Sensitive kids group

[polaris]

Just a quick post - Omarsmum, that is really good that you have found something that works for Omar's cough - but how upsetting that he was misdiagnosed for so long!

Ginga, I really understand how upsetting it would be the thought of Megan's nursery possibly having to close. I really hope that doesn't happen.

JC - how are you feeling? Are you feeling tired from the pregnancy? Can't imagine having to get through first trimester with two littlies to look after.

 

[cutie4evr01]

Daisybee, hope you are doing ok

Omarsmum, I'm so sorry to hear that your doctor has been wrong this whole time - how frustrating for you! I'm glad they have found something that works for him now.

I have been upset today because I recently found out that a work trip I have in April will be longer than I expected. I'm going to a conference to present some of my recent work and I was hoping I would only need to go for 2-3 days, but I found out today that my presentations are on Wed/Thurs and I need to be there for a colleague's presentation on Saturday. Which means at best I will fly out on Tuesday PM and fly back Saturday PM, meaning I'm away from my family for 5 days. I haven't been on an overnight trip away from my girls in over 2 years - the last one was when Christina was only 10 months old. I was already dreading being away from them for just a couple of days, but now I'm really worried that it will be especially hard on Christina for me to be gone so much longer. Have any of you had to leave your sensitive child? How did they manage?

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Ive not read everything here but Daisybee im sorry to read what you and your family are going through and my thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

Jchihuahua - congratulations and hope you have a healthy pregnancy and baby.

The reason why I came here today is because I had such a hard time with myu 3yr old today and I know you ladies would have some good advice.

We dont really get guests/visitors in our new house and no children either really. LO struggles with boisturous children and children same age as here. At nursery she sticks with the children she knows and has a good friendship with one little girl but on friday that girls didnt want to be her friend (no reason) and DD told me that her friend kept telling her all day that she didnt want to be friends. I told LO to just give her somemspace and may be make new friends but she generally just chills on her own and when I pick her up she is never in a group just on her own, doing her thing.

Now I took her soft play last week and Im with her all the time but this baby who mush have been 1.5yrs grabbed her foot and wouldnt let go pulling her tights. DD started crying and she couldnt even take her foot back. I told her its ok and that it was only a baby an that she wasnt trying to hurt her or anything.

Then today, my friend came to see my house for the first time with her 1.5yr old. LO has seen them before but it was a while back when the baby wasnt mobile. She was playing ok with the little boy but then started getting distressed saying she didnt want to play with him. She would cry when he would try to take something from her but I tried to explain he was only little and that he would give it back but then she was crying because he touched her leg - saying she didnt want him to touch her tights and then at one point he was giving something to her and she was crying because she diint like that either. I took her to her room and said she can play here until she has calmed down but she wanted me with her and I couldnt leave a guest on her own downstairs so she came back down with me. Basically, I did feel awful for my friend in a way because my child was coming across as 'naughty' for not playing nice but I know she wasnt being naughty. At one time the little boy was trying to get something from her hand and DD was crying because she didnt want him to and his mother didnt move him away and I felt I couldnt do anything either because he is so little and it was my house.

She was hysterical and asking for her dad who wasnt at home and plainly upset. When they went, she refused to say bye to him, I asked what was the matter and she just said she didnt want him touching her tights. I explained that when someone comes to our house we have to play nicely because they will be leaving soon but she was so upset.

I really didnt know how to have handled this and was just as wound up because I dont really have any friends and this made it awkward. Its always been difficult in that sense with her as a baby but I found this too much myself. How would you have dealth with this? Thanks for reading

 

[OmarsMum]

LOL-

I think you handled it well, she's overwhelmed which is normal. Omar acts the same when we have visitors, he's fine some times but when it becomes too much for him to handle, he starts crying & he asks me to stay with him in the bedroom. I try to explain to my friend that he's a bit sensitive & he cant handle overstimulation. I don't always expect them to understand. We always talk about it when he's in a better mood after the guests leave.

Most fo the time I end up playing a DVD on the portable DVD player or giving him the iPad in the bedroom with a small snack he likes, I tell my friend that I will be away for a while until he settles, I stay with him for 10 mins, once he's ok & ocucpied, I leave the room. If he needs me he can leave the room & come to me.

I don't consider it as a naughty behaviour, I know at this age they understand sharing, but it's their own house & things, some kids are more attached to their stuff (like mine).

When we have visitors, I prepare him in advance, & I ask him if he wants to keep some of his toys he doesnt want to share in another room. We always have this issue with kids younger than him. We also choose a toy together to share with our guest.

Omar is also not very social & he stuggles to make friends his age or younger, he makes friends with older kids very easy. xxx

 

[OmarsMum]

I need to vent, we had a horrible day at the class today. He clinged to the housekeeper at the gym class, my cousin was with us, it was his 1st class, he joined in & was following instruction, but Omar was hiding his face behind the housekeeper while smiling, I asked her to go out, he cried nonstop & we had to leave the class, he promised to stop crying & he wanted to go back. He dodnt do a thing, he sat next to me doing nothing. A 5 yr old girl tried to talk to him & asked him if he wanted to play with her, but he refused.

I ended up crying when I was talking to the manager. She asked me to drop him next time & leave & they will handle it.

So from now on, he will be there on his own like all the other 3+ kids. I'm the only mum who attends classes with a 3 yrs old! we've been going there for over 2 yrs, he knows everyone. I dont mind attending, but he expects me or the housekeeper to join in! he plays with us, he interacts with us not with the other kids or teachers.

So, how's everyone doing?

Daisybee how's your dad hun ?

 

[gingajewel]

It's so strange because I don't no any children like megan in real life but reading what people write in this thread its the first time I feel like people could be talking about megan!!

Omars mom - although meg now goes to nursery four mornings a week because of my work, previously to this I pulled her out of all the groups we went too. I just couldn't deal with her been the only one not joining in, hiding her face and acting like she hated everyone there. I used to come home and cry so I know how it feels. It is fab that the group will let omar stay there by himself, you never no he may surprise you and join in when you are not there. Today nursery told me that when I go and get megan it is like a different child, she suddenly won't talk to anyone and hides behind me because I am there, but when I'm not there she has to interact a bit more as she has no choice. Hugs.

Lol - this is exactly like meg!! When her cousin and cousins half sister came to our house at Christmas meg shut her eyes for an hour and refused to look at anyone, I took her to bed and after ten minutes she shouted me and told me she would look at people. She wouldn't talk to them though and sat there whispering in my ear that's my doll mommy, that's my kitchen mommy etc about everything her cousins ere playing with. Tbh I had no idea how to deal with the situation and still don't! The psychologist suggested having one quietish non boisterous friend round regularly to get megan used to someone being in her environment so I have started doing this and so far megan hasn't had a major meltdown and last week for the first time megan even offered my friends little girl one of her toys,, I could have cried with happiness lol.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi ladies, I've not seen a lot of you around for a while. I hope things are okay.

I hope you're okay Daisybee .

 

[Tacey]

Hello! Sorry for the long absence over here. Some of you may have seen my other thread on Alice's mystery illness, which has been keeping me busy. It's a mystery because it's been coming and going, temp up to nearly 40 degrees C, then back to normal, then up again. Her sensitivities have gone through the roof. It's like going back in time. She can't bear seams, particular fabrics, certain sounds like the kettle boiling, and everything causes a meltdown. We've had a much easier day today though, and her temp hasn't been anywhere near as high as it has been through the past week, so hopefully whatever it was is easing off. It's managed to coincide with Arthur cutting his first two teeth. Never rains, but it pours!

Daisybee, I've been thinking of you a lot lately. Hope you're coping ok.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Oh no poor Alice, that sounds awful. It sounds as though she really hasn't been feeling good. I hope she's feeling better soon. I hope Arthur's teething isn't causing him too much pain. .

Tommy is ill again too. He had 2 weeks of being well and then got unwell about 3 days ago and yesterday is absolutely covered in a rash. I thought it was chicken pox but the doctor said it is viral. Poor boy has had an awful year so far .

I wonder if Daisy is getting ill too. Her behaviour is never good when she is ill and after almost 3 months of being a delight she has been an absolute monster this last few days, and not been good at pre-school either. She has been really hard work.

I have dreadful morning/all day sickness too so am not feeling great either!

 

[OmarsMum]

Hope Alice & Tommy get better soon

Daisybee, thinking of you hun

Omar attended classes alone today. I went with him to the 1st class for 2 mins, he was the 1st in class, once he was occuped with the teacher, I went out, when he noticed I was gone he started crying, when they asked him if he wanted anything, he said "no, I just wanted to hug mummy before she leaves"

4-5 mins later he was fine & was participating in class. I went for eye brows shaping & a pedicure

I've been preparing him for days, & we talked about leaving him in class alone.

Between classes he asked again for me, but he was fine, my mum dropped my cousin who joined recently to class, they took him from her at the door & didnt allow her to go in. I came back with my mum 10 mins before the gym class was over & I took few looks from the window, Omar was cheerful & doing all activities, he even went on the tumble track with the other kids & he was jumping while laughing.

When the class was finally over, I met him at the door, he gave me a cuddle & told me that he's a big boy & he attended the class alone, he was so proud of himself. He even put on his shoes alone & he was very happy. He said bye bye to everyone & he told them that he will come next time alone.

When we went back to my aunt's house he told everyone thta he attended the class alone & he had fun.

I'm so proud of him

But we've been having metldowns at bedtime almost every night, I still can't move out of bed if he's sleeping, he will wake up immediately screaming for me. He's been spending a good time playing alone at home without me around in the same room.

 

[DaisyBee]

Hi everyone. Sorry havent had time to be on much lately. Things have been so busy, we've been visiting my parents quite a lot and it's starting to take it's toll on us. Megan is melting down a lot and not herself. Jordan is now ill but not sure of what. Fever started yesterday. Promectile vomited once this afternoon, fussy, no appetite at all.

My dad is starting chemo tomorrow. Finally. And yet I'm also sad because to me it means the end of his good days I'm afraid. Things have just been so slow it feels like. He had a major biopsy for insurance over a week ago and so much time waiting. He is very tired and things wear him out easily. I've been having a very tough time with this and realizing how close I am to my dad. We weren't close when I was growing up but as an adult we are close and talk a lot. I have found that I'm being very protective of him and wanting to take care of him. It's been very obvious to me that my mom and I aren't close yet which is hard. She tends to want to clean a lot and I think it's her way of staying busy so she doesnt have time to think. She is still having her health issues and has stress from work and neither are helping her. I'm still crying randomly during the day, I'm not sleeping well, and I'm worried that I'm not being as great of a mom.

I've been spending our time at home cooking to bring things to them And to feed our family when we are there as well. It's taking Megan days to recover before we prepare to go back again. Dh can't go this week and I've told my dad if he wants me there or if chemo will be too tough with the girls around... He needs to decide. We've been spending about 4 days there a week.

I feel horrible that things are affecting megAn so much. She loves her grandparents and likes being there and cries when we are leaving, she doesn't want to go home. dh takes her outside to play in the snow when there and they have so much room to explore and there is a creek with fish, she throws snowballs in there for the fish to eat, hunts for rabbits and bears ( lol there are rabbits but no bears), makes snowmen, snow angels, they flew a kite in the snow on Friday. And my mom has tons of toys for the girls. but I think Megan doesn't have enough down time or alone time. I'm trying hard to find the right balance for everyone.

to everyone.

 

[Tacey]

JC - Not again! Poor Tommy. On the upside, he'll have an amazing immune system after all this! He won't be ill at all next year with any luck. I hope all of you are better soon. I'm having similar monster issues with Alice, so much sympathy!

Omarsmum, it sounds like Omar is coming on so well. Great news that he's managing without you better. Perhaps he's making up for it at night.

DaisyBee, I hope all goes as well as it can for your Dad today. You've had such a hectic time, and balancing everyone's needs sounds so tough. Hopefully Megan will get more used to the travelling over time.

My issues seem very petty in comparison, but we're having quite a tricky time. Alice's symptoms seem to have gone, no more temperature or aches and pains, but we've had two horrendous nights. DH took the children this morning and I got an hour and a half straight, but aside from that I've had virtually no more sleep in 48 hours. She has been screaming inconsolably. My first thought was night terrors, but she is aware of us. She gets worse for DH and very aggressive, but is slightly calmer for me. If I ask her questions, she'll occasionally scream the answer at me. Her voice is so husky now, and she makes herself retch while screaming. After a long screaming phase, she'll settle and fall instantly asleep only to wake up 40 minutes later and start it all again. Obviously, Arthur is being disturbed too, so I'm ricocheting between them. It's awful for her, but I'm in that selfish phase of just wanting her to shut up and let me sleep . Inevitably, her behaviour in the day is pretty shocking and her sensitivities are back in full swing. I don't know how to cope with another night of it. I'm very noise sensitive too, and the sound of the constant screaming makes me angrier and angrier. I'm finding myself very resentful in the day too, which is illogical as she obviously doesn't want to be like this.

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Hey all.

Thanks for your reply to my post Omarsmum - it was a little while back but my parents have returned from their holiday, which meant Im having my space back again and finding my feet. My brothers pretty much ended up with me the while parents were gone. Its great that Omars settling in so well at the classes. Re nights, im not ready and nor is DD for her stay away at nights. Like pp - he is probably making up for the 'closeness' with you at night.

Daisybee - ive read about your father and very sorry what you are all going through. Its very hard on everyone and my thoughts are with you.

Tacey - sorry your DD is waking so much. My DD also still wakes at nights for a conversation. Dont feel bad wanting her to sleep, you are human after all and would have a effect on all during the day. Is she still poorly, sorry im not sure why she is screaming?Is she after your attention?

 

[DaisyBee]

Tacey what a horrible time Alice is going through right now. Megan is much more sensitive when not sleeping well and not feeling well and they all seem to loop around. Less sleep = more sensitive and more sensitive means harder to sleep well. I really hope this is a short phase for Alice and that you start getting some better sleep soon. I think it's easier to be resentful when you are so short on sleep. Hang in there!


Lol- Megan is similar when in certain moods and with certain people. She doesn't get along well with kids that are over the top or in her space too quickly. Even grown ups- I'm having to tell them lately that she takes a little while to warm up and gets overstimulated easily. If I've explained to them before and it hasn't helped, I just say she is tired or needs a nap or something as I feel like I should say something, but not feeling like I want to try harder to explain her. She isn't being naughty it's just part of who she is. Some kids she gets along really well with, others not so much. If your playdate isn't getting any better maybe try cutting it short and try again another time. Sometimes it's all depending on megans mood. She can handle more stimulation sometimes.
Aril

Jc - I can't believe Tommy is sick again! Ugh! Hope he feels better soon.

Omarsmum - sounds like Omar did so well with classes by himself! Yay that's great!

Cutie - I haven't had to leave Megan more than just for having jordan. We've done 2 overnights away when my parents stayed in our house with her and she did great. Both were before Jordan was born. Then 3 nights for my hospital stay with Jordan. I would talk to her about it and give her advanced warning and explain things well to her. Also make sure your dh does lots of the taking care of hertil then so she is more used to daddy as well. Is she still going through her wanting you phase?

 

[DaisyBee]

Hi everyone. Been very quiet in here these days! I thought of you all when the vacuum cleaner was being used in the school halls tonight as we were getting ready to leave class. Megan was upset and wanted me to hold her. Her teacher asked about it and then she went out in the hall and asked the janitors to wait until the kids left to finish. Megan is loving going to class and doing so well with it. The first part of class all the parents stay and play and I noticed none of the kids play together at all during that time. I talked to the teacher aide about it and she said as soon as the parents go down the hall the kids start playing together. When I came back at the end tonight she was making fruit soup with another girl.

Megan is reading books with dh and sounds very wound up. Her imagination lately has just been crazy. She pretend plays all day long and it's constant. She talks to imaginary friends a lot, role plays with them and with us. Overall she has been behaving really well lately.

Jordan turns 1 on Monday! Crazy!! She still isn't crawling, just army crawling and no pulling up yet. She refused to nap yesterday afternoon and then this morning for nap just cried and wasnt napping so I got her up so she had one nap today as well. Wondering if she is already dropping to one nap.

 

[cutie4evr01]

Happy birthday to Jordan - can't believe she will be 1 already. Sorry I've been MIA lately - we were sick for a while and we traveled to see my mom and grandma for one weekend. We are traveling again for Easter and then we'll stay home for a while until a trip to the beach this summer. We have had a few dinners with friends where the girls both played nicely with other children, so that was nice.

Christina has been really resistant to going to her daycare again lately - I think she's a little clingier since she knows I'll be leaving for a few days next month. We've had a few minor issues/concerns with her daycare lately also, so we are considering going ahead and swapping her to preschool for the summer term, which begins the last week of May. Since my DH is a teacher he doesn't teach in June but has several basketball clinics and camps, which generally are part-day or at weekends. So if she starts in summer, we think we could ease her into it a little more, such that she only goes a few hours each day and gradually builds up to the 3 full days she'll be doing in fall. If we don't start until fall, she'll have to jump right in at full days right away.

We had intended to keep Caitlyn at the in-home daycare they go to now, but we are debating sending Caitlyn to the preschool also. She is very verbal and pretty bright too (already has over 200 words, makes 3-4 word sentences regularly, counts to 10, recognizes about half of the letters, and "reads" several of her books), so I think she may benefit intellectually from preschool since she would be in a class with mainly kids older than she is. Her birthday is in August and school cutoff date here is Sep 1, so she'd be in a class with kids born anytime from Sep 2010-August 2011, making her one of the youngest in the class. Socially she may struggle but I know she can keep up intellectually, and I think she'd be fine socially too since she has an older sister and is used to being around older kids. It's so tough deciding what's for the best, especially when what I really want is to stay home with them myself.

Daisybee, glad to hear Megan is doing so well!

 

[polaris]

Hi everyone,
I haven't been around much either. We have all been sick for what seems like forever but everyone is finally better now I think, although Thomas didn't get the last cold so he will probably go down with that one now!

Clara's sleep has been absolutely appalling and we have decided we need to do sleep training with her. We have been full-time co-sleeping out of necessity which would be fine if she actually slept but she still wakes up every hour or so throughout the night and wants a quick comfort feed or wants to sleep on top of me instead of beside me or whatever. I feel constantly exhausted and it's having a huge impact on my daytime mood and my ability to cope with Thomas's behaviour even when he's just being a typical toddler. Also she wakes up every single sleep cycle until I go to bed and recently is very difficult to settle for bedtime and naps, whereas she used to be OK at going to sleep even if staying asleep was a difficulty. Also she is only taking 20 minute naps whereas she used to sleep for 1 to 2 hours. So we are going to do some form of controlled crying I think. I am dreading it to be honest as she is extremely persistent (stubborn!) and I have a feeling she is going to resist the new arrangements very intensely. Sorry this is off-topic but it has really been stressing me out a lot and I don't really have energy to think about anything else.

Daisybee, I'm really glad to hear that Megan is doing so well. Thomas is the same with constant pretend play and he has several imaginary pets, there is a tiger (also called Thomas) and an elephant seal and various other animals who he hangs out with much of the time. No human imaginary friends, they are all animals! Can't believe Jordan is almost one - happy birthday in advance!!

Cutie, that sounds like a good idea to start Christina in preschool over the summer so that you can ease her in more gradually. Caitlyn sounds very advanced. I really know what you mean about tough decisions, it's so difficult to weigh up all the different options and take everything into account, isn't it.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[Tacey]

Hello!

Sorry, I will reply to the messages soon, but I've got to collect Alice from the CM shortly and need a rant.

Alice is having a terrible time lately. She's so emotional, and not coping at all with social situations. She'd been coming on so well, this feels like we've taken a load of steps back. The CM texted me earlier to say she'd had an hour long meltdown. I think she's struggling to deal with Alice especially when she has other children to manage. I'm not sure if I mentioned here, but she suggested I go on a parenting course. She meant it helpfully, but it really hurt, and I've been questioning myself so much lately. We went to a party yesterday and Alice just couldn't cope. Either crying, shouting or with a face like thunder. I couldn't help looking at the other children, and although obviously there were fallings out etc. they just seemed happy. Alice seems miserable almost all the time when we're out of the house. I feel like I'm letting her down. I'm also getting so fed up with her. I'm wondering again (I get phases like this every month or so!) if it would be worth getting her assessed to see if she has additional needs that we could get professional help with. I just really don't know.

 

[OmarsMum]

HI

Daisybee- Omar is the same those days, he plays for hours on his own making up stories & talking to imaginary friends, it's so cute. He's getting much better at playing on his own. He wants to go to France to see Eiffel tower as he didnt find one here

Cutie- Aw, Caitlyn sounds so advanced bless her. I also think it's a good idea to send her to pre-school during summer. Omar is over his social fears, so I really want to take a step forward & send him to a play group on his own once we're done with the classes in May.

Polaris- Hope Clara starts to sleep better soon hun,

Tacey- Could be a spurt or something? I have an online friend who lives in Qatar, her son (born in AUgust 2009) is also highly sensitive, she mentioned similar issues, & she's also thinking of taking him to a proffesional because of a comment from one of his teachers at school. But all what she mentioned sound normal to me. I think she's going on Sunday, I will let you know how it goes.

We're ok here, we have some horrible mornings or evenings, he's very difficult when he wakes up & when it's time to go to bed. Today he wanted to use my toilet, I told him ok, use it then it's my turn, once we wre in he refused to use the toilet, & he went back to bed wanting me to stay there with him. I wanted to use the toilet badly so I told him that, he said no you're not allowed, I go really frustrated, so I went to the toilet & locked the door, he ended up screaming & throwing a tantrum saying that he needed to use the toilet 1st! we have another 4 toilets, he has his own bathroom, but today he was very difficult.

Yesterday we went to class, when I went in with him to help him in taking off his shoes, he gave me a cuddle, & asked me to leave as he's a big boy & wants to attend alone. When I asked him if he wanted help in taking his shoes off, he said no, he went running into the class without a look back, I kind of felt bad about it as he wasn't bothered about me

Yesterday he ate all his rice alone, & today he managed 1/2 of his cereals which is a great progress

We're invited to a birthday party in the evening, I really hope it goes well. We didnt go to a birthday party before (all the ones we went to are small family parties & he knew everyone there)

Tomorrow we're going to the theatre to watch a play (Julia Donaldson books), I hope he enjoys it.

 

[Tacey]

Right. DH has taken Alice out so I finally have a bit of time!

The teacher at Megan's class sounds lovely, Daisybee. So good to hear of others accepting sensitivity rather than expecting children to 'get used to it.' I can't believe Jordan is nearly one! How are you going to spend her birthday?

Cutie, wow - life has been pretty busy for you lately! Working Christina up from a few hours at preschool sounds like a good plan. It is such a balancing act finding the right thing for them isn't it?

Polaris. Lack of sleep is horrendous. It's a form of torture after all! I hope all goes well and that Clara quickly gets used to a new routine.

Omar is getting so much more independent isn't he? I guess that's partly why he might get cross about things like using the loo. I know when Alice has a jump in independence, she finds it hard to relinquish control in other things too. I'd be interested to hear how your friend gets on. Is she seeing a psychologist?

I'm pretty sure Alice's brain is working differently from most children, but I'm not sure how a diagnosis could really help us, aside from me being able to explain her behaviour to others. The CM suggested I do a parenting course, and asked if I 'give in' to tantrums, so I think she feels it's my parenting causing issues. I'm hurt, but wondering if she's right. I feel so bad for Alice. The only time she's really happy is when she's alone. Most of the time she doesn't want me around either. That's not normal 3 year old behaviour. Ugh. Feeling so low about it all lately, and not sure how to proceed.

Sorry for grumbling yet again!