'm so positive everything will work out for you. I know how stressful and overwhelming it all is but it does get easier, I was so surprised with how cheap it was to actually have a baby (not saying in the long run its cheap, but the first year basically cost nothing) money was my main worry when i was pregnant and i worked as a waitress until i was due, but after having my son i released he barley needed anything apart from me, a place to live and clean clothing. I breastfed and used cloth nappies which saved me a lot of money. there are so many things which you get pushed into thinking you are going to need to buy but really don't, things like crib mobiles, wipes warmers, basinets, baby shoes, change table and toys really aren't necessities. I made do with a big thick towel on the bed as my change table lol, until i found a good second hand one.
I really hope you are able to relax soon and everything falls into place for you
feel free to PM me if you ever want, I'm always up for a chat lol

 

[Feronia]

I totally agree with the others. Babies don't need to cost very much, especially in the first year. We are low income and have gotten by just fine without a crib, stroller, bouncer, playmat, changing table, or really any other major baby item (they don't even need lotion or shampoo at all). Cloth diapers are cheap in the long run and you can sell them back as your baby outgrows them -- flats are the cheapest, I got 36 of them for $1 each. Check for deals on craigslist or thrift stores. Exclusively breastfeeding is of course free, and it's so true that they don't need toys for a while -- just love and attention.

It sounds like the baby's father is really mature and I'm so glad to hear he's supporting you in your decision making process!

 

[KFrey]

The ultrasound went alright but wasn't able to see his face... his back was toward us the whole time so we are doing a "re-do" on Saturday. The 3D is an outside service that we pay for... just for fun. I think some doctor's have the machines that can do the 3D ultrasounds but I've never seem them switch to it.

The father seems to be very supportive still... which is really great but ultimately the weight falls on you who has to actually MAKE the decision. I trust you will make the decision that is right for you!

 

[heatherr]

Money isn't a huge concern for me. If I keep it, I will get a job to contribute because I don't want my child to have to live completely off my parents. I am not really factoring that into my decision though. My parents have already said they would help me with money and so has the father. I just don't know if I want to give up my life to be a parent. I never wanted to have a kid until I was like 35. I basically just feel that I'll be miserable.
I know your life doesn't end when you have a baby and that I can still go to college, but it isn't the same. It will require completely changing my plans, always having someone else that comes first, just more difficult to manage everything all around. I guess it's different if you are happy about it and want to make it work, but that isn't the case for me. I don't want to have to work hard and struggle right now.

 

[SurpriseBub]

As everyone has said, a baby doesn't have to be super expensive. So much of the gear is completely unnecessary- ie. I plan to have a wrap and carry her with me for the most part. I think that is both healthier (and happily enough cheaper!) for a baby's development it sounds like you have the money side of things in hand for the most part though, anyway!

I was wondering- do you know anyone with a baby or small child that you could spend some time with? I was a nanny a few years ago, and for the most part loved it! that time also gave me a pretty good understanding of what to expect as a parent. Just an idea! You are right- being a parent would involve sacrifice, but it also comes with big rewards. Being hands on with a child might help you better picture what life would be like either way.

 

[heatherr]

I have babysat a lot in the past and hate it. I know it's not the same as having your own child. You obviously feel different about your own baby. I think babies and little kids are cute, but I don't really like the constantly having to care for them part. I know I probably sound really horrible and selfish. It's like this is my baby so of course I don't want to give it to someone else or see it be part of someone else's family, but when I think of having to be a parent I don't know if it's something I want. I know I have already said all of this before. I just have the same thoughts over and over.

 

[Feronia]

You're not horrible and selfish, this was unplanned and it's a huge responsibility to be hoisted upon anyone. It's totally fair to say and think those things and I think it's really good you're exploring your feelings. Is there any way you can talk to moms who have chosen adoption (open adoptions particularly) and moms who have chosen to keep their babies? Maybe in person? It might be helpful to hear a variety of experiences before making a decision. Though of course, only you know how you'll possibly feel and it might be totally different to someone else, even in the same situation.

As an aside, I hated kids growing up! I didn't want kids at all until a few years ago. Couldn't stand them! It's so true that having your own is sooooo different to watching someone else's. What's disgusting and a hassle to take care of in someone else's kid is totally fine on your own!

 

[MummyMana]

Just wondering what it is exactly you feel you'll be missing out on if you have your baby? May be able to put some of those anxieties to rest

 

[SurpriseBub]

That isn't horrible at all! You are weighing up a big decision, and I think that it is good to try and be somewhat pragmatic about what the pros and cons are to both options . I had trying times as a nanny, but also loved the relationship I built with the kids. But even so, I think that having my own baby is going to be a different ball game. I guess I thought as close to a trial run as possible might help you picture life with a baby! ...not that I guess you really can picture that experience before it happens.

I agree with Feronia that meeting birth mothers might be helpful

 

[heatherr]

Just wondering what it is exactly you feel you'll be missing out on if you have your baby? May be able to put some of those anxieties to rest

I guess just being a regular person my age. I'm scared of the responsibility, not just being able to do what I want when I want, always having to make decisions based on having a baby. I can't go far away to school or just move away if I wanted to - technically I could, but it'll be too hard for me right now to not have help and support. I feel like I'll just have to go to school and then get a good, responsible job as soon as possible because I'll need health insurance to be able to support a child.