Pregnant with #3 and really want a girl

[hello_kitty]

Hi ladies,

I currently have 2 boys aged 4 and 2.5. Last month I found out I was pregnant. Although this baby was a surprise, we feel truly blessed to be adding a new addition to our family. When I first found out, I swore that I wouldnt let the gender of the baby effect me, and like all other moms, I would love this baby with every cell in my body whether its a boy or girl BUT there are split moments where I feel the ache for a little girl and then brush it off and say it shouldnt matter. Right now, I am having another one of those moments. I just want to admit it somewhere, to someone, that I really want that little girl. My friends and family do not know that I am pregnant yet, and I plan to hide it for as long as I can since I am not too big on the announcement and just want to keep it within our nuclear family for as long as I can. Every time they see me, they keep saying things such as "oh you need to try for a girl." This really annoys me because its not within our control what gender we get and sometimes it feels like peer pressure.

Also, I know a lot of people will have pity for me if I end up with another boy. A relative tried to socialize with me and said I should start trying for a third and hopefully it'll be a girl, and my mom jumped in and said "never mind that, what if she ends up with another boy" Everyone is acting like having another boy is the end of the world. Yes, we would love a girl, but I also feel if this baby is a boy, he's been shunned from the start. People will be particularly interested in the gender scans and there will be a lot of disappointments.

There are already 4 grandsons on my husbands side and I know my husband's family would be over the moon (as well as my family) if I am having a girl.

I am only 6 weeks, so it will be awhile before I have the gender scan, but I have a strong feeling this is another boy, given the fact that we conceived on O day (same way as my last son) and based off the pregnancy symptoms. If you've had all the same gender, how did you feel by the second time or 3rd time and how did you come to accept it? Thanks.

 

[george83]

Congratulations!! I have 3 boys and have always been desperate for a little girl. Our third was a surprise too and although I longed for him to be 'pink' I knew because of timings etc that he was going to be 'blue'. I know it sounds like a lie and even now I don't believe anybody in the same situation who says they didn't want a girl I certainly wouldn't change what I have. My boys are so close and have an amazing bond, they are all so loving and affectionate and I can't imagine things being any different. Having said all that my longing for a girl never goes away, right now I'm so desperate for my baby girl me and my oh have had conversations over trying for a fourth even though I know it's not practical. I can not imagine never having my little girl but now the feelings come in waves rather being a constant ache.

I hope you get to hear pink but it's not the end of the world if it's blue x x

 

[k4th]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

I think your family are being a bit harsh. At the moment it's only theoretical because they don't know you're expecting. However, if it carries on when they know, I wouldn't be telling them if you find out the gender. They will love baby when he/she arrives.

I've had gender disappointment and was team yellow with both babies. As with many things, time heals. Like George I still get the odd pang - but I try to believe that my babies chose me for a reason.

I hope you hear pink

 

[donnarobinson]

I have three boys and I was the same last time round I badly wanted a girl and everyone around me was always saying hope this is a girl etc when they found out it was a boy they acted like it was terrible one person even said oh thays such a shame a girl would of been worth having another
He is one now and the light of life the most happy amazing boy ever
My boys are my world but I stil would love a girl we're done and I'm happy with 3 kids but deep down I no I'll probably want another in the future because I really want a girl but there is nothing to say I'd get one x
Your not alone tho
I'm not sad because I have three boys I just wish I had a girl to x

 

[hello_kitty]

Thanks for your replies ladies. I am just glad I am not the only one. It also makes it more stressful when other people, particularly those that are close to you put pressure on you. I dont understand why people bring up gender so much any way, especially when its something beyond your control. The phrase that I hate so much is "oh I hope you're hoping for a girl." I just want to yell in their face "YES, YES I DO!" but instead I have to put on that fake smile and go with that generic response "im just hoping for a healthy baby" Come on people! Stop asking dumb questions. Why cant people just end it with congrats. This is the first time where I found out I've been pregnant for almost a month without telling anyone. Last two times, I ended up telling my mom as soon as my pregnancy test became positive.

Also, we have 4 grandsons on my husbands side. I really wish I could give them a grand daughter for a change, especially when we plan on visiting when baby is 4 months old. I really dont know how they will react if they find out that they'll be having a 5th grandson. I try not to stress so much because it cant change anyone but sometimes all these thoughts gives me a panic attack.

 

[george83]

Your right with what you said about not controlling this and even if you could it's already too late, so just take deep breaths and let everybody else's commebts wash over you. your family will be wonderful whatever baby you have and other people will just have to accept it x x

 

[hello_kitty]

Sorry for any grammatical errors, I tend to not make any sense when I am under stress. I told my husband about how pressured I feel about the gender and he told me not to let it get to me, and if anyone talks crap about his baby he's going to shut them up. All that matters in the end is a healthy baby. I really was planning on trying the shettles method (although I know it doesn't always work out, but worth a try) but since this baby was unplanned, I didn't get the chance to. We plan to have 4 kids regardless of the gender, so if this is another boy, I am definitely going to plan my next pregnancy.

 

[kat132]

i am pregnant with my 3rd as well. i have 2 boys aged 6 and 4. I have already had the comments......ah it will be a girl this time, you trying for a girl etc
Yes i think it is normal to want the opposite sex especially if you already have 2 of the same. i want a healthy baby obviously and i am trying to convince myself i will be ok with another boy but i really really want a girl. i wouldn't be sad to have 3 boys just sad i didn't get my girl if that makes sense

Anyway your not alone at all. I am due in September so still have not had my 1st scan yet, let alone my 2nd so i think i will be crazy by the time i find out haha.

xxxx

 

[hello_kitty]

Kat -Im due in October so its going to be a long time for me as well before the gender scan. Patiently waiting for the 12 week scan so at least I can have others guess the gender based off nub. I've had ladies on here and in gender guess the nub of my last two boys and it was correct each time.

I have a strong feeling that this baby is a boy or maybe I just have the idea that I would never get my girl, so when looking at swaddle blanket, I focused more on boy patterns. I dont dare look at any girly stuff because I dont want to set myself up for disappoinment. My gender scan wont be until the end of May and before I got pregnant, I used to think that time goes by very fast...but now I just feel like May is so far away. Trying to remind myself that nothing can be changed anyways, and I should enjoy every single moment of the time I have left as a mom of two, before baby gets here.

 

[Jessicahide]

In my experience, the ones who put the most pressure on you to have a particular gender are the ones who care the least if you do get the gender.... I am sure its just used as a tool to upset people a way to say " oh you are not so perfect, can't even have a boy/girl!" I had so many people "desperate" for me to have a girl, well i have one now, no one says a word about her lol

 

[Nikki1979]

I agree people can be nasty when it comes to couples having the same sex babies. My second baby is a preemie (32 + 6) and due to some complications had to have an emergency csection. while I was being prepped for surgery, one of the guys working in the theater started talking to me. He asked me if I knew what i was having and I said boy. I said that I have an older boy at home. He went on and on about how it would be nice if it was girl. I said I don't care and he said, " you still have a chance of having a girl because ultrasounds are not 100% correct" I didnt reply as I was too stressed and just wanted the baby to be okay when he came out. Thank god the guy left after that. I saw him again after I was being wheeled out. Baby was not with me as they had taken him to NICU with my hubby and he asked me " What did you have". I said boy. He said " Too bad it was a boy, maybe a girl next time" I was too upset to reply and also feeling really cold after surgery. I completely forgot about him after I got to hold my baby. Even complete strangers can be a**holes.

 

[Mrs.H2016]

I have three boys and just found out I am having a fourth. I wanted a girl so bad. I cried yesterday when I found out, my 3 year old cried cause he said he already has a brother and doesn't want another one. Yesterday was tough, this is our last baby. I will never have a little girl.
Today that's ok. Yes I am sad, yes it's disappointing but ya get what ya get; it's not the end of the world but it sure felt like it yesterday. In time I will get over it I am sure (I hope lol)🤗😉 it's only been a day, when I think about it I get upset but it passes. I told everyone it's a boy so we don't get stupid comments about a girl. So far so good.
I hope you get what you want but it's going to be ok if you don't. I am early in my pregnancy but had a nipt test and found out gender, maybe you can get that too so your not waiting ?

 

[hello_kitty]

Sorry Mrs. H, I know what you mean. Dh and I also agreed to stop at 4 regardless of gender. I've seen women on these forums with 5+ children sadly we can't afford more than 4, and as an individual I just can't picture myself handling more than 4 kids. After this baby, I decided I want a longer break to just focus on myself. I'm thinking 4 or even 5 years.

I'm glad I'm keeping this pregnancy a secret for now, and honestly I plan to hide it for as long as my belly allows me to. It feels really great not dealing with the gender crap. I will come on here and update my gender scan when the time arrives.

 

[hello_kitty]

I agree people can be nasty when it comes to couples having the same sex babies. My second baby is a preemie (32 + 6) and due to some complications had to have an emergency csection. while I was being prepped for surgery, one of the guys working in the theater started talking to me. He asked me if I knew what i was having and I said boy. I said that I have an older boy at home. He went on and on about how it would be nice if it was girl. I said I don't care and he said, " you still have a chance of having a girl because ultrasounds are not 100% correct" I didnt reply as I was too stressed and just wanted the baby to be okay when he came out. Thank god the guy left after that. I saw him again after I was being wheeled out. Baby was not with me as they had taken him to NICU with my hubby and he asked me " What did you have". I said boy. He said " Too bad it was a boy, maybe a girl next time" I was too upset to reply and also feeling really cold after surgery. I completely forgot about him after I got to hold my baby. Even complete strangers can be a**holes.

I'm sorry you had to deal with an ahole Nikki. With my previous pregnancies I've had strangers trying to guess the gender based off the shape of my bump. It's so annoying. All that matters in the end is a healthy baby. I've had 2 preemies. My first was also a 32 weeker. It was so stressful. He stayed for 5 weeks and it felt like a decade. Second baby was born at 35w4d and stayed for 10 days. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can keep this baby baking until at least 37 weeks, I think that's the magic number for me since both boys got discharged at that time.

 

[Mrs.H2016]

I agree people can be nasty when it comes to couples having the same sex babies. My second baby is a preemie (32 + 6) and due to some complications had to have an emergency csection. while I was being prepped for surgery, one of the guys working in the theater started talking to me. He asked me if I knew what i was having and I said boy. I said that I have an older boy at home. He went on and on about how it would be nice if it was girl. I said I don't care and he said, " you still have a chance of having a girl because ultrasounds are not 100% correct" I didnt reply as I was too stressed and just wanted the baby to be okay when he came out. Thank god the guy left after that. I saw him again after I was being wheeled out. Baby was not with me as they had taken him to NICU with my hubby and he asked me " What did you have". I said boy. He said " Too bad it was a boy, maybe a girl next time" I was too upset to reply and also feeling really cold after surgery. I completely forgot about him after I got to hold my baby. Even complete strangers can be a**holes.

Omg my hubby would have knocked him out! That's awful. People suck

 

[hello_kitty]

I am wondering if girls are harder to concieve in general. I know it can go both ways, but I see more women on here having a hard time trying to get their girl than the other way around.

 

[Nikki1979]

I agree people can be nasty when it comes to couples having the same sex babies. My second baby is a preemie (32 + 6) and due to some complications had to have an emergency csection. while I was being prepped for surgery, one of the guys working in the theater started talking to me. He asked me if I knew what i was having and I said boy. I said that I have an older boy at home. He went on and on about how it would be nice if it was girl. I said I don't care and he said, " you still have a chance of having a girl because ultrasounds are not 100% correct" I didnt reply as I was too stressed and just wanted the baby to be okay when he came out. Thank god the guy left after that. I saw him again after I was being wheeled out. Baby was not with me as they had taken him to NICU with my hubby and he asked me " What did you have". I said boy. He said " Too bad it was a boy, maybe a girl next time" I was too upset to reply and also feeling really cold after surgery. I completely forgot about him after I got to hold my baby. Even complete strangers can be a**holes.

Omg my hubby would have knocked him out! That's awful. People suck

Yeah my hubby would have knocked him out too. He only made comments when I was alone..ie while being prepped ( hubby wasn't allowed there) and also while they were wheeling me into recovery ( hubby was in NICU with our son). Weak people just pick on the vulnerable. I doubt he would have said anything with hubby around.

 

[Nikki1979]

I am wondering if girls are harder to concieve in general. I know it can go both ways, but I see more women on here having a hard time trying to get their girl than the other way around.

I think it depends on the couple. I know people say its always 50/50 but I don't believe that. I only have sisters ( 3 of us) and my only brother is adopted. My MIL has only sons (4) and all sons only have boys. My cousin is trying for a boy and has 5 daughters. I read an article once about this..lets c if I can find it.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081211121835.htm

Not sure if its proven yet but looking at my family history it makes sense. I think my hubby has more y sperm.

 

[Nikki1979]

Ofcourse its just a theory and people still have a shot at the opposite gender. We all can still get our girls.

 

[hello_kitty]

My MIL has 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl. My mom has 6 kids (and 1 miscarriage with a boy), I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. So we have both genders on each side. My mom doesn't believe that I'll end up with all boys because she was able to have both genders. She had 3 girls first and then her first boy.