Hello my name is Kelsey. I am 24 years old. I have a beautiful seven year old daughter named Kaidence. I have been engaged for almost four years to a wonderful man named Wayne. I tried to conceive 2 years after my daughter was born but with after no success in the next 2 years I consulted a fertility expert. The specialist said I was infertile, a hard pill to swallow at 21, but I dealt with it none the less. That Doctor was wrong, in September 2010 became pregnant, although I did not find out til December because I did not believe I could get pregnant. It was an exciting yet unexpected time in our lives, we were in disbelief. A later ultrasound at the hospital due to some cramping let me know it wasn't a dream as I saw my baby for the first time in an ultrasound. We were planning for our first doctors appointment, when the unbelievable happened, I started to gush blood after a friend we kept from being homeless began to yell at me about how disgusting pregnant women were. It was a week before my appointment, and I was on the way to the hospital. On the drive to the hospital I bled through a towel folded over 8 times, at the hospital I continued to gush blood, we were in hysterics we did not see how it would be possible to lose so much blood and the baby still be alive. They rushed us through the ER straight to a room, where they did an ultrasound but by miracle the baby was alive and well. The hospital that was closest had no maternity doctors so they were unable to provide us with much information they said it was a threatened abortion and there was nothing we could do but take it easy til the bleeding seized and follow up with an OBGYN. I bled badly for the next week none of the doctors could explain how my baby was still alive. The next Sunday I had another bad spell bleeding through towels faster then we could get a new one so we went to the hospital my new doctor worked out of, it was the longest and most anxiety filled car ride of my life. They checked my cervix the ER doctor told me that my cervix was dilating and my baby was going to die. I fell to pieces, they ordered for an ultrasound there was my sweet baby alive as can be, kicking around, a healthy heart rate, no signs of distress at all. I got back to the room where the doctor was already waiting to correct her mistake, my baby was fine, they didn't know how or why with the amount of blood I was losing but my baby was alive. I was told I had a SCH and a threatened abortion and I would have to wait and see, but for now my baby was fine. I followed up with my new doctor the next day, he looked at the ultrasound said that the odds of losing my baby so far in the pregnancy were unlikely but we would have to wait and see, my placenta had detached some, however babies have lived with only a half of a placenta before, I also found out on top of everything else I had placenta previa, the news was all so crushing. For the next two weeks I was in an out of the hospital always told the same information, I was so disgusted with the waiting game. It feels so helpless when we can replace the valve in someones heart but we can't save our children. Then the worst day of my life happened on February 7th, I woke up at four in the morning covered in blood, the clots were no longer the size of a deck of cards like they had been but the size of CD's. We had to wake up my daughter who at this point already knew of the pregnancy, after all I was out of the first trimester I was 18 weeks and 5 days, I was supposed to be safe. We carted my daughter to my mothers house and went straight to the hospital the pain was unbearable I felt I was in labor, but the doctors wouldn't listen they took me in for an ultrasound, I begged the tech to tell me what I was having, he took pity on my story and did it was my first boy. The doctors just told me it was the same, to follow up with my doctor, luckily by the time they released me my OBGYN was already opened, his building was right next door to the hospital so Wayne rushed me over there. We went upstairs they saw us immediately they said it was the same there was nothing they could do I told them I was in horrible pain and it had to be labor, they said it was the blood in my uterus causing the pain and sent me home back to bed-rest, but I didn't make it home, we made it down the hall and onto the elevator, the door closed and I shouted out for Wayne. I was soaked in blood in less then a second from my crotch to my ankles, I knew it wasn't right, he started pressing all the buttons on the elevator I told him to calm down and hit 3. The door reopened and I walked into the nearest office int the building for heart care and asked for a wheelchair, Wayne ran down the hall to get the doctor. They rushed me in the wheelchair back into the hospital where I was given another ultrasound, I had a placental abruption and my water had broke, they could not save my precious baby boy. The ER doctor came into the room and told me they were going to D&C me, however five minutes earlier I had seen my baby he was alive and kicking he had a normal heart rate and showed no signs of distress. I said NO, I was aware that my baby would die with no amniotic fluid but I would not kill him, I wanted to give birth. She got snide with me but my doctor had me brought up to maternity where I spent the rest of the day in labor, the ER nurses would snatch the pads full of blood and clots away quicker then I could see if my baby was there but not in maternity. They let me see everything, because I wanted to see my baby boy. My nurse was incredible, by night fall I was unaware that I had lost all my color and become swollen with the saline they used to try to make up for the loss of blood volume I had. My fiance' says he could look at me and tell I was dying but I was so doped up on the pain medicine I had no idea. My doctor came in and told me that by now the baby was likely dead and I had an hour to decide if I wanted the surgery before I bled to death. I told him I wanted to see my baby so much but not to let me kill myself, so he sent for the paperwork they did one last ultrasound to show me Christopher Jaiden had passed away and they put me under, the last thing I remember as they were putting me to sleep was my doctor rubbing my hair telling me I was going to be okay that he wouldn't leave my side. I woke up convulsing, because I was so cold my body couldn't just shiver, I felt something come out between my legs I freaked out and yanked the blankets of myself, I looked down There was something flesh colored about the size of the palm of my hand, with two dark black spots (eyes), it was filled with little veins, then I saw the hand, and the curve of the back, I flipped out it was my baby I thought they had already got my baby, they missed my baby! I screamed in shock, I didn't know what to think it took a minute to process by then the OR nurse had already whisked it away, she tried to say it was a piece of my placenta, but I have had a child before and a placenta looks nothing like a fleshy mass, and it certainly doesn't have hands or eyes. I am sure she was trying to save my sanity, but at the end of the day I know I got to see my baby, and no one is ever going to convince me otherwise. I got back to the room,and told Wayne and a friend that was there. I was able to hold it together pretty well even though everything that happened has had a deep impact on who I am today. The next day, I was left with only 6 units of blood, the average female has 12-15 the average pregnant female has 24-30, I crashed around noon and had to have 4 blood transfusions, which are painful when your veins have shrunk from the lack of blood, turns out saline only fools your system for so long. I still think of Christopher and we had a memorial for him a month later under a weeping willow one of the hardest and fulfilling days of my life. I didn't want my fiance' to touch me, I could stand the thought of going through that all over again, however late in March I felt bad that he hadn't received any affection from me so we made love, and three weeks later I found out I have conceived again. This pregnancy was going well until late in week 14 when I started bleeding again, I once again have a SCH. I have been bleeding for 3 weeks now, I will be 18 weeks tomorrow. It is a boy again, but this time is different, I have not had a fresh bleed in 2 weeks until today and even today it wasn't like the last pregnancy. I am on bed-rest, and I have hope, I don't know if I should but I do, I believe that there is a God and he wouldn't put me through all that again. This baby is huge, and my placenta is barely detached, that has to be a good sign. The opening letter said you wanted to hear the sad endings as well as the happy ones, February 7th was a very sad ending for me, but I hope when it is all said and done, Jan.1st 2012 I will be providing you with another happy one. Thank you for letting me finally share my story.
