sick of waiting for bfp - come on October

[RCAFWife]

Hey ladies!
Sorry to hear AF got you Trying2find -- she got me too, late last night around 10:30pm I guess it was just wishful thinking that we'd get a BFP the first cycle after the HSG, but according to the internet, we have 3 months, maybe more if whatever blocked up the tubes in the first place doesn't do it again. What I like about this AF is that it started quickly and didn't jerk me around like it usually does (3 days of fluid leaking before AF shows, then cramps off and on, etc.) So I'm happy for that much. First 26 day cycle in my life!! That's a bit concerning since I was always between 29-31 days...

That sounds like a lot of bleeding Trying2find! Omg...has it stopped being so heavy now or what? I thought mine was heavy today but yours makes mine sound like just a few drops! Hope everything's OK!

Smash, I didn't even think about all the fees associated with adoption, and that there wouldn't be a refund if the mother changes her mind....that makes it just as financially taxing as fertility treatments. Let us know what the lawyers say, if you don't mind. I hope you get all the information you're looking for too!

DH and I started talking about adoption just tonight, as an option if we can't conceive naturally. I really don't want to take hormones and turn into an awful psycho woman trying to make enough eggs for "harvesting" or whatever...*sigh* Why couldn't it be like they claimed in high school sex ed? One unprotected sex act and BAM you're pregs! Ugh!! Liars with their scare tactics

 

[Try2findbaby]

Hey, aw no rcaf I had high hopes but at least ur af sounds better, like its behaving itself! U never know as ur cycle is shorter maybe ull o earlier?

Yeh af this morning is what I would put on ff as 'medium' lol although heavy didn't accurately describe yesterday! I'm fine thanks just caught me off guard (and clothing, furniture etc)!

Smash that is awful about the adoption fees! Move to the uk for what I know they pay you to foster and I imagine u only pay the fees to make the adoption legal. That is awful when the back up gets pulled from under u. It may just take a bit more time - how long have u been ttcing? I read that 90-95% of couples get pregnant within two years.

 

[ashntony]

Well still waiting in limbo for my AF to start...... It is 3 days late and I have not tested since sunday. Maybe I should test again tomorrow morning?

 

[Smashley25]

RCAF-I'm so sorry to hear that af got you! I thought for sure we'd have at least one bfp this month. I hope next month is your month.

That's kind of how I feel about fertility meds. The side effects sound awful-especially since I was already really hormonal just on birth control. I don't like doctors, I don't like procedures... Mostly, I am just really really impatient and in the long run, I want to be a mom. Being biologically related isn't a huge deal to me. It would be nice, but I'm sure I will love the baby just as much if not.

I'll let you know what the lawyer says. We are supposed to meet with her on the 7th. It's supposed to be cheaper if you do most of the work yourself instead if using an agency. Plus there is a 13,000 dollar credit on taxes for the next year, so theoretically, it could be free. It could also be much more.

Try2Find-glad to hear af has calmed down some. That was just crazy yesterday.

It's about the same in the US to adopt from foster care. It's actually free or close to, plus in some cases, you get government money til the child is 18. However, the kids who are available for straight adoption are usually older and/or have a lot of health/mental problems and that's just not something we are equipped to deal with, especially since we have a 3 year old in the house half the time. You can go the foster to adopt route too and there are some young healthy children, but their parents have not lost permanent parental rights yet and so there's no guarantee we'd be able to keep the child and that's also something we don't want to deal with. Apparently, on occasion the state does get some newborns you can adopt but I've heard there's a waiting period of 7-9 years on average. So we're going to go the private route if we decide to do it.

Realistically, we haven't been ttc for very long. A little over 8 months. I know there's still a chance we could conceive naturally and I know we're jumping the gun a lot. I don't have a good reason for wanting to adopt now besides being incredibly impatient and increasingly unable to deal with af showing up and bfns. I have to feel like I'm doing something, I guess.

Ash-I definitely think you should test again. Are you sure you o'ed when you think you did? I still think that pink cm is a great sign!

 

[Try2findbaby]

I know what u mean smash - I almost had a panic attack over it yesterday. We'd just arrived at the mall and on the radio they were having a phone in about infertility. It hit a very raw nerve especially when the presenter said please phone in and tell us about when u realised u were never going to become a mum. It was like a knife to the heart but we went in anyway and whilst dh was dreaming in the apple store I found myself wondering around the children's dept in next. The overwhelming feeling of failure was too much I then started looking at older children's clothes incase we adopt and I literally ran out of the store into Hmv (the least child place I could get to) dh came and said what's wrong and I just burst into tears and started shaking I felt like my heart was breaking. I did get it together eventually but it was awful. It doesn't help when I have friends that have one or more babies, some have newborns and they all conceived without trying or within the first month and they tell me to relax or it'll happen, or why are u testing now why don't u wait 6 months. Yeh because that'll be sensible. I worked in a prison and women in there were taking whatever drugs they could get hold of, including prescribed drugs like methadone, smoking 40 a day and drinking tea or coffee all day. Not only were they pregnant with baby number 2 + but they had healthy babies. Don't tell me it'll just happen because clearly it hasnt yet and I want to know why before I drive myself mad. Sorry ladies I had to get that out!

 

[RCAFWife]

I wonder if there are private adoption agencies like the one used on Teen Mom (MTV) in my area. The one they used was a Christian one, so being in the "Bible Belt" of the USA there probably is one. But I said that to say that maybe the private ones can get you a healthy child faster than the government/foster care ones...hmm it's worth a look

Don't be sorry Try2find! Omg I was thinking the same thing about the drug addicts and other recklessly-behaving women who somehow conceive at the drop of a hat, when all we ever do is try to live health-conscious lives and watch everything we do to our bodies to try to conceive as quickly as possible! I can't wrap my mind around that one at all. But then I think well maybe they're wishing they had a clean healthy lifestyle like we do, and it's just as important to them as ttc a child is to us...but I don't know. That still doesn't make me feel better lol! I totally understand wanting to know what's wrong before going mad. As soon as I moved here, I went searching for a doc who could help me find the answers, especially since doing the HSG, finding out my tubes were jammed, and realizing we were essentially wasting time for the past two years!!! I want to think that we are clearing the slate and starting fresh in ttc now (1 cycle) but I can't get the fact that we've been trying since 2011 out of my head....
I was seriously thinking about why I want a child so badly and it basically boiled down to the fact that I just have a strong need to nurture someone. Right now, DH gets all of that nurturing to the point where I cuddle him at night and if he goes to bed before me, I go and tuck him in!! Silly I know...but I can't help it! I think I've already gone mad...hahaha!

 

[ashntony]

Well, I tested and bfn... sigh... but my af is kind of acting as if she is on the way....

 

[RCAFWife]

Aww sorry to hear that Ash But as they say, you're not out 'til AF shows! Fx

 

[Try2findbaby]

Lol rcaf! We have talked seriously about adoption the last two days and applied and received an info pack. I think I underestimated the huge undertaking of adoption though, I feel positive about it but also overwhelmed. Dh and I have decided to give it another year naturally and if nothing by this time next year we will apply to become adoptive parents. Neither of us are keen on the ivf route - all that for an extra 10% chance?! I'm thinking of getting a journal to help with the emotional roller coaster. Think I've finished af so on to o waiting..... How u doing?

 

[ashntony]

Aww sorry to hear that Ash But as they say, you're not out 'til AF shows! Fx

It's okay... Things happen for a reason... Dh and I are thinking about moving onto NTNP for awhile so I can go on a much needed diet. My plan is to lose at least 60 lbs and start trying again.... Hopefully I can lose at least 80 but we will see!

 

[RCAFWife]

AF is pretty much done here too. Now you all are making me want to go and get an adoption info pack too! I plan to google it and find out right after writing this post

I stopped taking prenatals because they were giving me bad headaches (probably cause I'm taking vitamins for two and there's just me here...) so I'm going to just take plain folic acid from now on until BFP if that happens. I'm trying to get DH to take his zinc, but he forgets most days lol! I dunno, I'm kinda nervous this cycle. I don't know what I can do that would be different from the last 2 years' worth of ttc cycles. I'm going to do the OPKs and watch CM and not sure what else lol. I'm going to try to get back into exercising more than once a week (I've been slacking, yes) and just try not to think about ttc too seriously
Anyone else doing something different this cycle?

 

[Smashley25]

Wow, I haven't been on in a while. Sorry!

Try2Find-I'm sorry you got so upset the other day. It's really hard to deal with. I was getting to the point where I wouldn't read books or watch tv shows where someone was pregnant because it upset me too much. And being that I have a 3 year old stepson plus a 2 year old nephew and 1 year old niece, I end up in situations where I'm around a lot of kids a lot, and it's hard and it sucks. I hope you are feeling better.

Sorry to hear about the bfn, Ash. Good luck with the weight loss journey. I definitely need to work harder on that too. Maybe we can inspire each other.

RCAF-there are private adoption agencies in the US. They are the ones that are really expensive. I found one I really like though. They only charge $100 up front and work with a lot of agencies so you get matched with a birth mom sooner.

I know it's still crazy early for me to be considering adoption, but I really think its the right decision for our family. I'm not stressed or upset anymore. If you guys have questions, I'll try to answer them. I feel like I've become an expert in the past couple weeks.

 

[Try2findbaby]

Well something weird is going on.... I am only cd7 yet I have watery cm and a high soft open cp? On cd7? I don't usually o until cd20, cd18 last month, so what is going on? Dh and I are bding just incase and hoping that I might o early and it might bring us a bfp this month. Ha wishful thinking! I was hysterical this afternoon - had a friend tell me that I need to relax after telling her that we have ttc for 1 year with no success. I have never wanted to slap someone so much. Easy for someone to say relax when they are holding their 6 week old daughter and 2 year old. Came home and screamed at dh, threw my handbag down and jumped out of the car whilst trying to park because I just felt like ramming it. I don't usually suffer from such a temper and I'm pretty sure it was my body giving the relax advice two fingers! We're ok, I just freaked out

 

[Smashley25]

I feel like today is the "torture all the non-pregnant people." My three year old stepson informed me that I needed to have a baby and wanted to know why we didn't have one, since his mommy already had a second and is pregnant with the third. That wasn't terrible, though it still hurt a little. The worst bit was when my mother in law cornered me and I got to sit through another episode of "why DH's ex is a b****" and how we'll have to fight for school custody next year, and how she thinks we are obviously better parents and more stable, but she's worried ex will say that stepson won't get to see siblings and so it would be great if he had one here... Because stressing me out by telling me my lack of being able to get pregnant might cost DH primary custody is EXACTLY what I need to get the ball rolling...

 

[Try2findbaby]

This is the only time I'm kinda grateful we aren't really close to my parents so its the one place I don't get hassle from, they aren't dh's biggest fans so are probably hoping that we are infertile anyway....

His mum however has concluded in her own mind that we are infertile so keeps saying things like well its not like in my day where u had to have children within two years of getting married.... Yeh I'm sure that was a law...! I think dh and I just need to regroup and focus on what we want when we want it etc. recharge our strength!

 

[RCAFWife]

Sounds like my last cycle, Try2find. I thought it was just from the HSG but it did O early, starting with fertile cm from day 8 and a high open soft cervix too. Fx for you! I like wishful thinking as well

What a load of stress, Smash! Oh man, I am SO glad that we haven't told DH's mother because I would probably do something violent lol. I let it slip to my own mother that we were trying (despite my best efforts to keep silent about it) and now that's all she talks about. I'm glad she's "praying for us" as she says, but still I wish DH and I were still the only ones focusing on our ttc plans... Smash, if you asked me what I would do in that same situation with your MIL, I would have said "PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!" But that's probably not a constructive idea...

 

[ashntony]

Af is now a week late.... sigh.

 

[Smashley25]

Thanks girls. . My MIL is actually really nice and would feel terrible if she realized the comment upset me. Sometimes, I think people who have never had trouble getting pregnant are completely oblivious to how much hurt and pain and sensitivity is involved.

On a brighter note, that early ovulation thing that's going on seems to be contagious because I had two positive opks yesterday (cd15!) and I think I might have ovulated last night because my temperature was starting to go up this morning! It's almost a week early!! Hoping its a good sign, but it's a win win because either ill get the bfp or I get to start with the adoption process after this cycle so I'm excited for it to be happening early!

Sorry to hear that, Ash. :/. Maybe you're not ovulating when you think you are. It's possible to get a positive opk and not ovulate. Hope things end soon and get you out of limbo!

 

[Try2findbaby]

May have jumped the gun on the o'ing for me! Didn't realise but I lied - apparently I do get a watery cm and Hso just after af ends on my other charts, what a fool!

It must be where my hormones are switching over and get over excited - how ironic... I'm still hoping to o if not early but earlier than usual, fx for cd18 or less!

So smash if no bfp this month will u still carry on trying or just leave it to adoption?

How's it going rcaf? If no bfp this month I'm off to docs next month. As dh and I have different docs he's going on Thursday to get his tests or enquiries out of the way as us ladies are stuck to a program... Fx ash hopefully o was just a little out of whack?

 

[Smashley25]

If no bfp this month, I think we're just going to do adoption. Maybe try one more time depending on how fast we can get the ball rolling. I wish we could keep trying too, problem is, we're looking at paying at least 1500 up front for a home study plus whatever agency we choose's application fee, and none of that is refundable. Plus if we do get matched with someone and its like 2 dpo, I can't really just wait and see to decide whether I finally get a bfp. So after this month or next, we'll just have to be careful until I can get back in to get birth control.

I'm sure when we go for number 2 in a few years, we'll try again. Maybe i'll have the patience to try fertility treatments then knowing I already am a mom.