Raising Children In Religion

[kate1984]

I'm Christian and my son goes to church with me, I will teach him about the bible and the Lord as he grows but if he ever said "mum this isn't for me, I don't want to follow" then that would be fine with me.

 

[britishsaffy]

Me hubby and I are both agnostic, so we will not be exposing our son to religion. If he asks me one day when he's old enough if I will take him to church, then I will, and I will do my level best to keep my personal feelings on organized religion absolutely to myself.
I am having the hardest time though finding a school/nursery/daycare in my area that doesn't have some form of religious affiliation - this bothers me to no end because I do not want some stranger trying to brainwash my child.

Fwiw, I respect other peoples right to believe whatever they want, I just don't want it 'pushed' on either me or my son. Unfortunately, a lot of religions do this by their very nature because they insist on 'spreading the word'.

 

[Laura2919]

I am Roman Catholic and so are my children. I would never force them to believe in something they dont so when they are older and they decide I would be happy because they are choosing to believe in things for themselves. I will however still believe in my faith.

 

[JackiePed]

I wonder why the topic of 'forcing' our kids keeps getting brought up... wasn't the original topic about raising your children in a religion? There's a big difference between raising your children in a religion, and forcing them. The thing is, until they are at least old enough to stay home by themselves, or become adults and move out.... if you are 'raising them' in your religion, you're going to bring them to church with you, have them say family prayers or read scriptures with you, and teach them to follow the ways that you so passionately believe are right and beneficial for their lives.
Is that forcing them?
If it is... then what exactly would constitute raising them in a religion without 'forcing' them? If it's just a casual, "Oh I'll tell them about it, and they will know I believe in it" but it's not a part of your everyday life and family belief system... well then... I'd venture to say you are not raising them in that 'religion'.

So those who do bring their children to church every week, teach them and read to them from scriptures, say prayers with them, teach them about the nature of their god/God, aren't necessarily 'forcing' them... there's just really no other way to truly raise a child in all aspects of a religion.

Sure, I will accept whatever choice they ultimately make as they begin to think on the nature of religion and make their own choices. I will love them just as always. I will not condemn them or shame them.

But until they reach that point... of course I will be the one bringing that aspect into their lives in every way I possibly can. Not to fit a mold, but because I believe with every fibre of my being that it is true, that is the best thing for them, and that it is right. And why wouldn't I want that for my children?

 

[Laura2919]

When I said forced it was just because thats how I see it. If you make a child believe in something they dont its forcing them.. Simple...

 

[JackiePed]

Sorry-- that may have looked like it was directed at you because yours was the post before mine-- it wasn't specifically directed... I just noticed that the op asked "will you raise your child in your religion?" but many of the responses are addressing *forcing* a child...
So I thought I'd bring it up and see what people meant when they referred to the term forcing. What constitutes 'forcing' your child to believe? (which, to me... is sort of impossible. You can't force any person to believe anything. You can require them to take part in specific religious activities while they are young and still under your care, but beyond that... what could you possibly do to force them?)

 

[deafgal]

because parents do make their child go to church, pray, read the bible (or other books) , dress in certain ways, etc. even if they don't believe.

I don't have a problem with parents making their child follow certain standards and respect their religion (as long it doesn't cause emotional or physical harm...like some cults do). Afterall, we parents always force our kids into doing something like going to the grocery stores, or me, my mom forced me to wearing hearing aids when I wanted to be deaf no matter how much I broke them.

but I agree, you can't force your kids to believe

 

[JASMAK]

I waited for my kids to ask me to go to church. I wasn't prepared to drag them there, unwillingly, and make it something 'mom and dad' are making us. Also, going to church with three kids is not much fun anyways. I have taught my children about God, Jesus, the Vrigin Mary, praying, heaven. They are still 'following'...but as far as taking them to church, which is a HUGE committment, espesially the Catholic Church...that is something that they need to be on board with, IMO. I was raised the same, and it worked for me. I have friends who rebelled in school big time because they were 'forced' into a religion that just didn't suit them...and I KNOW many didn't believe in their church, or even in God. Talk about epic fail. I respect my children...they will learn about God and the Virgin Mary, but they can make their own choices about church, and whether or not they want to take it further. One comment on here earlier, about how parents don't believe if they don't take their kids is pretty offensive. I believe, my kids believe...I don't need to prove that to anyone...and taking my kids to church is not going to strengthen or weaken my relationship with God, which I consider to be a close relationship. That is between me and Him...everyone else needs to work on themselves, and stop judging other's relationships with God.

 

[JackiePed]

I didn't say a parent who doesn't take their kids to church doesn't believe. The op was mentioning how she saw an unusual situation where her relatives were one religion, but raising their children in *another one*. I replied that, if that's the case, they likely don't believe very strongly in their own. Otherwise, why on earth raise your kids in a different one?

 

[JackiePed]

because parents do make their child go to church, pray, read the bible (or other books) , dress in certain ways, etc. even if they don't believe.

I don't have a problem with parents making their child follow certain standards and respect their religion (as long it doesn't cause emotional or physical harm...like some cults do). Afterall, we parents always force our kids into doing something like going to the grocery stores, or me, my mom forced me to wearing hearing aids when I wanted to be deaf no matter how much I broke them.

but I agree, you can't force your kids to believe

Well then, I'd ask... how does one raise their kids in a religion without seeming to force a religion on them? I don't think you can really 'raise a child' in a religion without doing things like bringing them to church, praying with them, reading scriptures with them, etc...
You can make them aware of a religion...but you're not really raising them in it.
Which is fine, I'm not saying parents are doing anything wrong by making that choice. I'm just trying to see where people draw the line between forcing and raising.

And perhaps that is where I misunderstood. Perhaps that is what some people are saying, is that you can't raise kids in religion without forcing it on them, therefore that is why they choose not to raise them in a religion.

 

[JASMAK]

I just don't think it is as black and white as you seem to want it to be...and fyi, i am raising my children in diff religion as myself...i am not raising my kids catholic because of the times of their religios education. it's wednesday nights which don't work for us. but i just found that one statement judgemental and offensive...you just bluntly said that the parents must not believe. its absurd to think that there isn't any other reason out there that the children aren't being raised a certain religion, and it was a quick thoughtless assumption, imo. almost seemed like you were trying to stir the pot with it. anyways, it seems like you and i don't agree on many things, and i am not getting in it with you, but just wanted to say my piece, because i am sure there was probably others that felt insulted reading that. who says that anyways? lol

 

[JackiePed]

I just don't think it is as black and white as you seem to want it to be...and fyi, i am raising my children in diff religion as myself...i am not raising my kids catholic because of the times of their religios education. it's wednesday nights which don't work for us. but i just found that one statement judgemental and offensive...you just bluntly said that the parents must not believe. its absurd to think that there isn't any other reason out there that the children aren't being raised a certain religion, and it was a quick thoughtless assumption, imo. almost seemed like you were trying to stir the pot with it. anyways, it seems like you and i don't agree on many things, and i am not getting in it with you, but just wanted to say my piece, because i am sure there was probably others that felt insulted reading that. who says that anyways? lol

^^ That.... was 'not getting in it' with me? ....

Anyways... it wasn't said as a judgement, like, "Well they must not be very faithful/good followers of God"... that would be a silly assumption in itself. They obviously care enough to MAKE that different choice.
The op mentioned the situation and said she was confused by it... I suggested one possibility... which is that although they themselves are members of the Catholic church, it must not be a passionate belief of theirs. Catholicism... not God, or Jesus, or the bible... just simply that church.
Nothing judgmental about that. In fact, I find it admirable that someone would choose to raise their kids in a church that they felt was the best fit, regardless of how they themselves were raised.

Whether it doesn't fit your schedule, you don't want to force it on them, or you're seeking a church for your children that better resonates in your heart... the bottom line is that the church that you are *not* raising your children in is obviously one that you don't believe is absolutely, without a doubt, right in all aspects.
Again, Jasmak.... church. Not God, not bible, not beliefs... just church.

 

[JackiePed]

BUT religious folks do expect their children to behave the way they want to behave (values, morals, standards, whatever) though. Like Baptist women have to wear modest clothing, or muslim wear head scarf (in some countries). Even if they are non-believers, sadly.

Well, I wonder if that has more to do with an ingrained idea of appropriateness and morality, at that point. Most parents have certain things they consider appropriate or not, like what is ok for their kids to wear out of the house, etc..
Often morality, social mores, and interpretations of 'appropriateness' overlap with religious teachings, but aren't necessarily unique to that religion.

But I do see what you're saying... that religious people impose religious customs or beliefs on their children. I also think... honestly... we "impose" alot on our children as we raise them to do what we think is "right", religious or not. And I don't see a way around that, unless we never instill any work ethic, morality, routines, rules, expectations, or standards on our children. The difference, I think, is what we do when they grow independent enough to begin to challenge what we've taught them. How will we react then? I think that is really the test of our willingness to 'force' or 'impose' things upon our children.

 

[JASMAK]

I just don't think it is as black and white as you seem to want it to be...and fyi, i am raising my children in diff religion as myself...i am not raising my kids catholic because of the times of their religios education. it's wednesday nights which don't work for us. but i just found that one statement judgemental and offensive...you just bluntly said that the parents must not believe. its absurd to think that there isn't any other reason out there that the children aren't being raised a certain religion, and it was a quick thoughtless assumption, imo. almost seemed like you were trying to stir the pot with it. anyways, it seems like you and i don't agree on many things, and i am not getting in it with you, but just wanted to say my piece, because i am sure there was probably others that felt insulted reading that. who says that anyways? lol

^^ That.... was 'not getting in it' with me? ....

Anyways... it wasn't said as a judgement, like, "Well they must not be very faithful/good followers of God"... that would be a silly assumption in itself. They obviously care enough to MAKE that different choice.
The op mentioned the situation and said she was confused by it... I suggested one possibility... which is that although they themselves are members of the Catholic church, it must not be a passionate belief of theirs. Catholicism... not God, or Jesus, or the bible... just simply that church.
Nothing judgmental about that. In fact, I find it admirable that someone would choose to raise their kids in a church that they felt was the best fit, regardless of how they themselves were raised.

Whether it doesn't fit your schedule, you don't want to force it on them, or you're seeking a church for your children that better resonates in your heart... the bottom line is that the church that you are *not* raising your children in is obviously one that you don't believe is absolutely, without a doubt, right in all aspects.
Again, Jasmak.... church. Not God, not bible, not beliefs... just church.

"I mean, tbh... I can only assume that they don't genuinely believe, regardless of how 'strict' they are, that the Catholic way is the right way... or they wouldn't be raising their kids in a different religion." Catholic is a church... This is why I don't want to 'get in it with you' because you cross the line, get angry and blow it up. I simply meant that this line, that you wrote, was offensive.

 

[JackiePed]

?

I'm not sure where I've ever gotten angry and blown it up.... I thought, despite the fact that you got all over me for something I wrote weeks ago that nobody else seemed to find offensive, that I remained calm and explained myself respectfully.

If you truly took it to heart and were offended, then I genuinely apologize.

 

[Dragonfly]

I was raised catholic I went to catholic schools and decided I didnt believe after I left school, I actually scored very high in religion to but have no faith I dont think I ever did. Anyway that set aside I only learned about my religion and everyone elses was wrong I hear schools have come on since then so I hope my children will learn about all religions But at the moment I dont teach them about god and all that as I dont believe it, it is stories to be told in this house and thats it. . I have no problem with any one else religion long as its not harming any one but it really dosnt have a place in my life or my kids. Sadly since we have few schools they will have to be christened and sent to a catholic school eventually. Least by that age we can discuss what to take from RE class.

 

[pinklightbulb]

We will not be raising ours in any religion.

 

[deafgal]

yes, I agree,JackiePed. I am not really bothered by it. It just that sometimes they think other people, even the society, must follow their standards. I think mainly because of their children.

 

[JackiePed]

That does become hard. I'm blessed enough to live in a small-ish town where most people share alot of the same beliefs and standards, but that also makes me aware how extra-careful I have to be to not assume that every person I come across shares my same beliefs and standards. It could be easy to make someone feel shunned, offended, or out of place completely unintentionally.

 

[alaskagrown]

That does become hard. I'm blessed enough to live in a small-ish town where most people share alot of the same beliefs and standards, but that also makes me aware how extra-careful I have to be to not assume that every person I come across shares my same beliefs and standards. It could be easy to make someone feel shunned, offended, or out of place completely unintentionally.

Off topic, but that's great, JackiePed. I lived in Utah for a year when I was 14. I had noooo idea what the dominating religion even was before I moved there!! I faced a LOT of discrimination from my peers for not being that religion
Wish there was more people like you around when I lived there