I think I have stated several times, even from the beginning when I wasn't sure about going through with the pregnancy at all, that I knew my reasons were mainly selfish.
Technically, I didn't have unprotected sex. We used a condom every time, but I did let him inside me a few times without a condom on. But it doesn't matter because regardless of protection you take a risk every time you have sex. I was really one of those people who thought "it won't happen to me." I don't know why I thought that because it's really stupid.
The more I think about it since reading your comment an hour ago, I wonder why I should feel obligated to keep my baby if I don't want to be a parent. It would be understandable if I didn't have resources and support, but since I have those things adoption isn't as valid of an option for me? Why can't adoption be a responsible option? Like everyone keeps saying, I will have to live with the decision forever, and I think it's obvious by how much I go back and forth that it would not be an easy decision for me to make. What would I be taking advantage of? It's not like I'm taking advantage of adoption, pawning my kid off on someone else, and just moving on with my life as if nothing ever happened. If I don't want to be a parent and someone else is desperate to have a baby and ready to make those sacrifices, why would it be the wrong reasons?
I have to be able to live with my own reasons I guess and I do realize that 10 years from now I might not agree with the reasons I have now. But then sometimes I think maybe in 10 years I will be somewhere in my life that I couldn't have gotten to with having a baby so young. Maybe I'll be happy with my decision. It'd be so much easier if I could just see the future and know.
I just go around and around with my decision and I know fob is getting tired of hearing about it. He told me I should have just ended the pregnancy because I don't want any other option and it sounds like that's what would have worked out best for me. He also said if I really want to know how he feels, he doesn't want to be a parent, but he has friends who are adopted and even though they both have loving families, they have issues that stem from being adopted, so it sucks either way and I just have to figure out what I can live with and stop jerking him around with a new decision every day.
Anyway, then that made me feel guilty because what if my child feels unwanted because of me? I don't really want an open adoption, but I would do that if it made it easier for the baby growing up. But then what do I tell them for why I gave them up?
I knew my post would make people defensive, especially you, and I apologize if I came off crude. I've kept up with this thread, and I have seen that you acknowledge that your reasons appear selfish.
If you had sex without a condom in any way, shape or form...that's unprotected. But as you've stated, there's a risk most of the time regardless so that's beside the point. I think everyone who is not actively TTC thinks "it won't happen to me". I was in the same boat, been there. Look on the 1000s of threads of women who are pregnant from the almighty "pull out method".
Again, this is all my opinion from someone who has
been there. Literally in your exact position, minus the lying about my age part. I
personally feel like part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. Flat out, no sugar coating. I feel like women who are strong enough to overcome
all obstacles thrown at them are the strongest. I feel like owning your mistakes makes you a better person, and inspires others to be strong as well. I feel like humans who are capable of sucking it up and working through their problems are the better people.
I KNOW that this is hard, probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do (either way!) I tried to make sure I stated that I was answering in a short amount of time and on my phone, and I also said that I feel like you're taking all the right steps towards making an educated decision. Talking to an adoption counselor will probably help you tremendously. I didn't mean my post in a bad way, and didn't mean to make you feel guilty...but it's really hard to sugar coat things like this. Anyone in this position needs support, which you have here as well as your family, and a reality check.
I'm sorry if I upset you, I really wasn't meaning to. I do think that your talks with the counselor will help a lot. Everyone here will support you no matter what you decide, including me. No one can know your exact predicament, even with the longest post ever we could never know, and no one has any right to judge you based on the little information we have about you.
I had trying times as a nanny, but also loved the relationship I built with the kids. But even so, I think that having my own baby is going to be a different ball game. I guess I thought as close to a trial run as possible might help you picture life with a baby! ...not that I guess you really can picture that experience before it happens.
